And Playing the Role of Herself...

by K E Lane

  After several moments, she withdrew her fingers and her arms circled me in a loose embrace. We lay without speaking as the thundering of her heartbeat beneath my ear returned to a steady thump-thump, and the rise and fall of her chest slowed to evenness; as the sweat dried on our skin and the rising sun cast ever changing shadows on the bedroom walls.

  It was a peaceful, blissful silence and I was loath to break it, but eventually the jangle of a ringing telephone broke the complacent stillness, the sound so incongruous after two days of quiet that it took my brain a moment to understand what it was.

  Robyn tensed underneath me and swore softly. She started to move but I shifted my weight, stopping her. "Don't."

  She sighed, and ran her hand up and down my back. "I'm sorry, baby, I have to. It must be something on the set…the only way I could talk Lynne into letting me have this weekend was if I let her know where I would be and promised to come in if they needed me. She's the only person I gave this number to."

  I slid off of her reluctantly and she climbed out of bed, giving me an rueful look before snagging a t-shirt - mine, I noticed - draped across the back of a chair and pulling it on as she trotted from the room.

  "Damn." I sighed and rolled onto my back, listening to the sounds of Robyn's voice,

  raised slightly in annoyance, in the next room. I doubted they'd be calling to chat about the weather…it looked like our little weekend was coming to an end even sooner than expected.

  I sighed again and rolled off the bed, annoyed to feel a twinge of relief at being given a reprieve from Robyn's reaction to telling her I loved her.

  Christ, I was such a chickenshit.

  A few minutes later, after using the bathroom and throwing on some clothes, I found Robyn out on the back deck, phone still in her hand, looking pensively out at the water.

  I walked up behind her and slipped an arm around her waist, brushing the hair from her neck with my other hand so I could kiss the soft skin below her ear. She turned her head and gave me a distracted smile, holding up the phone up. "Sorry."

  I put my other arm around her and rested my chin on her shoulder. "Now it's my turn to ask…when do you have to go?"

  "As soon as I can get there…they got a permit to shoot on-site in Key Largo but we've only got today."

  "Damn." I wasn't surprised, but I had hoped for a little more time. I kissed her cheek with a sigh and held her tighter. "Thank you for this weekend."

  She turned in my arms and ran both her hands through my hair. "Caid…" She stopped and looked at my face searchingly. I could see her struggle for words. Finally she looked away. "You're welcome. I had a great time."

  A great time.

  I'd used that exact phrasing to brush off a mediocre date more than once. I inwardly steeled myself, waiting for the "but…"

  It never came, but neither did the hoped for profession of love.

  Jeez Caid, what do you expect? A minute ago you were relieved to not know, and now you're frustrated?

  I hid my disappointment, and tugged her into the house. "Come on. Why don't you jump in the shower, and I'll fix you breakfast for a change."

  She smiled seductively and pulled me back towards her. "How about you join me in the shower, and we skip breakfast?" she murmured, laying a light line of kisses along my neck.

  I quashed my immediate reaction to her words and nearness, feeling a certain hollowness in her offer. My body was willing but at the moment, my heart just wasn't in it and I wasn't sure hers was, either.

  "We'd never make it out of the shower," I joked lightly in an attempt to ease the disappointment and confusion that flashed across her face as I pulled away. "You have a long day ahead of you and need to eat." I pointed to the hallway and pushed her gently in that direction. "Away with you."

  "Caid…" She frowned, her expression still betraying her confusion.

  "Go on." I tilted my head up and kissed her lightly on the forehead before pushing her towards the hallway again. "I'll have something ready for you when you get out."

  She hesitated a moment longer, staring at me intently, and then nodded slowly and walked past me and down the hall.

  I sighed and walked into the kitchen, taking stock of what kind of ingredients we had on hand to make breakfast. There were eggs and some left-over seafood mixture from Robyn's lasagna that would make a decent enough filling for an omelet, and french bread for toast…I nodded to myself and pulled the items out of the refrigerator.

  I rooted around in the cupboards and drawers for a skillet and a small mixing bowl, my movements getting slower and slower, until they stopped altogether.

  What in the hell was I doing?

  The woman I was in love with was naked in the shower, and I was about to make an omelet? I shook my head in disbelief. Robyn asked me to share the last of our time together making love, and I had said no.

  Caid, you are a dumbass.

  I put the food back into the refrigerator and walked down the hall, a smile building on my face until I entered the master bedroom and saw that Robyn wasn't naked in the shower at all. In fact, she was standing in the middle of the room, fully dressed, and apparently fully packed. The small duffel she had brought was slung over her shoulder, and she looked to be in the process of checking for any stray items she might have missed.

  I stopped abruptly in the doorway and stared at her stupidly. "Wha…what are you doing?"

  "Leaving," she said briskly, taking one last glance around.

  "But…you were showering…we were going to have breakfast…" I frowned in confusion. "Why are you leaving?"

  She hitched the bag higher on her shoulder, finally looking at me. It was then I realized how angry she was. "I won't be manipulated."

  That did not help my confusion at all. "What are you talking about? I'd never try to manipulate you."

  "That's what I thought, too, until a few minutes ago." She shook her head sadly. "I really thought you were different, Caid. Stupid of me."

  She moved towards the door and I stopped her with a hand on her chest. She gave the hand a look of distain that made me cringe, and looked at me coolly. "Get out of my way."

  "Not until you tell me what the hell I did wrong!" I was starting to get worry now; I'd been on the receiving end of that look before, the night at her house when she'd told me nothing could happen between us. It was cold and resolute, and just like that night, I had no idea how to counter it.

  "I won't let you use sex to manipulate me into saying what you want to hear. I enjoy you, Caid - I enjoy being with you. But sex is sex, and I can find it elsewhere. Remember that." She moved my hand and brushed past me roughly.

  I didn't stop her, too shaken by the thought that maybe she was right. Not about the sex is sex part; that was a bunch of crap. I knew whatever was between us was something special, and went much deeper than physical. But her accusation of my withholding sex because she hadn't told me what I wanted to hear…was that why I had refused her? As some kind of punishment for not returning my feelings?

  I thought back to what I'd been feeling and shook my head. No, that hadn't been the reason. I'd refused because it felt…wrong. Like…she was trying to distract me, to avoid having to discuss issues that needed to be discussed.

  She had been the one that tried to use sex to manipulate.

  My worry was displaced by anger, and I followed her into the living room, grabbing her arm and turning her around. "I told you I loved you, damnit, because I do. Very much. And I thought you should know. I'm not trying to manipulate you, regardless of what you think. I didn't, and still don't, expect anything from you except honesty."

  She glared at my hand but I continued to hold on to her - I wasn't finished. "Maybe you should take a look at your own behavior before you go accusing me of shit. I tell you I love you, and you don't want to deal with it, so what better way to distract me than to drag me off into the shower? You know the effect you have on me, and you tried to use it to your advantage. So don't give me righteous lecture
s about using sex as a weapon."

  She shrugged my hand off angrily and grabbed her purse and keys from the table. "The cleaning service comes at three - make sure you're gone by then. Leave the key in the mailbox," she told me icily, and stomped to the door.

  "Robyn." I had one more thing to address.

  To my surprise, she stopped at the door and turned back, her expression stony.

  She wouldn't be manipulated, but I wouldn't be threatened. "If you do find sex elsewhere…despite how much I love you, you'll never be with me that way again. I told you before that I don't like to share. Remember that."

  A muscle in her jaw twitched, and she stared at me for a long moment, and then she was gone.

  ##

  I thought - I hoped - that she would come back.

  I actually sat on the couch for another half an hour, hoping, but was finally forced to face the reality that Robyn's fight or flight tendencies were going to take a lot longer than a weekend to counteract. I wasn't giving up quite yet…we didn't get this far to allow a misunderstanding as stupid as this to tear us apart.

  I started planning my assault on Fortress Robyn as I changed into my running clothes, and as I set off down the hard-packed sand near the water, heading north and hoping the beaches connected for at least a few miles, my head was filled with nothing but thoughts of how I could get her to talk to me.

  I waved at a man with binoculars on the beach one house over; nodded sympathetically to a couple overseeing four children building sandcastles several houses after that, and patted a few friendly dogs on the public beach I ran onto that ended sooner than I'd hoped, but was far enough to make it worth the run.

  The run back went quickly, and once I'd gotten back to 'our' beach, I stood for a long time, looking out at the water, remembering what an amazing weekend it had been, and vowing to do everything in my power to make it happen again.

  I eventually started towards the house, but stopped when I saw the man with binoculars from next door climbing slowly over the rise between the houses, struggling in the deep sand with a walking stick and a pronounced limp. He looked to be in his sixties, with a wide brimmed hat and Bermuda shorts that seemed to be the uniform of the older tourists in the area.

  Curious as to what his mission was, and wondering if I could somehow help in his struggle through the sand, I started towards him.

  "Hi." I called out, receiving no response, just resolute progress over the rise and onto the beach in my general direction. When I got closer, his face finally lifted to meet mine and I realized he wasn't as old as I thought - late forties, maybe - with pale blue eyes that stared at me with an intensity that made me uneasy.

  "Hi," I said again when I was within a few yards. "Can I help you with something?"

  He stopped and smiled, watching me approach. "As a matter of fact, you can."

  If I hadn't had other things on my mind, if I'd been in the city, if I'd been expecting trouble…maybe things would have gone differently. As it was, I smiled expectantly, and watched as he flipped the walking stick into the air, caught it in both hands, and swung.

  I realized what was coming at the last second - not nearly enough time to dodge the swing or even get my arm up in defense. Pain exploded in my head as the stick struck me across the jaw, spinning me around and sending me stumbling across the deep sand and dropping to my hands and knees.

  What the…stunned from the blow, I stared dumbly at the blood on the sand beneath me, unable to comprehend what was happening. Another blow came down hard on my back and I hissed as pain shot from the point of impact and down my legs.

  That can't be good.

  A foot in my stomach knocked the wind from my lungs and I collapsed onto the sand as he kicked a few more times and took a few more swings with the stick.

  All six of the main cast members of 9th Precinct had gone through a modified police academy curriculum, with self-defense and subduing techniques a large part of the training. I'd been good at it, and confident that I could use the knowledge if the need arose in real life, but none of that training had prepared me for the violence of this attack; it had been too swift; too unexpected. The only thought in my mind was to get away.

  I rolled onto my stomach and struggled clumsily in an attempt to get back to my hands and knees, but a hand yanked my head back by the hair, and I stared into wild, feverish eyes.

  "I saw you with her. I saw you touch her, you filthy bitch. You're sick! I saw you touch her! She's mine!"

  He punched the side of my face, driving it into the sand. My vision blurred, and my face throbbed.

  Thank god Robyn left…it was the last thought to flit through my brain before another blow struck hard across the back of my head, and then…nothing.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  So much noise…so many voices…and pain…

  "Caid, baby, stay with me. Damnit, don't you leave me…" The frantic voice came from far away - it was familiar, I knew the raspy tones, wanted to respond…

  "…need to load her in the ambulance now, ma'am…"

  My body jolted and pain erupted in my head. I slipped back into blackness.

  ##

  "…nurse, I specifically said family only. Why is this…woman…still here? Call security, right now."

  The loud, unwelcome voice pulled me groggily from unconsciousness.

  Who… The voice was familiar. Sebastian?

  My mind slowly came back into the land of the living and once it did, all I wanted to do was to go back to nice, pain-free darkness.

  God, I hurt. And I was so, so tired.

  "Mr. Harris…calm down. I'm sure we can work something out," an unfamiliar female voice spoke soothingly. I could have told her that wouldn't do any damn good - Sebastian always got his way.

  I kept my eyes shut, cataloging the hurts. The pain in my head was excruciating…nauseating. It made it hard to think, hard to hear, hard to breath. And other areas of my body were chiming in on the pain meter, too. My lower back, my stomach, my left wrist…I winced, and the movement brought a whole new set of aches to my attention - my nose, cheek, and jaw felt painfully swollen.

  What happened? Why…

  "Go ahead and call security. I'm not going anywhere." The voice was low and husky, tinged with irritation.

  Robyn.

  I wanted to giggle. No one talked to my brother like that.

  At the sound of her voice, the throbbing in my head eased to a somewhat tolerable level and I let my eyes flutter open a little, finally finding something in this situation worth sticking around for. Bright light and colors hit sensitive eyes and I shut them again as my stomach roiled. After a moment, I took a shallow breath and tried again. When my head didn't explode, and my need to hurl up whatever might be in my stomach passed, I opened them wider. Or at least as wide as I could, since I could feel that one was nearly swollen shut.

  Christ, what had happened to me?

  The blurred images around me gradually gained focus and I stared in dazed bewilderment at my surroundings. I was in a long room - a very white room - and weak light streamed through several narrow windows. On either side of me, stacks of instruments and machines beeped and pinged regularly, and a pale blue curtain stretched across the space to my left, bunched on a ceiling rail towards the end of the bed. My eyes dropped to my arms and I felt my brow furrow in confusion. My left wrist - the one that ached - was wrapped in some kind of splint and there was an IV line running out of the back of my other hand and something clipped to my finger.

  Hospital. Something happened… I tried to get my brain to work, to piece together what was going on, but couldn't make any sense of the jumble, and trying made the pain in my head worse.

  I shifted my gaze and focused on the man speaking across the room. Sebastian. My brother. This I remembered, but not why he was here. His dark hair was beginning to gray at the temples, but the square, strong jaw, thin, pinched mouth and intense green eyes were the same. He stood stiff with anger and outrage, glaring down at a da
rk-haired woman slumped in a chair.