Daddy Secrets

by Mia Carson

  Lights burning, I rolled up to the truck and began to unload. Dad arrived before I’d finished, waiting for me so he could take his turn at the truck. Empty, I pulled away to make room for him and shut down my machine. It was comfortably warm in the cab, but I shivered as I stepped out into the cold.

  I was waiting as he pulled his combine to a stop next to mine, killed the engine, and climbed down. “Lot colder,” he said. “That’ll help dry things out.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I don’t suppose I can change your mind about not coming home tonight?”

  I shook my head. “No, I don’t think so. Tomorrow.”

  He looked disappointed. “Okay. I’ve been thinking.” He paused a moment. “Despite everything, you are our son, and we love you. I don’t want Ella to come between us, and I know Judy doesn’t either. If she makes you happy, that’s good enough for me.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  “I didn’t tell you, but last night, when Judy told your sisters what you did, they were firmly on your side.”

  “They were?” I asked, surprised by their support. They’d been scathing in their criticism of Ella after the rape.

  “Yeah, they were. Like your mom and me, they worry you’re making a mistake, but they want you to be happy. That doesn’t change the fact that they thought, and I’m quoting Kamron here, ‘Steve is a disgusting pig who should have his hands cut off and shoved up his ass.’”

  I snickered. Kamron had never been shy with her opinion. “Well, okay then.”

  “Come by for supper at least?”

  “Thanks, but the Johnsons are expecting me for dinner.” I could tell by the way he looked down he was disappointed and maybe a little hurt that I was choosing the Johnsons over my own family.

  “Okay. Judy was worried about where you’d eat. I didn’t think you’d want to go back to Dolly’s so soon.”

  “Yeah. I’m persona non grata there for a while.”

  “I’ll let you go then. Ken and Helen are probably waiting on you.”

  “Yeah, probably. Tell Mom I’ll see her tomorrow evening, okay?”

  “I will. Love you, son.”

  “Love you too, Dad.”

  I sat in my truck. Dad and I had said love you to each other and talked about how much we cared for each other more in the last couple of days than we had in the previous five years. It was a guy thing, but it showed how deep the rift had become and how hard we were working to pull ourselves back together as a family. During the day I’d worked out a plan, and if I could pull it off, maybe it would go a long way to easing the tensions between us. He’d made the first step by admitting they’d accept Ella, whether they liked it or not, rather than lose me. That was a step in the right direction, and if that was the best they could do, I’d take it, but I wanted more. I wanted her to be part of my family again, like she had been, not an outsider tolerated to keep the peace.

  Tomorrow. Tomorrow I’d see what I could do to make that happen.

  18

  Ella

  While I wouldn’t trade my early morning tumble with Levi for anything, I was feeling the interruption in my sleep now. It didn’t matter. Yeah, I was a little tired, but I was in such a good mood, the best mood I think I’d been in since Levi left for the Air Force five years ago.

  I’d go get Abby, get her tucked into bed, talk to Levi, and crash early. And I was definitely going to talk to Mom about keeping Abby Friday night. I was scheduled to work three to eight on Saturday, so if she could keep Abby, and Levi was available, I was going to jump his bones Friday night, and I wasn’t going to stop until I couldn’t walk, he couldn’t get it up, or I had to leave for work.

  I clocked out. Mackenzie had been so funny all night. Because it was so slow, we had plenty of time to talk between making our rounds. She’d never been nasty to me, but treated me with cool indifference typical of most people. She probably believed I’d lied and tried to get Steve in trouble to cover up my mistake, the same as most of the town. Now, though, I had the sense she was reevaluating her position. She wanted to talk endlessly about Levi coming into Dolly’s to pick me up for our date, and most especially him confronting Steve when he was manhandling me.

  She’d also made it exceptionally clear that she thought I should have my mom keep Abby for a couple of nights, invite Levi over, and let him load the clown into the cannon. When she said that, I’d laughed until I cried, and I giggled about it for the next hour. Maybe Mackenzie wasn’t so bad after all.

  “Ella?” Dolly said as I started out the back. “Someone wants to see you out front.”

  I sighed. I just wanted to go home. “Who?”

  “Just come take care of it.”

  I put on my fake customer service smile and stepped back into the dining area. Standing just inside the door was Levi with Abby.

  “Mommy!” she called as she ran to me.

  I swooped her up in my arms as I saw Levi nod to Dolly and step back outside. “What are you doing here?”

  “Levi brought me to see you.”

  “Wasn’t that nice of him?”

  “He let me ride in his truck!”

  “He did?” I gushed as I opened the door and stepped outside. It was much cooler than I’d expected. “What are you doing here?”

  “I had dinner at your parents’ house. They said you normally didn’t eat there, so I figured I’d save you the drive.”

  I nodded. I usually grabbed something quick while at Dolly’s if it wasn’t busy. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” he said, pulling me into a quick kiss.

  I smiled as Abby stared at him with her big eyes. She’d never seen a man kiss me before, and she clearly wasn’t sure what she thought of it. She’d better get used to, because she was probably going to see a lot more of it.

  “You ready to go?” I asked Abby. “It’s cold out here!”

  “Are we going home?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Can I ride in Levi’s truck?”

  “He’s not coming with us.”

  “Why? I want him to read me a story.”

  I looked at Levi and he shrugged. “He can if he wants to.”

  Abby leaned toward him, her arms held out, and he took her. “Okay, sure. I need to give you back your car seat anyway. Your parents let me borrow theirs.”

  “Okay, then. I’ll see you at my place in a few minutes.” I glanced back and saw not only Dolly, but Mackenzie as well, watching us through the window. With a small smile, I started for the lot behind the building where the employees parked, a little extra spring in my step.

  I pulled to a stop beside Levi’s truck in my drive. His truck was still running, and he and Abby were engaged in deep conversation. I saw him smile and point out Abby’s window. Abby turned and waved out the window to me with a big smile.

  While I bundled Abby inside, Levi put her car seat into my Escape before coming inside. He hung around in the living room as I washed Abby’s hair and helped her with her bath before leaving her to splash and play for a few minutes. Other than having another body in the house, it was situation normal.

  He was sitting in the living room, his head against the back of a chair, his eyes closed as he slowly rocked. I knew exactly how he felt.

  “Can I get you anything?” I asked.

  His eyes opened lazily and he smiled. “No. I’m good, but thanks. You kept me up too late last night.”

  “Are you sorry?”

  He smiled as he rose, walking slowly toward me. He pulled me in close and kissed me, a proper kiss that left me feeling warm and loved. “Not in the least.”

  “Me either,” I breathed and looked down. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” I mumbled.

  He hooked a finger under my chin and forced me to look up. “What did I tell you last night?”

  “I know. But I have Abby, and—”

  “So?” he interrupted.

  “So, are you sure you want to be in a relationship with a woman who has a kid? She has t
o come first, Levi, and a lot of guys can’t handle that.”

  “Are you planning to give her up for adoption?”

  “What? No! How can you ask me that?”

  He smiled. “Then I’m ready.”

  “That wasn’t funny,” I scolded.

  “I didn’t intend for it to be. Did I ever indicate Abby was a problem?”

  “No, but most guys think they can handle it, but they can’t.”

  “I’m not most guys. Why don’t you give me a chance before you write me off?”

  “That’s not what I’m doing!” He gave me that sideways grin he had when he was humoring me. “I want you to be sure. I… I can’t lose you again.” I looked down. “Better to not start than that.”

  Again, he tipped my chin up and brushed my lips with his. “I’m not going anywhere. I love you, Ella.”

  “I love you too, but do you think you can learn to love Abby?”

  “Well, I just met her, and I generally don’t go for women that much younger than me, but yeah, I think I can give it a shot.”

  I thumped him playfully in the chest with the back of my hand. “I’m serious.”

  “So am I. She’s your daughter, and she is so damn cute I almost can’t stand it. So, yeah, I don’t have a problem with her being Steve’s daughter, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  I watched his eyes, trying to read between the lines of what he was saying. I wanted him to say, ‘yes, Ella, I will love your daughter as much as my own,’ but that as unfair to him. No one can predict who they will and won’t love. Even if he said it, what would that mean? Abby was Steve’s daughter, and he clearly didn’t love her. Levi could have fed me a line about how he did, or would love her, but he hadn’t. I’d had another guy try that on me, but I’d seen through his lie quickly.

  I nodded, deciding I appreciated his honesty. “Okay. We’re a package deal, you know.”

  “Great! A twofer!”

  I smiled as I heard the water begin draining from the tub. Those three words did more to convince me Abby would get a fair shake from him than almost anything else he could have said.

  “Okay,” I said with a smile.

  This was Levi! I was going to have to quit worrying about shit like this. I’d trusted him not to hurt me last night when I’d opened my heart to him again, and again this morning when he’d aggressively put his hands on me. I would have to trust him not to hurt Abby.

  “Mommy!” Abby called from the bath, using her two-tone sing-song version of the word. “I’m done!”

  “You’re being paged.”

  I rolled my eyes as I grinned. “So I hear.” I turned away but turned back to him and gave him a quick kiss before I hurried to the bathroom to help Abby dry off. She could dress herself, but her drying skills left a little something to be desired.

  I wrapped her up in the towel, and held her close as she shivered. After a moment, she warmed and had enough of that, so she squirmed her way out of my hug and put on her bright red pajamas with the cartoon penguin wearing earmuffs on the front.

  I sat down in her bedroom with her favorite book, Goodnight Moon, and waited for her to finish brushing her teeth. She was yawning as she stepped into her room.

  “I want Levi to read my story.”

  “I can do it.”

  “Levi. He said he would.”

  I grinned. “Okay, let me check.” I kissed her on the cheek and carried the book with me to the living room at the front of the trailer. “She wants you to read her story.”

  He nodded. “I told her I would.” He took the book from my hand. “This doesn’t have a lot of big words in it, does it?” I snickered. “Be right back.”

  When he disappeared into her room, I tiptoed down the hall and listened.

  “Goodnight Moon…In the great green room…there was a telephone…and a red balloon…and a picture of…the cow jumping over the moon…” he read slowly.

  I liked his voice. His rich baritone seemed to bring new life to the rhyming of the book, and I liked the fact he was taking his time and not rushing through it. I peeked around the corner. I’d read the book to her so many times I had it memorized, and I knew he was approaching the end.

  “Goodnight stars…goodnight air…goodnight noises, everywhere.” Abby yawned hugely as he slowly closed the book. “Goodnight, Abby,” he said as he rose and then bent to kiss her on the forehead, pulling up and straightening the linens on her bed.

  I pursed my lips and quickly hurried to the kitchen so he wouldn’t know I’d been watching. I didn’t have a dishwasher, so I started putting away the dishes I’d washed two nights ago as an excuse for being there.

  “Finished?” I asked even though I knew he was.

  “All done.” He sauntered up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist as he nuzzled my neck. “I need to go. I still have to check in.”

  I groaned silently. I didn’t want him to go. I was torn. Have him stay, or stick to my rule of not having men over when Abby was home.

  He kissed me on the neck again and slowly drew his hands back. “I’ll see you in a day or two.”

  “Tomorrow?” I asked hopefully.

  “Probably not.” I felt a crushing disappointment. “I have something I need to do.”

  “Okay,” I murmured.

  “Hey,” he said, turning me to face him. “It’s not like that. I’m working hard to convince my family you’re telling the truth.”

  “And that’s what you’re doing tomorrow?”

  “Yeah. I’m going to try to track down Cat and talk to her.”

  “What good will that do? She won’t tell you anything, even if you do track her down. And so what if she does tell you? She’ll just deny she said it, just like she denied she did it. You still won’t have proof.”

  “I don’t need proof, not like that. All she has to do is say something to me. If I tell Mom and Dad I heard the truth with my own ears…” he paused and shrugged, “then it’s another step in the right direction.”

  “I think you’re wasting your time.”

  “It’s mine to waste.”

  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Last I heard she’s living in Abilene.”

  “I’m going to pay a friendly little visit to her mom tomorrow. Try to set up a meet with Cat, and we’ll see what happens.”

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “Because I don’t want to lose my family.”

  I frowned. “I don’t understand what any of this has to do with your family.”

  “If they make me choose between them and you, they’re going to lose. I don’t want that.”

  I stared at him and slowly began to shake my head. “No. Don’t do that. I don’t—”

  “You’re not,” he said, his voice soft but firm. “Right now, they’re trying to come between us, and I’m not going to allow that.” He softened. “Actually, that’s not completely true. Dad and I had a frank discussion this morning about you. I think they know where I stand, and he backed down. But I don’t want you tolerated on my behalf. I want you welcomed as a member of the family, like you used to be. Maybe if I talk to Cat, I can have my cake, and eat her too.”

  It took me a moment to catch what he said. “Naughty.” I paused as I held his gaze. “You’d really choose me over your family?”

  “I already have. Give me a kiss. I need to go.”

  He leaned in for a parting kiss, and I decided that wasn’t enough, not nearly enough. “Don’t go.”

  “I need to get checked in before it gets late. You know they—”

  “No, I mean stay with me tonight,” I said, talking over him.

  He paused. “What about…?” he asked as he jerked his head in the direction of Abby’s room.

  “We’ll just have to be quiet.”

  “And in the morning?”

  “You’ll join us for breakfast.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure.”

  He held my eyes for a long time and yawned
with comic exaggeration. “Suddenly I’m exhausted and ready for bed.”

  I smiled. The exhaustion I’d been feeling at Dolly’s vanished. God, I’d missed him so much. “You know what, so am I.”

  I finished putting away my dishes, mostly to make sure Abby was asleep. Having her walking in as Levi was, as Mackenzie put it, loading his clown into the cannon, would be even harder to explain than her seeing him in the morning. Tomorrow, Mom and Dad would know that Levi and I were sleeping together, but I honestly didn’t think they’d care. I think he’d earned that right in their eyes.

  It took me three times as long to put away the dishes as it should have. If he wanted to get some, he needed to stop distracting me with his soft touches, and most especially, his nuzzling of my neck. He’d wrap me up, his hands pulling my ass back into his crotch, and I’d stop whatever I was doing and soak it up like a sponge. At least it was giving Abby time to be good and asleep.

  I put the last glass away and turned in his arms. “You’re an ass, you know that?” I grumbled playfully.

  He gave my butt another slow caress. “Maybe, but I’m not as nice a one as yours.”

  I snickered. “Is that all you think about?”

  “When I’m around you, hell yeah!” He paused and became more serious. “Does my teasing bother you?”

  I smiled slyly. “Only if you can’t back it up.”

  He visibly relaxed. “I’ll do the best I can.”

  I stretched up for a kiss. “You’ve been doing fine so far.”

  He kissed me, pulling me in tight as my arms circled his neck. It was the perfect blend of last night’s tenderness and this morning’s fire. The kiss slowly dissolved.

  “You think she’s asleep?” he asked.

  “Probably.”

  “Good, because I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up before I take you right here.”

  “Is that what you were doing, waiting for Abby to fall asleep?”