Reckless Memories

by Catherine Cowles

  “You kinda like me, Trouble,” Ford called in a singsong voice as he poured a row of shots.

  “Not for long,” I muttered.

  “Watching you two is better than a soap opera.”

  I arched a brow at Crosby as I grabbed his empty pint glass to refill it. “You a big Days of Our Lives fan?”

  “Never miss an episode.”

  I laughed. “It’s good to have a variety of interests.”

  “Brown Eyes! Where have you been all of my life?”

  Kenna glared at Crosby as she walked up to the bar, Caelyn following behind her. “Doing everything I can to avoid you.”

  I choked on the laugh that escaped me, and Caelyn’s eyes bugged. Crosby grinned as he took a sip of his beer. “You’re just trying to hide your true feelings behind your insults. I know I’m your favorite.”

  “Favorite what? Barfly? Part-time lawyer, full-time slacker?”

  He arched a brow in her direction. “Sometimes, it’s good to let your hair down, have a little fun.”

  “Whatever.” Kenna turned her attention to me. “Can you and Caelyn take your break?”

  I glanced over at Ford. “You got things under control?”

  “Yeah, just…” He glanced around the bar. “Will you stay close?”

  I would’ve given him a hard time for pulling the overprotective act, but I saw the genuine worry in his eyes. “We’ll just grab a table on the back patio.”

  Relief lit his features. “Thank you.”

  I rounded the bar, and Caelyn immediately hooked an arm through mine. “He’s looking out for you.”

  I said nothing in response. What was there to say? All afternoon, the touches had been frequent and lingering. Each brush of Ford’s hands had refilled my strength stores a little bit more. I hadn’t wanted to admit just how much my parents’ visit had shaken me, hadn’t wanted it to show. And I sure as hell didn’t want to need someone else to help me recover from it. But that’s exactly what Ford had done. Without me telling him, he’d somehow known exactly what I needed.

  “What the hell is going on?” Kenna whirled on me as soon as we reached an empty corner of the patio. “Did your mom seriously show up here and rant at you? And why am I having to hear about that from Caelyn and not from you?”

  I blinked rapidly. “She did show up, along with my dad, who, of course, said nothing. And I didn’t call because—because…” I searched my brain for why I hadn’t sent Kenna a text. Normally, that would’ve been my first move, to let her and Caelyn know. But I hadn’t because—

  “Because she had Ford here.” Caelyn gave me a gentle smile. The hopeless romantic in her was shining through.

  Kenna scanned my face as if looking for an injury or trying to find the truth. “Was he there for you?”

  “He was.” A flash of fear tore through me so fast and strong, I almost gasped. Sure, he’d been there for me today, but that didn’t mean he’d be there tomorrow or the day after. I’d built a safe and secure support system. It was small, but I knew I could count on the people in it. Ford was still an unknown.

  “He loves you, Bell.”

  My head snapped in Caelyn’s direction. “You don’t know that.”

  She reached out and took my hand. “Yes, I do. It’s written all over him. And not just how he looks at you, but in his actions. And actions are always more important than words.”

  My heart seemed to trip over itself as it struggled to beat faster. I wanted so badly to believe her words.

  Kenna took a step closer to Caelyn and me, her face grave. “Just be careful. I know he’s been good to you lately, but I just don’t trust that he’s going to stick around.”

  I swallowed hard. Ford had made me no promises about the future. Hell, he hadn’t made me any promises about tomorrow. But I didn’t want to lose this shot at even just a moment of happiness because I was too caught up in what might happen weeks or months from now. I was done playing it safe. I didn’t want to miss out on all life had to offer because I was scared of getting hurt. But if I genuinely wanted to live my life to the fullest, I had to let myself love the person my heart wanted above all others. Even if it was the scariest jump I’d ever make.

  My fingers drummed in a staccato beat along my thighs, and my stomach seemed to pitch with each turn Ford’s SUV made on the climb back to his house. I really hoped I wasn’t going to have to ask him to pull over so that I could puke on the side of the road.

  “You’re quiet.”

  I swallowed back the nerves climbing up my throat. “Just tired, I guess.” I was the opposite of tired. My anxiety seemed to be doubling by the second. I’d have to run around the island three times to be able to sleep tonight.

  I felt Ford’s gaze on me for a split second. “If you’re so tired, then why does it seem like you’re about to crawl out of your skin?”

  I pressed my lips together in a firm line. He knew me too damn well. Even after over a decade apart, he still remembered all my tells. I said nothing, just let the silence in the vehicle dial my anxiety up another degree. I wasn’t going to hold myself back from Ford any longer. I wasn’t going to try and convince myself that friendship or a slow build into something more would ever be enough for me. I was going to let myself love him and not allow myself to drown in fear or guilt because of it.

  Just as the thought traveled through my brain, an image of Violet flashed in my mind. I pushed it out. I couldn’t think about her right now. But what kind of sister did that make me?

  Ford pulled to a stop in front of his house, turning off the car. I moved on autopilot, unbuckling my seat belt and grabbing the small duffle bag at my feet. I followed Ford into the house, my insides seeming to twist themselves further into a knot with each step.

  I stopped in the living room, looking out at the dark sea below. Where was I supposed to go next?

  Ford suddenly appeared in front of me, gently grasping my shoulders. “Bell, you’re scaring the hell out of me right now. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”

  “I’m scared.” Scared that when he left in a few months, I’d be crushed. Scared what giving in to this thing between us meant.

  “What’s scaring you right now?”

  “I love you.” The words were out before I could think better of them. And once I started, I couldn’t seem to stop them. “I’ve been fighting it for so long.” Tears began to gather in my eyes. “I didn’t want to love you. And I feel so damn guilty, like it’s gnawing away at my insides because some part of me has always loved you, and giving in to this feels like I’m saying I’m glad Violet’s gone. That I pick you over her, and I can’t. I can’t choose because I love you both.”

  A fire blazed in Ford’s eyes, a blue flame that meant the deepest of burns. He cupped my face in his hands. “You don’t have to choose. You’re allowed to love us both.”

  It was the right thing to say. Perfect in its simplicity. I launched myself at Ford, legs wrapping around his waist as my lips met his in a bruising kiss. It wasn’t delicate or graceful, it was pure need.

  Ford’s hands gripped my ass, digging into the flesh. I tugged on the strands of his hair, forcing his head back so I had better access to his mouth. The moment his lips met mine, I wanted to sigh, as if some part of my soul had finally returned to me. His tongue darted in, stroking my own, stoking the fire that was starting to burn low in my belly.

  Ford growled as I pulled back. “Bedroom,” I panted. “We need a bed.”

  Ford chuckled, his eyes flashing. “I can get you a bedroom.” Instead of setting me down, Ford simply strode down the hall with me wrapped around him like a spider monkey. I pressed my face to his neck, inhaling deeply. The woodsy cologne smelled so damn good, but it was the scent that lay underneath, the one I’d known forever, that I truly loved. I ran my tongue along the side of his neck, giving his ear a playful nip.

  “Do you want me to drop your ass in the middle of the hallway?”

  I released his ear as I laughed. “I think
I’d prefer you to drop me on a bed.”

  Ford did just that. After pushing open the door to his bedroom, I was soon sailing through the air and landing with a small oomph as I hit the soft mattress. Ford stared down at me, his gaze tracking over my face and down my body. Each flick of his eyes felt like a promise of what was to come.

  “I have been dreaming about this since the second I saw you butchering that beer behind the bar.”

  My lips curved up. “Then what are you waiting for?”

  Ford shook his head, toeing off his boots and pulling his t-shirt off. “No. I’m taking my time with you.”

  My eyes traveled over his broad shoulders and the sea of lean, tanned muscle. I swallowed hard as my palms began to itch with the need to touch that skin. Ford unbuttoned his jeans, and I watched in fascination as his cock sprang free. God, it was beautiful. Such a weird thing to think about a penis, but it was true.

  I suddenly realized that Ford was utterly naked, and I was still fully clothed. I sat up, ready to even the playing field. Ford reached out, stilling my hands. “No. I get that pleasure.”

  My arms fell to my sides as Ford knelt on the floor in front of me. His fingers went to the buttons on my shirt. Slowly and methodically, he unbuttoned each one, his eyes never straying from his task. My heart rate seemed to pick up with each button. As he reached the last one, he carefully slipped the shirt from my shoulders. His fingers trailed down my back and unhooked my bra, sending shivers of anticipation down my spine the whole way.

  My breasts fell free, and Ford’s gaze burned into me, tracing the tattoos and scars that lined my side, curving around my breast and lining my collarbone. I suddenly felt self-conscious and exposed. I must’ve made some small move because Ford cupped my face, staring into my eyes. “You are so damn beautiful.” He kissed the corner of my mouth. “Perfect.” His lips skimmed the column of my throat and moved down my chest, landing on the start of my tattoo. His lips and tongue traced my scars and the designs I’d created to make peace with them.

  Ford looked up from where they stopped on my rib cage. “They’re beautiful too, because they’re a part of you.”

  My breath caught as tears gathered in the corners of my eyes. “Need you, Ford. Now.”

  His eyes blazed with that blue heat I was beginning to love. Ford slipped his fingers into the waistband of my shorts and panties, pulling them down over my hips, leaving them in a puddle on the floor, along with my sandals.

  Ford tucked his hands under my knees and gave a quick tug, sending me falling back onto the bed with my center on full display for him. He groaned as he dragged his nose along my inner thigh, stopping and pressing a kiss to the small triangle of hair at the apex of my legs. “You smell like heaven.”

  I shivered in response, and Ford’s hold on my legs tightened. “I need to taste you.”

  “I need you inside of me,” I argued. I wanted to experience it all with Ford. Explore every last inch of his body. But right now, I needed to feel him moving in me, with me, more than anything. “Please.” I didn’t even care that I was begging.

  Ford pushed to his feet. “Only because you asked so nicely.”

  I grinned, but it stalled as I took him in, standing before me, looking so devastatingly handsome. “I’m on the pill. And I’ve been checked.”

  That blue flame was back. “I’m clean. I had a doctor’s appointment right before I left LA.” He trailed a single finger along my center, teasing.

  I whimpered. “Please.”

  Ford leaned over me, hovering, toying with me. “I love it when you beg. One of these days, when my patience is stronger, I’m going to see just how long I can draw out that first orgasm. How loudly I can make you plead for it.”

  I hooked my legs around Ford’s waist, my heels digging into those divots of muscle right above his ass. “But not tonight.”

  A muscle in Ford’s jaw tensed. “Not tonight.” His tip bumped my opening, and his gaze locked with mine. “You’re sure?”

  “I’m sure.” I had never been more sure of anything in my whole life. I didn’t care if losing myself in Ford meant that the world around us burned. I needed him, needed this, needed to let myself be free to fall.

  He entered me in one long, smooth glide. I couldn’t hold back my moan. I’d never had sex without a condom, and it seemed perfectly fitting that Ford would be my first. I didn’t want anything between us, nothing that would inhibit a single sensation.

  Ford let out a muttered curse. “So perfect. How do you feel so perfect? Like you were made for me.”

  I reached up, my hand cupping his stubbled cheek. Ford swept his lips against mine and then deepened the kiss as he truly started to move. With each thrust and stroke, the heat low in my belly built.

  I gripped Ford’s shoulders, fingers digging into flesh as my hips rose up to greet each movement. The angle of his thrusts changed, and I gasped as something deep inside me tightened, an invisible cord drawing tighter.

  I wanted to keep my eyes open to see every possible expression on Ford’s face, but I couldn’t seem to do it. His thrusts picked up their pace, his cock delving impossibly deeper, hitting that spot inside me over and over. Pinpricks of light and sensation danced across my skin, sparking as they embedded themselves there, digging in until my body came alive. For the first time in my life, I felt everything.

  A flick of Ford’s thumb across my clit struck the final match of something I had no idea how to name. It was a black hole of sensation, the way a star explodes and then collapses in on itself. Ford came with a shout, filling me impossibly fuller and then collapsing on top of me as I struggled for breath.

  He rolled, taking me with him. My chest heaved as I tried to regain my equilibrium. I started to laugh. I couldn’t help it. It was as if all my circuits had misfired, and the only thing that could escape me was laughter.

  “You know,” Ford said low in my ear. “The sounds you’re making right now could be a real hit to my manhood.”

  I laughed even harder. “I think I blacked out mid-orgasm. I’ve never experienced anything that intense before.”

  Ford grinned against my face, then pressed his lips to my temple. “I’m glad you didn’t pass out on me.”

  My laughter slowly subsided, and I tilted my face up so that my chin rested on his sternum. I nibbled on my bottom lip.

  “What is it, Trouble?”

  My stomach twisted. “Was it, um, good for you?”

  In a flash, I was on my back, Ford on top of me. “I am still inside you after the most mind-blowing sex of my life, and you’re asking if it was good?” I swallowed and nodded slowly. “No, it was not good. It was the best I’ve ever had.” His gaze bored into mine. “Because it was you and me, it’ll always be the best I’ve ever had.”

  Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. “I think my emotional responses are going a little haywire.”

  Ford chuckled. “You’re adorable, Trouble.”

  I grinned, even if it was a little wobbly. “You’re pretty adorable, too, Cupcake.”

  Ford gave me a mock scowl. “She calls me Cupcake after I fucked her so hard she almost passed out.” He shook his head. “Looks like I’m just going to have to try again.” He slipped out of me, and I whimpered at the loss. Pushing to his feet, Ford swept me up in his arms.

  “Ford, your shoulder,” I warned. All this lifting me couldn’t be good for the still-healing joint.

  “It’s fine. More than, actually. Now, it’s shower time.”

  I wasn’t going to argue with that.

  35

  Bell

  I moaned as something long and hard pressed into my backside. I arched my back. My muscles felt as if I’d just taken a brutal boot camp class after not working out for months. Warm lips pressed into my neck. “Morning.”

  “Feed me,” I groaned. Ford chuckled and rolled his hips against me. “I didn’t mean feed me your dick. Though I would take that for course two.”

  A strangled, husky laugh escaped him. �
�That feels wrong on so many levels, but I’m also oddly turned on by you talking about my dick as a meal.”

  I grinned, turning to face Ford. “Feed me pancakes, and then I’ll see what I can do about making your weird fetishes a reality.”

  “Deal.” He pressed his lips to the corner of my mouth. “Love waking up with you in my arms.”

  My heart tripped over itself in my chest. “Me, too.” It wasn’t an I love you, but I’d take it.

  “Okay.” Ford pushed to sitting and then stood. “Let’s get you some food.” I stared at his tight ass as he strode to the dresser and pulled out some boxer briefs. He glanced over his shoulder when I didn’t respond. “Trouble…are you staring at my ass?”

  I nodded, there was no shame in my game. “I’m taking full advantage of being able to ogle you.”

  Ford shook his head, grinning. “I feel so used.”

  “Oh, you love it.”

  He threw a balled-up t-shirt in my direction. “Yes, I do.”

  I got myself as presentable as possible while Ford cooked breakfast. My teeth were brushed and my face was washed, but there was only so much I could do with my hair. It was a rat’s nest. But every time I glanced at it in the mirror, I smiled. It was in this intricate series of knots because Ford’s hands had been in it all through the night. A pleasant shiver swept through me as I remembered the feel of him tugging it to give him better access to my mouth as he took me. “Get it together, Bell.” I opted for a giant messy bun on the top of my head and called it good.

  I padded down the hallway and through the living room to the kitchen. The house Ford had rented was beautiful. One of those high-end vacation rentals that cost a pretty penny in the summer months, but that didn’t have a lot of character. It was all glass and modern furnishings. My stomach flipped at the reminder that this wasn’t a permanent home. It was all so very temporary.