And Playing the Role of Herself...

by K E Lane

  Robyn swayed a little, her forehead furrowed in concentration, trying to decipher what I'd said.

  "Oh for fuck sakes," I said in annoyance. "Sit down before you fall down."

  She immediately dropped onto the toilet seat, looking a little pale.

  I shook my head, getting a grip on my anger. It wasn't going to do a damn bit of good when Robyn was this messed up; she probably wouldn't even remember this tomorrow. "I'm going to go find Josh, and get him to take you home. Stay here." She nodded like a child getting scolded, and I shook my head again and went in search of Josh.

  I found him almost immediately - downstairs in the main room, surrounded by a large group of partygoers who were all trying to get close to the famous Josh Riley. Still angry from my encounter with Robyn, I pushed my way through the group none too gently and tapped him on the arm.

  "Josh, can I have a minute?"

  He looked over at me and did a double take. "Caid? Wow. Hey!" He grinned, grabbing my hand. Normally his hand grabbing was endearing, but now, it kind of annoyed me. Probably because Robyn did the same thing, and she was on the top of my shit list right now.

  I forced a smile and tugged him towards the stairs. "Sorry, folks, I need Mr. Riley for a few minutes." The crowd reluctantly parted for us, and I continued to pull Josh along.

  "Where are we going?" When I looked back at him, the grin was gone and he looked slightly wary. He pulled me to a stop. "Listen, Caid, I like you, but this is Robyn's decision, and if you're trying to get me to talk to her…"

  Stopping him with a glare, I looked around and said with quiet intensity, "I don't want you to talk to her for me. As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing to talk to her about. I don't want anything from her. Nothing. Nada. Zip. She's made it very clear what I can and cannot have, and I choose nothing."

  He pulled back in surprise. "Caid, what…"

  I cut him off and pointed up the stairs, dropping my voice even further. "Robyn is drunk off her ass in a bathroom upstairs, and you need to get her the fuck out of here."

  His eyes widened, and he glanced up the stairs as though he expected to see an inebriated Robyn come dancing down them. I looked at my watch, realizing I'd been gone almost five minutes. Maybe he would.

  I gestured with my head and jogged up the stairs, Josh's light footsteps right behind me. At the top of the stairs I slowed and tried to act as casual as possible, meandering my way along the wall and turning down the hallway. I stopped at the third door on the right and knocked softly, then opened the door and poked my head in.

  Robyn was still sitting on the toilet, her head pillowed in her arms on top of the counter. I opened the door wider and Josh crowded into the small space and stopped short, staring at Robyn in surprise.

  "What happened?"

  I rolled my eyes. "She drank too much. That's how people normally get drunk."

  At the sound of voices, Robyn raised her head and looked up blearily, smiling when she saw Josh. "Joshie! Hey, Joshie."

  She held out her hand and he took it, giving her a look of fond exasperation. "Robby, honey, I think we should get you out of here, okay?"

  "Okay," she agreed happily, then frowned. "I think maybe I drank too much." She put her head back on the counter.

  "Ya think?" I muttered under my breath.

  Josh looked at Robyn for a moment, then over at me. "I guess I could carry her."

  I shook my head. "Only if we can't get her to walk out of here. She already caused a minor scene - I don't think she'd want people to see you carrying her out of here." No matter how annoyed, angry or hurt I was, I wasn't about to throw Robyn to the gossip wolves. Spiteful just wasn't in me.

  He frowned. "A scene? Robyn?"

  "Yes, Robyn. And she can tell you all about it when she sobers up. If she remembers."

  Robyn's head came up again, and she looked at me. "Caid?"

  I figured this was as good a time as any to try to coax her up, so I leaned over her and gently grabbed her hands. "Yes, it's me. We need to get you home, okay Robyn? Can you stand up for me?"

  She just stared at me, then pulled one of her hands from mine and placed it on my cheek. "Caid." A smile slowly spread across her face. "My beautiful Caid." After a moment, the smile faded, and she frowned. "But you're mad at me, aren't you?"

  I froze for a moment and then gently pulled her hand away from my face and straightened, tugging her with me. "Come on Robyn, up you get."

  She groaned and rose slowly to her feet with Josh's help, swaying slightly but more stable than I'd expected. She glanced around the room with interest, focusing on a small painting of butterflies that hung on the wall. "Ohhhhh…pretty." She reached out to touch it, but I stopped her hand.

  "Robyn?" I tried to get her attention. She frowned at her hand in mine. "Robyn!" I repeated sharply, and she jerked her head towards me with a wince.

  "What?" She sounded annoyed. Annoyed was good.

  "We need to get to the car, but we're going to have to walk through the party. Can you make it on your own?" I asked, sounding as skeptical as I could.

  She frowned at me. "Of course I can." She turned towards the mirror and straightened her clothes with slightly clumsy but still effective motions, then smoothed out her hair.

  I hid a smile and looked over at Josh who winked at me.

  He put his arm around her and she sagged against him slightly. "Okay, hon, let's go. We'll just go straight down the stairs and out the front - you'll have to call Scott with apologies tomorrow."

  She nodded, and I pulled the door open and preceded them out into the hall. At the end of the hallway I looked back and saw the two walking slowly but steadily towards me, Robyn with a look of intense concentration and Josh smiling indulgently at her.

  I waited and fell into step on the other side of Robyn, talking with Josh about the up-coming French Open and the Brazilian match I'd watched him play in. We took the stairs slowly, and Robyn leaned on Josh heavily, but it just looked as if they were being affectionate. A few people attempted to stop us, but I ran a little interference when that would happen, and finally we were out the door and walking down the drive to the valet station.

  The fresh air seemed to help Robyn, and she pulled away from Josh and walked on her own, but when the valet brought Josh's car around and Josh helped her into the seat, she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the headrest immediately.

  I closed the door while Josh walked around the car and slipped in behind the wheel. He rolled Robyn's window down and just looked at me for a few seconds. "Thanks for helping out."

  I nodded, and started to back away.

  "I'll have her call you in the morning. I'm sure she'll want to thank you as well."

  I glanced at Robyn's profile once and shook my head. "Don't bother. I don't think we have anything else to say." I turned away and walked back up the path before he could say anything further.

  I wondered if Magda was still around. I could use a smoke right about now.

  And another drink.

  CHAPTER TEN

  The only good thing to happen at Scott Ziem's party was Danny tracking me down and telling me that he'd found another woman celebrity who could actually play golf, and that my services wouldn't be needed at the Highland Hills Celebrity Golf Tournament. He seemed reluctant to tell me, but when I'd grabbed him and kissed him on the cheek in thanks, I think he realized I was okay with it.

  That left me almost a month of free time and a serious need to get out of town to clear my head, so I packed up my backpacking gear and a week's worth of food, made a few calls, climbed in my truck and drove down to Idyllwild. I found a small gas station just outside of town that would let me park my truck in their back lot for a week, then I shouldered my pack and the extra box of food I'd brought and walked the half-mile to the post office.

  I was leaning up against the building, reading a book, my face shaded by a wide-brimmed nylon hat and sunglasses when two scruffy, dirty hikers walked up and eased their packs to th
e ground, arguing good naturedly about college football and the University of Wisconsin's chances this year.

  Without looking up from my book, I said, "Eh, the Badgers are going to suck this year. Michigan looks good, though."

  Both men stopped what they were doing and stared at me in surprise. One of them - a taller, younger, male version of me with brown hair, green eyes and stubbly growth over a strong, square jaw - stepped forward, a smile spreading on his face. "Michigan blows chunks. Bunch of pansy-assed mama's boys."

  I put my book down and pulled off my sunglasses, letting them hang on the leash around my neck. "All Wisconsin's got is a bunch of dairy cow lovin' cheese freaks." I climbed to my feet, brushing off my shorts, and smiled into eyes so much like my own. "And Badgers? What the hell kind of mascot is that? A badger is just an overgrown ferret. The University of Wisconsin Overgrown Ferrets."

  I grinned at my brother, who whooped in delight and smothered me in a tight, smelly bear hug. He lifted me off he ground and staggered around for a minute while I yelled at him to put me down, and finally as a last resort I poked him in the ribs. He yelped like a girl and dropped me immediately, taking up a defensive stance to protect his ribs.

  "No fair," he said, grinning at me.

  I grinned back. "Heya, Per. It's good to see you." I wrinkled my nose. "But boy, you smell. I hope you're planning on taking a shower in this town, because I don't want to share my campsite with the stench that's wafting off of you."

  He looked quickly at my backpack leaned up against the wall, then back at me, taking in my hiking attire. "You're coming with?" he asked hopefully, looking again at the pack.

  I smiled. "Through to Big Bear, if it's okay with you two…" I looked pointedly his friend who was staring at the two of us in consternation. "Wanna introduce me?"

  "Dude, of course it's cool." He said, still smiling at me in happy amazement.

  I looked at his friend again and then back at him with a raised eyebrow. "Dude, introductions?"

  "Oh, yeah, right. Sorry." He turned to his friend. "James, this is my sister Caid. Caid, James."

  James was a few inches shorter than me, with a strong, stocky body, pale blond hair, blue eyes and ruddy, sunburned skin. He stared at me, then seemed to shake himself and stepped forward to grasp my hand awkwardly, as though I'd break.

  "Hi," he said shyly, sneaking glances at my face as he stepped back.

  "Nice to meet you, James." I looked at him questioningly. "Would you mind if I tagged along with you and Perry?"

  "Uh, sure…I mean, no, I wouldn't mind at all." He stuffed his hands in his pockets and smiled hesitantly.

  "Great." I gave him a friendly smile and glanced over at Perry. "And now, seriously dude, we need to find you two some place to shower."

  ##

  I adjusted the flame on the stove, set a pot of water on to heat, and settled onto a thin pad I'd laid near the stove, stretching my legs out with a groan.

  "How ya feeling, grandma?" Perry teased me from where he was stretched out on his back a few feet away, his baseball cap tilted over his eyes.

  "Shut it, Periwinkle. You're supposed to respect your elders," I replied as I pulled off my boots and wiggled my toes with a sigh. "God, that feels good."

  Perry pushed the cap back and propped himself up on his elbows, grinning at me. "I'm sure that James would be happy to rub any part of you that aches."

  I stuck my tongue out at him, well aware of doting looks that James was starting to cast my way. "Where is he, anyway?"

  Perry waved his hand at the ridge behind us. "He wanted to try to catch a shot of the sunset from higher up."

  I'd learned over the past few days that James was quite the shutterbug and nodded, not surprised at Perry's explanation of his whereabouts. I leaned back on my elbows, mimicking Perry's position, and we were both quiet for several minutes.

  "Caid?" Perry said eventually.

  "Hmm?"

  "Is…" he paused, and I looked over at him questioningly. "Is everything okay with you? You seem…I don't know…kinda down, and real quiet…"

  I sighed, and pulled myself up into a sitting position, wrapping my hands around my knees. "Ah. Noticed that, did you?" Perry was a perceptive kid, and we'd always been close, despite the twelve-year age difference. Our other brother, Sebastian, was two years older than me, and we rarely spoke. Sebastian did not approve of my choice of careers, but then Sebastian did not approve of much.

  "Mmm." He nodded in affirmation.

  I stared at my feet, wondering how to explain what was bothering me. It never occurred to me not to tell him; Perry and I had always been honest with each other. "Well," I rocked back and forth a few times, "I think I may have gone and fallen in love."

  I heard him sit up, and glanced over. He was watching me with interest. "No shit?"

  I smiled slightly. "Mm-hmm, I'm pretty sure."

  "You think, and you're pretty sure? What does that mean? I mean, you've been in love before, right? You and the nerd were together for what…a year or two?"

  He was referring to my year and a half long relationship with Toby, a software developer with an abundance of brains and a few minor social skill problems. "He wasn't a nerd," I scolded mildly, feeling obligated to defend my longest relationship to date. "And yes, I loved Toby, but I don't know if I was ever in love with him. This is…different."

  "Different," he repeated. He thought about that for a bit. "Okaaayyyy….so it's different. How, exactly, is this not a good thing?"

  "Hmmm, well…that's where it gets a bit complicated." I hugged my knees tighter. "My…ah…affections, are not particularly welcome."

  "What?!" He sounded genuinely shocked, and I smiled. "What kind of idiot wouldn't want you? Who is this guy?"

  "Ah. Hmm. Yeah. Um…that's part of the complicated bit." I paused, rocking back and forth, and glanced over at him again. "It's not a he. It's a she."

  His eyes widened, searching my expression to see if I was joking. "No shit?"

  "No shit."

  "Wow," he said, nodding slowly. "So…is this…" he hesitated. "Uh…are you…"

  "Gay?" I finished for him.

  He nodded.

  "It's a distinct possibility." We were quiet for a few minutes, and I finally asked, "Would it bother you?"

  "Hmm?" Perry blinked, and looked over at me. "Oh, shit Caid, of course not. I guess it doesn't even surprise me all that much." He grinned at me. "But James is going to be devastated."

  I let go of my knees and leaned back on my hands, rolling my eyes. "He'll get over it."

  Perry looked at me for a moment and then shook his head. "Male or female, I still don't get how someone wouldn't want you."

  I laughed quietly. "Well, thanks for the vote of confidence." I paused, thinking of Robyn and the heat I'd seen in her eyes on more than one occasion. "And honestly, I don't think it's an issue of want…" I sighed in exasperation. "That's the other complicated bit, and hell, I don't even understand it. If I ever figure it out, I'll let you know."

  Perry rolled onto his hands and knees and crawled over to scoot in beside me and put a comforting arm around my shoulders. "I'm sorry, Caid. Whoever she is, I still think she's an idiot."

  I smiled sadly. "Me, too."

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  "Oh, god," I moaned in ecstasy when the first needles of hot water touched my skin. I ducked my head under the spray, humming in pleasure as the water sluiced six days of dirt and sweat away.

  From Idyllwild and the still snow-covered San Jacinto mountains, down an 8,000-foot plunge into the ninety plus degree heat of the desert west of Palm Springs, then back up into the San Bernardinos; we'd hiked nearly one hundred miles in six days and my body was feeling it.

  We'd made it to Big Bear Lake late in the afternoon, and after doing a small load of laundry so that we'd have clean clothes for the evening and the following day, we checked into an inn where I'd made reservations before I hooked up with Perry and James in Idyllwild. We each had a room of our o
wn, and had split up to shower and rest before meeting back up for the big steak dinner I'd promised. Tomorrow we would pick up the rental car that I had reserved, drive back to Idyllwild to pick up my truck, and head back to LA.

  I finally stepped from the shower after soaping my body twice, washing my hair three times, and just standing under the hot spray for several minutes. As I padded around my room naked, there was a quiet knock on the door, and I hurried to pull on the complimentary robe hanging in the bathroom.