What's His Is Mine

  “I just hope I feel good enough to go to church.” I sighed.

  “So why don’t you just have the baby? I will take care of you,” DeCarious asked.

  “Decarious, there are no guarantees in life. I need security, I don’t have a job, the lady got me fired, and I have Asia. It is just a lot on me right now. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

  He came in the bed and made love to me. I didn’t have to seduce him any longer.

  Sunday, we all got dressed and went to church. DeCarious looked so nice in his suit. The preacher just coincidentally was talking about men being the head of the household and how men need to step up to the plate and stop leaving women out there. Oh, how perfect. The heavens were smiling down on me. I saw DeCarious shaking his head a few times. I caught him looking over at me. I watched the pastor attentively.

  That evening, after dinner, I did the dishes. I gave Malaysia a bath and went into DeCarious’s room. I knocked on the open door. DeCarious was sitting on the bed in deep thought.

  “You okay. You have been acting strange since church.”

  “I’m fine. I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking,” he said as he blew into his hands.

  “What’s wrong, baby? You okay?” I asked as I walked in the room and rubbed the center of his back. DeCarious looked up at me and took another deep breath. I had a seat next to him. “You look like something is bothering you,” I said as I touched his face.

  He stood up and said, “Listen, Adrienne. I know we have been through a lot, and well, I just had a long talk with the pastor. I told him about our situation.”

  “Why did you tell him our business?”

  “Because you can go to God with anything. Anyway, he said what I already knew.”

  “What’s that, babe?”

  “He told me not to abandon my family and whatever problems we had in the past, leave them there and start over new. And just to pray on every single thing. So long story short, I want you to have our baby and I want us to get married.”

  “Married?” I repeated back to him like it was the most absurd thing I had ever heard. “DeCarious, you have a girlfriend and you think I’m going to marry you just because I’m pregnant?”

  “I’m going to break up with her. Listen, we can plan it now,” he said as he got on his knees and put his head next to my stomach. “Adrienne. That’s my baby in there. You could be having my son, and I don’t want to get rid of him.” I didn’t say anything at first. I acted as if I was at a loss for words.

  “DeCarious, stop.” I tried my best to push out fake tears. I couldn’t believe it. He was ready to marry me. Yes! Okay, things were moving way faster than I expected. I tried to gain my composure as I walked to the bathroom. What was I supposed to say to that? Shit. Focus, Adrienne, I thought. Okay, he wanted to marry me. I had to get him to do it now before someone or something changed his mind. I heard him coming toward the bathroom. I put my head down in my lap. He picked my head up off my lap.

  “You okay, Adrienne?”

  I stood and left the bathroom. “No, I’m not. I can’t let you marry me because I’m pregnant.”

  “I’m not marrying you because you are pregnant. I’m marrying you because I love you, my daughter, and my unborn child. Please, I want us to be a family. I know I haven’t been the best, to you or Asia, but I’m willing to change.”

  “I know, but what will everyone think? I don’t want to be walking down the aisle with a big stomach and people thinking you married me just because I’m pregnant.”

  “We can get married before you start showing.”

  “Like a city hall or Vegas wedding?”

  “Yeah, city hall, Vegas, whatever you want, Adrienne. Set it up. We can do it this weekend. I’m going to call my mom now and tell her,” he said as he went to reach for his cell phone. I stopped him by wrapping my arms around his waist and giving him a hug. I set his phone down. “No, um, babe, if we are going to do this, let’s just surprise everyone. I’m going to go online now and find tickets.”

  I convinced DeCarious that we couldn’t wait for the weekend and that we had to get married now. I booked us a flight to Philly. I had already made plans for us to drop Asia off with my mom. I promised her money and a few days with her only grandchild, no questions asked. She was going to meet us at the airport. I couldn’t risk waiting for Miss Anne to get home. I knew she would start inquiring about what we were doing and why we were going to Vegas, and I didn’t have time for that. We flew from Atlanta, met my mom at security, and got our connecting flight to Vegas.

  As soon as Asia was secure, it was time to finalize everything.

  DeCarious wasn’t saying too much. I could tell he was getting apprehensive.

  “Babe, you look tense. Relax. Let’s turn off our phones and just think about us.”

  “You’re right. I was just thinking about calling my parents, but I will call them afterwards.”

  “Don’t worry, babe. We are making the right decision.”

  In the busy Vegas airport all I could see in front of me was a colorful rainbow of red, orange, yellow, and green. Irony is a motherfucker and I love her. I met DeCarious’s ass in Vegas and now I was about to get married to him.

  We checked into our room where I changed into an off-white, short cocktail dress. DeCarious put on a black suit. The Little Chapel house was across the street from the license bureau. I already had paid for our package, so we had our wedding all set up.

  A cab pulled up. We were going to get our license first. The woman on the phone said it only took about twenty minutes. Then all we had to do was walk across the street and get married. There were only two couples ahead of us—a young Indian and Asian couple and an older white couple. We filled out our forms and then handed them in. Within a few moments we were ready to be married.

  We went to the Little Chapel. It was empty. I guess most rushed weddings don’t happen on Tuesday afternoons. I couldn’t believe this was going to happen. I was about to be Mrs. DeCarious Simmons. In the room where our ceremony was taking place there was a fountain with water flowing, and green vines looped all around it. My feet could not get to that altar fast enough. DeCarious was all smiles. He touched my stomach once more and looked up in the air, I guess to say another prayer. We said our vows and the moment I said I do, I gave him a kiss. I was so ecstatic. All I was thinking about was that I had won. All my hard work and all my planning and plotting had worked. I was now Mrs. DeCarious Simmons. I realized I really did love DeCarious and though I wasn’t pregnant yet, that could easily be fixed. Our baby would just be a few weeks late. DeCarious had a game, so we had just enough time to have dinner, gamble a little, consummate our marriage, and fly home.

  Chapter 48

  Cherise

  I had to find out what was going on with DeCarious. I hoped we didn’t move too fast and now he was scared I wanted to tie him down. He brought up the marriage talk, not me. He kept telling me I was going to be his wife and I was the one—not me.

  I hadn’t talked to my man in two weeks now and I didn’t know how to feel. I knew he had my e-mail address, my cell phone number, and my adress if he wanted to reach me. I tried to just blame it on our schedules, like maybe he was just caught up, but the football season was over. What could he be doing? Where the hell is he, and why hasn’t he answered my calls?

  I just wanted to go to work and listen to my friends Alicia and Mary sing. Yes, Ms. Keys and Ms. Blige are on heavy rotation. Those two are the only people who understood what I was going through, because Toni really didn’t. Her only advice was, Girl, I already told you. Forget about him. Why are you tripping over a few months of dating someone? Get over it. If he hasn’t called, that’s your answer. I told you from the beginning that you should not get serious with an athlete. And all I could tell her was DeCarious was different. He really cared about me. He really loved me. I wasn’t crazy. I knew how he felt about me. But to be honest, I didn’t know if that was true anymore. I kept asking myself what I did
wrong, but I came to the conclusion that I didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t me, it was him that made our relationship go at an accelerated pace. He gave me an all-access pass to his life, which I didn’t ask for, but I was foolish enough to swing it around my neck. I’m so embarrassed he had me around his family and friends. Why would he do that if he was playing games? And then all that stupid talk of us getting married. He had me believing I was really going to be Mrs. Simmons because he said it in front of everyone. I thought he was the one.

  I was about to be sick. I needed answers. I wanted to call him, but he should call me. I felt like screaming.

  Instead I called my big sister. “Toni, DeCarious has not called or texted me in weeks. I called him and he didn’t answer.”

  “So, the honeymoon is over. If he didn’t call you, he is not thinking about you, so just go ahead with your life and have fun. A man who wants you calls you.”

  “I know. I know, but I was just thinking maybe he is busy or he is going through something. Maybe he thinks we rushed our relationship. I don’t know. I’m really confused right now, Toni.”

  “Well, he hasn’t returned any of your calls, so just go to his house.”

  “I just can’t go to his house.”

  “Why not? You go there and you have him explain all this to you.”

  “You’re right. I’m going to go there.”

  “All right, call me when you get there.”

  Toni was right. I needed a logical explanation for why he had not returned any of my calls. I got in my car and drove to his house. I was in a rush and I needed answers. I needed clarity. If he was scared about our relationship, I would understand. Maybe we could slow down a bit. If he wanted to date other people I’d be upset, but we could work through it. I don’t know. I just needed to know.

  As I drove up to DeCarious’s house, I saw his truck. I was so scared to knock on the door. When I did, he opened the door and said, very frankly, “What are you doing here?” He slid out the door and started walking toward the driveway. I followed behind him.

  “What am I doing here? I haven’t heard from you, DeCarious. What’s going on?” I looked at him. He looked bothered, like he hadn’t had a lot of sleep.

  “Nothing’s going on, but I can’t talk to you right now.”

  “What do you mean, nothing’s going on? I haven’t talked to you in about two weeks. You haven’t returned any of my calls.”

  “Cherise, listen. Can I talk to you a little later? I have a lot going on. We need to sit down and talk, and right now is not a good time and you won’t understand.” He had this coldness in his eyes as he spoke to me, like he wasn’t my DeCarious. He was talking to me like I was a stranger. I felt myself becoming emotional. I didn’t want to cry and reveal how much pain I was in right now. I could not detect if he cared or not.

  “DeCarious, can you please talk to me?” I begged and grabbed his arm.

  He snatched it away and said, “No, you have to leave, Cherise. I’ll call you later.”

  I didn’t want to get physical with him, but I felt like I wanted to grab him and make him stand still and talk to me. I didn’t know who was in the house and I didn’t want to cause a scene, but I wasn’t about to leave until we talked and he gave me some type of answer.

  “No, I’m not going anywhere. Make me understand what I did wrong. Please tell me what it is.” I felt weak.

  And then he said the words that all people in love never want to hear from the person they love. “It’s not you.” It’s not you means, one hundred percent sure, it was me. What did I do wrong? My face began to scrunch up as I tried to hold the flowing tears back.

  “But you just . . . we were perfect. You told me you loved me and you cared about me and you never felt this way about anyone so soon.”

  “You’re right, we were perfect. I care about you, but you are not going to understand and I can’t tell you right now.”

  I tried as best I could to hold back the tears. I didn’t want to feel like a crybaby, but I couldn’t help it.

  “Cherise, don’t cry. Please, don’t cry.” He didn’t reach out to me, to try to stop my tears or pain. He just seemed more frustrated by the sight of my emotions. He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward my car and said, “Cherise, it’s not you. We had something good. You are perfect, but I got married.”

  Everything stopped. I mean, he just told me he got married. What the hell? To who, for what, how, when, why? My sadness instantly went to anger. I couldn’t believe this BS. “DeCarious—to who?”

  “My daughter’s mother.”

  “Are you kidding me? You married that crazy gold digger you were always talking about? The one who everyone said had a baby by you to take your money? The one you just introduced me to?”

  “It doesn’t even matter, but she is not like that anymore. She goes to church and she is pregnant. She wants to be a family now. I owe her that and I want all my children by one woman. I don’t have to explain anything else to you, and if you don’t leave right now I’m going to call the cops on you.”

  “Call the cops on who? Me?” I stood in shock for a moment. I didn’t know what else to do. I was hurt. I felt tears streaming down my face. I was so embarrassed. I had to walk away, I couldn’t let him see me cry.

  I got in my car and drove away. I don’t know how fast I was going. But I knew I had to get far away from his house before I did something I would regret. As soon as I stopped, I put my face in my hands and began to cry. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have been so naïve? I thought they weren’t together, because he introduced me as his girlfriend. I met his mother. He had me around his daughter. He told me I was the one. I was the fucking one. How could he do this to me? Damn it, DeCarious. I believed you.

  When I left DeCarious’s house I was so furious. How? Why? I guess it didn’t even matter. How embarrassing was this going to be? I was glad I was smart enough to always deny our relationship. I was so glad I told everyone we were just friends. This was just all too unbelievable.

  Damn it. I was just trying to block the last half hour out of my memory. I would go crazy trying to dissect what I did that was so wrong that DeCarious would run and marry a women he despised. And he said she was pregnant—when and how did that happen? It didn’t make sense, and I couldn’t try to understand it. I took a deep breath and told myself no tears, no tears, as more dripped from the corners of my eyes. I felt like I didn’t want to go home and cry and play a victim. I didn’t want to go to Toni’s house and hear I told you so. I wished I had somebody—anybody—to talk to. Just as that thought popped into my head, Gavin called.

  “Hey, you.”

  “Hey, Gav. What are you doing?”

  “Nothing. Sitting here working on a story. I haven’t heard from you in a while. Wanted to just check up on you.”

  “That’s nice of you. Where are you?” I asked.

  “I’m home. Why? What’s up?”

  “I’m coming over.”

  “To my house? What for?” he asked in a high voice.

  “Yeah, I’ll be there in about fifteen minutes.”

  “Why now? What, you and your man having problems?”

  I was already upset. I didn’t need him to ask me stupid, but very accurate questions. “No, I’m not having any problems, but if you don’t want my company—Never mind, I’m not coming,” I said as I ended the call. Gavin called right back.

  “I didn’t say that, Cherise. I want you to come. I just wasn’t sure why you were coming, but whatever the case I would love to see you.”

  I didn’t respond. He had irritated me already. I should just go home, get under the covers, and sulk until it was time for me to go to work.

  “Cherise, are you there?” he asked in a panic.

  “Yes, I heard you. I’ll be there.”

  Gavin was waiting for me in the lobby of his apartment building. He was all smiles. He gave me a quick hug. When we got to his apartment, he opened his door and asked if I wanted anything t
o drink. Yes, I did—several of them. I came in and I had a seat.

  Several drinks and movie later, I didn’t feel any better, but I knew what would make me feel better. I scooted over to Gavin and pushed him down on the sofa and began kissing him. He was so shocked he pushed me off of him.

  “What’s going on, Cherise?”

  “Nothing,” I said as I stood up and stood two centimeters away from him.

  “Cherise, what are you doing? Stop—let’s talk. What’s going on? What’s happening?” He was asking too many questions. Maybe he was gay and didn’t know how to say it.

  “Nothing is happening. I want this and so do you,” I said as I took off my clothes and began undressing him.

  He stopped me again and said, “Hold up, Cherise. What does this mean?”

  “It doesn’t mean anything. I want this and so do you,” I repeated as I placed my finger in front of his lips, silencing him. He was still in a state of shock, but became a participant anyway. He took off his shirt and began kissing me all over. He went from my neck to my navel in a matter of seconds. After several moments of heated kissing, Gavin went into his wallet and grabbed a condom. He tore the wrapper and placed it on his erectness. I couldn’t wait for him to enter me. I couldn’t wait for him to make love to me, to make me feel good. I needed to feel like a woman. I needed to feel desired. He turned off the lights and then his warm body entered mine. It felt amazing. I needed it. I needed all of what he was giving me. For a moment my mind was off of DeCarious and all that he had just said to me.

  But all I could think about was DeCarious. How I missed him. How he was supposed to make me feel like the way Gavin was making me feel. I wanted my man. A tear fell. My body started to shake and I started to cry again. Gavin stopped and turned the light on. I pulled the covers over my face.