His San Diego Sweetheart

by Yahrah St. John

  She knew when he wanted to make love softly and gently.

  And she knew when he wanted to dominate and possess her.

  When he remained silent, she continued. “I want to be more than just a body that you enjoy making love to.”

  “That’s not fair.” He finally spoke. “You’ve shared your hopes and dreams with me. You know darn well my attraction to you is not just about your body, though I do love your hips and breasts and thighs... Jeez.” He sighed. “This isn’t coming out right. You’re one of the smartest women I know, Miranda. You have a brilliant mind and you’re going to make an incredible businesswoman.”

  “But?”

  “Why does there have to be a ‘but’?”

  “Because there is. I can feel it.”

  Vaughn rose from the sofa. “You’re making this into a bigger argument than it has to be. Perhaps we should table this discussion until the morning. You’re overtired and need some rest. It’s been a long day.”

  “Don’t try to placate me, Vaughn. Like I’m a child that needs a nap. I know what I want. I want a real marriage based on love, trust and respect. And the reason I want it is—is...”

  “Is because of what?”

  “Because I love you,” Miranda answered honestly. “There. I said it out loud and the earth didn’t tilt on its axis.” The words had fallen from her lips with ease because they were heartfelt. “I love you, Vaughn. And the more time we’ve spent together the more that love has only grown stronger.”

  “Miranda.”

  “I know it comes as a shock because I’m the one that insisted on a marriage of convenience and I know that I kept harping on a year-long marriage between us. But the thing is, somewhere along the way, it changed for me and I began to want more. And I guess I’m just hoping that you might feel the same way.”

  She hazarded a glance in his direction and his expression was unguarded and held confusion. Miranda stood and walked over to Vaughn. She placed her hand on his cheek. The emotion she saw there was raw and was akin to something close to fear. Then he stepped away from her.

  * * *

  Love.

  Now there was a word he hadn’t expected to hear, least of all from Miranda, who’d always claimed their marriage was temporary. She was always the one reminding him that there was an expiration date to their union, while he, on the other hand, had been trying to get her to see that what they shared was rare and worth keeping.

  But now that it was here in front of him, Vaughn wanted to run in the other direction.

  He didn’t know how to love. Sure, he loved his parents, his sisters and Prescott George. Hell, he’d even loved his country and had been willing to do anything to protect the United States of America, but romantic love? He was in foreign territory.

  Lust he could understand. Like just now when her heavenly form had walked toward him, his eyes had fixed on the sway of her hips and the delicious rhythm they made. But more than that? He couldn’t do it. “I’m sorry, Miranda, but I don’t reciprocate those feelings.”

  A raw sound of anguish escaped her lips and Vaughn hated that he was the cause of it. Her hand flew to her mouth and he wanted to rush over to her and comfort her, but he couldn’t. He had to be honest with her. “I’m not capable of that emotion. I’m just not wired that way. Never have been. And never will be.”

  Tears were streaming down her cheeks. “You don’t know that.”

  “Yes, I do. And you’ve been around me long enough to see that. Look how I was raised!”

  “No!” She shook her head, covering her ears with her hands, but Vaughn moved toward her and pulled them away.

  “You must listen to me, Miranda. You must hear this. You saw my parents today. They’ve been married forty years and does it look like they love one another?” He sighed. “And maybe they do in their own way, but they’ve never shown it, to me or to my sisters. And so I’ve learned to live without it. I don’t need love in my life.”

  “That sounds pretty cold and unfeeling.” She sniffed.

  “But honest,” Vaughn stated. “I care for you deeply, Miranda, and I see a future with us doing great things, but you mustn’t want any more than that, because I don’t have it to give.”

  “You mean you won’t give it.”

  “No, I meant I don’t do the love thing and I don’t know when or if I’ll ever be ready for anything deeper. So you’ll just have to accept me for who I am, flaws and all.”

  “Accept a marriage without love?”

  “Yes, but that’s not all that’s on the table and you know it.” He walked toward her, pulling her into his arms. He grasped her face in his palms. “What we’ve shared the last month has been incredible, the long talks, our fun times at the beach, the endless nights of making love...” He stroked her cheek. “Surely that is enough to build on and for us to have a happy life.”

  Miranda wrenched herself out of his arms. “It’s not,” she cried. “It’s not enough and never will be. I would be giving up everything to be with you and you’re not even willing to walk out on the ledge with me. Why are you running from your feelings, Vaughn? I know you must feel something more for me. I can’t imagine that we’d be this close if you didn’t.”

  “You’re wrong. I’m not scared. I’ve never been scared a day in my life. For God’s sake, things are fine the way they are, Miranda. Can’t we just leave well enough alone? Because quite frankly I don’t wish to change our arrangement.”

  “Well, I do.” She pushed past him and ran up the stairs. Vaughn waited several beats and realized he couldn’t let the night end like this. He had to talk to her, get her to see reason. So he took the stairs two at a time until he reached the master suite, but their bedroom was empty. The bed was still neatly made as it had been before they’d left for the wine tour.

  “Darn it!” Vaughn kicked the post on the bed and a loud yelp escaped his lips. Miranda had returned to the guest room. She had returned to a room she hadn’t occupied for weeks now. He wanted to go downstairs and haul her to him and make love to her until they couldn’t see straight, but if he did, they would be still be in the same place they were now.

  At an impasse.

  Did this signal the end of their marriage?

  Had he lost her for good because he wasn’t capable of love?

  Chapter 15

  Miranda awoke the next morning feeling worse than when she’d found out her inheritance and fate rested with some unknown husband she’d yet to meet. But today was so much worse because it was like she’d gone to the mountaintop, had a taste of heaven before it was violently ripped out of her grasp. Because that was exactly how it felt last night when Vaughn had told her that he didn’t love her and didn’t know if he ever could. Just remembering it made her eyes sting.

  How was their marriage going to last?

  How was she?

  She loved Vaughn, but it was all one-sided. They didn’t want the same things. Love. Family. Children. He wanted sex and she’d suffice. A hot, warm body in his bed and who happened to have a brain. While she had fallen head over heels for him. But then again Vaughn was an easy to man to love. He was proud and strong and so confident. Some might think he was arrogant, but not Miranda. She found his zest for life refreshing. He was ambitious, always looking to succeed, to do better, and be better. It was intoxicating, charming and addictive.

  So addictive. Miranda hadn’t realized she was in love with him until it was too late. There was no way to protect her heart. She’d become vulnerable to Vaughn and the feelings he’d evoked her. He had only to touch her and her entire body would tighten in response. He had just that effect on her. And he knew it. She’d shared more with him than she had with any other lover, but she couldn’t go back to being that pathetic woman waiting for scraps that the men in her life threw her way. She wouldn’t beg and plead for things to be different. She had to be strong,
show some pride just as Vaughn had taught her. She wouldn’t accept a halfhearted marriage. It was too high a cost. Instead, she would do something about it.

  Miranda reached for her cell phone and called her attorney.

  “Miranda. I admit it’s a surprise to hear from you.”

  “It shouldn’t be,” Miranda responded. “Nothing has changed. I still want to know if you’ve found a way out of this marriage.”

  * * *

  “Kindra, these figures are all wrong,” Vaughn said as she sat in front of him. “I told you I wanted to see next year’s projections.”

  Kindra pursed her lips. “That’s what I gave you, Vaughn.”

  “Well, these can’t be right. They are showing a loss.”

  “With the spring suit line being new and all, the sales department is reluctant to project a large growth in the first year.”

  “I don’t care what they think. I asked for them to include a five-percent spike in sales and that’s what I want to see.” Vaughn handed her back the folder. “Correct it.”

  “Of course.” Kindra rose to leave, but Vaughn stopped her.

  “And where is Elite’s monthly financial report?”

  Kindra leaned over and sorted through the myriad files on his desk and handed it to Vaughn. “It’s right here. Is there anything else?”

  Vaughn rolled his eyes. “No, that’ll be all.”

  Several moments later, Kindra was gone and Vaughn slumped back in his chair. He wasn’t angry with Kindra. She was the best assistant he could ever ask for. He was mad with himself. He was mad that he’d slept alone last night in a king-size bed that had suited him just fine until a certain brunette came into his life. And now, she had him snippy with his workers and that wasn’t the kind of boss he wanted to be.

  Vaughn jumped up from the chair and began pacing the room.

  Miranda hadn’t slept beside him and had chosen to stay in the guest bedroom instead. Vaughn didn’t know for how long, but he didn’t like it. And he doubted she did either. He knew she liked curling up beside him as he wrapped his arm around her middle. It was her favorite position.

  His too.

  And he wasn’t going to let her throw away what they had. Up until this point, women had been abundant and interchangeable, in his opinion. Or at least they used to be before Miranda. But circumstances had changed. He didn’t know when but he knew that Miranda was a big part of his life and he wanted her to stay. In their bed and in their marriage. She would have to accept that there were limitations, but that he would always be faithful and loyal. If she could accept that, they’d have a wonderful life together. So how did he convince her of that?

  He was thinking about what he was going to do when the desk phone rang. “Ellicott,” he answered.

  “Mr. Ellicott?” The voice on the end of the line sounded perplexed. “Oh I’m sorry. I must have dialed the wrong number.”

  “Who is this?”

  “This is Carl Alexander.”

  Vaughn’s ears perked. He was the attorney from the law firm that represented Miranda during their premarital negotiations. He’d been surprised when Vaughn indicated he wanted no part of Miranda’s inheritance and was willing to sign over any claim to it. “Mr. Alexander. Why are you calling?”

  “I didn’t mean to contact you. I was calling your attorney and must have inadvertently dialed you.”

  “And why would you be calling my attorney?”

  “To go over some paperwork matters. Please forgive me.” He attempted to hang up, but Vaughn didn’t let him.

  “All our paperwork was addressed before the marriage,” Vaughn responded. “So has something new occurred?”

  “No, but we found a loophole...”

  When he hung up the phone several minutes later, Vaughn was livid. He literally saw red. He couldn’t remember another time when he’d been this angry. He wanted to throttle Miranda. The entire time he’d been fighting for their marriage, she’d been looking for the quickest exit out of it.

  Grabbing his keys off the hook, he threw open his door and stalked out of his office.

  “Are you coming back?” Kindra inquired to his retreating figure.

  “No! And hold my calls for the rest of the day!”

  * * *

  Miranda was positive she’d found the best location for Ellicott B & B. She’d been narrowing her choices down between three solid picks. She just hadn’t known she was going to use her married name until the art for her logo had come in with both her maiden and married name as options. Jensen B & B or Ellicott B & B. Her married name had won out and Miranda couldn’t wait for Vaughn to get home and share the good news with him.

  She paused midstride. She wanted to share her news with Vaughn, the man she loved because at the end of the day that was all that mattered. She should have never called her attorney. She didn’t really want out of her marriage. Now that she’d had some time to think about it, Miranda realized the error of her ways.

  She was hurt and angry that Vaughn didn’t share her same feelings, couldn’t repeat them back and she’d wanted to strike out at him. End the marriage. But she would only be hurting herself in the end, because she would be left alone again and this time without Vaughn. Wasn’t a life with him, no matter if it was loveless, worth it if they were together? Or maybe she was just fooling herself because she couldn’t let him go.

  He’d awakened not only her heart, but her body. When they were together, he made her feel completely alive. The need was so strong, so primitive to be joined together as one that Miranda was powerless to deny it. Surely that was better than nothing? Or was she still the weak, spineless woman she’d been in the past? Constantly waiting for a man to love her? Or maybe in time, if given time, love would grow and Vaughn might fall in love with her?

  Miranda’s thoughts were so muddled that she didn’t hear the front door or Vaughn’s footsteps until he was standing directly in the dining room doorway.

  “Vaughn?” Miranda was scared by his expression. His face was immovable like a stone and a chill ran down her spine.

  What on earth could have happened?

  “Is everything alright?”

  “Perhaps you should tell me.” His eyes turned from cold to blazing fury and Miranda started in her chair. Her pulse quickened and her heart began hammering loudly in her chest. “You’re the one who’s been having secret talks with your attorney. Have you found a way out of your grandfather’s clutches so you can end our hasty marriage?”

  Miranda gasped and a shiver of panic swept through her. Dear Lord! He’d found out. How could that have happened?

  “Nothing to say?” Vaughn inquired. “Because last night, you had plenty to say about love and marriage. And oh wait, trust and respect. But maybe you didn’t mean those words for yourself and they were only applicable to me.”

  “Vaughn...please.” Panic was rioting within her.

  “Please what? Don’t get angry?” His voice began to rise and her stomach clenched tighter. “That you’ve been lying to me this whole time. I’ve been completely up front and forthright ever since I revealed my true identity to you. I’ve never asked you for anything in return except the truth. I guess I just assumed the truth would come with our agreement, but I guess I was wrong.”

  She shook her head. “You weren’t wrong, Vaughn. And I don’t know what you think you know, but—”

  “What I know is, you’ve been pretending to enjoy my company, saying you’re falling in love with me, all the while you’ve been secretly planning your escape route,” he countered icily.

  “That’s simply not true.”

  “Of course it is. I heard from your attorney. He thought he was calling my lawyer, but instead he got me. He filled me in firsthand about the precedent he found. Apparently he felt comfortable talking to me because he thought I wanted to end this farce of a marriage, jus
t like you.”

  Her spirits sank even lower and Miranda fought to keep the desperation out of her voice. “Our marriage is not a farce. You must believe that—that I love you.” She hoped she could reach him by playing the one card she had left in her arsenal, but to her horror, he threw back his head and laughed. He actually laughed and the sound had never sounded uglier.

  “Ha! The jig is up, Miranda.” His eyes blazed fire at her and his voice was low and taut with anger. “Go ahead and admit that you got what you wanted all along. You got a sucker like me to agree to marry you until I was no longer needed and you could toss me aside. It’s no wonder you couldn’t wait to get out of my bed. Must have been a real hardship faking all those orgasms.”

  “Vaughn!” Miranda turned away from him. Her face flushed with humiliation. She didn’t want him to see her tears. He’d really cut her to the quick. How could someone she love hurt her so incredibly?

  His nostrils flared. “Can’t face the truth, huh?”

  Miranda spun around and allowed him to see the tears streaming down her cheeks. “I’m not ashamed because I did nothing wrong. I’ve never faked one moment of our time together, intimate or otherwise. You know that!”

  “What I know is that I’ve been a fool for far too long. I don’t want to hear any of your explanations. I just want you out. Now.”

  “You want me to leave?” she said incredulously. Her words came out tight and twisted because that was exactly how her insides felt. They were a twisted, tangled mess.

  “Yes. That’s right. I need you to go right now.”

  “But, Vaughn, we need to talk. You don’t understand.”

  “I understand enough. I know that what I thought was mutual affection and caring was nothing more than a show. You’ve been looking for a way out this entire time, since our wedding. Do you know how much that hurts?”

  Tears blinded her eyes and she choked out, “I’m sorry.” Because he was glaring down at her with fathomless eyes like he was her judge, jury and executioner.