Reckless Memories

by Catherine Cowles

  I smirked. “Some things have changed since you’ve been away, and this is one of them.”

  He eyed me from the driver’s seat. “I’m trusting you with the most important thing of all.”

  “What’s that?”

  “My stomach.”

  I let out a choked laugh. He’d always been highly motivated by food. “I promise I won’t steer you wrong, but you’re going to have to roll with me.”

  He switched off the engine and hopped out of the SUV. “Fine.” The man sounded like I was dragging him to his death, not a potential lunch spot.

  I smiled down at the sidewalk, trying to hide my amusement. Just wait until he saw the menu. Ford held the worn screen door open for me. We’d been here countless times before. Riding our bikes from my house in the summer for a popsicle. Stopping on the way home from school for some candy.

  Most of the store hadn’t changed a bit, but Old Man Walters had built on an addition at the back of the shop that housed a small kitchen and a counter with eight stools. On the back wall was a chalkboard menu written in an artsy script that was as familiar as my own handwriting. “Caelyn.”

  She whirled around at the sound of my voice, her hair piled in a haphazard bun, the bracelets on her arms jangling. “Bell. What are you doing here?” Her eyes widened at the man behind me. “Ford. Hi.” Her last sentence came out as a squeak.

  I bit back my laugh. “We’re going on a hike and could use a little sustenance.”

  Caelyn beamed at the two of us. Shit. She was going to get her hopes up. I could see it in her eyes, she was already writing some grand romantic end for Ford and me, and it would crush her when things didn’t go that way. “That, I can do for you.”

  I turned back to Ford, who was studying the menu with a look of horror. “Sprout sandwich?”

  I couldn’t hold in my laugh this time. “What? Living in LA for over a decade, and you’re still not into rabbit food?”

  “That’s not exactly my cuisine of choice.” He glanced at Caelyn. “No offense.”

  She held up a hand. “None taken. We’ve got more carnivorous options, too. Tell you what, you tell me what you don’t like, and I’ll whip you up something special. I already know Bell’s favorites.”

  “No sprouts. No mushrooms.”

  “Fair enough. Bells, you want the vegan BLT?”

  I nodded. “That sounds perfect. We’ll go grab some chips and drinks while you’re cooking.”

  Ford studied me carefully as we headed down the cracker and chip aisle. “You’ve changed, Bell.”

  I halted at his words. “Well, it has been a while.” I couldn’t help the defensiveness in my voice. The idea that he didn’t like the woman now standing before him, giving me the sudden urge to crawl into myself.

  Ford grabbed my elbow, tugging me towards him so I was forced to look up into his eyes. They softened at my expression. “I just never thought my double-bacon cheeseburger girl would be ordering a vegan BLT. That should be illegal.”

  The stiffness swept out of my body, and I laughed. “You don’t know what you’re missing out on by not trying new things, Ford.” And with that, I turned on my heel and headed for the kettle-cooked chips.

  22

  Ford

  “I’m out of shape. How did I not know I was out of shape?”

  Bell’s laugh caught on the breeze as she sank to a rock at the top of Mount Orcas. “That’s because you’re used to sissy LA workouts.”

  I sat on the rock next to hers and gave her a mock scowl. “I’ll have you know that I spar with a professional fighter regularly.”

  She smirked. “Doesn’t help you climb a mountain any better.”

  I dove for her sides, tickling the spot I knew was extra sensitive. She let out a high-pitched shriek that had a couple of birds from a nearby tree taking flight. “What was that?”

  “You’re a Greek god! So in shape, I could never compete with you!”

  I stopped my tickling, but my hands stayed on her waist for just a moment longer as I relished the feel of the dips and curves. Bell’s breath hitched as our gazes locked—her mouth such a short distance away. All I would have to do is lean forward and—

  “So, what’d you think of Caelyn’s sandwich?”

  I released my hold on Bell and settled back on my rock. Shit. That was close, too close. “I told you, it was damn good.” I didn’t know what voodoo witchery the girl had, but she’d combined things I never would’ve thought of. My sandwich had prosciutto and some sort of apricot spread, along with things I didn’t even recognize. But it had tasted delicious.

  “I told you to trust me.”

  I met Bell’s gaze. “I do trust you.”

  Her breath seemed to stutter in her chest. “Good.”

  With that one word, I knew that trust wasn’t returned. It burned. That angry fire. Not at Bell but at myself, for destroying one of the most precious gifts I’d ever been given. But that was the thing about life. So often, we didn’t realize that the rarest and most beautiful gifts were already in our possession. Sometimes, we didn’t discover that truth before it was too late. I refused to let that be the case. I would do whatever it took to mend what I’d broken.

  “Tell me about your bars.” Bell tucked her legs up under her.

  “What do you want to know?”

  She smiled. “Everything. Why you started them. Which one’s your favorite. What you’re doing next.”

  I chuckled. Bell always did have a million and one questions. I’d always said that she could make conversation with a tree stump. “It just made sense. I’d grown up with Dad and Mom showing me the ropes at The Catch, so I knew the basics. I majored in business at UCLA, but I just couldn’t get excited about working in some stuffy office. I wanted something different.”

  “I get that. Did you always want to start in LA?”

  “It was another thing that was just logical. I had a few connections, people who were willing to invest. The first bar is still my favorite. It’s the one that I spend the most time at, the one that was the hardest to hand over the reins to.”

  Bell’s expression softened. “Who’s looking after it while you’re here?”

  “The manager who’s been with me the longest. I trust him, and he’s doing a great job. I guess I’m still just a bit of a control freak with my babies.” Though it had gotten easier over the past couple of weeks. When I’d first arrived, I’d called Luke every day, sometimes twice a day, to check on things. But now, I found myself waiting for his weekly reports instead.

  “It must be hard.”

  I looked back to Bell. The sun had caught in her hair, blond streaks of her ponytail catching the light. Her cheeks were pink from the hike, and her green eyes seemed to dance and sparkle. She’d never looked more beautiful. “What must be hard?” There was a rawness in my voice that I couldn’t disguise, a mix of emotions.

  A flicker of sadness flitted across her features. “Being away from what you love. I bet you can’t wait to get back.”

  Dammit. Austin had been right. Bell was waiting for me to leave her again. And she wasn’t wrong to expect it. The entire three-day road trip from LA to the island, I’d been calculating just how long I’d have to be on Anchor. What would be the shortest stay I could get away with to turn the bar around and placate my brother. Now, I found myself looking for excuses to stay. I didn’t know what the future held, but I knew I wanted Bell in it.

  “I actually needed a break.”

  Bell’s gaze flew up to mine. “Really?” I nodded. “Why?”

  I leaned back on the rock, the rough surface digging into my palms as I looked out at the sea all around us. The view was breathtaking. The air around us silent. Still. I’d missed the peace of the place more than I wanted to admit. I searched for the right words to explain the restlessness I’d felt lately in LA. “I’m not exactly sure why. I’d been happy in LA for a long time. But over the past year or so, I started getting restless, like my skin was too tight for my body. The thin
gs I loved about the city had become things I hated.”

  I looked back to Bell. She listened intently as I spoke, nibbling on her bottom lip. “I think LA was what you needed at the time. It’s so different from here.” She let out a little laugh. “You couldn’t find something more polar opposite if you tried. And you needed something that held no reminders of the past for you. But now, maybe you need something else.” Bell’s gaze bored into mine. “I think it’s a good thing, Ford. I think it means you’re healing.”

  My gaze traveled over her face. “I think it means I’m ready to move on.” We sat in silence, the air dancing between us. I gave a forced laugh. “You always were a wise little Yoda.”

  Bell stuck out her tongue at me. “Leave it to you to compare me to a wrinkly green man.”

  It was her heart and soul that were Yoda-like. The rest of her was anything but. “What’s the deal with you and Hunter?” I cursed the question that had escaped before I could consider what it might reveal.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Were you guys dating? Friends?” My breath hitched as I waited for her to answer.

  Bell’s eyes widened. “No, we’re just friends. Always just friends.”

  Some invisible tension in me loosened, a feeling I didn’t want to think too much about for a woman who’d taken over my mind.

  “Let’s grab an early dinner.” I was pushing my luck, and I knew it. We’d spent the whole day together, and I only wanted more. More of her smiles, especially the ones where her nose crinkled. More of her laughs that turned husky at the edges. More of her insights into life. More of her.

  She pulled out her phone and glanced at the screen. “I can do that. What are you in the mood for?”

  “What about that new Italian place?”

  “Rocco’s?”

  “Yeah.” I’d seen it the first time I’d been brave enough to venture into town. The menu looked promising, and the setting appeared just a step above a pizza joint.

  Bell glanced down at herself. “I’m not exactly dressed to impress…and I’m all sweaty.”

  “You look gorgeous.” Oh, shit. I hurried on. “It didn’t look fancy when I walked by.”

  Bell’s cheeks had an adorable pink tint to them. “Okay. But if they kick us out, I’m blaming you.”

  “Fair enough.” I pulled my SUV into a parking spot in the center of town. Hopping out, I went to open Bell’s door, but she was already out of the vehicle. “I would’ve gotten that for you.”

  Bell pressed her lips together as if holding in a laugh. “You look like someone ate your last Kit Kat. I’m all grown now, Cupcake. I can open my own doors.”

  I scowled in her direction, and the laugh she’d been holding back escaped. “Maybe I wanted to be a gentleman.”

  “Forgive me. I promise not to open any doors for the rest of the night. And if I drop anything, I’ll make you pick it up.”

  I grinned, pulling open the door to Rocco’s. “You have to let me buy you dinner, too.”

  “Go right ahead, Mister Moneybags.”

  I groaned. “Are you ever going to stop giving me shit about living in LA and making a decent living?”

  Bell drummed her fingers along her lips and squinted her eyes. “Hmm…that would be a no.”

  “Never lets me get away with a damn thing,” I grumbled.

  “And that’s the way you like it.”

  I gave her long ponytail a little tug. “I do like it.”

  A man in his fifties appeared from the back of the restaurant. “Bella! You’ve come to see me again. And you brought a handsome date with you this time.”

  Bell blushed. “Pietro, this is my friend, Ford. Ford, this is the owner of Rocco’s, Pietro.”

  Pietro took my hand in a hearty shake. “Any friend of Bella’s is a friend of mine. Welcome, welcome.” He then took Bell by the arms and gave her a kiss on each cheek. “You’re too skinny. You need to come in more often.”

  Bell let out a tinkling laugh that settled somewhere deep inside my chest. “I’ll see what I can do about that. We just hiked Orcas, so I’m sure I’ll be eating my fair share tonight.”

  Rocco clapped. “We must hurry, then. Take any table you like. I’ll bring out some appetizers, on the house.”

  Bell led us to a table against the wall towards the back of the restaurant, and I couldn’t help but wonder if she didn’t want any passersby to see us. I didn’t blame her. I was sure people would talk if they saw us on what looked like a date.

  I pulled out Bell’s chair, and she grinned up at me. “Such a gentleman.”

  I chuckled. “I’m trying my best, but you don’t exactly make it easy.”

  She shrugged. “Nothing easy is ever worth much.”

  She was more right than she knew. Bell and her Yoda wisdom. “Pietro seems like a character.”

  “He’s the best. I come in once a week with Will, Ava, and Mia to give Caelyn a night off and to get some one-on-one time with them. Pietro always makes some special dessert for them and has little toys for Ava and Mia.”

  “Do you spend a lot of time with them?”

  “The kids?”

  I nodded. I wanted to know what had happened with Caelyn’s parents, but I didn’t want to pry.

  “I do.” Bell toyed with the napkin in her lap. “Kenna, Caelyn, and I kind of formed our own little family. The kind we always wished we’d had.”

  I swallowed against the burning emotion in the back of my throat. I hated how alone Bell must have felt. “I’m really glad you have those two. I’d like to get to know them again.” If they were her family, I knew I’d have to win them over, too.

  “They’d like that. And the kids would, too. Will could really use a good guy in his life. He doesn’t have many.”

  I flipped open my menu. “I could come with you on your next weekly date here.” I wasn’t sure how Bell would react to that idea. Maybe it would feel too much like playing house. Maybe I was encroaching on her special time with Will, Ava, and Mia.

  The smile that broke out across Bell’s face told me those concerns were unfounded. “That would be great. The girls love new people, especially ones who pay a lot of attention to them. Will’s more guarded, but you’ll grow on him. It’ll help that you played football.”

  “He’s on the team?”

  “Yup. Made varsity his freshman year.”

  “That’s impressive.”

  Pietro appeared, laden with enough appetizers to make a meal out of. “Here you go. These are some of my favorites.”

  Bell tsked at him. “This is too much food.”

  He shrugged. “If there are leftovers, you take them home.”

  I chuckled as Pietro headed back to the kitchen to get our drinks. “I get the sense that there is no arguing with that man.”

  “None.”

  Dinner flew by far too fast, in a mix that was uniquely Bell and me. Part deep conversations about life and purpose, part stomach-twisting laughter and shared memories of the past. It felt good to bring Violet out into the light again. I was starting to realize that I could appreciate her for what she had been for me, and not force myself to think of her as something she wasn’t. She’d been my first love, the perfect match for the boy who was growing into a man. But she was never going to be my life partner. It didn’t make her any less valuable, it didn’t mean it hurt any less to lose her. It just meant that I could stop blaming myself for losing my only shot at love. Because I hadn’t.

  “I’m stuffed.” Bell groaned as she rose from her chair.

  I patted my stomach. “I think that third cannoli might’ve been overkill for me.”

  Bell laughed. “I tried to warn you.”

  “They were too good.” I placed a hand on the small of Bell’s back, guiding her through the restaurant that had begun to fill over the past two hours. I’d felt eyes on us throughout the evening, even heard a whisper or two. But I’d forced myself to ignore it, to focus on the woman in front of me.

  I felt Bell’s
body jolt before I saw them, the two people I’d been dreading running into since the moment I stepped foot on Anchor. Bell came to a dead stop right in front of the hostess stand. “Mom. Dad.”

  The sharp edge of my anger took me by surprise. For so long, I’d felt nothing but guilt when it came to the Kiptons. Even when Heather had threatened to sue me if I had any contact with their family, I’d excused it. I’d welcomed all the blame she’d wanted to place on my shoulders. After all, I’d been driving that night. If I would’ve reacted differently, maybe her daughter would still be here.

  But now, there was a fire low in my gut. I knew they’d been grieving, but they’d hurt so many people with their actions. Their daughter most of all. And that was something I wasn’t sure I could forgive.

  “What—what are you doing here? What are you doing with him?” Heather spluttered.

  Bell’s jaw hardened. “I imagine we were doing the same thing you and Dad are. Having dinner. But we’re done now, so we’re heading out.”

  Bell took a step forward, but her mother moved to block her. “What are you thinking, Isabelle? This is a disgrace.”

  Bell met her mother’s furious glare. “Well, that’s nothing new, right? I’ve been a disgrace to you for a long time. Why change now?”

  Heather opened her mouth to retort, but Bruce stepped in and gave her elbow a firm tug. “Heather, this isn’t the time or the place. Let’s get to our table.” He gave me a stiff nod and then looked at his daughter. He studied her as if he hardly knew her at all. As if he were trying to place the woman who stood in front of him now. “Good to see you, honey.”

  “You too, Dad.” Bell’s words were a hoarse whisper, filled with so much pain it seemed to pull at the muscles in my chest.

  I placed my hand firmly against Bell’s back, guiding her forward yet again. Pushing open the door, the cool night air was a welcome relief. Neither of us said a word as I navigated us towards the SUV. I helped Bell in and then rounded the front of the vehicle to climb in myself. But I couldn’t bring myself to start the engine.