I stand up, and something crumbles beneath my bare feet. The letter. My heart starts aching again as I remember the words written to me. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel. Happy? I don’t know. I’ve waited years to understand my dad’s coldness toward me and have longed for him to show any sort of affection to let me know he might love me, even a little. This contains everything I always thought I wanted, yet I feel numb. I’m not sure what to think or feel. I don’t even know if I feel happy. Maybe it’s because when it comes down to it, his reason is a bunch of shit. Major shit. And I don’t need this kind of shit. I have love. I’m loved. But do I need his love too?
Walking to my dresser, I open my top drawer and place the letter inside. Later. I will decide what to do later. I will choose how to feel later. The only thing I’m sure about right now is Aunt Vi loves me, Drake loves me, and for the first time, I trust to give my love to someone other than my mom. I never thought I was capable, but Drake Thomas has proved me wrong. I intend to hold on tight and not think about how to accept the love of the one person who should have loved me from the start.
I make my way downstairs and into the kitchen. Without turning around, Aunt Vi began speaking. “I was starting to wonder if you were ever going to wake up. Drake called at least three times. He really is becoming…” She trails off as she turns around and makes eye contact with me. I must look bad. I didn’t even consider my eyes were probably red and puffy from all the crying I did. Shitty shit shit! I wanted to avoid the look of concern that has clearly settled on her face. Rushing toward me, Aunt Vi places both her hands around my shoulders. “Dear God, Selene, what is it? Have you been crying? Did you and Drake have a fight? Is this why he is calling incessantly?” Her words are rushed and full of concern.
Taking a deep breath, I shake my head. How do I explain something I’m not even sure I understand? This is Aunt Vi, though. She will understand my need for time, my inability to know if I forgive him. I try to stop it, but a tear sneaks down my cheek. “No, Drake and I are fine. More than fine.” I release a deep sigh. “It’s my dad.”
She immediately pulls me to her chest. “Oh, honey. Did you try calling again?”
She pushes me away from her so she could look me in the eyes. “No, he wrote me,” I state plainly. I see anger cross her features before she can smooth them back out. It may seem odd, but I smile. I can’t help the bit of comfort I feel, knowing she is ready to fight against any threat to my happiness. She remains silent, so I continue. “He apologized. He tried explaining the last eighteen years. He told me he loved me and asked my forgiveness.” Again, a Mama Bear look quickly passes over her face.
“What a crock of shit!” she shouts as she releases my arms. “The nerve. If I…”
I place a hand gently on her back. “Aunt Vi, I’m alright. It’s just a shock, and I’m not sure how to feel. I don’t know if I can give him what he wants. He hurt me. But the thing is I’m not hurting anymore. I have you. I have Drake, and at this moment that’s all I need. Because of you, he can’t hurt me anymore.”
She faces me again, her eyes glistening. “Oh, sweet girl. Your mama would be so proud.” With that, she surrounds me in the cocoon of her love.
Before Aunt Vi and I can wipe away our tears, a loud bang sounds on the back door. We pull back and look at one another.
Shaking her head, she whispers, “Poor girl, I’m not sure if this is love or obsession.” She quips as she walks to the door and puts a scowl on her face.
“Mr. Thomas, if you break my door then I will break your neck.” Her face remains neutral, although I know she can’t help but be charmed by him too.
His face is flush with worry, but he manages to hide it. “You wouldn’t want to do that, Mrs. D. Then there would be nothing to hold up this handsome face.” Just as he is about to step through the doorway, Aunt Vi allows the screen door to swing shut right in Drake’s face.
As she turns to walk away, I see a grin creep across her lips. “Careful, wouldn’t want to mess up that handsome face.”
I can’t help myself. A loud guffaw escapes as Drake rubs his nose, opening the door again. “You’re a cruel woman…a cruel, cruel woman,” he says as if he were truly offended, but I can hear the adoration in his voice. He quickly grabs me around the waist when he’s close enough. “And you! You’re in big trouble!”
A fire ignites as it does every time he touches me. All thoughts of sadness are gone. All thoughts of any kind are gone. “We were supposed to study for our finals at my house hours ago.” Drake tries to place a stern look on his face until he notices mine. Dammit. The ugly, crying eyes curse! Now his face only shows concern. “Selene? Did something happen?” He says this as he glances over at Aunt Vi. She gives him a nod and turns to leave us alone.
When he looks back at me, I shrug. “Drake, it’s nothing. I got a letter.” He starts to say something, but I put my hand up to stop him. “From my dad. And before you say anything, just know I’m fine. I cried, I slept, and now I want to forget about it for a while.” His fingers tighten around my waist. I feel the tension pulsing through his long, strong fingers. I reach a hand up and gently pull his face until our eyes meet. I need him to know I’m alright. “I’m fine. I promise.”
Slowly, I rise up on my tiptoes and press my lips to his. His eyes close, and I feel him relax as he pulls me into him, deepening the kiss. Two of my favorite things about Drake are his ability to understand me and the amazing way he unknowingly reaffirms his love for me just when I need it most.
Drake
I STUFF MY FACE WITH fresh strawberry scones as Selene pours the lemonade Mrs. Durham made that morning. It’s hard to believe I’m not fat from all the time I have been spending over here, eating all of Mrs. D’s cooking. I often tease Selene that food is the only reason I spend so much time at her house, but we both know that isn’t true.
As she sets the glass of lemonade down in front of me, Selene reaches over and brushes a crumb from my cheek. “Pig,” she states matter-of-factly. I swallow my humor at her facial expression.
“You love it,” I say, grabbing a hold of her hand as she makes her way past me to pour her own glass of lemonade. Bringing a hand to my mouth, I brush a kiss on her knuckles. “Besides, you find it charming.”
She laughs as I release her hand. “Well, pigs are cute.” She is unable to hold back a smile as she says it.
I jump up from the stool, knocking it over. Just as I’m about to dart around the island, Mrs. D clears her throat behind me. Glancing over my shoulder, I see the trademark Durham lifted eyebrow even Selene has inherited. I straighten up and quickly set the stool right.
“Drake, I need you to help me in the garage with some boxes.” She walks past me toward the back door, pausing just as she reaches it, and looks back at us. I lean forward and lightly kiss Selene on the cheek, letting out a low oink as I pull away.
She laughs out loud, and the sounds make me feel lighter. I realize Mrs. D is still watching us, a strange look on her face. I move past her, and just as I push the door open, Mrs. Durham says one last thing to Selene. “Oh, and Selene, dear…uh…your father is here to see you. He’s waiting in the living room.” I stop cold in my tracks. Selene sucks in a sharp breath, and just when I’m about to turn back, I feel a delicate but strong hand nudging me forward. “She’ll be okay. She needs to do this.”
It takes me a moment to move again, but I don’t turn around entirely. I only glance back at Selene. Her eyes are wide with fear, but she nods, letting me know she’ll be okay. It takes every bit of strength in me, but I follow Mrs. D, leaving Selene to face her biggest fear.
Selene
I TAKE A FEW DEEP breaths, trying to calm my nerves. I haven’t seen my father for nearly a year. Our only communication is the handwritten letter I received a week ago. The letter he wrote asking for my forgiveness. I think about my decision every day and have still been unable to come to terms with whether or not I can give him what he is asking for or not. He is here now, though,
leaving me little choice but to speak to him.
Walking down the hall, I stop just outside the living room. I grip the wall and peek around the corner, into the room. His back is to me, and he is looking at the pictures of me on the mantel of the fireplace. I watch as he moves to the photo of me and Mama from one of our many visits.
Finally, his eyes settle on one Aunt Vi recently framed. It’s of Drake and me, and he is holding me from behind. I’m looking back up into his eyes while he looks forward, smiling into the camera. Aunt Vi said she couldn’t help but love it because we both look so happy. I wonder what my dad sees when he looks at it.
I remain silent and continue watching, noticing his hand tighten a little. I can only imagine what he is feeling…thinking. Drake looks so much like his father, and I like my mother. It has to be painful, and I’m sorry about that. I know what he said in his letter to me and the way he felt about my mother and Mr. Thomas’s relationship. He really doesn’t deserve my sympathy. It isn’t my fault. Taking a deep breath, his grip visibly loosens.
Placing the frame back on the mantel, he runs his hand through his hair. He only does that when he is stressed. I’ve seen him do it many times. Is he worried what I might say? I’m not even sure what I will say.
Timidly, I take a quiet step forward. “Dad…” I say, pausing. He swings toward me and stares. “Hello,” I continue. I can tell he is unsure of what to do, and I definitely don’t know where to begin, so I wait.
It seems like an eternity passes before he says, “Hello, Selene. I…I’m sorry to just show up like this, but I was going crazy. I needed to see you.” He takes a step forward, and my body tenses. He notices and stops, running a hand once more through his hair. “I shouldn’t…have…come.” The words seemed to stick in his throat like they physically hurt him to get out.
Shaking my head, I step closer. “No, no. It’s fine.” I sit in an overstuffed chair close to the window. “I’m just not sure what the urgency is about. I didn’t realize you needed a decision so quickly. You haven’t seemed all that interested in me for nearly eighteen years. I didn’t think a couple more weeks would matter too much.”
I slap my hand over my mouth. A little bit of regret is prying its way into my heart. He looks shocked and a little heartbroken. He slightly flinched at my words.
“Selene, please sit down. There are things that need to be said.” I quickly swallow the lump forming in my throat. I think maybe I should say sorry, but I don’t. It is time to be honest and stand up for myself. “You told me all the things you have felt over the years. Now it’s my turn.” He stares at me for a moment, nods his head, and takes a seat on the sofa. I’m a little surprised he does so without a word.
I look down at my hands and begin picking at my chipped nail polish. “I want you to know you hurt me. You hurt me with every missed I love you, good-night kiss, and hug a father is supposed to give his daughter. I could see what I was to you…nothing.” He starts to say something, but I raise my gaze to his and put my hand up to stop him. “I’m not finished.” His mouth closes, and his lips tighten into a resigned line. I can see it is hard for him to not defend himself. The thing is, it’s my turn to defend myself.
“You’re the reason I built walls and wouldn’t let anyone in.” I take another long breath before standing up and walking over to where he is. I sit next to him and continue. His eyes widen in surprise. I timidly place my hand over his hand that is resting on his knee and look up at him. “But someone broke down those walls. He showed me how to love and, most importantly, how to forgive. So…so, I’m going to try and forgive you…Dad.” A tear slides down his cheek, matching my own that begin to fall.
He looks so scared. Slowly, he reaches over and pulls me into a tight embrace. We’re both a little stiff. It’s awkward and feels strange. I realize it will take time.
Pulling back, I want him to understand this doesn’t mean everything is going to be easy between us. I’m working on forgiving him, but I never said I would just trust him.
“Dad, this is going to take time. I want to try. It’s what Mama would want. It’s what I want.” I take his hand and squeeze. A tiny smile spreads across my face with the knowledge there are opportunities for second chances.
Drake
“DRAKE, COME AWAY FROM THAT window.” Mrs. Durham’s stern but gentle demand pulls my gaze away from the house where we left Selene with her father. I walk over to where she is digging through a box, looking for something she said she wanted to give to me. “Mike would never touch Selene in anger. He has finally woken up and has seen what you and I have always seen in Selene.” She pauses in her search and looks over at me. “Selene needs this too. She wants to forgive him. He was wrong and can never make up for all the years he neglected that girl, but he can work hard to love her into her future. You should know what it’s like to forgive a father who let you down and did everything wrong when it came to you.” She places her tender hand on my shoulder. Our eyes meet, and I see nothing but understanding.
I swallow the unease I feel for Selene. “Yeah,” I say.
She quickly claps her hands together and turns back to the box she was searching earlier. “I know it has to be in here,” she says as she rummages through the box. Suddenly, I’m overwhelmed by curiosity for what she is looking for, especially because she says it’s for me.
“I’ll help you look if you tell me what you're looking for,” I say as I reach for another box she had me pull down. Without glancing up, she states matter-of-factly, “A picture of Elizabeth and your father.”
I swallow. “Elizabeth is Selene’s mother…”
“Yes, Drake, now close your mouth. I’m well aware who Elizabeth is,” Mrs. Durham says just as she lifts a photo from the box, grinning from ear to ear. “I knew it was in here,” she says to no one in particular. I watch her face as she examines it. Many emotions play over it until she turns and holds the picture out to me. “Take it. I have one for Selene also.”
I reluctantly take it from her, as if it might burn me. “You know, their missed chance is what I call a broken rule of fate.” I look up at her, unsure of what she means. She can tell I’m not following her, so she continues. “I believe when destiny knows its course, sometimes it can get ahead of itself. It feels the connection between two souls before they even come to be, and when the bond is so strong, it pulls everything and everyone that stands between them together.” She sighs. “You and Selene are so connected nothing can stop the fate of your hearts.”
My heart beats rapidly at her words. I glance down at the photo in my hand and see two young teenagers. If I didn’t know better, I’d think they were me and Selene. I can see the way they love one another by the look in the girl's eyes and in the way the boy is looking at her. In all my life, I’ve never seen my father look so happy. Looking up at Mrs. Durham, I nod my head. “Thank you.”
Drake
THE PICTURE SHAKES IN HIS trembling hand. I didn’t show him to hurt him. Letting him see the photo Mrs. Durham gave me was my way of saying I understand…I can see what losing her did to him. I wanted him to know I understand losing her was like dying a slow, painful death. I know because I had a taste of what life without Selene would be like for me. The first thing I thought of when I looked at this picture was my dad loved Elizabeth Durham so fiercely. I never thought a person could love another as much as I love Selene, but my father did.
He hands the picture to me and turns, placing his hands on the counter with his head down.
Stepping behind him, I place my hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. “Dad, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Shaking his head, he murmurs, “You didn’t. I just…it’s just seeing this picture makes me realize I was so lucky to have loved her.” Lifting his head, he turns and faces me. “I know you understand that feeling. I can see it in the way you look at Selene.” He pauses as if contemplating something before speaking again. “They look so much alike, don’t they?”
I watch his face
as he talks to me. The common thread between us gets stronger as I listen to him, looking down at the photo again. He’s right; they do look nearly identical. The only thing missing from the young girl’s face in the picture is the tiny mole that rests just at the top of Selene’s lip. I look back up at him, smiling. “Yeah…yeah, they do.”
My dad smiles, too. It feels so good to see. I’m sure it’s the first genuine emotion we’ve ever shared. “Tell me about her, Dad,” I say, surprising him and even myself.
He nods then walks over to take a seat at the table. I follow him, sitting in the chair across from him.
Taking a deep breath, he begins fidgeting with the sleeve of his shirt. This conversation makes him appear vulnerable. “My God, Drake. Elizabeth was so good…so kind. She made me want to be better.” My dad closes his eyes, and I know he has gone back in time. I watch him and wait. “Of course she was beautiful…you can see for yourself. But she was more. She was funny, stubborn, and fiercely loyal. I was the luckiest guy because she loved me.” Swallowing, I notice tears in his eyes. “She was mine for more than two years. I was going to marry her. We were going to be happy. And it’s my fault none of those dreams came true.”
Reaching across the table, I lay my hand over his. “Dad, I’m sorry. Even knowing it would mean no me…no Selene.” Dad looks up and begins to say something, but I stop him. “Don’t. I know that’s not what you’re saying or even what you wish. I just get it, and I’m sorry for that alone.”
Standing up, he comes around the table and kneels down, pulling me into his strong embrace. I settle into it, feeling his love for me. Pushing me back, he forces me to look directly into his eyes. “Drake, I love you. I’m more thankful for you and your sister than I ever showed you. If I can give you one piece of advice…” He blinks away the tears. “You love that girl. You never give up on her. If she is what you want, then hold on tight, so you will never have regrets.”
When Destinies Collide Page 23