Love Beyond Reason

by Sandra Brown

“It’s going well,” she replied after a moment. “I got a letter from Mr. Newton yesterday commending me on the first drafts I sent him. I also talked to the production chief at the television station. He’s already scouting out locations for videotaping.”

  “Hey, that’s great. I knew you could do it. I’m proud of you.”

  She stood up from the chair at the typing desk and went to stand in front of the windows. Her back was to him as she said, “I suppose you’re relieved too. Now you won’t have to feel so responsible for me.”

  A long moment of silence yawned between them. When he spoke, his voice had a distinct edge to it. “What’s that nebulous remark supposed to mean?”

  Katherine swallowed, trying to suppress the anguish which was twisting her heart. She straightened, put on a cold, unemotional face, and forced herself to face him, turning around slowly.

  “That means,” she said testily, “that I think we should put an end to this travesty we call a marriage.” If the words she had spoken didn’t kill her, she was sure the heartache would. Determinedly she continued, unable to meet the piercing eyes boring into her from beneath hooded lids.

  “Y-you have other… interests… and I have always been independent. I don’t like having someone else managing my life all the time.” Why couldn’t she keep her tone firm? Her voice was wavering in accordance with her resolve. She hated to admit that his increasing anger and accusing eyes unnerved her.

  “I see. You’ve got it all figured out,” he said bitterly.

  “Yes,” she averred.

  “You can’t accept Lacey’s existence.”

  She was stunned that he would verbalize the source of their immediate problem, but she didn’t hesitate in retaliating. “No, I can’t. I can’t accept—”

  “You can’t accept me! You haven’t accepted one goddamn thing about me since I walked through that door the first time.” He stood up and came stalking toward her in angry strides. She took an instinctive step backward.

  “You see!” he shouted, indicating her retreat. “That’s what I’m talking about.” He stopped a few feet from her and demanded, “What got you on my case, anyway? Huh? Why was I automatically the boogeyman in all of this?”

  She only stared at him, riveted to the floor in fear of the fierce temper she had seen exhibited before.

  “Answer me, dammit!”

  “Because you’re a Manning,” she lashed out. Her heart pounded in her temples and she gulped for breath. Now that the showdown had come, she feared and dreaded it.

  “I was hurt by your family once before, and I don’t intend to open myself up for any more pain.”

  “My family. Not me,” he asserted.

  “Isn’t it the same thing?”

  “No! Haven’t you learned by now that my values are as different from theirs as night is from day? My God!” He slammed one fist into his other palm.

  “Not necessarily.” Katherine was warming up to her argument now. She was intimidated by the anger which emanated from every pore of his body and flashed like fireworks out of his eyes, but she was determined to state her case and make it sound convincing. She couldn’t tell him that it was impossible to live with him when he was in love with another woman. That was an untenable situation when she was in love with him herself.

  “You have behaved just as I expected you to, Jace. You’re manipulative, charming your victims into letting down their defenses, then moving in for the kill. What small amount of trust I was beginning to have in you, you’ve betrayed.”

  “Oh, shi—” He bit off the expletive. After raking frustrated fingers through his unruly hair, he put his hands on his hips and surveyed her with undisguised contempt. “You’re a sanctimonious, suspicious bitch. Did you know that?”

  “There!” She pointed an accusing finger at him. “You’ve just proven my point. Peter used abusive language to my sister. Mary admitted to not even understanding all he called her. But that was only the first round. Later he resorted to physical abuse. Allison is the result of rape. Did you know that? Can I look forward to such manhandling from you? You’re doing everything else right on schedule—even to seeing your ex-wife-turned-mistress and flaunting her under my nose. Peter taunted Mary with his affairs with other women too.”

  He was across the space that separated them in two long strides. He gripped her upper arms with fists that were made of steel and drew her up close against him.

  Through gritted teeth he growled, “I warned you never to compare me to Peter, Katherine. He was a monster. Do you understand that? From the time we were children, he was destined to ruin. He murdered my first puppy and left a note on my pillow telling me where I could find it buried. He raped one of the maids’ teenage daughters. I think she was about thirteen. She came to our house after school to meet her mother. Of course, it was hushed up. Money changed hands.” He gripped her arm harder and asked bitterly, “Am I going too fast for you? I’ll give you all the gory details if you wish.”

  “Jace, please—”

  “Oh, no, Miss Katherine. You want to know what we Mannings are all about, and I don’t want to disappoint you.” He released her arms and turned away abruptly. He stuffed his hands deep into his jeans pockets and paced the floor as he continued.

  “Naturally, he was the apple of my parents’ eyes. He was the heir apparent; I was superfluous, a fact I was constantly reminded of. As a boy I sometimes wondered why I wasn’t showered with such indiscriminate love and devotion. I resented their preference for Peter when I was a kid, but I’m glad about it now. I would have become just like him. You see, they loved him, but they loved in the wrong way. They were too ignorant to see that. It took me years to figure that out. Years of too much booze and rowdy brawls and wasted energies feeding reckless adventures. One day it occurred to me that if I were going to be a decent human being, I’d have to do it on my own. I was determined that they wouldn’t ruin my life.”

  Katherine covered her mouth with a shaking hand to keep from crying out. If she could have taken back some of the hurtful words she had said, she would. But it was impossible.

  Jace wasn’t speaking to her now. He was analyzing things in his mind as he articulated them.

  “I grieved for poor Mary. I know she must have felt like Daniel in the lion’s den. I guess it was time for Peter to marry. Good for the banker’s image and all that crap. But I couldn’t figure out why Peter would marry someone like her, and why my parents would allow such a match. Then it occurred to me. If he had married one of the set, at his first indiscretion, that woman would have run home screaming to Daddy, or worse, the press, and Peter would have been faced with a big scandal. But sweet, naive, little Mary, an orphan with only an older sister to watch out for her wouldn’t make such a scene. She would stoically suffer the slings and arrows, so to speak.”

  He stopped pacing and drew a deep breath. He stared at Katherine for a long time, his eyes straining to focus through his fatigue.

  “Jace, I’m—”

  He held up both hands, palms out as if warding her off. “Please, Katherine, I don’t want to hear anymore. I’m tired.” He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed them hard with his middle finger and thumb. “I think you’ve said what you had to say, and I’ve responded. Let’s leave it at that.”

  He leaned down to retrieve the keys to the jeep lying on the coffee table and started toward the door.

  “Where are you going?” she asked timidly.

  “To work. I was going to take the day off, but under the circumstances…” He allowed his voice to trail off as he shrugged.

  When he reached the front door he turned around and faced her. “You’re right, Katherine. Feeling as you do, I think it would be best for all of us if we called a halt to this… ‘travesty we call a marriage.’ Was that an accurate quote?” Katherine’s heart shattered into a million pieces, each shard splintering her soul.

  “And if that’s the case,” he continued in that flat, unemotional voice, “one of us will have to give up A
llison.”

  Katherine put a clenched fist over her aching chest and her mouth formed a small O. “W-what do you mean?” she asked tremulously.

  He stared at her from squinting eyes, his mouth a firm, hard line. “You’re so smart, you have all the answers, so you figure it out. Just remember how vicious we Mannings can be when anyone stands in our way.”

  The door slammed behind him.

  * * *

  Katherine moved through the next few hours like an automaton, feeding Allison and attending to her own needs like one drugged. She clasped the baby to her and wept. She didn’t fear Jace would carry out his last veiled threat, but she despaired over her thwarted love for him.

  It was hopeless. She had wounded him too deeply for him ever to forgive her the suspicions she had harbored against him. She may have been wrong about his motivations, his values, his character, but one thing she did know—he was proud. That pride would keep him from ever coming back and trying to reestablish the tenuous relationship they had had before.

  Pride and Lacey.

  Katherine was vaguely aware of the wail of the fire engine sirens but was too absorbed in her own wretchedness to notice how many were screaming through the streets on their way out of Van Buren.

  It wasn’t until she heard someone thumping up the stairs that she was jarred out of her lethargy. Could it be Jace? Her heart skipped a beat, but then plunged back into gloom. She recognized the heavy footsteps to be Happy’s. But the large woman was certainly moving quickly.

  Katherine met her at the door.

  “Katherine, poor dear. Don’t get upset until we know what’s happened.” Happy’s lower lip was quivering. Her laughing eyes were clouded with anxiety.

  “What are you talking about?” Katherine asked dazedly, but a premonition of disaster was creeping up her spine and she shivered. Memories of the night Peter and Mary died flashed through her mind like a slide show.

  “Dear, didn’t you even hear the fire trucks?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “It’s the oil well, Katherine. There was an explosion.”

  “My God!” Katherine screamed, then hurriedly covered her mouth in an effort to stem the hysterical screams she could feel bubbling into her throat.

  “Now, we don’t know all the details—”

  “Can you keep Allison?” Katherine was already hurrying toward the bedroom to grab her purse and shove her feet into a pair of loafers.

  “Katherine, you can’t be thinking of going out there! Why it’s still dangerous. The radio is begging people to stay away.”

  “I’m going. Are you going to take care of Allison or will I need to make other arrangements?” Katherine hated to be so horrid to her friend, but she could brook no arguments now. She had to see about Jace. What if—? Oh, God, no! It just couldn’t be.

  “Katherine, you know I’ll stay with the baby. I’ll take her to my house and she’ll be there in good health when you pick her up, no matter when it is.” Happy sounded offended, and Katherine stopped long enough to hug her quickly. Then she abruptly clasped Happy to her, desperate for Happy to imbue her with strength.

  “Thank you, Happy, for—Oh, Happy! Jim?” She only now remembered that Happy’s son could be in danger too.

  “Today’s his day off. Thank the Lord. He went to Dallas.” She gave Katherine a shove. “Well, if you’re going, go. Call me when you find out anything. Nothing has happened to Jace. I just know it.” The landlady’s eyes were strangely moist.

  Tears glittered in Katherine’s own eyes as she said, “I hope you’re right. I couldn’t stand it if—” She didn’t even allow herself to vocalize what she was thinking. She ran down the stairs and out to the parked station wagon.

  * * *

  It became impossible to negotiate the bumpy road and, at the same time, try to tune the car’s radio to a station that was giving reports on the fire. Katherine gave up in desperation. Perhaps it was better if she didn’t know.

  She wept and prayed and cursed herself. Jace had to be alive! Even if he were disfigured or burned or whatever, he must be alive. Such thoughts made her nauseated, and she swallowed the bile that filled her mouth.

  She prayed, “God, if he hates me, that’s all right. If he wants Allison, I’ll give her up. Just don’t let him be dead. I love him. If he must die, let me tell him that I love him first. Don’t let him be in pain. Burned. Oh, God, I can’t bear it.”

  He hadn’t even planned on going to work today. He had said he wanted to stay at home. Her ugly accusations had driven him out of the house. It was her fault he was at the oil well today.

  The landscape was blurred and watery through her tears. She followed the column of black smoke that boiled up over the pine forest like Moses followed the pillar of fire in the wilderness. It could be seen for miles. It was surely a grim harbinger preparing her for the devastation she would find when she reached the drilling site. She saw several news helicopters buzzing toward the fire like vultures to a carcass. She resented and cursed them. Night after night, she watched the news reports on television with graphic pictures of train wrecks and car accidents and fires. Did the families of those victims resent such invasions of their privacy? Katherine hadn’t realized until now that their suffering was real. Those stories weren’t for the television viewer’s entertainment. They were personal, human tragedies.

  She was surprised to see the top of the derrick. It wasn’t the well that had exploded then. There were cars and pick-up trucks and fire-fighting vehicles parked in a semi-circle around the drilling site. She braked the station wagon and jumped to the ground, running pell mell toward the fire which she could now see was isolated to an area near—the trailer!

  “Hey, lady!” Strong arms grabbed her around the waist, and she fought like a wildcat to be released. “You can’t go over there. You’re liable to get hurt.” The fireman in the bright yellow slicker cursed expansively when she bit the hand that was restraining her across the chest.

  “I think you’ll find she’s hard to convince.” The calm, deep voice penetrated Katherine’s frantic mind and she suddenly collapsed in the startled fireman’s arms. He would have dropped her if another pair of arms hadn’t helped him support her.

  “Jace,” she whispered disbelievingly as she looked up into his blackened face. “Oh!” she exclaimed, alarmed by his appearance.

  “No, I’m not charred, just dirty,” he assured her.

  “Oh, darling, darling,” she buried her face in his shirt and hugged him tight around the waist. “I was so worried. I thought…” Emotion clogged her throat and she clutched him even tighter.

  “Come over here and I’ll explain what happened.” Jace extricated himself from her pythonlike embrace. As he steered her away from the scene, she caught sight of the fireman, still nursing his injured hand.

  “I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I thought my husband was hurt and I was acting crazy. I truly am sorry.”

  He smiled crookedly and said grudgingly, “That’s all right.”

  Jace led her toward her abandoned car with a firm hand under her elbow. When they reached it, Katherine looked up at him with tearful, green eyes and asked, “What happened?”

  Jace wiped his forehead with his shirt sleeve. “It looks a lot worse than it is. All the trucks are here because of the surrounding forests. They’re really here for prevention more than anything. But,” he added grimly, “we should be thankful we weren’t all blown to smithereens.”

  “The smoke—”

  “Yeah, oil makes a helluva smoke. Something near the trailer—an electrical wire, telephone cable—something caused a spark large enough to ignite the butane tanks underneath it. It blew sky high. Several barrels had negligently been put in the wrong place. If I’d been here…” He clenched his teeth. “Anyway, they went up when the trailer did.”

  “Billy!” Katherine exclaimed and clutched Jace’s arm.

  “Luckily, he and I had just stepped out of the trailer to check on that pick-up he’s
been working on.”

  When Katherine shivered, he drew her against him. “I’ve got a great crew, Katherine,” he said proudly. “They all dropped what they were doing and reached for fire extinguishers. Others grabbed shovels and started digging trenches around the fire. They reacted like pros.”

  “They have an excellent boss,” she murmured against his throat.

  He pulled away from her slightly and looked deeply into the moisture-laden eyes. “You certainly were in a hurry when you got here. What was the rush?” he teased, though his expression was serious.

  “I had to find you,” she admitted without qualm. “I had to see you, to tell you. I’m sorry, Jace. For everything. I’ve been such a fool.” The tears ran unchecked now. “When I thought you might be… Well, nothing mattered anymore. Nothing. Not even… what I mean is… I love you, no matter what you—”

  He didn’t let her finish. He cut off her words by lowering his mouth onto hers. She was oblivious to the dirt and grime that covered every visible part of his flesh. She disregarded the acrid smell of smoke that permeated his clothes and hair. All she cared about was the warmth with which he kissed her.

  The kiss lacked some of the sensuous passion of others they had shared, but this wasn’t a time for passion. This was the time for commitment, and Jace’s mouth, clinging to hers, formed a covenant between them.

  “Katherine, Katherine, I love you. How could you ever have doubted that? Doubted me?”

  “Just stupid, I guess.” She smiled up at him.

  He chucked her under the chin and said grimly, “As much as I’d like to continue this conversation, I’ve got a bitch of a job waiting for me. Go home and don’t use all the hot water. I may need a bath when I get home.” He grinned. “And don’t wait up for me. I may be here quite a while.”

  “I’ll be up,” she whispered just before she kissed him and reluctantly climbed back into the car.

  * * *

  “Jace?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Tell me about Lacey.”

  Jace opened one eye and cocked it toward Katherine. They were lying on the wide bed. The mid-morning sun was filtering through the shuttered windows onto their nakedness. Jace was stretched out on his back, one knee raised. Katherine was lying on her stomach, supporting herself on her elbows as she leisurely perused her husband.