My Little Sister Can Read Kanji: Volume 2

by Takashi Kajii

  “Mr. Bedhead, and I’m being completely serious here, if the future goes back to the culture it used to be, I’ll lend you some orthodox literature that I recommend.”

  “Like I’m trying to say, the future you want is not coming back!” he shouted.

  “But in return, would you lend me some modern literature books that you recommend? Like the books by Torahiko Touji. I can’t read them, but Kuroha can explain them to me.”

  “What?” He stared me back in the eye. He looked at me sullenly, “Hmph. You think your sister can read kanji, yes?”

  “I do. And?”

  “...You can’t read them.”

  “Huh?” I’m someone from the 23rd century, so I thought that was pretty obvious? Mr. Bedhead didn’t say anything further.

  “Now then, why are we standing around here talking? Let’s hurry up and get back the manuscript and the Meguri Gun so we can return to Yuzu-kun’s house without delay.” Odaira-sensei pointed out in the distance, where we could see a red torii gate out in the shadow of the setting sun.

  Whoa, it’s a real torii!

  When we returned to Yuzu-san’s house, we would put both Ani MAJI Mania and Mr. Bedhead’s The 21st Century in her treasure box. It might cause Gura to write Oniaka, or the effect of The 21st Century could cause him to write something different. It could be Seishin or even some other work we’d never seen before. Whichever work that Gura presented should have a great influence on the culture of the entire world.

  What will happen to the 23rd century?

  It was possible that the culture could change into something completely unrecognizable. Just thinking about it made me uneasy. I had told Kuroha something cool like, “I’ll accept it, no matter what happens,” but imagining a world without Oniaka or the orthodox style made my heart hurt.

  I was afraid to know the result.

  But it was a decision we had all made together. There was no going back on it now. We had to entrust everything to the god named Kurona Gura. In just a little while, we would know his judgment.

  ＊

  On a certain day in the 23rd century, in Kuroha’s room...

  “Kuroha, tomorrow is finally the day I get to meet Odaira-sensei for the first time! I’m so excited, I can’t get to sleep!”

  “...How many times do I have to tell you not to barge into my room if you’re trying to go to sleep?” she complained.

  “Here’s this month’s Literary Gal,” I said. “There’s an article where Odaira-sensei and Haruka-sensei debate.”

  “Fine, fine... I just have to read it with you, right?”

  Special Issue! Literary Gal May 2202

  “Debate Special Gimai Gai Odaira vs. Jitsumai Haruka Haruka — The Future of Literature”

  Interviewer: It’s been almost 10 years since you, the two great masters of Little Sister Literature, have debated.

  Haruka: You’re still alive. You gimai bastard should have kicked it long ago.

  Odaira: Nice to see you, too. I thought you might have mellowed out a bit, but I guess that’s not the case.

  Haruka: Of course not! I will never accept your non-blood related little sisters! Down with gimai!

  Odaira: It’s thanks to blood-related little sister fanatics, e.g. jitsumai fundamentalists like you, that we’ve seen such an increase in story heroines that are gimai, you know!

  Interviewer: Well, the fireworks have stared early, haven’t they? Our topic today will be “The Future of Literature,” and so I’d like both of you to discuss your feelings on the direction that literature is going.

  Haruka: The future of literature? As long as it has little sisters, that’s fine with me. Okay, that’s a wrap.

  Odaira: Indeed. We may have our differences about gimai, but when it comes to our feelings that little sisters are the pinnacle, on that we agree.

  Interviewer: Within the orthodox style there are other genres beyond little sister, such as older sister or childhood friend... And lately there’s been a slight boom in the “commando” sub-genre where the heroine doesn’t wear any panties at all...

  Odaira: Listen, you. You do realize to whom you are speaking such a thing, yes? I am Gai Odaira! I basically coined the phase, “Without panties, there is no literature.”

  Haruka: When the heroine tosses her panties into the washing machine, the main character is now in the machine itself. That is orthodox literature. Panties are fundamental.

  Odaira: It pains me to say it, but on that matter, Haruka-kun and I are in complete agreement. For me, the main character resides in the washing machine, the dryer, the chest of drawers... Wherever there are panties, therein lies literature! Those are the kind of books I wish to write.

  Haruka: Panties are the soul.

  Odaira: After all, the way that an author writes about panties reflects their talents more than anything else. The way I write them and the way that Haruka-kun writes them are completely different. It would not be an overstatement to say that a book without panties would be an abandonment of the art of writing itself.

  Haruka: Young authors these days are all trying so hard to be original that they forget the fundamentals. Without those fundamentals, you will never break new ground.

  Odaira: That’s right. Even though the two of us have fought so much about gimai and jitsumai, when we were young, we both strove for the same thing.

  Interviewer: To strengthen your prose?

  Odaira: You really have no idea, do you? Before you get to prose, you have to experience it, yes? First, you go to a women’s underwear store. For an entire day you observe the wares in the shop. You take their fabric in your hands, and memorize their patterns.

  Haruka: You get warned by the employees. You argue with them.

  Odaira: You run away.

  Haruka: The next day, you’re finally reported to the police.

  Odaira: It’s only through this kind of blood, sweat, and tears that you can truly get the experience you need to be an author.

  Haruka: That’s why you’ll find orthodox style literature authors hanging around lingerie shops, you see.

  Interviewer: It’s rare for you two to be so agreeable.

  Haruka: Oh, pardon me. This gimai bastard should have kicked it long ago.

  Odaira: Here we go again... You really should be more tolerant of others.

  “Honestly, I don’t see where Odaira-sensei gets off throwing around words like ‘tolerant’,” said Kuroha. “He’s hardly tolerant at all! I believe that books can be literature without showing us any panties.”

  “What are you saying?!” I replied in disbelief. “Didn’t you read what the authors in the debate just said? Panties are what makes it orthodox style! Without panty flashes, there is no current-day literature!”

  “Fine, then what should someone do who prefers literature that doesn’t have panty flashes?” she asked.

  “How should I know? I mean, there’s always modern Japanese literature, but when it comes to current-day, there’s no point in reading or writing books like that.”

  “Sheesh, Onii-chan! You’d better not get even more stubborn after meeting with Odaira-sensei.”

  “I can’t neglect my own studies of the patterns and prints of panties, either! So I’ll just make use of your dresser right here, and...”

  “Wha?!”

  “Wait, never mind,” I said. “I forgot that all your panties are just plain white. There’s no variation.”

  “...”

  “Oh? Why have you raised up your arm so high?”

  “Arm exercises. In a second I’m going to lay down the hammer on your head.”

  Chapter 6 - The Future — FUTURE — ☆※□

  I was sitting in my classroom in the 23rd century. It was just how I remembered class having been.

  Sugawara-kun had gotten a question wrong and was in the process of being consoled by three postcards (his girlfriends). It seems that Sugawara-kun had finally graduated from two-timing to three-timing, and the morning bloodbath was quite a sight to s
ee. In order to properly act out being hit by his girlfriend, he had gotten one of his classmates to give him a straight punch. I envied Sugawara-kun’s strength of will.

  I turned my gaze back to my own desk. An anime character that resembled Homyura was on the display on my desk. It was our teacher, Kazoe-sensei.

  “Next is Art,” she said.

  After her announcement, the screen changed to an illustration of a pretty girl. I could really feel the history and traditional culture emanating from the old-fashioned anime picture.

  “This is a poster for a visual novel that was published in the Heisei era.” Kazoe-sensei gestured to the girl’s head with her pointer. “Here you can see a unique characteristic of illustrations from the period, known as the ‘ahoge’...”

  The girl’s hair was cut into a short bob, but a single clump of hair was sticking out of the top of her head like a stalk of rice. This hair sticking up used to be called an ahoge long ago.

  “I want you to give me the answer why people of that time period would draw characters with this ahoge,” directed Kazoe-sensei.

  This is a toughy... I knew that there must be some kind of deep meaning behind the ahoge, but I could not for the life of me come up with an idea. I suppose I just have to guess...

  “To show their rebellious nature?” I was sure this had to be wrong.

  But a giant “BINGO!” came up on the display.

  What?! I was just grasping at straws, and I managed to get it right? I’m so lucky!

  The screen changed to show a pretty girl in a mini skirt. A sudden breeze blew up her skirt, and I was blessed with the sight of a pair of panties with a blue border.

  “Not bad, for you,” Kazoe-sensei told me. “The ahoge was a secret symbol by artists who were protesting the raising of the consumption tax. The hair standing on end was showing their anger, see. A single ahoge meant ‘A consumption tax of 1% is plenty!’”

  I see! I had no idea! To think that illustrations of pretty girls could hold such deep meaning.

  “That is what you meant by your answer earlier, right?” asked Kazoe-sensei suspiciously.

  “U-Uh... Y-Yes, it was.” I’m sorry, that wasn’t what I was thinking at all!

  Even if it was a fluke, I was thankful for getting the question right, and I could feel the tension drain from my face.

  “Why are you making such a creepy smile? Oh I get it... Those reward panties weren’t enough for you, huh? Idiot! Suit yourself!” Kazoe-sensei got huffy and disappeared.

  Even after a little while, she didn’t return to the screen. Um... I can’t continue class like this, you know... I knew it was all part of her programming, but I wish I could do something about it. Man...

  It’s true I was a little annoyed, but... I really was grateful to be able to take classes from Kazoe-sensei again. Because, you see...

  ...the world of the 23rd century had returned to the Oniaka culture.

  On our way home from school, we all stopped at a hamburger place in the area in front of the station. Myself, Kuroha, Yuzu-san, and the professor were all sitting at a table on a terrace outside.

  The hamburger place’s logo was a giant “M,” and it was a famous, traditional Japanese restaurant with a long history dating back to the Showa era. It would seem at a glance not to be the type of place for a bunch of high schoolers to eat, but we had all decided that it was good to get a taste of traditional culture and history once in a while.

  Yuzu-san had the hamburger sitting in front of her, but she seemed to be at a loss.

  “What’s the matter?” I asked.

  “This is the first time I’ve ever had a hamburger. Do you eat them with chopsticks?”

  “You eat them by holding it in your hands.”

  “Oh, so you hold it in your hands! That’s surprising. I suppose this is another thing I’ll just have to get used to here in the future,” she said.

  “No, I’m pretty sure they were eaten the same way back in the 21st century, actually,” chimed in Kuroha.

  After returning with us back to the 23rd century again, Yuzu-san had starting living at our house. I was prepared to have to convince my parents to accept the idea, but they’d said it was fine without any resistance.

  Sitting next to Yuzu-san was the professor, who was sipping cola through a straw. We’d become friends with her, and had hung out a number of times after we’d returned to the 23rd century. She was the same age as Kuroha and Yuzu-san, so they hit if off quite easily.

  “It’s all thanks to Kurona Gura that we can hang out together like this,” remarked Kuroha, looking deep in thought. “You and Odaira-sensei predicted that Gura would choose Ani MAJI Mania over the other book. Although in the end, it was just a bet.”

  “Yeah. Actually he whispered to me that considering Gura’s tastes, he would probably choose Ani MAJI Mania over my brother’s book-noda,” replied the professor.

  “I guess Gura really had a maiden’s heart,” I agreed.

  “It wasn’t just Oniaka,” the professor explained. “Even in Seishin, the descriptions were evocative of how a girl loves a guy, so that’s just the kind of story Gura likes-noda. It was thanks to Odaira-sensei’s knowledge of Gura’s taste that we had the confidence to take that bet-noda.”

  Odaira-sensei must have inferred Gura’s tastes from his written works.

  He never ceases to amaze me.

  “So it was a battle we were pretty sure we would win...? I worried all that much for nothing!” complained Kuroha.

  Our Ani MAJI Mania was a book about a girl in love. But Mr. Bedhead’s remake of The 21st Century had hardly had any female characters at all. It was that which had made the difference.

  I really am grateful to Gura, my god of literature. Despite being so famous, Gura had never showed himself publicly, and the details of his person had been lost to history. I’m sure he was a great man, of course.

  Yuzu-san had been listening to us quietly, but then she pointed to the large clock outside. “Gin-san, it’s 5 o’clock.”

  “Oh? Is it time already?” I asked. Oh shoot, I was too absorbed in conversation! I rushed to take out my cell phone. “Hey, I’d like it if everyone would listen to this.”

  I fiddled with my phone, and launched the radio tuner app. The voice of a female announcer came through my phone’s speaker.

  “ —This is the Gai Odaira Hour, brought to you by Toyoda!”

  This was Odaira-sensei’s radio program. There were still radio programs in the 23rd century because of how cheap they were to produce.

  Most of the radio personalities were 2D characters, but Odaira-sensei was one of the few flesh and blood people that had a show, and it was the best of them all, too! That was just how impressive Odaira-sensei was.

  On this week’s Gai Odaira Hour, he was going to make a very important announcement about his new work.

  It’s not something I’m going to miss!

  “Thank you for the introduction,” a voice said.

  It’s Odaira-sensei! Judging from the tone of voice, it seemed he was still a little girl. Odaira-sensei was truly one with the soul of a little girl if he was able to do media appearances as one.

  “This week, you are finally going to make that big announcement about your newest work KIRARIN! PANTYS SKYBLUE,” the announcer said. “We’re going to hear quite a bit from Odaira-sensei, but before that, we have to go to a short commercial break!”

  Man, get to the announcement already!

  The commercial was for a new car called the “Maron.” The Maron had a giant illustration of a pretty girl right there on the front of the car, which was pretty common for cars in our time period. The mascot character Maron would talk to you from the control panel inside the car, so you could drive by yourself and not be lonely.

  As an aside, cars that had large illustrations of pretty girls on them used to be called itasha a very long time ago. It seems that had been some category of art or something.

  After the commercial, Odaira-sensei launche
d into his usual talk about his unending love for little girls. The topic today was “metaphors to describe the young cheeks of little girls,” and he gladly replied, “Marshmaron!” giving a shout out to his show’s sponsor.

  “Things have gotten pretty exciting already, but we even have a special guest for this week!” teased Odaira-sensei.

  “Yes, we do,” the announcer lady replied.

  “It’s the illustrator for KIRARIN! PANTYS SKYBLUE...”

  Finally, time for the big announcement!

  “...Miru Imose-chan!”

  She’s on the air!

  “Whaaaaaa?!” The second Miru’s name was mentioned, Kuroha let out a yell. “Onii-chan, you seem oddly calm about this... You knew?”

  “Yup.”

  “Why didn’t you say something to me?!” she shouted.

  “Sensei told me to keep it a secret since he was afraid you might be against the idea,” I explained.

  “Sheesh... Well at least she has that Meguri Pen that the professor lent her, so he shouldn’t be able to do anything funny, but...”

  As Miru entered the recording booth, we could hear the staff applaud. The announcer asked Miru to introduce herself.

  “I wonder what Miru will say?” I couldn’t hide my anticipation.

  “I’m Miru.” It was quite a simple self-introduction.

  “Miru-chan is my friend, see,” Odaira-sensei said proudly. “She is an incredible genius, and I thought right from the start that I wanted her to be the illustrator for my latest work. Miru-chan, do you already have ideas about the illustrations you will draw?”

  “All your books are basically the same, geezer. I’ll just draw some pictures that are like the other ones.”

  “Miru-chan, don’t say they look the same, say that they are ‘overflowing with traditional beauty’!” Odaira-sensei complained.

  “However you want to call it, geezer.”

  Miru was clearly not in any mood to play along. She should be a little happier to be a guest on such a prestigious show!