Internet, 25
dating on, 28, 61, 109–10
intimacy, 84, 86, 117, 118
irritation with perfectly nice spouse, 222, 226
jealousy, 31, 33–34
jerks and jerk behavior, xix, xxv, 78, 146
family and, 143, 145–46
see also Assholes
Johnson, Dwayne “The Rock,” 53
jokes, 114, 115, 117, 122–25
see also sense of humor
Judge Judy, 147n
Kennedy, John F., 19
laughter, 111–12, 116, 118, 124–25, 126, 133
methods to avoid for getting, 122
see also sense of humor
lending money, 87, 89
Lewis, Jerry, 192
Lifetime, xvi
living together, 136
loneliness, xxi, xxii, 84, 99
beauty and, 42
see also alone
love, ix–xxv
and getting married for practical reasons, 222, 225–26
management/business approach to, x–xvi
power of, xv
see also romantic relationships
lube, 70
luck:
bad, xx, 26, 172, 228
wealth and, 223
madras golf pants, 158
magazines, 60, 132
malaria, 215
management/business approach to relationships, x–xvi
marriage, xii, xix–xxi, 33, 123
beauty and, 45–52
boredom in, 19, 45, 46, 73–74, 75, 102, 105
charisma and, 17–24
chemistry and, 73–78
communication in, 102–7
conflicts in, 102–7, 221
divorce, see divorce
expectations in, 192
as goal, xii, xx, xxi, xxii–xxiv
good-enough, listing essentials of, 198
humor and, 128–34
intelligence and, 191–97
and irritation with perfectly nice spouse, 222, 226
listing pros and cons of, 198
mind-set for, xxii–xxiv
parents and, 159–65
talking someone into marrying you, 102, 103–4
“We all end up marrying our parents,” 164–65
wealth and, 221–29
without being madly in love, 222, 225–26
see also partnership
matchmakers, 28, 218–19
Maury, xvi
MBTA, xi
medical conditions, xviii, xix, 75–76
meeting someone for the first time, 110
men, number of marriage-qualified, 25
mental hospitals, 51
Meyers, Nancy, x
money, 201–3
debts, xvi, xvii, xviii, 89, 116
family history and, 158
financial neediness, 219–20
irresponsibility with, xviii
lending of, 87, 89
loss of, 221–22, 223–24
management of, 202–3, 214, 215, 218
and marriage as priority, xxiii
quiz on, 210–14
wealth, see wealth
moral sense, 172
moving, 136
Murdoch, Rupert, 215
Murphy, Eddie, 193
musical instruments, 17
mutual attraction, xiv
beauty and, 52
charisma and, 24
chemistry and, 78
communication and, 107
family and, 166
intelligence and, 197
sense of humor and, 134
wealth and, 229
mutual respect, xiv, 70
beauty and, 52
charisma and, 24
chemistry and, 78
communication and, 107
family and, 166
intelligence and, 197
sense of humor and, 134
wealth and, 216, 229
NA (Narcotics Anonymous), 54
names, 158
neediness, xxi, 89, 98, 125, 227
financial, 219–20
nerds, 26, 184, 185, 186
Netflix, 228
“Never go to bed angry,” 71, 84, 106–7
New England Patriots, 47
Newmark, Craig, 79
New York City, 227
nice, being too, 25
no:
saying, xvii, 4, 13, 87–88, 90
ten questions to which the answer is always, 53–54
“not looking is the best policy” dictum, 227–28
novels, 190
by Susan Sontag, 136
oceanfront property, 47
occupations:
beauty and, 30
charisma and, 3
chemistry and, 57–58
communication skills and, 86
family and, 141
intelligence and, 174
sense of humor and, 114
wealth and, 204
oddballs, 25–26
offensive remarks, 152, 153
OxyContin, 56
paranoia, 73
parenthood, xi, xxii, 74, 76–77
deciding on having a baby, chart for aiding, 230–33
family and parents’ influence on, 138, 142, 159, 161–62
humor and, 129, 130–31
in-laws and, 159, 162–63
intelligent parent and nonintellectual child, 191–92, 194
meeting children’s needs, 74, 76–77
parents, see family and parents
partner(s):
choosing, ix
criteria for, xx–xxi
doing detective work on, see detective work
good, five reasons good people can’t find, 25–26
hanging on to, 25
from hell, xxiii
job description for, xiii, 109, 219
living with, 136
use of term, x
partnership, x–xi, xix–xx, xxi, 48, 61, 70
assets you have to offer in, 109–10
communication and, 96–97, 98
money and, 202, 203
strengths and weaknesses complemented in, 206–7
see also marriage; romantic relationships
people sense, 172
people who cut in line, 27
permaflirts, 66–67
personality, xix, 4, 5
high-risk traits, 6–7
looks/personality discrepancy, 38–39
pets, 72
cats, xxii, 217–18, 220
dogs, 17, 136, 157, 196
skunks, 117
physical appearance and attributes, 27–28, 109
beauty, see beauty
of charismatics, 3
chemistry and, 57
clothing, see clothing
communication skills and, 86
confidence and, 32, 39, 44
family and, 140–41
haircuts, 17, 45, 54, 215–16
improvement techniques, pros and cons of, 44–45
intelligence and, 174
looks/personality discrepancy, 38–39
and loss of sexual attraction, 46, 47–48
rating yourself on, quiz for, 35–38
sense of humor and, 113–14
of spouse and children, too much concern with, 46–47, 49
ugliness, see ugliness
wealth and, 204
pickiness, 16, 185
plastic surgery, 44, 45
poetry readings, 190
prejudices, 152, 158
Pretty in Pink, 215
prioritizing, poor, xvii
problems:
laughing about, 116
solving, xxiv, 179
protectiveness, 73
public grooming, 17
questions to which the answer is always no, 53–54
quizzes, xiv
on attractiveness, 35–38
on charisma, 7–10
on chemistry, 62–65
on communication, 91–94
on family, 147–50
on intelligence, 180–83
on money, 210–14
rage, 70–71, 112
Reagan, Nancy, 76, 153
Reagan, Ronald, 76
red flags, xiv, xv, 84, 110
beauty and, 30
charisma and, 3
chemistry and, 58, 72–73
communication and, 86
family and, 141
intelligence and, 174–75
sense of humor and, 114, 118–21
wealth and, 205, 220–21
relationship(s), ix
reasons for having, 109
romantic, see romantic relationships
with yourself, xxi
religion, 45, 139, 151
rescuing, 72
resentment, 69, 106, 112, 130
respect, mutual, see mutual respect
restaurants, waitstaff in, xix
restlessness, 59, 61
Rhimes, Shonda, 58
risk, 33
Rock, Chris, 152
Rock, The, 53
rodent soup, 151
romance, xix–xx, 61, 202
romance recruiter, seeing yourself as, x–xii
romantic relationships, ix, xii, xix–xxi
bad, x, xii, xv, 58, 59–60
butterfly stage of, xix
challenges as measure of, 135–36
major life goals and, 135
management/business approach to, x–xvi
partnership in, see partnership
problems in, xii, xiii, xv
protecting, 135
quantifying quality connection time in, 135
restlessness in, 59, 61
staying power in, five ways to measure, 135–36
Roosevelt, Franklin Delano, 19
RuPaul, xxi, 33
screening, see detective work
self-awareness, 186–87
sense of humor, 111–34, 177, 217
always-on, 115, 117–18
annoyance from others regarding, 115, 117
and avoiding serious talk, 115, 116–17
character and, 112–13, 116, 133–34
depression and, 123–24, 126–27, 128, 129, 131
drinking and, 122, 129, 131–32
examples of, 115–18, 123–27, 129–32
good things you want from, 113
and hard work of relationships, 116
having, 122–27
jokes, 114, 115, 117, 122–25
lack of, 133
laugh-getting methods to avoid, 122
laughter, 111–12, 116, 118, 124–25, 126, 133
marriage and, 128–34
occupations and, 114
outsider status and, 124, 127
parenting and, 129, 130–31
physical attributes and, 113–14
professional comedians and, 122–23, 127–28
quirky, 117
quiz on, 118–21
red flags and, 114
seeking, 114–18
sexual chemistry and, 125
traits associated with, 113–14
warning signs and, 114, 118–21
what attracts you first, 114
what to look for, what to achieve, and what not to be fooled by, 134
“What women look for most in a man is a sense of humor,” 132–33
Sephora, 12
Serenity, 223
service industry, xix
sex and sexual chemistry, xix–xx, 68, 70, 188
intelligence and, 176, 178–79
loss of attraction and, 46, 47–48
and marriage as priority, xxiv
sense of humor and, 125
shared effort, xiv
beauty and, 52
charisma and, 24
chemistry and, 78
communication and, 107
family and, 166
intelligence and, 197
sense of humor and, 134
wealth and, 229
Sheindlin, Judy (Judge Judy), 147n
she started it, 53
shyness, 91
Silver, Nate, 146
Simpsons, The, 192
skunk, pet, 117
snobbishness:
intelligence and, 175, 177, 190
wealth and, 201, 215
social fake, 184–85
social skills, and intelligence, 184–85, 186, 188–89
Sontag, Susan, brilliant or not, 136
sorry, saying, 100–101
soul mate, xi, 50–51, 83
Spader, James, 215
squirrel-meat stew, 151
stalking, xvi
standards, 14, 16, 42, 219, 220, 227
standing up to people and telling them the “truth,” 53, 54
Staten Island, 227
stereotypes, 41, 189
stroke, xix
stunt drivers, 75
style makeovers, 45
support, xx, 23, 131
and marriage as priority, xxiv
Taco Bell, 73, 153
tattoos, 53, 58, 175
Tea Party, 196
ten questions to which the answer is always no, 53–54
“The heart wants what it wants,” 196
therapy, therapists, xv, 70, 84, 105, 130, 131, 225
chemistry and, 60
divorce and, 199
family and, 161, 162
intelligence and, 195
physical appearance and, 43, 45, 49
12-step meetings, 54
“There’s someone for everyone,” 50–51
time spent in quality connection, 135
toddlers, 196
Trump, Donald, xix, 42
trust, xi, xix, xx, 72, 87, 88–89, 219
lack of, 5, 6, 7, 89
trust funds, 214, 222
Truth, or Bullshit?, xiv
“If I don’t find someone, I’ll die alone,” 22–23
“Never go to bed angry,” 71, 84, 106–7
“The heart wants what it wants,” 196
“There’s someone for everyone,” 50–51
“We all end up marrying our parents,” 164–65
“We all fall for assholes every once in a while,” 77–78
“What women look for most in a man is a sense of humor,” 132–33
“You’ll find someone the minute you stop looking,” 227–28
12-step meetings, 54
two-party political system, xv–xvi
ugliness, 28, 30, 33, 50
on the outside but pretty within, 38–39
underachievement, 172–73
unhappiness, 2
urine tests, xiv
values, xx, 6, 43, 78, 139, 146, 228–29
ventriloquists, 128
violence, 71, 133
divorce and, 198
vulnerability, 111
waitstaff, xix
warning signs, see red flags
weaknesses, 164
complementing of strengths and, 206–7
“We all end up marrying our parents,” 164–65
“We all fall for assholes every once in a while,” 77–78
wealth, 201–29
blue-collar background and, 206, 209–10
character and, 217, 219, 220
class gap and, 205, 217–18
difference in, 205–10, 217–18
examples of, 206–10, 216–20, 221–26
expectations and, 216
gift giving and, 206, 207–8
good things you want from, 203–4
growing up with, and ignorance about those who did not, 206, 208–9
growing up with, and subsequent aimlessness and lack of responsibility, 222, 224–25
having, 215–20
loss of, 221–22, 223–24, 228
luck and, 223
management of, 202–3, 214, 215, 218
marriage and, 221–29
matchmakers and, 218–19
negative judgments about, 217–18
new money, 215
occupations and, 204
old money, 215, 217–18
physical attributes and, 204
pros and cons of dating different varieties of rich people, 214–15
quiz on, 210–14
red flags and, 205, 220–21
as resource, 201–2, 203, 217
seeking, 205–10, 217
snobbishness and, 201, 215
traits associated with, 204–5
from trust fund, 214, 222
what attracts you first, 204–5
what to look for, what to achieve, and what not to be fooled by, 229
wedding dress, 152
wedgies, 185
weight loss, 44
West, Donda (Kanye’s mom), 44
“What’s wrong?,” asking, 95
what to look for, what to achieve, and what not to be fooled by:
beauty and, 52
charisma and, 24
chemistry and, 78
communication and, 107–8
family and, 166
intelligence and, 197
sense of humor and, 134
wealth and, 229
“What women look for most in a man is a sense of humor,” 132–33
women:
number of marriage-qualified, 25
in New York City, 227
sense of humor as top priority for, 132–33
work, 28, 74
see also occupations
writing a statement of what you have to offer, 110
Xenu, 45
“You’ll find someone the minute you stop looking,” 227–28
YouTube, xvi
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F*ck Love: One Shrink's Sensible Advice for Finding a Lasting Relationship Page 24