What You Don't Know (True Hearts Book 6)

by Jaxson Kidman

  “I never thought of you as a dork that counts stars,” I said, desperate to keep up with him and sound like I have even a sliver of coolness.

  “I can stand here and count the stars in your eyes though,” he said. “I can stand here all night, Willow.”

  My brain felt like it had twisted completely around.

  I was convinced I’d smashed my head on the floor when I came through the window and I was knocked out. That this was all a dream.

  Before I could respond, Travis inched down.

  Is he going to ki…

  His lips pressed against mine, answering the question I didn’t even get to ask.

  He kissed me two times before I was able to kiss back. My hands moved back instead of forward. I touched the door as Travis’s hand gently touched my cheek.

  The kiss was good. Like, really good. Like ohmygod, I love him kind of good.

  Travis pulled away and slid his hand away from my cheek.

  He reached for the door and opened it, forcing me to move.

  “Better go and write that paper, I guess, huh?”

  “I… uh…”

  I lost all words.

  Travis grinned. “If you get done quickly enough and you’re bored, I’ll be counting the stars.”

  He turned, and I watched him climb through the window to the roof.

  I swore I stood there for hours, thinking about him kissing me.

  I didn’t remember walking back to Julie’s room. I didn’t remember writing her paper (which she would get a passing grade on). I didn’t remember pacing the room, daring myself to go back to Travis’s room so I could count the stars with him. I didn’t remember forcing myself to sit down for a minute, only to fall asleep.

  What I did remember though, was the next morning, waking up to find a very hungover Julie, angry that the sun was too bright. And I remembered rushing into Travis’s bedroom and finding it empty, including the roof.

  I remembered my heart sinking, breaking, wondering if I screwed up something that could have been huge.

  But before I could get a second chance… or even a single chance to talk to Travis again… Julie would end her life and change all of ours.

  BACK TO TODAY

  20

  Detour Sleep

  TRAVIS

  The trip was only a thousand miles or so, which meant we could probably get there in a day if we took turns driving straight through. But I wasn’t doing this just to drive straight through and hurry the fuck back to my place. I didn’t know what waited for me there. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to face off with Dez ever again in my life. But knowing Ronny, I was sure he was playing peacemaker while I was gone. He and Tommy together, living their lives beyond the addictions that almost took them down.

  I gripped the steering wheel tighter.

  Addictions…

  The image of my mother sitting on the ground, crying over my dead sister, clutching her only release flashed through my mind.

  “Travis…”

  “What?” I snapped at Willow, almost forgetting she was next to me.

  “You’re going off the road a little.”

  I cut the wheel to the left and the SUV bounced a little back into the lane I was supposed to be in.

  “Sorry.”

  “Want me to drive?” she asked.

  “We’ve been on the road for thirty minutes, Willow. Don’t turn into a back seat driver.”

  “Can you maybe turn into a regular one then?”

  She struck a nerve and I slammed my foot onto the brakes. Her hands went flat to the dashboard and I pulled the SUV to the side of the road.

  I put it into park and turned to look at her.

  “First off, that’s a dumb idea,” I said.

  “What is?”

  “Your hands. If we were going to crash and the airbag went off, you’d be screwed.”

  “Right. Thanks for worrying about my safety.”

  “Of course. Second. Don’t tell me how to drive.”

  “You were veering off the road, Travis. You weren’t looking. You were dazed.”

  “No, I wasn’t.”

  “Yes, you were.”

  I gritted my teeth. I curled my lip.

  Willow just smiled at me.

  Cocky, annoying, looking as beautiful as anything I’d ever seen in my life.

  In a single quick motion, I unbuckled my seatbelt and my right hand gently gripped the back of her neck. I pulled her toward me with force and our lips collided harder than a crack of thunder in the dead of a humid summer day. I had no fucking clue why I was doing what I did. Maybe Willow was becoming something like an addiction to me. Instead of grabbing a bottle or something else, I grabbed her. Her sweet lips. Her shuddering tongue. The feel of my body against hers.

  I stopped kissing her and pulled away, gritting my teeth again.

  Willow’s lips gently kissed the air for a second and she swallowed hard.

  “My mother is a fucking disaster, Willow,” I whispered. “All I want to do right now is look at the road, drive, find places to get lost on our way back to my home.”

  She nodded slowly. “Of course. You should talk to me though, Travis. Trust me. I know more than you think I do. I don’t want to say something to upset you…”

  “You can piss me off all you want, bunny. I’ll just do what I did now to shut you up.”

  “If that’s my punishment, then I plan on being very bad.”

  My body tightened. She was as cheesy as fuck when she tried to say something sultry and dirty, but it worked. I was suddenly uncomfortable in my jeans. I suddenly wished we were on some back road or side road, so I could show her the back seat of the rental SUV.

  I grinned.

  “What?” she asked.

  I ran my thumb along her chin. “You’re fucking cute as hell, Willow.”

  She bit her bottom lip and I felt something like my heart and stomach smashing together for a quick second.

  I hurried to focus back on the road.

  I put the blinker on and waited for my chance to get back on the highway.

  The engine roared as I sped up, my hands gripping the wheel tighter than before.

  I was back on the road and back to… whatever.

  My mind still flooded with thoughts. And I could feel Willow staring at me, the stare threatening to burn me worse than the midday sun on the beach.

  “What?” I finally asked her.

  “Do you remember the night you kissed me?”

  I quickly turned my head. “What?”

  “The night you kissed me. Do you remember it?”

  I swallowed hard. “Yeah, I remember.”

  Fucking hell, Willow, I remember it. You sort of left me hanging for the night, waiting on another kiss… and more…

  “What happened that night?” she asked.

  “What?”

  “I mean… why…”

  “I don’t know, Willow. You were cute and nervous and always worried about me. I wasn’t an idiot. I knew you liked me. You were so afraid to come out on the roof with me.”

  “I don’t like heights.”

  “I know.”

  “But you still kissed me. And you wanted me to come back.”

  “You never showed up, bunny.”

  “I fell asleep.”

  “Too much of that vodka, huh?”

  Willow laughed. “Yeah. Right. I think I walked myself into exhaustion.”

  “Walked?”

  “Nervous,” she said. “To be near you.”

  “You were nervous to come back?”

  “Yeah. I didn’t know what would happen, Travis.”

  “Oh, I could have given you a little play by play back then. Or even now.”

  I grinned and winked at Willow.

  Her cheeks slightly blushed.

  “Yeah, yeah,” she said. “Tough guy.”

  “You brought it up.”

  “I was just thinking about it. I kind of… I don’t know. I had always hoped for that to
happen. And it did.”

  “So, what you’re saying is that I made your wish come true,” I said.

  “Oh, jeez,” Willow said. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  I laughed.

  It felt okay to laugh. Especially around Willow. She had a strange way of working her way through the wall I put up. Maybe because I trusted her. Which was strange too. I really didn’t do the whole trust thing.

  “Um, can I ask about your mother?”

  “What about her?”

  “It’s burning in your mind, Travis. That’s why you almost drove off the road.”

  “Look, Willow, the town is still burning in the rearview mirror. Not right now, okay?”

  “Okay. Want to play the alphabet game?”

  “What the hell is that?” I asked.

  “You’ve never played the alphabet game?”

  “No.”

  “You start with the letter A and make up a song about yourself using just that letter. Your name, your wife’s name, where you’re from, and what you’re selling.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Are you serious?”

  “Or we can sit in silence. That’s fine.”

  “You know, I thought…”

  I looked over at her again. Her eyes did it. That’s what got to me this time. Her fucking eyes again. They were beautiful. Wide, bright, always searching for hope. But something was behind them. She wanted to take this trip with me. I know I asked her to come with me, but she didn’t fight me on it. Just like when she flew down to check on me. After not seeing me for all those years and she just flies down? Forget about my shit for a second, Willow was the one carrying the world on her back. It went beyond the bullshit with her sister.

  “My name is Alex,” I said. I smirked.

  “Wife’s name?” she asked, smiling back at me.

  “Alexa,” I said.

  “That could get confusing.”

  “Yeah, but she’s wild in bed,” I said. “You can’t imagine what she does.”

  Willow’s face dropped.

  I laughed. “Don’t tell me you’re getting jealous over a made-up wife.”

  “You’re an asshole.”

  “Hey, that’s good,” I said. “That’s starts with an A.”

  Willow growled under her breath. “Never mind.”

  I grinned from ear to ear.

  Something about pissing her off made me happy. And not in a dick way either.

  I loved seeing her get all worked up.

  And to think, this trip was just getting started.

  I glanced over at her hand with the sudden temptation to hold it.

  Maybe this trip wasn’t going to end when we were done driving… maybe this trip could grab one of the frayed edges of forever.

  There was traffic, so I made a judgment call and got off the highway and started taking some back roads. That was the point of a road trip, right? This wasn’t about time. I didn’t care about getting home as fast as possible. I cared about distance. Getting away from the town, the house, my mother, all that shit. And sparing myself some distance from going back home and having to face off with Dez and all that lingering band shit.

  At one point, Willow asked me if we were officially lost and I lied and said no.

  We were lost.

  Right up until I saw a restaurant and decided it was a good time to grab a bite to eat.

  Plus, with two cellphones, there was no way we’d ever truly get lost.

  I finished my first beer like it was a glass of water and I hadn’t had anything to drink in days.

  The second one went down just as quick.

  The third one was delivered along with our food. Two of the biggest burgers I’d ever seen in my life.

  “Are we going to sit in silence or what?” Willow asked.

  “It’s not polite to talk with your mouth full,” I said and nodded to the food.

  She tilted her head to the side. “So, you were quiet on the ride here.”

  “I was trying to find my way.”

  “Thought you said we weren’t lost.”

  “We weren’t. Look where we ended up. A nice diner.”

  “Right,” Willow said. “And when we get here you’re pounding drinks like a college kid.”

  “Pounding drinks,” I said. “Are you going to monitor everything I do, Willow? Watch what I eat? How I eat? What I drink? How much I drink?”

  “That’s your third drink, Travis. Which means I’m now driving.”

  “Right.”

  “I hate driving at night.”

  I turned my head and raised my eyebrow. “It’s still light out. For another couple of hours or so. Right?”

  “Yeah, right,” Willow said.

  I lifted my beer and grinned. “Cheers to you, bunny.”

  “Yeah, cheers,” she said and lifted her bubbly soda.

  We ate in silence as I gazed around the restaurant and bar, taking in all the people. For a guy who liked to keep his distance from anything that was real, I did like watching people. Just because everyone had their own story. Their own journey. The moments in their life that led them to this exact moment of being right here, right now.

  It was always about the moments.

  The good. And the bad.

  I finally slid my plate to the side with a couple of fries left stranded, and focused on the beer. Ice cold draft from a big mug with Willow staring right at me. It had the flirtatious notion of heaven, but I knew better. Heaven was a cloak that hell put up to make you feel comfortable.

  Now, I was on my fifth drink and the tall drafts were making my head a little loopy.

  I leaned across the table and grinned at Willow.

  “What?” she asked.

  “You can’t help yourself.”

  “With what?”

  “Me. You don’t have to admit it, bunny. I can see it.”

  “I think that beer has you lying to yourself, Travis.”

  I shot my left hand out and grabbed her right hand. “Fuck that. You’re burning over there, Willow. And I get it. You think we’re going to bond or some shit on this trip, huh? See, I’m respecting you right now. Because I would love to fucking know what your plan is. You’re driving down there and what? You going to sleep on my couch? You going to sleep in my bed? Walk the beach for days until your heart no longer hurts from that love letter you packed away?”

  “First off, you have no idea what you’re talking about, Travis. And second, my plan is my plan. If you’re worried, then that means you care about me.”

  “So, what the fuck if I do?” I asked, blurting out words that the beer allowed to flow freely.

  I quickly gritted my teeth and turned my head.

  Shit.

  “Travis…”

  I quickly changed gears.

  I looked at Willow again. “My mother is the same person as always. Okay? I didn’t know what to think. I showed up and she acted as surprised as you can be. Rightfully so, when you consider the last time I saw her and what was said. I wasn’t letting her off the hook this time. At least not easily. I said what I had to say, and she stormed away. There was a fucking moment, Willow, when I felt guilty. I thought about it and decided to maybe apologize. Go figure, huh? There was little boy Travis, doing everything he can in his head to make his mother look good.”

  I took my hand away from Willow and looked toward the bar. I locked eyes with the bartender, who was also our waitress. I lifted my empty glass of beer and gave a nod. She gave me a thumbs up.

  “Did you talk to her outside?” Willow asked.

  I leaned back and put my head back against the booth. “Yeah.”

  A few seconds later, the waitress came over with my fresh beer. She asked if we were done eating. She asked if Willow needed anything. I sat in stone silence, looking at Willow.

  If I had been alone on this trip, what would happen next here?

  I needed Willow.

  I needed her near me. With me. I needed her to hear my words and take the brun
t of whatever I said.

  “Did you two work anything out?” she asked.

  I grinned. “No. She bought some garbage off some guy in a car and we got into an argument. I left her sitting on the ground as she cried over Julie, holding a baggie of crap that’ll fix her pain for a few hours.”

  “Jesus, Travis,” Willow said. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Why? You didn’t do anything to me. That’s just who she is.”

  “I know. I remember…” Willow shook her head. “Doesn’t matter what I remember.”

  I leaned forward and reached for her hand again. “No, bunny. Tell me. Tell me what you remember.”

  Willow shrugged her shoulders. She was nervous. “I just remember that time she said she was pregnant. And what it did…”

  “Fuck,” I said. “Yeah. I remember that too. That’s the norm for her. It was just the way of life. Now what? You know? She’s just… I mean, how do you stay that close?”

  “Close to what?”

  “To what happened,” I said. “Think about it.” I took a way too big gulp of the cold beer. It was now no longer about the taste of beer or relaxing. I wanted my mind to become mush. I was no better than my mother. “She stays there. Close to the thing she caused.”

  “Travis, why don’t we get out of here?” Willow asked. “We can find a hotel and crash for the night.”

  “And she doesn’t care,” I growled, ignoring Willow’s request. “She doesn’t fucking care about a thing. She treats it as her tragedy. It’s not hers. It’s my goddamn tragedy.”

  My voice boomed through the restaurant.

  I felt everyone looking at me.

  I grabbed the table and forced myself to stand.

  “Ah, don’t worry, everyone,” I called out. “I’m just fucking passing through town. Keep enjoying your fucking shitty little lives.”

  I dug cash out of my pocket and threw it to the table.

  Willow scrambled and grabbed my wrist. “Wait for me, Travis.”

  I turned and leaned over Willow.

  “I need a smoke,” I said. “You wanted this, bunny. Now you’ve got it.”