MEMORIAM

by Rachel Broom

  When I got closer, I saw the little boy with curly brown hair. His body turned so I could see his face. He wasn’t moving. Panic took over my senses. I took his arm and pulled him up with me, trying to reach the surface. When I reached out my hand hit a sheet of glass that separated us from air. My lungs were screaming for oxygen and I was light-headed. I kicked the glass harder; the boy was losing color in his cheeks. Bubbles escaped my mouth and with them, all the oxygen I had left.

  I gasped for air, sitting upright in bed.

  “Vi?”

  “Sorry; bad dream.”

  It was only a dream. The boy was a dream. I lay back down and closed my eyes for a second. The boy’s colorless face was still there. Sam stroked my forehead.

  “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  I rolled over on my side, away from Sam.

  “When do you have Memoriam?”

  “In half an hour.” I stared at the blank wall in front of me. Sam let me take the side closest to the wall so I never had to worry about falling off. He had fallen off countless times in the past several nights we’d spent together, but he never complained. Through the empty space I found Sam’s hand and held it loosely. I didn’t want to lose him. I wanted to hold onto him forever and never get out of that bed, to tell myself that everything was going to be okay instead of the falsehood that more nightmares would force their way into my brain and take over.

  “What are you thinking about?” he asked.

  “Us.” I turned and snuggled into Sam’s arms. “I should probably get going.”

  “I know.”

  I lay there for another few minutes, staring at the ceiling. My mind replayed the conversation we’d had the night before about Sam’s family.

  “We should find your family once we escape.”

  “Oh yeah?” Sam asked. “And why’s that?”

  “Why wouldn’t you want to find your family?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know if they want to be found. Especially by me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “A few years ago I started disagreeing with some of my family’s political views, the biggest one surrounding the Pax’s general lack of authority. We weren’t standing up for ourselves the way we should have been. My dad disagreed. It got to the point where he couldn’t stand me anymore, so he kicked me out. I was eighteen at the time and obviously still in school, so the only choice I had was to move to Stoclo.

  “When the Head took over and started carting Pax away, I went to find my family. I’d made a plan to go into hiding until it was safe to move to another rector. The night before I was getting ready to leave, my brother was executed on the news station. Apparently he’d been training to join the Pax Council and the night before his last training day, the Council was stormed. He was one of the ones who got shot. I never found out what happened to my parents.”

  Sam had been quiet when he finished telling his story. When you hear painful stories like that you want to hold onto that person more tightly than before. I wanted that for Sam, to hug him and tell him everything was going to be okay, and that we were going to find his family, but he was right. There was no guarantee that his parents were alive, and even if they were, there was no telling whether they’d welcome Sam back after what happened.

  Now, I scooted closer to Sam and rested my ear on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. He ran his hand through my hair, brushing it aside so my face was bare. My eyes glazed over the freckles on the bridge of his nose.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he said. “I’m the luckiest man in the world.”

  “Keep the compliments coming and I’ll stick around.”

  He grinned. “I plan on having you stick around for a long time.”

  “Good.”

  “Do you want to meet me in the prison after Memoriam? I’m trying to find weak exit points. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

  “No, I want to,” I said.

  “All right.”

  I got out of bed and went over to the door, Sam following behind me.

  “See you soon?”

  He nodded. I reached up to move my hair back to scan my neck but Sam stopped me. His breath smelled of lavender and his lips tasted sweet against mine. My mind went into overdrive as my lips lingered on Sam’s. Hands slid up my torso and my mind flashed back to a pair of hands sliding over my chest. I pulled away from Sam.

  “What?”

  “Nothing. I should go,” I spluttered. I couldn’t explain the truth to Sam about how when I got close to him, it triggered unknown memories that scared me. There was nothing Sam could do to stop that, which made me all the more nervous about giving into him. Our relationship was moving faster than I had intended and I wasn’t sure if I wanted it to slow down.

  Down in the weaponry, Trent was waiting for me. I hadn’t really thought about our last run-in with the hand gun. Was Trent going to bring it up?

  “Ready for another round?”

  I guessed not. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

  The Memoriam routine had become robotic to me. We went into the room and Trent hooked up the cords as I sat in the chair. I was already zoning out when Trent spoke. “This session will be twice as long compared to past ones.”

  “Why?”

  “Those were the orders.” He tapped the tablet and I felt a zap run through my skull. I rested my head on the headrest, took a deep breath, and waited for the darkness to grow until I could not see a thing.

  The darkness was gone. An image of Sam and me replaced it. I was sitting next to him on a bench. His hand was on my knee and I kept leaning over to kiss him. Something he said was making me laugh, but I couldn’t hear what it was…...the images were growing foggy.....they shifted and I found myself in a hallway, running to the end. Sam was missing. I turned a corner and froze. Sam was standing across from me holding a gun. He said something but I couldn’t hear it. Was I deaf? My missing sense changed so I could no longer breathe. I clawed at the space in front of me until the world grew dark again....

  I was falling through space. My stomach was clenched in a tight knot. I fell past stars and planets and asteroids until I saw a light up ahead that was growing brighter and brighter. I held up a hand to shield my eyes.

  “Welcome,” a voice said. It echoed through space.

  “Where am I?”

  “You have moved on.”

  “Am I dead?”

  “You are no longer alive on Earth, but you still exist.”

  It was impossible to see past the bright light; all I could make out was the figure of a man. I reached out my hand, reaching for the light. Was it a person? My fingers touched the light and it vanished. The scenery changed again to a meadow. Across it was the house where I had killed that little girl. She could still be in there, waiting for me like before. I wanted to run but my feet would not move. I fell over in the dirt. Why were my feet stationary? The door to the house flew open and the little girl ran through the tall grass, a knife in her hand. She was getting closer. My feet still wouldn’t move. She raised the knife above her head as she came closer. I screamed and covered my head, crouching in a ball.

  The girl was gone. I came out of my protective stance and looked to see where the girl had disappeared to. Instead of the girl was the little boy with brown curly hair who I had seen before. He came over and placed his hand on my back.

  “Vi, are you okay?” In his other hand that hung by his side was a plastic knife. I frowned and examined his features. His dark brown hair was curled in ringlets that tickled his forehead and freckles sprinkled his cheeks. Did I know this boy? I glanced around the meadow to make sure we were alone.

  “Hi, Vi! Watch this!” the boy squealed. He swung his plastic knife around. I was laughing.

  “Good job! Now try and stab me.”

  The boy laughed and threw back his head.

  “Come on!” I yelled.

  He lunged the knife into my side, grinning. A pain exploded in my torso so severe I scre
amed in anguish. The boy wasn’t smiling anymore. My vision was going in and out of focus. Where had the boy gone?

  “There you are!”

  My vision focused and I saw Sam standing in front of me. He touched my shoulder. “I thought something had happened to you. I got you a surprise.”

  I sat up.

  “It’s your favorite, remember? You told me you loved delphiniums, so I got you some.”

  I reached out and touched the small petals. “Where did you find these?”

  “It wasn’t easy. I snuck into a community garden across Stoclo. You would think they are almost extinct or something.”

  “Thank you.” Something out of the corner of my eye caught my attention.

  “Sam...” The Head was coming through the meadow towards us. He was here for Sam – I knew it.

  “Sam!” I screamed. It was too late. The Head raised his gun and fired at Sam. I reached for Sam’s falling body, but when I caught it I found myself in a different location again. I was against a glass door, trying to open it. Through the glass was the healing center where Sam sat on the other side, smiling at me.

  “Sam! Please let me in...” I sobbed, hitting the doors. “Please Sam, remember me. Sam!” The Head spotted me and began to cross the centicular.

  “Sam!” I shrieked louder, pounding the doors. Sam finally got up from his chair and rested his hand against mine through the glass.

  “Vi, don’t you remember me? Don’t you remember? You forgot about me. I can’t help you.”

  “No Sam, please. I’m sorry...Sam!” He turned away from the glass and I felt a heavy tug on my shoulder. The Head yanked me backwards. I howled as the Head stabbed my chest.

  My eyes flung open to cords dangling above me. I must be awake. I panted heavily, hearing a faint voice in the background. Trent was talking but I wasn’t listening. Instead I reached up and touched the place on my chest where the Head had stabbed me. It wasn’t real.

  “Vi, it’s over. You’re done, okay?”

  Trent’s face came into focus. Sweat slid down my forehead and ran down the crook of my back. He sat down on the edge of the metal chair and touched my forehead. I cringed, closing my eyes.

  “No one is going to kill you,” he said.

  “You promise I’m not still in Memoriam?”

  Trent shook his head. “This is reality.”

  The memories I’d seen ran wild in my mind while Trent unhooked me from the chair. They had felt so real. Why? Who was this boy I kept seeing everywhere? Then there was Sam betraying me. This had to be a fear...it wasn’t real, right?

  “Vi?”

  “Huh?” I pulled myself out of my daze and focused back on Trent.

  “Who was the little girl?”

  “She was on my last mission.”

  “And the boy?”

  “I-I don’t know. I can’t remember.”

  Trent frowned.

  “Wait – how did you know there was a little boy?”

  “The images in your mind are projected on the tablet for the me to see and documented for the base.”

  “So you saw...everything?” Sam flashed in my mind. We wouldn’t get in trouble, would we? It was hard enough as it was to deal with our risky friendship-turned-relationship, but with the base knowing how deep it really was, it made everything more dangerous. My gut told me to escape before it was too late. But our plan wasn’t ready yet.

  “Can I go?”

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Trent asked. I waved him off.

  “I’m fine.” I took a deep breath and used all my strength to cross the room without falling over.

  “Vi?”

  “Yeah?”

  “That little boy you spoke of. He’s not from your past, is he?”

  I wanted to cry but wasn’t sure why. The idea that the little boy could be from my past was hopeful, but terrifying at the same time. “I don’t think so.”

  “I wouldn’t tell others if he is. People will start to wonder....best to keep it to yourself. If the base thinks you’re going crazy then they’ll cut you.”

  “Right.” I turned and left Trent in the Memoriam room.

  I had promised Sam I would meet him in the prison. It was through the end of the large tunnel if you kept walking, so instead of heading to the lift I went in the opposite direction, towards a small light at the end of the gigantic tunnel.

  It was a long walk. I kept quickening my pace as my anxiety increased. The light at the end of the tunnel was brighter and more daunting than ever. Up ahead was a large gate, floor to ceiling, metal rungs running deep into the ground. Two skryers stood on either side of the gate holding large guns. I assumed there was some sort of force field around the gate that skryers had to disarm before I could pass.

  “What is your business?” one of the skryers asked.

  The only way to get through the gate was to lie. “I was told there were possible hunter candidates in prison.”

  “We got one last night. That must be who you are referring to.”

  I instantly felt a cool blast of air. The force field was down. I stepped through and waited as the other skryer gave me a pat-down.

  “Clear.”

  I stepped aside and started walking again. It was exciting to see the light at the end of the tunnel grow brighter and brighter. It gave me a new kind of hope; a rebirth of sorts. My head was higher and I walked with confidence.

  The ground began to slope and green grass shot up through the dirt. I could taste the freedom. Light hit me as I reached the top of the slope and stood on solid ground. The trees across the clearing spread for miles. My arms opened up and I tilted my head back, inhaling slowly. This was freedom. No walls or trackers, just me. What would it be like if I left right now? What if I took off running in the woods and never looked back? It wasn’t possible, though. The base was sure to blow you to bits if you tried, considering they followed your every move. One wrong step and you were dead.

  A large white cement building appeared up ahead through the trees so I took off running, my hair flying through the wind. Sam was leaned up against the side of the prison.

  “Sam!” I yelled out, waving over my head. He waved back.

  “Did you see this? It’s beautiful.”

  “Yeah, well, it may be one of the few times you get to. Come on.”

  We walked past the trees, listening to the faint cry of birds overhead and the scuffling of squirrels running up the trunks of trees. Sam pointed around the side where the entrance was. We both stepped inside. At the front was a skryer, but he said nothing to us. Ahead was a long hallway that stretched out over a quarter of a mile long. Cell after cell continued, hallways splitting off and disappearing.

  “There are so many.”

  Sam was grim. “Most people don’t know this place exists.”

  I cringed as I passed several cells where women and men sat, crouched in corners. Others were lying on their side, their backs to us. Many faces were pale and sunken in. I almost screamed when a hand shot out from between the bars and reached for my ankle. Sam grabbed me and yanked me away, kicking the hand with his foot. The woman slunk back to her cell, her hands retreating back by her knees.

  “It’s like a graveyard.”

  “A place of the dead. I hate coming here.”

  We walked down the main hallway together until we came to the first fork. I gazed at the hallway on my left. “I guess this is where we split up.”

  “I’ll take this one,” he said, pointing to his right. “Don’t be gone longer than fifteen minutes, okay? It’s easy to get lost in this place.”

  “How big is it exactly?”

  “Let’s just say I got lost here my first time in and wandered around for two hours before a skryer found me.”

  “Two hours?”

  Sam smiled wistfully. “No joke. Refer to the numbers at the top of every corner. They’ll increase the further you go from the center.” Sam pointed to the number above my head. 666.

  “We can meet bac
k here after the fifteen minutes is up.”

  “Ironic that we’re meeting with the devil, don’t you think?”

  Sam pursed his lips. “Don’t remind me. Good luck.”

  “You too.” I turned left. There were many cells with some aged men who looked older than Vince by many years. Grey hairs sprouted from their ears and their skin sagged under their eyes and chins. I glanced back and forth into each cell. What did the base do with all of these people? Why weren’t they in the base like the rest of us?

  The hallway I’d just passed read 700. At the next ’T’ I needed to turn left so that I didn’t end up back where I started. A set of stairs on the left path led down to a small river that ran swiftly past the stairs and into darkness. I ran down the stairs and recited the number, 742, in my head over and over as I walked down the hall, making sure I stayed clear of the river.

  An eerie feeling came over me, as if someone was watching me. I kept checking to see if anyone was following me, but no one was there. I paused, holding my breath. I did hear something: a faint scream. My heart skipped a beat.

  Who was screaming? An image of a woman screaming flashed in my mind. Changing lights, red, blue, and white, and sirens showed up in my mind. The screams sounded like they were behind me. I turned and started running back down the halls, glancing at the numbers to make sure I was headed in the right direction. I turned back so I was running alongside the river into a wide hallway, the screams growing louder and with them, a voice yelling. My chest heaved up and down as I came around the corner to see Sev holding a woman through her cell bars.

  “Please let me go!” she screamed.

  “Where is my brother?” Sev yelled at her. “I didn’t do it! Someone set me up. Now tell me where my brother is!”

  “I don’t know,” the woman sobbed. Sev let out an angry yell and pulled the woman’s hair, knocking her head against the bars. She howled and tried to pull away. I ran over and threw a punch at Sev. It must have caught him off guard because he stumbled back in surprise, releasing the woman.

  “Hey!” I said loudly, hitting him in the chest. The woman had scrambled to the farthest corner in her cell, whimpering. “Leave her alone.”