Courting Crazy

by J G Jerome

  He looks at me like I’m stoned, but says, “Sure thing, boss.”

  We mount the stairs and ascend to the dining room, bypassing the lounge. It looks like there is a wedding reception there.

  The hostess that greets us takes my name and confirms the change in number to a party of four. She asks if we could wait for a moment as they are preparing a table with a city view for us. We agree as I caress the bare shoulders of my mates. Tiffany looks at us with curiosity. I wonder what her expression really looks like under the illusion. The hostess returns and gives me a look that I interpret as ‘you must be filthy rich to have those three hotties with you.’ It happens I am. I guess I’ll have to agree with her if she says anything.

  The hostess says, “This way please.” Tiffany, Christie, and Kristina lead while I follow drinking in the show of lovely swaying bums. Even the hostess is attractive; she’s a solid seven with dark hair, large breasts and generous hips in a dark business suit with a skirt that hangs just a little above her knees. Kind of an uninspired choice of skirt, but she looks professional in it.

  I seat Kristina next to me, and then walk around to help Tiffany and Christie into their seats.

  I take my seat and look over Kristina’s arm as she peruses the wine list. The busser lays out water, and the sommelier stops by to ask if we would like recommendations. I explain to him that we would like a bottle of red and a bottle of white. I ask the ladies if they have a preference. Kristina has some specific guidance for the red and ‘something like a Kim Crawford’ for the white. The sommelier makes a couple of recommendations, and the two of them back and forth a bit. Kristina looks at me, but I just tell her to go with what she thinks is best. So they agree on choices, and then the server welcomes us and walks us through the menu.

  I could spend an hour singing the praises of the menu. We ended up getting four appetizers of three different selections, four salads of three different selections, and short rib, pork loin, lamb shank, and sea bass main dishes.

  The server says, “Women who eat! This is so cool.”

  Kristina responds, “I’ve burned a ton of calories today!”

  I look at her and respond, “Yeah, me too.”

  “Eating for two,” says Christie.

  Tiffany mutters, “I just like to eat, and I don’t get out very frequently.”

  The server shakes her head, “No problem at all.” She leans in and whispers conspiratorially, “We tend to get a lot of ‘bulimic’ ladies in here. Glad to see you beauties are all healthy.” She winks and heads off to place our order.

  The wine arrives with two glasses for each of us. I ask Krissie to do the tasting. She actually doesn’t like the red and asks me to try it. I agree with her. She asks for a different choice, and the Sommelier recommends something different from what he mentioned before. We go with that. I tell him I’ll buy the first bottle if he will gift it to the staff. He pours us each a glass of Kim Crawford after Kristina gives him the go.

  After he is gone, Tiffany asks, “Why did you do that, Jack?”

  “I wanted to smooth his ruffled feathers.”

  “I didn’t see any feathers, Jack,” she responds with an innocent look.

  I blink my eyes. “It’s a common expression meaning…” Her face blooms into a huge smile. “You just played me, didn’t you?”

  Tiffany preens, “Yes I did, Lord.”

  “Well played, Tiffany. Just remember now that the game is afoot, I can do the same to you. Be prepared.”

  Her laughter is so cute. Christie is grinning at her. “I’ve never seen you play and laugh like this, Tiffany.”

  Tiffany leans in and kisses her cheek. “I’m trying new things, Princess. I mean Christie. I like it. This is the first time I’ve ever eaten in a restaurant, too.”

  I raise my glass, “Then allow me to propose a toast, my beautiful tablemates. To new things, my new friend, my new fiance, and my found lost lover. May we have more fun, more friends, and swim in love.”

  Glasses tinkle to a chorus of ‘hear, hear’ responses.

  The sommelier returns with the red, and Kristina gives it her blessing. It’s light, fruity, yet dry - very nice.

  While we have the table to ourselves, I ask Christie if she plans to stay with us tonight or if she has other arrangements. I discover that she usually stays with Megan when she is in town. She considers Megan’s condo in north Scottsdale ‘home’ despite having an apartment in Flagstaff.

  I ask her, “How do you get back and forth from the Sith?” She looks over my shoulder, so I drop that question and turn to see who is there.

  There is a chunky young lady with a pad and pen dressed in black slacks and a black tunic top. I think the term she’s trying for is ‘boho chic;’ although, with her black painted hair and white makeup on her face, neck, and hands she might just be pushing the goth or ‘vampire chic’ thing. I don’t think I’ll ever figure some people out.

  “Hello folks,” says Vampchick. “I’m working for the photographer. The restaurant is going to be featured in Phoenix magazine, and I’d like to get some pictures of you in front of the night skyline. Maybe toasting etcetera? I may ask to pose you to make it look like an impromptu, candid shot. Would you be willing to play along?”

  We look at each other. Since it’s local, I can’t see a reason not to, but I’ve been drinking already. The ladies all shrug and nod.

  She takes our names down. “Jack Jerome,” I tell her. She works her way around the table.

  “Christie Cavanagh. Both with C’s rather than K’s”

  “Tiffany Valkyrie. First name is spelled T-I-P-H-A-N-A-E. Last name is V-A-L-K-Y-R-I-E.” ‘I’m glad she mentioned that. I would write it wrong.’

  “Kristina with a K. Unterberg, spelled U-N-T-E-R-B-E-R-G.”

  Vampchick notes, “Christie and Kristina. I bet that never gets confusing.”

  The ladies play with her by keeping their faces blank. Kristina pulls her chain, “Really? How so?” She leans towards the poor girl and flutters her eyes.

  Christie gives another tug, “No. Never been a problem.” Her fingers caress down her own neck into her décolletage.

  Vampchick gets a little flustered, then flutters off to direct the photographer our way.

  “Human, right?” I ask. All the ladies nod.

  We discuss inconsequential stuff for the rest of the meal as there are just too many normals around, or ‘norms’ as Kristina calls them. Kristina finally gets to tell me about how she is doing getting the vineyards established. I gave her an even million to get everything set up. She has been taking soil samples, confirming her choices for what grapes she wants to plant, ones which would be ideal for the climate. Her uncle Merrill has some recommendations on the earth works to terrace the vineyards, and she has arranged with him to start Monday. She says it’s so nice to not have to do this on a shoestring, which is what her life plan had been until my change of fortune.

  I mention that I had seen a story on PBS about a winery in Missouri that is growing grapes and making award winning wines from grapes that are native to North America. She is familiar and even knows their name, Terravox. She is looking at a couple of native grape varieties and a couple of European ones. I get lost in the details after about ten minutes, but I love watching her talk about it. She is animated and vivacious. I and the other ladies just bask in all that positive energy she generates. It wouldn’t matter if she were surrounded by Sidhe and Victoria’s Secret models, Kristina would be the center of attention. Then again, if you mixed Sidhe with Victoria’s Secret models in a room, it would be hard to tell the difference. I’m not sure why I thought of them. Maybe I caught a ‘VS’ commercial on TV during the four hours I had the TV running last week.

  Appetizers and salads arrive over time as we talk. Christie talks about how things are going at school. She’s going to Northern Arizona University to wrap up her masters in nursing. She thought about going the pre-med route towards being a doctor, but she decided that Nurse Practitioner wou
ld be a better way to go. She is currently working at Flagstaff Medical Center while she is working on her MSN. Her plan is to take a DNP course of study at ASU shortly after her MSN and cohabitate with Megan. I mention that I heard she was a historian of repute. She agrees that she is a well-known historian in fae history, but you can’t really get a degree in that. She explains her main goal is to choose a career field that will allow her to help people stay healthy. She thinks nursing is the best available option.

  Christie explains, “There isn’t a lot of need for pharmaceuticals in my community as we tend to have very strong and active immune systems.” Apparently, ‘community’ is the de facto preferred term for any fae race at a public dinner table. “Despite the strong immune systems, setting broken bones, physical therapy, etcetera are all services my community could use. Whereas in humans an improperly set bone could lead to lost capabilities for lifetime, anyone from my community might still take a couple hundred years of lost performance in the limb as it completely heals, and shorter lived communities like Kristina’s would likely be maimed for life. Even the small, winged communities could benefit from these services, as currently a broken limb generally translates to death for them. Proper setting and physical or occupational therapy can restore function to the shorter-lived communities and speed recovery for the longer-lived ones. We are not immune to disease, we just fight off the common ones easier than our neighbors do. Plus sanitation is a concern with our underground dwellings. There’s just a ton of positive impact by bringing healthcare and public health knowledge back home.”

  Like Kristina, Christie’s passion is magnetic. It’s no wonder she drew me in so fast. Tiphanae is mesmerized by her. I have to remind her to eat a couple of times. It’s apparent to me that she adores Christie. We discuss career opportunities in the health and medical fields for her, and how modern medicine has devolved into either ‘take a pill’ or ‘cut it out’ as the two acceptable solutions. As the main courses arrive we dive into my favorite conspiracy theory, how pharmaceutical companies are not interested in curing diseases as there is much more money to be made by selling chemicals that treat individual symptoms.

  I tell her about a friend of mine, “Larry was put on high blood pressure meds when he had 135/80 blood pressure. He was an aging athlete carrying about 15 extra pounds at the time. After taking the pills, he became lethargic and began putting on more weight. Eventually he contracted GERD. All of these are known side effects of the common blood pressure meds. So his doctors gave him meds for GERD. Then they had to check to ensure the GERD meds didn’t cause a pre-cancerous condition called Barrett’s Syndrome in his throat, which is a known side effect of almost every GERD med. The acid from his stomach continued to be drawn into his lungs, which gave him asthma. His doctor gave him an inhaled steroid. Both the GERD med and the steroid have known side effects of raising blood pressure. With his increasing body weight and the meds, and Larry’s blood pressure did slowly rise. So the Doctors gave him more blood pressure meds. Additionally, Larry’s blood sugar began to rise. The Doctors weren’t worried about it because his A1C didn’t go up. What we learned later was that the GERD med masked the rising A1C - again a known side-effect. Long story short, Larry found some online articles by a biochemist that used to work for a big pharmaceutical company. The medical community quickly labelled the biochemist as a quack; however, Larry followed his advice to stop taking all the drugs, changed his diet, started taking some targeted supplements, changed his exercise habits, dropped 40 pounds, is running 135/80 blood pressures, normal A1C and blood glucose.”

  Christie is appalled. “That has to be a one-off case!”

  “Apparently not. The guy Larry is following has several anecdotal use cases as well as scientific studies from a variety of research hospitals, the CDC, NHS, etcetera, that all indicate it’s the drugs that make us sick. Something about how it inhibits chemical receptors in the cells. I need to go back and read more on this given my new abilities. It might make it easier to heal someone if I need to. I started following this guy’s advice as I was on blood pressure meds and the docs were talking about cholesterol meds. Change in diet, change in exercise, and getting off meds have got my BP normal, my cholesterol is under 200, and blood glucose dropped.”

  “Will you send me that information?” Christie asks.

  I agree provided she gives me her contact info, which elicits an ‘oh’ expression from her, then nods with a shy smile.

  We continue to talk about trends in health informatics, biomedical engineering, anything else that might be on the fringes of health care that might overlap into either my IT or investment businesses.

  Eventually we all sit back in our chairs to signal surrender. We managed to clear plates and empty wine bottles. The dessert offerings all look lovely, but we decide to split an Italian Hazelnut Cream Cake between the four of us with espressos. We each get about two spoons of dessert, which honestly is enough. The espresso shuts down my appetite nicely.

  I settle the bill and ping Ed with a message that we are coming. He messages back that he’s on his way. We thank the staff for a lovely evening and wish them one in return. They thanked me for the wine. I see they all have a glass with a short pour and salute me with a ‘to Jack’ toast as we depart.

  Chapter 9 - Hunting party

  As we get down the stairs to the valet station, Ed is standing at his door as two beautiful women approach him. One is about Myra’s height, with a slim build. She’s nearly Elven in how narrow her hips and shoulders are. She has a pale green cocktail dress, creamy lightly burnished skin, and pale, strawberry blond, curly hair. The other is just a bit shorter, about Daphne’s height. She’s a buxom brunette with an oval face, brown eyes, golden skin, shoulder-length wavy brown hair wearing a short, slinky ‘little black dress.’ She is generously proportioned, but she is not fat - just curvy. Like a brunette Marilyn Monroe with olive skin. Where the redhead has kind of a devilish look on her face, the brunette looks like a kind sweetheart.

  The skinny one says, “Hey handsome, how about a ride?” I am close to the valet, so I will him to sleep as I get into position to catch him. The commotion catches the ladies’ attention.

  As I stand back up from setting the young man down. I tell them, “Ladies, if you try to influence him I am going to get violent with you.”

  Tiphanae chips in, “Oh Lord, please allow me. I haven’t torn Sidhe flesh in too long. I love licking their blood off my talons, don’t I Lisette?” The thin redhead gasps when she recognizes Tiphanae.

  She responds, “Tiphanae, you bitch! What did I tell you about interrupting my fun?”

  Christie chimes in, “I don’t think your threats phase her much, Lisette. Maybe I should just give my mother a call.”

  That causes both the strangers to gasp, “No, Princess.”

  “Ed, are you alright?” I ask.

  “Yes sir. I take it these are the dangerous ones you told me about.”

  “Yep,” I respond. “They are powerful psychics. I am not at liberty to tell you more right now, but trust me. Their beauty may be only skin deep.” I direct my attention to the two ladies, letting the green glow emerge. “Lisette, listen and obey.”

  She shivers before responding, “Yes, lord.”

  I look at the other one. “Your choice, beautiful. I can take your will, or you can serve me. Just so you are informed, I am using the Winter’s method. The result is Lisette will have no damage and few side effects other than what I command her. The other option is you offer me your flesh and become bound to me. What is your name, sweetheart?”

  The tall buxom young lady says, “My name is Carolyn ab Mason Mac Printemps, Lord.”

  “What do you choose, Carolyn?”

  “Lord, I ask that you let me observe how you handle Lisette first,” she says.

  I nod, “That seems fair. Come stand next to Tiphanae, so I can be assured that your behavior will be proper.”

  “Yes, Lord.” Carolyn says and walks up the hill to stan
d in front of Tiphanae. Tiphanae turns her to face Lisette, and places a hand on each shoulder.

  “Lisette, tell me why you are here.”

  She responds, “This is one of my favorite playgrounds. I like to come up here and steal a limo driver and car. I have him drive me down to a dark corner of the parking lot. Then I and my playmates fuck him mercilessly, using my ability to keep him hard and moving well past what he could normally do.”

  “Really?” I ask. “What’s the point of that?”

  Lisette shakes her head, “Silly Lord, the object of the game is to see if we can fuck him to death!”

  Ed coughs out a ‘Jesus!’

  “Why chauffeurs?” I ask.

  “They’re easy to catch in certain areas,” she says with a shrug. “We used to chase crime lords, but word got out after a handful of those. We would need to change our looks or move to a new city to go back to hunting for those. I like hunting here. I’m not ready to move yet. So, different prey was in order.”

  Christie says, “Sadly, it has been a common pastime among the Summer ladies throughout history. It’s the source of much of the lore on succubi. The males do it differently. They try to enthrall a human lady with their touch, addict them to loving them, and then leave them broken hearted to see if they will commit suicide. It’s all terribly macabre. It’s forbidden, but the strictures are apparently not enforced for friends of my sister. Then again, I don’t think we’ve ever caught anyone before. They might feed her to the Valkyries if I take her back.”

  I look at Carolyn, watching for tells. “How many times have you done this before, Carolyn?”

  She’s appalled, “None, Lord. She said we would go out to find some human men that might find my figure appealing. I’m a little much for most Seelie males. The ones that have come calling haven’t been very impressive. Lisette has them all snapping at her heels for a taste. She started playing nice a couple of months ago. I thought she was legit when she mentioned going clubbing.” I see tears in her eyes.