And Playing the Role of Herself...

by K E Lane

  She didn't say anything, just continued to watch.

  I stopped the blender and filled up the smaller bag, then took them both into the living room, flipped on the television, found a baseball game, and gingerly lowered myself on the couch. I pulled up my shirt to check the swelling and heard her startled intake of breath.

  She crossed the room in two long strides and sank onto the couch beside me, reaching out to run gentle fingers across the swollen, blue-black scrape along my ribs.

  I swallowed my own startled intake of breath as pinpoints of sensation from the gentle touch skittered along my nerves, straight to my nipples and groin.

  Jesus.

  I gently but quickly moved her hand away, placing an icepack on the swelling and pulling my shirt down over it.

  She was watching me when I looked up from my task. "Looks like it hurts some."

  I smiled slightly, and shifted around on the couch, trying to find a more comfortable position. "Some," I replied.

  She stood and propped two loose pillows against the end of the couch. "Come on, lay down." She patted the pillows. I hesitated, and she patted the pillows again. "Caid, lay down for god's sakes. You'll be more comfortable, and you won't have to hold the ice on your ribs." She grasped my shoulders and gently lowered me onto the pillows, then carefully swung my feet up onto the couch. "There, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

  She busied herself arranging the pillows behind my head, and I just watched her, warmed by the concern in her eyes. She stopped and looked down at me, gently moving aside the smaller icepack that I was holding to my jaw and brushing the swelling with a feather-light touch.

  "You're a mess," she said quietly and smiled, brushing a stray hair off my forehead. As always, the rush took my breath away, and it was a few seconds before I could speak.

  "I'm mad at you, you know." I grabbed the hand that had brushed my forehead and held it captive. "Why did you lie to me, Robyn? About Friday night? And why did you take off the other morning?"

  Her whole body stilled and she withdrew her hand from mine, straightening slowly.

  "FYI," I said with a hint of sarcasm, "If you're going lie to people about being out of town, it's best not to run around in public as one half of the most photogenic couple on the planet."

  "Caid…"

  I struggled to a sitting position, ignoring the pain, not willing to have this conversation lying on my back with her looming over me. "Damnit, Robyn, if you don't want me around, then just fucking tell me. Don't lie to me about it. I'm not a stalker - you don't need to trick me to get me to leave you alone."

  "Oh, no Caid…" She sat down next to me and grabbed my hand, holding it between both of hers. "No, no, no. Caid, you are so wrong." She waited until I met her gaze. "So wrong. I…Caid, believe me, I want you around, and I certainly don't want you to leave me alone."

  "Then why…" my voice trailed off as she closed her eyes.

  "I wanted you to see you on Friday…I just…" She opened her eyes again and stared at me intently. I blinked, fighting to keep my eyes open, but my eyelids felt heavy, my ribs were throbbing, and my jaw ached painfully.

  She smiled gently and pushed me back on the pillows, then stood and lifted my feet back onto the couch. She brushed a hand through my hair and said, "You need to rest. We'll talk about this later, okay? Just know that I don't want you to leave me alone, and I'm very sorry about Friday. It was a stupid, thoughtless thing to do."

  "Robyn…"

  "Shhhhh." She put her fingers against my lips and leaned forward to kiss my forehead. "Sleep now."

  I had a million questions, but fatigue won out. I sighed and closed my eyes. "Will you stay? For a while?" I mumbled, cringing at how needy I sounded, but too tired to really care.

  "I'll be right here, baby."

  Baby.

  That was the second time she'd called me baby.

  I smiled, feeling light fingers running through my hair, and drifted off to sleep.

  ##

  Sometime during the night, Robyn shook me awake, led me into the bedroom and tucked me into bed. I vaguely remembered grumbling in annoyance at being woken, light laughter, and a fleeting touch of lips on my forehead.

  It was still dark the next morning when I was yanked from sleep by a stab of pain in my ribs when I attempted to roll over. I lay for several minutes, trying to fall back to sleep, but eventually gave up and painfully eased myself out of bed and shuffled out of my bedroom on a quest for caffeine. I flipped on the hallway and living room lights and nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw a body sprawled on my couch.

  Robyn.

  Every sleeping, tousled, glorious inch of her.

  Holy shit.

  I must have said it out loud, because her eyes snapped open in alarm and her body jerked half-way off the couch before she saw me and relaxed, favoring me with a look of warm, sleepy affection that made me smile involuntarily in response.

  "Morning. How are you feeling?" She propped herself up on one elbow and ran a hand through her long hair absently.

  Oh, what that voice did to me. It moved through my body from the inside out, twisting my stomach and tingling in my toes and fingers.

  She was looking at me curiously, and I realized I should probably answer her, and not just gape like a lust-struck teenager.

  "Ah…" I started roughly, and cleared my throat. "Morning. I didn't expect anyone to be here - you startled me."

  "Sorry." She pushed the quilt aside and sat up, rubbing her neck. "I didn't want you to be alone in case you needed something during the night. You looked pretty beat up last night."

  "And I feel pretty beat up this morning," I said wryly. "Thanks. That was very nice of you."

  "You're quite welcome." She smiled, then yawned and stretched her long arms over her head.

  It was adorable and sexy all at the same time, and I turned away before I got caught staring again. "Want some coffee? I was just about to make some."

  "Please."

  I grinned at the eagerness in her voice. "It'll just take a minute."

  I put water on to boil and ground up some beans and filled the bottom of the french press, hoping Robyn liked her coffee strong. While the water heated, I looked in the refrigerator and found some eggs, peppers, mushrooms and a small block of cheddar cheese.

  I stuck my head around the corner. "Hey…" She was folding the quilt and draping it over the back of the couch, and looked at me questioningly. "I've got peppers, mushrooms, cheese…I was going to make myself an omelet. Would you like one?"

  She shook her head. "Thanks, Caid, but you don't have to do that."

  I shrugged. "I'm making myself one - it wouldn't be any trouble, and it's the least I could do for you staying last night."

  She hesitated, and then smiled in thanks. "That sounds good, thank you."

  "No problem." I moved back towards the kitchen where the kettle was just starting to boil. I pulled it off the burner and filled the press with the steaming liquid, very conscious that Robyn had followed me and was leaning in the doorway, watching me.

  When I'd put the kettle back on the stove and turned to face her, she was somehow standing right in front of me. "Now that we've got some better light, let's take a look at the damage, hmm?"

  She laid her hand along my neck, her thumb against my chin, and turned my head to one side to survey my jaw, pursing her lips. She used her other hand to hold my hair off my forehead while she looked at the scrapes along my forehead and cheek. She was so close I could feel the heat coming off her skin, still warm from sleep. I tried to suppress a shiver at the touch, the heat, but failed. Robyn's eyes flicked to mine and held me, barely breathing, for several long moments before finally looking back at my damaged jaw.

  "Jaw doesn't look near as bad as I expected," she murmured, dropping her hands. "And Jules shouldn't have a problem covering those scrapes up…"

  I sagged against the counter weakly, my body still singing from her nearness. Before I could react, she'd pulled my shirt
up just below my breasts and was running a light finger across the bruise on my ribs.

  "Jesus," I hissed as the touch had the exact same effect as it had had the night before, and body parts that I didn't need tingling right now started to tingle.

  Robyn misread my reaction as pain and jerked her hand back quickly, looking up at me apologetically. "Sorry." She pulled my shirt down and smoothed the fabric out over my stomach absently a few times before stepping back.

  "S'alright," I replied after a couple of deep breaths. "Just a little tender."

  I turned back to the counter and busied myself with finishing the coffee, pouring out two mugs and getting a carton of half and half out of the refrigerator. "Cream or sugar?" I asked, not turning around.

  "Just cream, please."

  I poured a healthy slug into each mug, stirred them a few times, and turned around to hand a mug to Robyn, catching her staring at my legs in appreciation. I nearly spilled both mugs when I realized what she was doing.

  She looked up guiltily and hastily took one of the mugs from me, muttering a quiet, "Thanks."

  "Sure," I answered, leaning my back against the counter with a bemused expression on my face. "No problem."

  So. I think I could call it official now. Robyn found me - or parts of me, at least - attractive. Twice I'd caught her staring, and the look I had seen that morning at Ledos Canyon…that had been quite a bit more than friendly.

  But being attracted to someone - wanting someone - and actually being willing to act on those feelings were two separate things entirely. She'd given no indication that she wanted anything more than what we had - a friendship. And I wasn't at all certain what I wanted, either. Oh, I knew I wanted Robyn physically - God, did I ever - and I had a suspicion that my feelings went far deeper. Even if Robyn did want something physical, what if the physical was all it was for her? Did I want to set myself up to be another of her 'things'? Did I want her badly enough to risk almost certain hurt just for a chance to touch her?

  My body, willing to do just about anything to be with Robyn, chimed into the debate with a resounding "Yes!" while my mind, ever the staunch defender of my heart, responded with a firm "No!"

  I shook my head, not realizing what I was doing until Robyn gave me a questioning look and asked, "What?"

  "Ah…" I scrambled for an answer. "Just…thinking about what the shooting schedule might be like this week. I know we shoot in the city today and tomorrow, but I haven't called in to check past that. Actually," I carefully twisted my torso and winced, "I'm wondering how much I'm going to be able to do today. Hopefully it'll just be a bunch of standing around."

  Robyn's expression immediately turned worried. "Maybe you should stay home for a day? If you can't…"

  I stopped her with a shake of my head. "No, I'll give it a try, and do as much as I can. I know they want to wrap this episode on Wednesday and start up the next on Thursday."

  "Tough gal, huh?" she said with a small smile.

  I grinned back. "That's me."

  She nodded and sipped at her coffee before saying with studied casualness, "I got a call last night…they've scheduled our big, groundbreaking, world-changing kiss for Thursday afternoon."

  I blinked, and nearly dropped my coffee cup. "They have?"

  A wave of panic mixed with exhilaration hit me, panic winning out easily.

  Robyn watched my anxiety with open amusement. "Well, hell, Caid…I don't expect you to be jumping up and down or anything, but I gotta tell you, usually people don't react this way to the prospect of kissing me."

  I managed a weak smile. "Sorry…I just…I'm…" I blew out a breath. "I'm pretty nervous about it. I always get a little weird about scenes like this - I just haven't gotten comfortable with them. And this scene," I looked at my coffee, "you have to admit this one is a little different. I've never… I've never kissed a woman before, and I know that shouldn't matter - we're actors, right? - but..." I shrugged, and looked at her quickly, then hastily back at my coffee. "I'm just nervous, I guess."

  "You've never kissed a woman?" I could hear the surprise in her voice and looked up to find her staring at me with an odd expression. "You mean for a scene," she said slowly, "or never ever?"

  I shifted uncomfortably under her scrutiny. "Uh…never, ever."

  She nodded slowly, frowning into her coffee. The silence dragged on until it bordered on awkward. Finally, she murmured, "I thought…"

  When she didn't say anything further, I prompted her, "You thought what?"

  When she looked back at me, something in her expression had changed; it was still friendly, but much of the warmth I'd come to expect was missing. She shrugged, and gave me a smile to match the look. Lots of nice, white teeth but her eyes stayed wary and cool. "Doesn't matter, I guess." She nodded at the coffee pot. "Mind if I have a little more?"

  I shook my head and silently filled her cup, trying to read her expression and maybe get some clue as to what I just did wrong. No clues were forthcoming, so I decided to just ask.

  "Robyn," I asked hesitantly, "did I say something wrong? You seem…" I couldn't finish, unable to put into words what I was seeing.

  Her cup paused on its way to her lips. She smiled behind the cup, a little sadly, I thought, took a sip of coffee before speaking. "No, Caid, you haven't done anything wrong. I just…misunderstood some things."

  The tones of a cell phone coming from the living room stopped my reply, and Robyn excused herself to answer it, seeming eager to escape the conversation. I poured myself a little more coffee, holding off on the omelet preparation, betting that a phone call this early in the morning meant I wouldn't have a guest for breakfast.

  She came back into the kitchen, holding up her phone apologetically. "That was Rick Price. They moved the schedule up an hour," she glanced at her watch, "so I really need to get home to shower and change. Thanks for coffee, and the breakfast offer…can I take a rain check?"

  "Anytime," I replied.

  She handed me her mug, and we looked at each other awkwardly for several moments. "Thanks," I said finally. "Thanks for being here last night, and for staying. I…it was nice to have you here."

  She smiled softly. "You're welcome." The smile faded momentarily, and she looked down at her hands. "When Liz told me…and then when I saw the bike…" She looked back up again, her dark eyes swirling with emotion. "It really scared me, Caid. To think of something happening to you. I…"

  Her cell rang again, and she swore softly, looking at the display. She hesitated, looking at me, and then answered. "Hello…no, Rick, I'm not at home. I'll be there shortly…have him leave it on the doorstep then. It'll be fine - there aren't people creeping around my house at six in the morning looking to steal scripts." She sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance. "Fine. Tell him to wait, I'll be there as soon as I can." She straightened, her voice now tinged with anger. "It's none of your damn business where I am, Rick. Tell him I'll get there when I get there."

  She closed the phone with a snap, scowling at it for a moment before looking up at me. "Caid…"

  I pushed off the counter with a wry smile. "You have to go, I know." I turned her around and pushed her gently towards the living room.

  She walked to the couch and picked up an oversized black leather bag, slipping the phone into it and pulling out a set of keys before sliding it onto her shoulder. She started towards the door slowly, and then turned to me abruptly.

  "Have dinner with me tonight. I'd like…"

  "Yes." I said immediately.

  Her smile was like sunshine, warming me through and through. "I'll call you later." She looked at me for a moment more, and reached up a hand to brush my injured cheek. "Take it easy today, huh?"

  "Yes ma'am." I smiled, somehow managing to stop myself from turning my head and brushing her hand with my lips.

  She gave me another crooked grin, and was gone.

  ##

  After Robyn left I ate, showered and dressed before driving to the site of the
shoot in the Financial District downtown. Once there I struggled into my wardrobe, patiently endured Jules' annoyed attempts to make my face appear as though it hadn't recently had an encounter with a pine tree, and tried to appear perky when I presented myself to the crew.

  Unfortunately, attitude did not translate to ability, and it became apparent within fifteen minutes that although Jules was able to hide the damage to my face, the injury to my ribs was going to keep me from doing any kind of physical scene. Arrest scenes, chase scenes…basically all the kinds of shoots scheduled for the day were out for me until my ribs healed for a few more days, and by eleven o'clock, Nate had sent me home with ill concealed annoyance, grumbling about 'stupid macho nature freaks' under his breath.