And Playing the Role of Herself...

by K E Lane

  I was tempted to tell him everything. Frankly, I had the urge to run up and down the halls, pounding on doors and letting everyone know that Robyn Ward liked me. Thirty-four years old and I wanted to turn cartwheels and tell everyone my secrets…Sheesh.

  I realized, though, that until Robyn and I talked about how open we were going to be about this, I probably shouldn't go blathering on about how Robyn and I had just been rolling around on the bed, making out like teenagers. The thought stopped me for a second - I'd never had to worry about that before.

  "Borrowing a hat," I said casually and herded him towards the door, feeling a twinge of guilt about the semi-truth. "Now go, I'll see you downstairs. And you might want to warn James…I don't want his head to explode."

  Perry was laughing as the door closed behind him.

  ##

  Breakfast was an interesting affair, with lurking photographers, overly solicitous wait staff, eager autograph seekers and a visit from several police officers under the guise of updating me on the investigation into my stolen car, but what was more likely an attempt to see Liz and Robyn in the flesh. In addition to that, Liz's flirted outrageously with my younger brother and James continued to cast puppy-dog like, adoring looks at me despite the presence of Robyn and Liz; two much more worthy targets, in my opinion.

  Like I said, breakfast was an interesting affair.

  I was also a little bothered by Robyn's ability to act as though we were nothing more than friends, and not particularly close friends at that. I know she'd had more practice than me in this area, but I didn't know how she was able to act so normal when all through breakfast I was fighting the nearly overwhelming desire to leap across the table and tear her clothes off.

  I escaped back to my room after breakfast with relief, gathering my things and zipping the last of my toiletries into various pockets of my pack when someone knocked on the door.

  "Yeah, Perry, I'm almost rea…dy"

  Robyn leaned against the doorframe, dangling my baseball cap on a slender finger. "I came to return this." She shrugged off the wall and stepped towards me, pushing me back into the room and tossing the cap on the bed behind us. She kicked the door closed with her foot, slid a hand around the back of my neck, and pulled me into heated kiss that left me gasping.

  "God." She broke the kiss and wrapped long arms around me. "That's all I've wanted to do for the last hour."

  I ran my hands up and down her back gently and kissed the side of her head. "Glad it's not just me."

  She chuckled. "No, it's definitely not just you."

  We stood for a minute, holding each other, and then I pulled back, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "This is a little strange for me…I'm not sure how to act," I admitted. "I don't know who I should tell, who I shouldn't tell…"

  "I know, Caid." She sighed. "I'm sorry. Don't take this the wrong way, okay?" I nodded cautiously. "I think we should wait and see where this goes before we start telling people about it. And not," she interrupted as I started to say something, "not because of the gay thing. Although honestly, Caid, in our business, we do need to be careful. But right now, this is about you and me, Caid. No one else. I don't want to jinx this, and honestly, I'd like to have you to myself for at least a little while. Do you understand?"

  I nodded slowly, thinking about what she said. What she was asking for wasn't unreasonable; it actually made a lot of sense. This was going to be complicated enough without getting other people involved - maybe we should take the time to figure out what there was between us before telling people.

  "Caid…" Robyn moved away from me smoothly as Perry knocked and pushed open the door that we hadn't quite shut. "Are you ready?" He stopped and smiled at Robyn. "Oh. Hi."

  She smiled back, and walked to the door. "Thanks for the hat, Caid. See you downstairs."

  "Yeah," I said, watching her go. "See you."

  ##

  Perry, James and I stood next to the limo as Liz's driver Walter pulled Robyn's overnight bag from the trunk and started up her driveway.

  "That's okay, Walter, I've got it." Robyn stopped him with a hand on his arm. He looked at her uncertainly, and she stepped over and took the bag, slinging it over her shoulder with a smile at the older man. "Thank you, Walter."

  "Of course, Miss Ward." He nodded, and walked around the car and slipped into the driver's seat.

  The three-hour drive back from Big Bear had been uneventful, but slower than expected due to unusually heavy Sunday morning traffic. Liz had spent most of trip on the phone to various people, Paula had worked on her laptop, Robyn had conversed easily with Perry and James, and I had made a few phone calls and tried not to think about how goddamned sexy Robyn's voice was, or how good it had felt to wake up with her that morning.

  Robyn turned to face the three of us. "James, Perry," she held out a hand to each, smiling. "It was good meeting the two of you. Try to take it easy on Caid here for the next few days, hmm?"

  James blushed and Perry grinned rather stupidly and said, "It was nice meeting you too, Mi…Robyn. And don't worry. Caid's still pretty spry for her advanced age. I think she'll be able to keep up with us." He quickly jumped back to avoid the swipe I'd taken at his stomach and ducked into the limo. James followed him with a grin.

  "Little shit head," I mumbled and shook my head.

  Robyn laughed lightly and adjusted the bag on her arm, looking up towards the house. I looked down at the driveway, following a tiny crack in the cement with my eyes, and finally looked up to find she had turned her attention on me. She tipped her head towards the house. "Walk me up?"

  I nodded and we walked together up her drive and onto her porch, neither of us speaking. I didn't know where to go from here, where we stood, or what to expect. We'd expressed an attraction and interest in each other, but now what? Did I ask her out? Did we date? Were we girlfriends? Wasn't there some joke about a lesbians and dating and U-Hauls?

  We stopped at her front door and she reached inside her purse and pulled out a set of keys. She fit the key in the lock and paused, not looking at me. "I leave on Wednesday. For two months." She opened the door and ducked inside to turn off the alarm and drop her bag, then stood in the doorway, watching for my reaction.

  The Lynne Wesson movie. I'd forgotten all about it. Shit. "Two months?"

  She nodded. "The shooting schedule is going to be crazy, and I'm really going to need to immerse myself into character and try and avoid distractions…" She fidgeted with the doorknob a bit and crossed her arms across her chest. "Listen, Caid. What I'm trying to say, and doing a bad job of, is that I'm not going to be able to communicate much for the next two months. I know we just…started something here, but maybe it would be a good idea for us to put this on hold until I get back."

  Put this on hold? Was she freaking kidding me?

  I put my hands on my hips. "Are you're going to change your mind in two months? Have you changed your mind already? Is that what this is? A graceful way of backing away again?"

  "No, Caid. God no. Of course not," she said, obviously startled by my anger. "I just…"

  "Ah." I suddenly realized what the problem might be.

  She frowned. "What does 'ah' mean?"

  "It means I think I know why you're doing this. You're not going to change your mind, but you think I will. You still don't trust that this isn't just some fad for me, do you?"

  "No, that's not it, either." She uncrossed her arms to run a hand through her hair. "I'm not going to lie to you, Caid. Yes, I'm scared that once we get involved, you'll decide that it's not for you, and I'll end up hurt. I told you, though; I think it's worth the risk. What I'm talking about now has nothing to do with that." She sighed. "Look. I don't want to mess this up. I know this is new for you, and I don't want us to feel rushed because I'm leaving, and maybe we do something you're not ready for…"

  She was doing this because of me. She was concerned about me. I smiled, and stepped towards her. "Back up."

  "Wha…"


  "Robyn, back up. Into the house. I want to kiss you, and I don't think you want Liz or your neighbors to see that quite yet. And I don't want to give Perry and James a cheap thrill."

  She took two quick steps back, then another two to her left, so that she was out of the doorway. I followed her into the foyer and closed the door partway behind us before stepping in close and putting my hands on her waist.

  "Robyn." I kissed her gently. "I've been putting how I feel about you on hold for almost two years. I'm tired of it, and I really don't see the point. I appreciate your concern, but I'm a big girl, and I'm not going to get rushed into something I don't want, or something I'm not ready for." I kissed her again, wanting much more but keeping it light, mindful of the car full of people waiting for me outside.

  Her eyes fluttered open as I drew back, and she frowned. "What do you mean, almost two years? I haven't even known you for two years. We only met…"

  "September 14th, 2002," I interrupted matter-of-factly. "At ten twenty-three in the morning. You had on jeans, a rust-colored tank, and tennis shoes. You smiled and I nearly passed out." She blinked in surprise and I smiled slightly. "You're not the only one who started wanting that day. In fact, I wanted so much that I acted like a complete moron whenever you were around. Hence the giggling and saying really bizarre things."

  "Oh," she said faintly.

  "Now…" I nibbled at her lower lip. "Will I see you before you leave?"

  Her smile was slow and sweet. "You'd better."

  ##

  I stepped out onto the large wooden deck of Liz's Malibu beach home, taking a deep breath of moist ocean air. The sun was dipping low in the west, just kissing the watery expanse of Pacific that stretched to the horizon, turning the sky gold and the water a deep purple. The sound of the surf, gently breaking on the beach below, was soothing and I leaned against the deck railing with a sigh, resting pleasantly tired muscles and enjoying a bit of relaxation after a hectic day.

  Showing two college-aged men the exciting sights of greater Los Angeles had turned out to be a full-time job. Mann's Chinese Theater and Liz's star on the Walk of Fame, dinner at Spago's, clubbing on The Strip, and now a day at the beach with private surfing lessons…I was wiped, and we still had a movie premiere that I'd talked my way into tonight, and tomorrow a tour of the network studio and a couple hours on the set of a currently shooting movie before finally dropping them off at the airport for an afternoon flight back to Madison.

  Maybe after all that, I'd finally have a chance to see Robyn. I hadn't seen her in over twenty-four hours, and now that I'd felt what it was like to touch her, I couldn't wait for my next touch. But Robyn's pre-filming preparations and my hectic schedule with Perry and James were combining to make it very possible that we wouldn't see each other before she left, and that was frustrating the hell out of me.

  The sound of the door sliding open and closed behind me brought me out of my thoughts, and I glanced over as a glass was placed on the railing beside me.

  "I…uh…I asked Perry, and he said you liked scotch…" James said, picking nervously at the label of the bottle of beer in his hand.

  "I do," I said with a smile, picking up the glass and swirling it a few times before taking a sip. "Thanks, James."

  He watched me drink and, apparently satisfied that I did indeed like scotch, leaned against the railing and faced the water, mimicking my position. We leaned in silence for a few minutes, drinking and watching the sun dip lower. "It's beautiful here," he said eventually. "It was really nice of Liz to let us use it."

  "Yeah." I took in another deep lungful of air. "I love it here. I think she's crazy not to use it more. It's a great place to get away."

  "Is it…" he paused, and looked over at me, "is it like that a lot? All those photographers?"

  He was talking about the scene that greeted us when we returned to my house after dropping Robyn off the day before - a herd of photographers and news vans blocking my drive, surrounding the limo as we pulled up, making it nearly impossible for us to get to the house. Liz had offered the beach house immediately, knowing how much I hated that kind of attention.

  "No, it's not usually like that for me. It's just fallout from my supposed disappearance…it'll die down in a couple of days. It's like that for Liz, almost everywhere she goes, and for Robyn sometimes…but no, I don't usually rate that kind of attention."

  He glanced away when I looked over at him. "I don't know why," he said quietly. "You're just as pretty as they are."

  I laughed, but quieted quickly when I noticed his wounded expression. "Thank you, that's sweet of you to say."

  "Well it's true," he mumbled.

  I smiled and sipped at my drink. "You did great out there today - a real natural," I commented, wanting to change the subject. The day we'd just spent surfing seemed like a safe enough topic.

  He smiled shyly. "You too. You're really…uh…athletic. And you…um…look great in a swimsuit."

  Perhaps not such a safe topic after all. I think it was time to have a little talk with James about how he had absolutely no chance with his best friend's much older, probably a lesbian, sister.

  I put my drink on the rail and turned to face him, but before I could say anything, he quickly lunged forward and planted his lips on mine.

  To say I was startled would be an understatement, and it took me a moment to react. I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him away, annoyed that he tried something and annoyed with myself for not nipping this in the bud.

  "James, no," I said firmly. He cringed like a kicked puppy, and I stifled my annoyance with a sigh. "James, this is not happening."

  "But," he started.

  I shook my head, stopping him. "But nothing. You're a nice guy, James, but this isn't happening. I'm practically old enough to be your mother, for one thing, and honestly, you're not my type."

  "What is your type? I'm not tall enough? Not famous enough?" he asked, sulking now.

  I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Sometimes men were such babies. "I would hope you know me a little better than that, James. I'll tell you what my type isn't. It's not friends of my brother's who are barely twenty-one, okay?" This time I allowed a little of my annoyance to creep into my voice, and he slumped dejectedly against the rail. I softened my tone. "I'm sorry if I did something to give you a different impression…"

  He shook his head. "No, you didn't…I was just…" He shrugged. "I dunno…hoping, I guess."

  "I'm flattered, James. Truly. And some girl is going to be very lucky to get you someday."

  Ugh. Did I just say that? Cheesy, cheesy, cheesy. After school specials, here I come.

  "But not you, huh?" His tone was resigned.

  I smiled slightly. "No, not me."

  We both turned and watched the final rays of sun fade to purple, and the sun dip below the horizon. After a few minutes, I bumped him with my shoulder. "Piece of advice?"

  He glanced over. "Sure."

  "Next time, save the tongue for the second kiss."

  He looked embarrassed for a moment, but saw that I was smiling. He laughed and clinked his bottle against my glass. "I'll try to remember that."

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  "Come on, Caid, four more. That's it, three…you've got it. Two…and one more…alright, nice job!"

  Shawn plucked the twenty pound dumbbells from my hands as though they were toothpicks, smiling down at me with a practiced, encouraging smile. "Take a sixty second break and then we'll go for another fifteen."

  I groaned and let my arms dangle behind my head, arching my back over the exercise ball I was laying on top of for my tricep curls. "You're evil, you know that, right?"

  "That's what you pay me for." He smiled again, this time a little less professional and more genuine. "You're the one who wanted a last minute, butt-kicking workout. I'm just giving you what you wanted."

  "Well, I'm an idiot," I mumbled, and I raised my hands up to receive the dumbbells again, blowing out a few deep breaths before lowerin
g the weights behind my head slowly, and then raising them up again.

  I was on my tenth rep when the muffled tones of my cell phone interrupted my concentration, and I paused.

  "Oh no you don't. Five more, Caid, and then you can answer it," Shawn said, picking up the phone from where it sat on my towel and waving it enticingly in front of my face.

  I scowled, too breathless to call him all the names running through my mind, and pushed out five more reps as fast as I could, my arms shaking crazily on the last two. He finally handed me the phone after taking the weights from my hands, and after a moment of fumbling, I finally got the thing open.

  "Yeah," I gasped, closing my eyes and draping a sweaty arm across my face.