Stiff_A Graves Family Romance

by Kim Linwood

  No such luck. She turns her head. “Oh yeah, that’s going to go really well.”

  “Look, it’s better than the cops finding us. At least he doesn’t have little kids and isn’t past retirement age. If you have any better suggestions, now’s a good time.”

  Zoe snorts. “Well, if you were trying to scare him off, this is a good way to do it.”

  I roll my eyes, pull out my phone and tap his contact. Taking a deep breath, I prepare for one of the most humiliating phone calls of my life.

  It rings a few times, and for a second I’m almost relieved that he isn’t answering, then there’s a click and my stomach drops.

  19

  Carter

  “Hello?” I wipe a hand across my bleary eyes to read the clock by my hotel bed. Who the hell calls at four thirty in the fucking morning?

  “Carter?” The voice is familiar, but I’m used to it angry, frustrated and occasionally passionate. Nervous and scared is new, and I don’t fucking like it.

  I sit up in a flash, the bedspread pooling around my waist. “Sadie, are you alright? What’s going on?”

  “I’m okay. Sort of…” She hesitates, and I can almost picture the look on her face. There’s no way she’d call me at this hour if it wasn’t important. “We’re kind of… stuck.”

  This makes no fucking sense. “What do you mean, stuck? What’s going on? Who are you with?”

  “Do you remember your billboard?” she asks with a shy, pained voice.

  “That again? Please tell me you’re not calling at this hour to go over that one more time.”

  “No!” She sighs. “No, not exactly. Zoe and I, we… Well, you’ll see soon enough, but long story short, we’re stuck on it.”

  “Stuck… on it?” Maybe I’m not quite awake, because she’s still not making any sense. What the hell have they done?

  “Yeah. Um… listen, what’s important right now is that we climbed up, but when we tried to get back down… well, the ladder collapsed.”

  “Collapsed?” My heart squeezes uncomfortably and I swing my legs out of bed, reaching for my discarded jeans. “You’re alright, though, right?”

  “Physically, yeah. But stuck.”

  I really shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. I laugh. The idea of them trapped up on a billboard under my giant grinning face is so fucking random that I can’t hold it in.

  “Would you stop laughing? We’re literally stuck up here. If someone finds us, we’re going to be in a lot of trouble. Like, make bail kind of trouble.”

  “That’s a little melodramatic, don’t you think? You’re trespassing on a cheap-ass sign in the middle of nowhere. I should really just leave you there. What the hell are you doing there anyway?” I won’t, of course, but it would be amusing to read about it in the next edition of the local paper.

  “Just come get us. Please?” she begs. “Bring your longest ladder.”

  Right, like I brought one from Philly. “I’ve got an ironing board, a remote that’s chained to the table and a coffee machine I wouldn’t use if they paid me. Ladders don’t exactly come standard with check-in at the hotel.”

  “We know that.” Something that sounds suspiciously like ‘idiot’ gets mumbled on her end.

  Zoe chimes in from the background. “There’s one at the parlor, around the back. It’s behind the bushes.”

  “All right. I can work with that. I’ll get there as soon as I can. You two just hang in there.”

  “Hah hah. You’re hilarious.” There’s the smart-mouthed girl I know and love.

  Fifteen minutes later, I’m slightly more awake and driving towards the highway with an aluminum ladder strapped to the roof of my car on the bike rack. They’re lucky it was right where Zoe said it would be, because otherwise I’d probably be the one that needed bailing out for lurking around the parlor in the middle of the night.

  A short while later, the billboard comes into view with two vaguely human-shaped lumps crouched down beneath it on the platform. Even if I didn’t know they were up there, the ridiculous looking hearse would be a dead giveaway.

  Fuck, that is high up. Hopefully the ladder is long enough.

  They start waving as soon as they see me. I pull over, parking next to the hearse and pulling the ladder off my roof.

  Sadie jumps to her feet as I approach. “Carter. Thank God. Hurry.”

  I look around. A couple of cars drive by, the early risers, but no one’s paying much attention, other than a glance or two. No one who has to go to work at this hour is going to be interested in anything other than making it to the office without falling asleep.

  So what are they doing up there, anyw—oh. I blame my concern and the hour that I somehow didn’t notice it until now, because holy shit. How do I describe it? Clown goth? Juggalo with a hint of eighties glam? Definitely vandalism of Graves property. For once, I’m fucking speechless.

  “Um… we can explain,” Zoe tries.

  I take a few steps to the side to get a better view. It doesn’t get any prettier. I should be furious. It’s no secret that Sadie hates this billboard, but the thing costs money. Not to mention that they’ve put themselves in danger. If either of them had gone down with that ladder, well… shit, that’s a high drop.

  “I’m sorry? Really, really sorry?” For once, Sadie is meek.

  “What the fuck were the two of you thinking?”

  “We’re sorry! I swear. It was dumb, okay?” Sounding almost in tears, Sadie grips the railing and looks at me miserably. “Please, just get us down from here.”

  “You’ve insulted me, you’ve vandalized Graves property, and you could’ve gotten hurt. Seriously hurt.”

  They both look away, unwilling to meet my gaze. One of them sniffles, but I can’t tell which one from down here.

  “But worst of all, you’ve insulted my dentist.”

  It takes a moment before their heads snap up so they can look at me in confusion.

  “Look at these teeth.” I grin briefly. “They’re perfect. I’ve spent a good amount of money to make sure they are, and my dentist is good. The best. And here you’ve made it look like I’ve lost several. Do you know how heartbroken he would be if he saw this?”

  The girls blink at me, and I just can’t hold it in anymore. I laugh. This is so ridiculous that I can’t bring myself to be mad. Not really.

  “Other than that, I suppose the look is a… um, a bold suggestion. It’s got a certain… je ne sais quoi.”

  Sadie is the first to recover. “Would you just shut up and get us down from here? Leave the critique for later.” Sadie doesn’t look amused.

  Too bad. “Oh, I’m sorry. If you don’t like my opinion I’ll just take this ladder and—” I only make it as far as turning around before they’re pleading for me to stop. “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

  I set down the ladder and start raising the extension until it’s touching the edge of the platform. It barely makes it, but it’s high enough to sit securely. “All right. One at a time. I’ll hold the bottom, but it’s a long way down.”

  Zoe’s the first one over the railing. As soon as her feet are on the ladder, her usual spunk vanishes. “Oh God. It’s swaying. I’m totally going to die.”

  “You’ll be fine. I’ve got it.”

  “Excuse me for having a sudden distrust of ladders.” Still, after a moment of white-knuckled terror, she puts down one foot after the other while hugging the ladder like a baby monkey until she reaches the bottom. She gives me an embarrassed look. “Thanks.”

  “All part of the service, ma’am,” I say with an imaginary tip of my hat. Then I look back up towards Sadie. “All right, you’re good to go. I’ve got it.”

  She peeks over the edge, her face beet red. “Maybe I’m better off just staying up here.”

  “No way,” I call with a laugh. “I came all the way out here in the middle of the fucking night to rescue you, and I’m not leaving before I’ve done so. If necessary, I’ll climb up there and bring you down over my sho
ulder.”

  “You wouldn’t!”

  “Try me.” I put my foot on the bottom rung. “I don’t have all night, so get that troublesome ass down here or I’ll go up and spank it.”

  Zoe snorts next to me. “Are you trying to get her down? Or convince her to stay?”

  “What?” I was kidding, but now I know what I’ll be thinking about as she climbs down.

  “I can hear you guys, you know,” Sadie grumbles from above.

  “Doesn’t really matter since you’ve decided to abandon your job and live in the trees. So are you coming or not?”

  Her sigh is audible all the way down. “Fine. Just hold the damn ladder.”

  “I’ve got it.”

  Unlike her friend, Sadie scoots down like this is all in a day’s work. The only clue to how stressed she is, is the shiver of relief that runs through her when both feet are on the ground again. “Thank you,” she says quietly, sending me a reluctantly grateful look. It probably killed her to say it, but I find it adorable.

  “Man, if I knew that was all it would take to earn your gratitude, I’d have stranded you on top of a billboard the first day.”

  “Can we get out of here?” Zoe looks around anxiously. “We’re lucky that no one’s stopped yet, but the longer we stick around, the more likely someone will. And with our luck, it’ll be Deputy Ron and you know how he gets. Any hint of trouble and he’ll be out here pretending he’s starring in America’s Most Wanted.”

  I keep my eyes on Sadie. “Sounds like a plan. Can you two get the ladder to the parlor? I could use a trip back to the hotel to shower. Unless you want to join me, Sadie? There’s room for two, and the offer for a spanking is still on the table.”

  “Sorry, hard pass. You just want an excuse to take my pants off.” She takes a step back and gives me a rueful smile. In the background, Zoe’s already putting the ladder in the back of her crazy hearse.

  “Damn right I do.” I take a step closer, keeping my voice low so only she can hear. “I want to peel those tight jeans right off your luscious ass, then tear off your shirt and push you down onto my bed.”

  Her breath hitches, but she backs up again, towards their car. “I… um… I’ve got a meeting in the morning, and I need to get home and try to get a little beauty sleep.”

  She says that, but the way her eyes are looking me up and down, and the way her voice has gone all husky, doesn’t leave me convinced that that’s what she really wants.

  I take another step to close the distance again. “I have a king sized bed back in my room. Can’t guarantee you’ll get any rest, but you’re always beautiful, sleep or not. Just think about it. You know I have talented fingers. I’ll make you sing, then I’ll make you scream.” She backs right into the hearse and I follow, surrounding her with my arms. “We were interrupted at the hospital. Aren’t you curious to see what it would be like?”

  Her breath comes quickly, making her breasts heave up and down. Her tongue flicks out to wet her lips nervously, but I hear the click of the door handle as she reaches behind her back. “Carter, stop tempting me, okay? This is my job, and there’s a client coming in.”

  I nuzzle her neck, in the sensitive patch of skin right near her ear. “Can’t Zoe handle it? Come on. Come back with me.”

  It was the wrong thing to say.

  She gives herself a little shake and pushes me gently away. “You’ve never seen Zoe with a client, have you? Diplomacy and people skills aren’t her forté.” She softens her words with a smile, lighting up the night, and giving me a glimpse of naughty in her eyes but shaking her head. “And I’m not ready to just go to bed with you either.”

  With a soft chuckle, I concede. “Fine. I suppose you have a right to be responsible. It’s a future Graves asset we’re talking about here anyway.”

  “That’s right, and you’re very protective of those.” She grins.

  “Fair enough. But I’m heading back to Philly later and I’m taking a kiss with me as collateral.”

  For a moment, she looks unsure, but then she raises her chin and closes her eyes, which is all the invitation I need. I lean in and press my lips against hers while I wrap my hands around her waist. She’s so fucking soft, and she tastes so damn sweet. Her arms clutch around my neck as I press her against the side of her car. I shift, settling between her legs and Sadie moans approvingly.

  “All aboard the getaway express!” Zoe calls out, knocking on the window with a reminder that we’re not as alone as we’d like to be.

  Sadie pats me on the arm. “We’ll talk at the trade show.”

  “Fine. Get home safe, okay?”

  She gets in Zoe’s car and rolls down the window. “Will do. Good night.”

  I nod.

  “And thanks for saving us. Honest, I thought we were screwed.”

  “Just part of the Graves package. The only one allowed to screw you is me,” I say with a wink.

  “Goof,” she laughs, then Zoe revs the engine one more time before she drops it into drive. The hearse peels off the shoulder, leaving faint tire marks in its wake.

  I follow their taillights with my eyes until they’re completely gone. With a yawn, I walk back to my car, shaking my head.

  20

  Sadie

  “Good news, Sadie!” Mom chirps into my ear as I sort through what we’re taking to the show. The cavernous garage is becoming more and more like that warehouse at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Boxes everywhere, nothing labeled. I close up another box of plastic carnations while balancing the phone precariously between my shoulder and ear. “Your Dad’s off the hook!”

  “What?”

  “Turns out there was a manufacturing recall on the brake. The insurance company’s still working out the details, but they think they’ll be able to eventually recoup most of the cost of the damages.”

  “Oh thank God. That’s amazing.” A huge weight lifts from my shoulders. It doesn’t exactly solve my situation, but it does make it seem a lot less critical. “So that means you guys have learned your lesson and you’re going to sell that scrap heap and come back, right?”

  She laughs so hard I pull the phone from my ear and glare at it until the cackling stops. “I love you dearly, my only child, but not a chance. We’re renting a place while the RV gets fixed back up, and once that’s done, I think we’re going to go explore the west coast.”

  Ah well, it was worth a shot.

  “Try not to cause any more major disasters if you can, okay? When the big one hits California, I want to be able to think you guys didn’t have anything to do with it. I’m having a hard enough time dealing with my own craziness.”

  “Aw, hun. Are you doing alright? I know we dropped this sale on you kind of suddenly, but your father wanted the final call to be yours. It’s our business, but it’s your future. If you want it.”

  I sigh and sit on a box of promotional pamphlets. “I’m okay, I guess. I think the sale might actually be good for us in the long run, but I feel so out of my league. How will I know I’ve made the right decision?”

  “Look deep. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, kiddo, but sometimes you need to pay attention to your gut, as well. Do they seem like good people?”

  I think about how much Carter drives me crazy, but also how he brought me flowers, and drove out to save my butt in the middle of the night. “Yeah. They’re definitely big business compared to us, but yeah. He’s a good guy.”

  “He?”

  “They. They’re a good gu—uh, corporation.”

  Mom chuckles, there’s no way she didn’t notice that slip. “Look at the numbers. We wouldn’t have left you with this if we didn’t think you understood the financial side of things, but it’s not all about them. Ask yourself this, which feels more interesting? Taking on the business and building it up alone? Or joining forces with Graves and pushing things even further? Not to mention, which choice would leave your parents living the lifestyle to which they’d like to become accustomed?”

&n
bsp; “I think your bias is slipping through,” I tease.

  “Maybe. Your father is rubbing off on me. But honey, if you really wanted to do this yourself, it wouldn’t matter. You’d know that was the right answer for you and you wouldn’t care about my opinion.”

  “Has anyone told you you’re smart lately?”

  “Your father, when I looked up the manufacturing information. I made the dealership certify on paper every inch of that monster before we drove it off the lot. Otherwise we’d probably still be sitting with the bill.”

  Having dealt with that side of my mother more than once, I grin at the thought of the poor salesman who probably thought she’d be a pushover. “I miss you guys.”

  “We miss you, too, but you’d miss us less if you followed us on Instagram and YouTube. Our channel is starting to pick up.”

  “I do!” Mental note: check to make sure my parents aren’t going totally off the rails for likes.

  We chat a little more about day-to-day stuff and then say goodbye. I still wish they were around for me to bounce my thoughts off of, but I feel a lot better knowing they probably aren’t dodging arrest warrants in Florida, and we aren’t hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. Now I can go back to concentrating on getting ready for the trade show.

  Once everything’s sorted, Zoe comes out to help me lug the crates we need into the back of the hearse. It’s a little tasteless to use it for transport, maybe, but we don’t have a van, so it’ll have to do. Wiping her brow with the back of her hand, she looks at me with a tired expression. “Where the hell are Arthur and Frank? Isn’t heavy lifting the reason we keep them around?”

  “You’d think, right?”

  I brush dust off my shirt. We need all this publicity material exactly once a year, for the Burke Funeral Home Trade Show. Leaflets, price sheets and pens with a little floating hearse that can drive back and forth in front of a background of Main Street. Yeah, it’s that cheesy, but those pens go like hotcakes. The rest of the time, the boxes sit here in the garage.