What You Don't Know (True Hearts Book 6)

by Jaxson Kidman

  “I don’t believe that for a second,” she said. “I mean, only if you let it get old. You get to wake up and smell the ocean water, listen to the waves. You play drums in a band?”

  “I’m in between gigs right now,” I said with a smirk.

  “Right. Because you beat up the guitarist in the band?”

  “To be fair, he had it coming. And nobody really pulled me off him at first.”

  “At first,” Willow said. “And it happened on the night…”

  I pushed away from the truck and took a deep drag of my smoke.

  I rubbed my jaw and looked to the water.

  “Tell you what,” I said. “Why don’t we grab something to eat and we can come back later. Did you pack anything to wear to get in the water?”

  “No,” Willow said. “I didn’t intend on staying very long.”

  I laughed. “So, let me get this straight. You packed a small bag, hopped on a flight down here, and planned on… what?”

  “I’m not exactly sure of that, Travis,” she said.

  “Which proves my point.”

  “And what point is that?”

  I took a drag of the smoke and flicked it to the ground. I closed in on Willow, leaving her pinned against her car, a mere inch separating my body from hers.

  “You think you’re here to do me a favor… but you’re the one on the run. You’re the one unable to face whatever it is you’re hiding from. Now, do you want to get something to eat and talk?”

  I waited for Willow to slap me, which I would have taken with pride. Believe me, it wouldn’t have been the first time a woman had cracked me across the cheek because of my mouth running.

  Except Willow stood there with a sense of beautiful defiance.

  Instead of slapping me, she said two words.

  “You’re buying.”

  5

  The Only Shield We Truly Have

  WILLOW

  I survived the awkward introduction and the bad boy glare that poured from his eyes like the sun’s rays on a clear blue-sky day. I survived him closing in on me with tangy breath and salt laden hair that was messy and covering his eyes, but not enough that I couldn’t see their dark brown color looking right at me. I survived everything I feared about Travis.

  Now I sat outside a small pizza shop at a round table meant for a lot of people, but it was just me and him. He had his arm wrapped around a metal railing and casually moved his eyes every now and again to look at the water. It meant something to him. The water. The waves. Maybe it was his comfort and his version of therapy.

  He sipped a sweaty bottle of yellow beer and smacked his lips together. Obvious and definitely annoying. But that’s how I remembered Travis to always be.

  He slipped his thumb across his jaw, grinned at me, and quickly ran his hand through his hair.

  “I’m just trying to remember the first time I met you,” he said.

  “Why? What does it matter?”

  “It doesn’t. I’m just wondering.”

  I remember the first time I met you, Travis. Believe me.

  “Eh, you’re right,” he said and reached for his beer again. “Doesn’t fucking matter at all.”

  My hand slipped under another slice of pizza that was propped up on the tall tray. The cheese was still warm and gooey thanks to the warm summer-like day.

  “Damn, I’m impressed,” Travis said.

  “With what?”

  “A woman who actually eats.”

  “What?”

  “You were at Pop’s the night I helped Sam win a fight. He got himself tangled up with that football player from across town. That big guy. Jerry or something. Remember him?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “I remember. You threw him through the front window.”

  “I didn’t mean to do that actually,” Travis said. “I saw him jump Sam from behind and let Sam have a few seconds to fight back. But it wasn’t a fair fight.”

  “Believe me, I remember,” I said. “I didn’t get to eat my food that night because the place cleared out. Half the people cheering for the fight, the other half in shock as they watched Jerry on the sidewalk outside, trying to get to his feet. And then Tony came running from the kitchen with his hands on his head screaming ‘What the fuck did they do to my window?!’ …”

  Travis laughed.

  A quick laugh.

  He half smirked, getting lost in the memory.

  I saw dimples that I hadn’t seen in a long time. They made me swallow hard as I tried to keep all of that old stuff shoved way down inside me. This wasn’t a vacation, no matter what Sam tried to tell me. I was just trying to help out. It got me out of town for a day or two and that was it. I’d fly back with Travis and go about my life.

  “You got a salad,” Travis said. “I remember wondering what the hell you were doing eating a salad for dinner.”

  “What?”

  “That night at Pop’s,” he said with a nod. “You got a salad.”

  “Yeah…”

  “So, my point is, that the last time I remember seeing you eat, it was a salad. Now you’re tossing slices back like it’s nothing. Good for you.”

  “I’m not sure how to take that.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Are you implying that I’m eating too much?”

  “Ah, right. You think I’m implying that you look a way you’re not so sure of.”

  “You know what, Travis? I don’t give a shit what you think about how I look.”

  I raised my eyebrow, my only defense to try and hide the fact that my stomach was in knots, because being near him was stranger than I truly wanted to admit to him.

  I folded up the slice of pizza and took a big bite.

  He just sat there, nothing bothering him, grinning like a jerk.

  He finished off his beer and gave a wave with his right hand that prompted the young, perky waitress to rush to the table.

  Her hair was white blonde, her lips pouty and red, her shirt tight against her well-developed chest, making the name of the pizza place look 3D.

  “Need another, Trav?” she asked, bubbling and almost blushing.

  “Nah, I’m good, babe,” he said. “Just wanted to get this wrapped up. I’ve got things to do.”

  Is he talking to her or me?

  “Sure,” the woman said.

  I vaguely remember him saying her name. Starla? Star? Stacey? Skanky? I cringed at the fact that I was even considering feeling the smallest morsel of jealousy in that moment.

  “You playing another show?” she asked Travis.

  “No,” he said. “I’m taking a little break actually. Going to hit the road a little. Travel. Let my mind figure itself out.”

  “Write some music?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Wow. I can’t wait to hear it. You guys are so good. What about the rest of the band?”

  “Oh, I’m sure they’ll be just fine without me for now,” Travis said with a wink. “How about that check, babe?”

  “Of course. Coming right up.”

  She bounced away, making me wonder how she didn’t give herself black eyes with those things hanging off her chest.

  “The band?” I asked.

  “Nothing,” Travis said.

  “I thought you just played drums,” I said. “She thinks you’re part of the band.”

  “Well, I was for a little while. Now I’m not. It doesn’t matter. Finish eating so we can get out of here. I need a shower.”

  “I thought we were going back to the beach.”

  “Yeah. After I grab a shower. We’ll wait until later. It’s worth it.”

  “So, we’re not leaving…”

  “Did you think I was jumping on the first plane out of here?”

  “That’s the way Sam made it sound. He said you were really messed up, Travis. I mean, it’s none of my business, but…”

  “That’s right,” he said. “It’s none of your business. You were always the smart one, weren’t you? The geek trying to make
it bad with the rough kids.”

  I opened my mouth when the bubbly bimbo came back and handed Travis the bill. She then touched his shoulder and I saw the perfect orange color of her perfect nails.

  Again, the jealousy? It was all a long time ago…

  “Take care of yourself, Trav,” she said. “I’ll miss you.”

  “Ah, I’m going to miss you too, babe,” Travis said.

  He slipped a hand around her waist and pulled her in for a hug. Her boobs practically smacked against the side of his face. And he stared right at me the entire time, a cocky smirk on his face as though he knew, or assumed, that it was going to make me jealous.

  I did the natural thing by jamming the pizza slice back to my mouth, taking a huge mouthful, pretending not to care.

  That was the moment I wondered what I was doing here.

  For real.

  Standing on the porch with Sam, the weather cool, damp, my mother inside worrying about the way she looked, Max zombified by cartoons, Wren out on yet another first day orientation for a job she wouldn’t keep, it all seemed easy. Fly south to warmer weather where there was a beach and some sun. Deal with Travis for a minute and then fly back.

  Now it seemed like a really bad decision.

  The waitress trotted away without saying goodbye to me. Not that I was looking for, or expecting one.

  Travis reached into his pocket and took out some cash and put his beer bottle on top of the money and the handwritten check.

  “This is on me,” he said. “Making up for the night I ruined your dinner.”

  “I already said you were buying, so this doesn’t count.”

  “Fine. I’ll buy you some peanuts on the airplane.”

  “They’d better be expensive ones.”

  “The best they’ve got,” Travis said.

  He pushed from the table and stood up. I watched in awe as he stood there with a blue t-shirt against his body that I had already seen bare. Well, from the waist up. I tried not to let my mind run too far into the distance with the way he looked. His skin perfectly stroked by the fingers of the sun, leaving him with a tan that worked pretty amazingly against the muscles and tattoos that seemed to battle for the greatest attention.

  But it was always his hair. Always messy and in his face. He had to move it out of the way. As though he were hidden and if he moved his hair to look at you, that was some kind of reward or sign of approval.

  Right on cue, Travis ran a hand through his hair. “You coming or what?”

  “Yeah. Right.” I stood up, still holding the crust from the pizza.

  I felt like a googly-eyed teenager staring at the older, hotter guy in school.

  Which was exactly what it used to be like for me and Travis.

  Coming here was a really bad idea.

  Because what Travis didn’t know, was that he was the first boy I ever fell in love with.

  His apartment was just one giant room. It had old wooden floors and the walls were painted stone. The lights hung from the ceiling with a thin wire and single bulb. It looked like a beaten up apartment, but it fit Travis. There was a black leather couch that faced a TV on a TV stand in one corner. Another corner had a drum set and some guitars just randomly placed on the floor. The only doors in the place were the front door, a back door to a small balcony, two closets, and the bathroom. The entire place was probably the size of Mom’s first floor at her house. And I was certain that it probably cost three times as much.

  The apartment had a lingering smell of salt, ocean, sand, and man. It was a rough, musky smell, the kind that hit my nose and made my eyes instantly look toward the messy bed against the wall that was right next to the door to the balcony. For a split second, I thought about how many one-night stands had happened between those sheets, but I didn’t want to know.

  It wasn’t my business.

  Travis balanced his surfboard against the wall and walked to the fridge and got two beers out.

  “Cheers, bunny,” he said, nodding, and placed a bottle on the counter for me.

  “I have to ask something.”

  Travis shut the fridge and stood tall, looking like a monster from a nightmare, yet my heart fluttered a little as though he were right out of a dream.

  “Ask away,” he said.

  “Are we driving back home?”

  “Home?”

  “You know what I mean. My home. Your hometown.”

  “Oh, right,” he said. “I did call Sam and I did want to take a road trip.”

  “I only ask because I haven’t purchased plane tickets for us. Yet.”

  “That’s a lot of flying, Willow,” he said.

  His lips puckered at the w’s in my name and I hated myself for noticing that.

  “So?”

  “You hit it big time up there in that little town of ours or what?”

  “Hardly,” I said. “Sam bought a ticket for me. Then he gave me cash for the other two. If I don’t buy plane tickets, then the cash is for gas and food to drive back.”

  “Good ol’ Sam,” Travis said. “I bet he still counts his pennies and worries about where to save and invest money. He was the only guy I knew who worked two jobs like he did. Bought his first car with cash. Figures he’d be the one financing this little adventure of yours.”

  “Meaning what?” I asked.

  He laughed. “Shit, you can’t see it still? This is the final payment on your ass.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You heard what I said. He sends you down here to look at the beach, curl your pretty toes in the warm sand, bring my messed-up ass home, and you and him finally get to connect. That’s some cash he’s throwing around, huh?”

  “Really? You’re the one who got into a fight and kicked out of your band. You’re the one who called Sam for help. And now you’re going to act like a jealous kid?”

  “Nah, I don’t do jealousy. There’s always something out there waiting for me. I just know what Sam had tried to do for years with you, bunny. And you never gave in.” Travis walked to the bathroom and looked back with a smirk. “Care to join me?”

  “Not if I was dripping in mud,” I said.

  He shut the door behind him.

  The water turned on a few seconds later and I put my hands to my face.

  This was going to go one of two ways.

  Either we were going to get on an airplane and have a quick flight home. In which case I could pop in some earbuds and listen to music, all while rubbing elbows with Travis, trying to beg my body to not stir up those old feelings that were only ever served on my side and never his. Or, we were going to get into his truck and drive. Granted, we weren’t going cross country, but something told me that if Travis was in a mood and wanted a road trip, he wasn’t going to just choose the straight shot north until we were home.

  My eyes caught sight of the balcony and I figured it would be a good chance to actually take some time alone and enjoy the view. After all, that’s what I came down here for, right?

  I rolled my eyes.

  Yeah, right. My twelve-hour vacation. Fleeing my childhood home and all the bullshit that will be waiting when I get back.

  I made it a few steps before I thought about the beer Travis got for me.

  Was there anything better than standing outside in the warm breeze with a cold beer?

  I walked toward the counter and when I got the beer, I noticed something else. The keys to Travis’s truck. I wasn’t planning on stealing the truck, it was what the keys rested on that caught my eye.

  A black notebook.

  A little black notebook.

  Travis had it with him at the beach.

  That little black notebook was none of my business, except I could see where the pen was in the middle of it. I slipped my finger into that spot and lifted a little. I wasn’t sure what I thought I would see. A book of phone numbers? A book of women he’d slept with?

  It wasn’t any of that.

  It was a book of…

  “Poetry,” I
whispered.

  My head snapped around and I looked at the bathroom door. I bit my lip. The right and smart thing to do would be to step away from the notebook. Take my beer outside on the balcony and try to enjoy a few minutes of time alone in the warm sun and the beautiful beach sights that awaited. That was the whole point of coming down here, right? Everyone wanted me to take a break for a day and collect myself. They all knew what had happened… well, except Travis. He wasn’t there.

  But what if his words and his hidden pain could help me with mine?

  I shut my eyes and flipped the notebook open.

  I eased the pen out of the way and flipped to a random page.

  Nothing was in order. It was just scribbles of words and notes.

  We create only to convince ourselves not to destroy it.

  We face love with open eyes, but the truth is when we close our eyes.

  A handful of sand,

  the world in my hand,

  nobody is watching,

  everything is around,

  they all stare into the nothing,

  the diamond caps running,

  from the horizon,

  I open my hand and the world goes,

  it falls, fighting the breeze, a new place to live,

  another place to be,

  we can never really know the truth,

  our heart is the only shield we truly have,

  yet we can never seem to protect ourselves,

  “Catching up on a little reading?”

  I quickly shut the notebook and spun around.

  Travis stood across the apartment in nothing but a towel.

  An emerald green towel, but believe me, the color of the towel meant nothing to my eyes compared to his wet body. His hair shampooed and slicked back, the ends still dripping with water. The sight of his body, gently glistening with water. This was strange because I had just seen him, not that long ago on the beach. In board shorts and shirtless. But this was somehow different. This was fresh out of the shower. This was the emerald green towel being the only thing separating me from seeing all of him. And he held a tight fist around the towel, either to keep it up or ready to rip it off.

  “I…”

  “So, you think it’s okay to come into someone’s apartment and just go through their stuff? I can’t wait to see what color panties you packed then.”