Once our lips meet, our movements become more desperate, our need building to the breaking point. Through the fog of my need, I tenderly make sure Selene is ready. Her eyes closed, lips slightly parted, I watch her face for a brief moment. She is so beautiful.
“Selene, look at me,” I tell her. “I need you to tell me to stop if I’m hurting you. Do you understand?” She gives a slight nod, her eyes glassed over with desire. “I love you.”
My gaze never leave hers as I ease into her until we intimately become one. I wait for her, although my body is screaming for me to take what it needs. This isn’t about me; this is about us. Selene closes her eyes briefly before opening them again. Without saying a word, she gradually begins to move beneath me, letting me know she wants more. Soon we find our rhythm, and all my wants become entwined with hers.
I want her to know she owns every part of me. I need her to know she is everything. My everything.
Selene
WE HOLD ONTO ONE ANOTHER for so long. Although my arms tingle from exhaustion, I can’t let go. His arms wrap around me tighter, pulling me close. Releasing a heavy sigh, I relax further into him. This is all I need, just me and Drake. Together.
“I love you,” he whispers. I feel myself smile.
“I love you, too,” I whisper back, closing my eyes.
Drake
ONLY THE SOUNDS OF THE night surround us. I can feel our hearts beating to the same rhythm. It strikes me I’ve always been intended for this—for her. I believe it more than I believe in anything else.
In a quiet, sleepy voice, she asks, “Drake, do you think it’s possible there are two people in the world who could love one another the way we do?”
The idea seems a bit silly, but Selene is being serious. Humor creeps slowly across my face.
“I don’t know,” I say quietly. “I would like to think so.”
Silence lingers between us before she clears her throat. Her voice is a little wobbly when she speaks again.
“I don’t know either, Drake, but I do know I can only love you. It hasn’t been easy getting here. You’re worth it. All the pain. All the heartache. All the confusion. Every frustration. Every mistake. Every setback. You’re worth every moment that has led me to loving you.”
“I don’t know what other people feel. I don’t know the future, but I do know I want you in mine. I only know the way I love you.”
I bury my face into the side of her neck, placing a soft kiss against her skin. At a loss for words, I place another tender kiss on her shoulder.
The future I want feels possible. We feel possible, and together, we can have anything we want.
Drake
I STARE AT IT. THE white envelope sitting on top of my desk, my name typed neatly across the front. It holds the fate of where my future begins. Selene received hers a week ago. We were both excited, rushed to find mine, and concluded that one had not come. She had been accepted to the University of Texas; she’ll attend no matter what. She’ll go, begin there, even if it’s without me. I made her promise. I’ve already been accepted to my second and third choices. I’ll go to one of them if it comes to that. She made me promise.
When I first notice the envelope, I thought about calling her so she could be here to open it with me. Then I realized I didn’t want to see the look in her eyes if the letter doesn’t contain the response we are looking for.
Trembling, I pick up the envelope and slowly tear it open. Unfolding the letter, my eyes begin to run across the words. Dear Mr. Thomas, Congratulations! I’m pleased to inform you that you’ve been accepted to the University of Texas, Austin…
The breath I’d been holding comes out in a rush. The relief and happiness feel so good.
Picking up the phone, I dial her number. It rings until her voicemail picks up. “Selene, I don’t know where you are, but I’m headed to your house!” I say, unable to hide the excitement in my voice. “You’re cute little ass better be there and ready to celebrate!” Hanging up the phone, I grab my coat and dash down the stairs.
Just as my hand covers the knob, I hear her cold voice behind me. As usual, it’s filled with a hostility that leaves me paralyzed. It’s been months since we had a real confrontation. In fact, both of my parents have left me alone, for the most part. My dad only inquires about my days and, occasionally, Selene. It seems like he is trying, which is more than he has ever done in the past. Mom has just stayed away, or maybe I’ve been better at avoiding her. How does she do it? She always knows when I’m at my happiest and hunts me down to take it all away.
“You’re an idiot if you think I’ll pay for school just so you can be with her,” she states so calmly I’m almost fooled into feeling safe. I don’t move. I don’t say a word. “I know you got an acceptance letter. I know you’ve been waiting just so you can go chase that girl. You’re pathetic!” she hisses at me.
Her heels click as she walks toward me, stopping just behind me. Slowly, I turn to face her. My face is hard and neutral, although I’m not sure I can hide the hatred I feel for her behind the mask I’ve perfected over the years any longer.
“Pathetic!” she yells again. I try not to flinch. Seeing the look on her face, I recognize her next move. I close my eyes and wait.
When nothing happens, only the sound of a tiny whimper, I gradually open my eyes one at a time. I’ll never forget this moment for as long as I live. My father is standing next to my mother, her small wrist caught in his broad grasp, slightly twisted, and a look of pain on both of their faces.
“Claire, you will never touch our son in anger or violence again.” Her eyes are wide with shock.
For the first time in my life, my dad has interfered in my mother’s wrath.
“This has never been about Drake or Lacey. The way your life turned out was never their fault. I’ve stood by for years, pretending to not see what you’ve been doing to them. Making excuses. Being a coward. No more!” His face is red now. “I will not hesitate to have you arrested if you so much as look at him wrong. It’s time to stop this. I’ll no longer ignore your abuse. Drake deserves to be happy, to have whatever future he wants, with whomever he wants.” I’m still frozen in place, watching my mother’s face crumble and my father’s hold steady. “This is over. Drake, go tell your news to Selene.”
I only nod. There are no words for what I’m feeling, but I know I want to be with Selene.
“Oh, and Drake…I’m proud of you. Congratulations,” he adds.
This is all too much. I need to leave. There is life in my dad, after all. It’s a good feeling. This moment is something I’ve always wanted but never realized I needed. Someone to stand up for me so I could walk away.
When I get out of my truck, I look up at the house to see Selene running toward me. As she reaches me, Selene jumps and throws her arms around me. I catch her quickly and laugh as I twirl her around. Sure, we may look silly, but I don’t care. Loving her doesn’t feel silly, and I’m happy. Selene is happy, and this is something so rare we deserve our cheesy love-story moment. I don’t even care if my guy card is revoked because, fuck, I love this girl! I need her more than I need my next breath. The best part is she loves me, too. There isn’t anything standing in our way.
As I twirl her, she pulls back and shouts, “You got in, didn’t you!” I see tears in her eyes, and for once I’m not worried they are tears of hurt. I nod at her and press my lips against hers. I’m not sure how long I hold her in my arms and we kiss, but when I finally set her down, we are both laughing again.
I love seeing this look on her face. It’s one I’m confident she only shares with me. “See, we had nothing to worry about!” I tell her, although if I’m honest, I was never as sure as I let her believe I was. Selene and I weren’t known for things going right or being easy for us. I’m not sure if it’s the letter, what happened with my parents, or both, but I think things may go our way for the first time. Selene takes my hand, pulls it up to her mouth, and places a kiss on my palm.
“You
were right. I’m so glad you were right.” Again, I’m overcome by the love I feel for this girl standing before me.
We walk slowly, hand-in-hand, to the porch and sit together talking and sharing our dreams of what is beyond graduation for us. I don’t think of what happened at my house before. I will tell her another day. Right now, I just want to be with her because she is the only thing that actually matters when I think beyond tomorrow.
It’s late when I quietly open the door and tiptoe into the kitchen. Flipping the light on, I’m startled to find my dad sitting at the bar in the dark. His head is tilted down as he holds a mug to his lips. It’s strange for me to see him sitting here alone, almost as if he were waiting for me, which he has never done before.
He looks up at me, and again a sad look is in place on his face.
“Hey,” I whisper, unable to make direct eye contact with him. I go to the refrigerator and take out a bottle of water.
Finally, he says, “I—I’ve been waiting for you.”
I pause mid-drink and look over at him. I think this might be the first time I’ve really looked at him. The crow’s feet around his eyes, the shadows under them, and the slight graying at his temples. For the first time, I’m noticing the sad and broken look in my father, a man who holds power and respect in our sleepy little town. I frown. No one knows him. It isn’t just me who doesn’t know the man sitting before me. It’s his own wife, his parents, and every individual who voted for him in every election for the last ten years. It’s sad.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t feel sorry for him as a son whose father sat by and ignored his children who were being abused and hurt. I don’t feel sorry for the man who allowed people to cover up family secrets to protect its name at the expense of others. He was wrong for so many reasons, for so long. But I do find myself wanting to get to know him. I feel a desire rising in me to learn about what made him finally stand in between my mother and me. When I look at him, yeah, I realize I don’t know him, but I know I want to give him a chance to make things right in the future. The past is impossible to make right for so many reasons, but that is just it. The past is in the past. I need to move forward, to forgive completely, if I want ever to give Selene the kind of future she deserves. It always comes back to Selene. Always will.
Slowly, I walk over and take a seat on the stool next to his. “Thank you,” I say after a moment. I don’t look at him, but I can feel his gaze shift to me.
“You’re thanking me?” He sounds surprised. I can tell he is actually confused by my words.
Looking up, I repeat myself. “Yeah, thank you.”
Shaking his head, he stutters, “I—I don’t understand why you’re thanking me. I failed you. I’ve never done one thing for you or your sister in all of your life.” I watch as a tear slips down his unshaven cheek.
“Dad, I can’t argue with you there, but it doesn’t matter now.” I reach over and lay my hand on his hand, which is resting on the counter. “But you did stop her tonight, and that matters. So thank you for finally waking up and caring enough to interfere.”
Before I know what is happening, he takes my hand and pulls me toward him into a hard embrace. At first, I’m stiff and awkward. I can’t remember a time he has ever hugged me, not even when I was a little kid. Finally, I relax a little and hug him back. I didn’t even realize I needed this too. I’ve missed this, which is funny to think because how can you miss something that you never had? His words clouded by emotion, he says, “I promise to try. I promise you, Drake, I’ll try better in the future.”
When we pull apart, I look at him. His smile doesn’t seem so sad anymore, and the shadows appear a little lighter.
“I’d really like that, Dad,” I say, and I really mean it. I can see the relief in his eyes. “I think I’m going to head to bed.”
The emotions surrounding me right now are beginning to feel suffocating. I’m not use to this with him, and it’s uncomfortable. Standing up, I turn to leave. Just as I reach the entryway, he says my name.
“Drake?” I pause and turn back to him. He is standing now too. “She’s gone. Your mother, I asked her to leave. I told her to never contact you, that if you wanted to ever talk to her, you’d call her.” I stare at him, unbelieving. “I just wanted you to be aware so you know I mean what I said. I know it’s late, but I’ll do whatever it takes to protect you from here on out.” I don’t know what to say, so I just nod my head and leave him standing in the kitchen alone.
I walk as quietly as possible up the stairs. Halfway up, I realize I have no reason to be worried she might hear me. She isn’t here. She is gone. Suddenly, I take the stairs two at a time and run into my room. I fall back on my bed. I woke up today without any knowledge this was the day my life would change. The rush of relief and lack of fear fills me. I can finally breathe and know nothing can hold me back any longer. The future and Selene are the only things I have to think about now. My eyes close, and I sleep soundly for the first time in…ever.
Selene
IT HAS BEEN FOUR WEEKS since Drake’s mother left. It’s been weeks of moving on. It’s been days filled with comfort and ease. The changes in him have been everything I could have ever wished for him. Drake and his Dad have begun to mend also. The idea everything will turn out alright is so promising I have to remind myself I’m not dreaming, especially now as I hold this unopened envelope to my chest.
The beat of my heart is knocking so hard against my rib cage I’m sure it can be heard miles away. Sitting here on the window seat in my bedroom, I stare down at all the cypress trees lining the river, trying to work up the courage to open it.
When I found it lying on the small table in the foyer, I had to literally put my hand out against the wall to steady myself. There has been very infrequent communication from my dad, not a word since he dropped me off that day last summer. In fact, I can’t even remember the last time we spoke. I left him messages every once in a while, but there was never a return call. I really didn’t expect one, if I’m honest with myself. I know how he feels about me, even if I don’t understand why. And there it is. The why part is the reason I hesitate to open this envelope.
Although it’s small, I’m nervous what it holds is bigger than I will be able to handle.
I let the curtain fall back into place. Drawing in a deep breath, my trembling hands hold the envelope as I slowly slide the letter opener to break the seal. Unfolding the letter, I immediately recognize his handwriting. I always thought it was so elegant for a man.
Dear Selene,
I’m not really sure where to begin. The only way is probably to just get right to the point. I’d like to say I’m sorry for leaving you at Vi’s that day during a time a father should be there for his daughter. But I’ve never been a father.
It has taken too much time for me to see I’ve always blamed you. I just loved your mom so much. I loved her from the first moment I saw her. I think she loved me, but I just never believed it was enough. I knew she was in love with someone else, too. I thought I could make her forget about him. I tried. I tried so damn hard. I wanted her all for myself. Then she got pregnant with you. The day she told me, I was shocked but happy. I saw this as my opportunity to win her completely. She would love only me. I could tell her heart broke a little when the realization we were having a baby together meant her chance with him was gone. We were young and both so conflicted. She disappeared for two weeks after that, and finally Vi confessed she was there and just needed time to get things in order. She needed to clear up some loose ends. I knew what she meant, so I waited. Your mother came back, and everything seemed to come together for us. She wasn’t distant. In fact, things were better than ever. We grew closer as you grew inside of her. It all seemed perfect…magical. I had all of her attention and love, and that was all I had ever wanted. When you were born and I walked into the room, I watched as your mother held you. Her eyes never left your face, and I could see you were her world now, and she loved you more than her own life. She neve
r even noticed me walk in. In that very moment, something changed in me. I realized I’d lost her again. She was no longer mine and mine alone. God, I know this sounds selfish, but I couldn’t look at you. You stole her from me, and I only wanted her. I’m not sure why I’m telling you all of this. I wanted you to know why I never opened to you.
One night a few weeks ago, I had a dream about your mother. She was angry with me because I let you go. Because I never showed you one ounce of affection. Just before I woke up, she whispered, “She is a part of me…and you. She isn’t what came between us, but what brought us together.” I woke in a cold sweat, crying. I cried for the first time since your mother died, but I wasn’t crying for her. I was crying for you. I was crying for all the years I made you feel unloved and unwanted. I cried for all the time lost. I cried for every moment I should’ve been your father.
I know you may not ever forgive me. I know you may hate me. But I needed you to know what I was thinking, and I’m so, so sorry. I hope one day you can give me the chance to know you and to love you.
Dad
I reread the last sentence over and over as the tears stream down my face until my vision blurs and I can’t hold my head up any longer. Releasing the letter, I let it float to the floor as I curl up into a ball on the window seat, broken hearted and aching until I cry myself to sleep.
When I open my eyes, I’m surrounded by darkness, only the dim glow of the moonlight shining through the window. I blink a few times to focus, feeling a little disoriented. Wondering what time it is, I search for my cell phone. Finally, finding it on the floor next to me, I check the time. It’s seven forty-five, and I notice I have several missed calls from Drake. The last missed call was only five minutes ago.
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