Knights vs. Dinosaurs

by Matt Phelan

  Dedication

  FOR JASPER

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Chapter One A Slight Exaggeration

  Chapter Two Adventure, Merlin Style

  Chapter Three Terrible Lizards

  Chapter Four More Terrible Lizards

  Chapter Five Terrible Knights

  Chapter Six Tricera-Joust

  Chapter Seven Sir Hector and the Fearsome Chickens

  Chapter Eight Sir Bors and the Mace-Tailed Menace

  Chapter Nine Might Makes Right

  Chapter Ten A Calm, Cool Swim

  Chapter Eleven Shiny Objects

  Chapter Twelve Court of the Rex

  Chapter Thirteen The End of the Adventure

  Chapter Fourteen Band of Siblings

  A Note from Merlin

  About the Author

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  Chapter One

  A Slight Exaggeration

  When Sir Erec thought the whole thing over, he supposed that he shouldn’t have said he’d slain forty dragons. Four might have been more realistic. He also shouldn’t have boasted in front of Merlin, the one person in court smart enough to know that fierce dragons were—more or less—a flagon of hooey.

  Now was not the time for reflection, however. A giant rampaging lizard had just tossed Sir Bors into a tree and was bearing down on poor Sir Hector.

  Lance time, thought Sir Erec.

  But perhaps it would be best to start at the beginning.

  The banquet dragged on and on. Tales had been told, fruit had been juggled, songs had been sung (oh, so many songs). But the worst of it was Sharing Time. Each knight who had stumbled back into Camelot over the past few days now stood before King Arthur with a report of his adventures. Sir Erec thought it might never end.

  Lancelot, naturally, had performed the bravest deeds; Galahad, the most noble. The rest scrambled for attention with various feats of derring-do, most of which were exaggerated, to say the least.

  The knights all shared a deep secret. With the realm at peace, the knights spent a good deal of their time off in a field somewhere fighting one another. Not to slay, just for the sheer fun of it. They had armor and weapons after all. It was a shame not to use them.

  Dragons, giants, trolls, and mythical beasts were in short supply. All knights believed in them without question, of course, but the pesky creatures couldn’t exactly be counted on to make an appearance. Ever.

  So the knights embellished. One tale after another of battles with beasties, run-ins with rogue trolls, or fisticuffs with fierce giants.

  Erec sighed. He was tired. His tunic was slightly scratchy. Whatever the reason, when it was his turn to share, out it came in a loud, clear voice. A whopping big embellishment to shame the rest.

  “Did you say forty dragons?” asked Merlin with an air of polite interest.

  “Yes,” declared Sir Erec.

  The Round Table exploded with excitement. Knights spouted support or disbelief or a combination of both.

  All but the Black Knight. If you needed a tall, dangerously silent type, he was your man. No one had ever heard a peep from the Black Knight. Tonight, as always, he stood in a dark corner in full armor. He stayed rigid, staring at Erec through his visor and helm.

  Queen Guinevere spoke, instantly silencing the hall.

  “That is a most amazing accomplishment, Sir Knight. Have you no trophy for your king?” she asked.

  Oh, dear, thought Erec. “Um,” he began. “You see, milady, it was quite dark in the cave and—”

  “The cave?” Merlin interrupted. “Where is this cave?”

  “Far. Pretty far away actually.”

  “Oh,” said Merlin, folding his napkin. “It is not the cave I am thinking of. Surely you would have not been so fortunate in that particular cave.”

  It was subtle, but the famous Merlin bait hung in the air. Merlin nibbled a carrot, waiting.

  “Of what cave do you speak?” demanded Erec. He had no choice, really. This was all part of the act. If a dangerous adventure was dangled in front of you, a knight must respond.

  Merlin cleared his throat.

  “Oh, you don’t want to know. For in this cave lives the most fearsome creature of all: The Terrible Lizard.”

  “Lizard, eh?” said Erec. “I shall go and slay this Terrible Lizard!”

  Sir Bors slammed a fist onto the table. “Nay! I shall slay it! Leave brave Sir Erec to rest after such a noble feat of slaying forty dragons.”

  The fever spread. Knights were a competitive bunch.

  “I, too, should like to best this heretofore unknown creature!” piped Sir Hector, who had an interest in new and exciting beasts.

  The Black Knight stepped forward. A hush fell over the room. A creaky nod of his helmet announced he would also join the fun.

  Sir Erec rose and turned to King Arthur.

  “My liege, with your permission, I shall face this Terrible Lizard.” Erec looked back at Bors, Hector, and the Black Knight. “With these three coming along, I suppose.”

  Arthur poked at a stray pea on his plate. He often tuned out when the knights became overly excited.

  “As you wish, brave knights. Mind the people, though.”

  “Of course, sire! Only the fearsome brute.”

  “Brutes,” corrected Merlin. “There may be a few, come to think of it.”

  “The more the merrier,” quipped Sir Bors. He was not exactly funny, but he often came up with a witty line at a crucial or dangerous moment.

  Sir Erec gazed longingly at his mutton. But the deed was done. He had to make a show of it.

  “I am off to prepare. I shall leave at first light.”

  “You will have the cave’s location at dawn,” said Merlin. “Bring no horses or squires into the cave. You may of course pack a weapon or two. Your choice.” He smiled. His gray eyes sparkled.

  “Splendid,” said Sir Erec, but it came out less booming than he had hoped. The weekend was off to a poor start.

  Chapter Two

  Adventure, Merlin Style

  As the sun rose, Sir Erec perused the directions to the cave, which had appeared at his bedside. He then donned his armor with help from his squire, Derek. It took some time. Derek was more enthusiastic than he was skilled. For this reason Sir Erec usually left his squire at home when he went adventuring. Following Merlin’s rule about not bringing a squire into the cave would not be an issue.

  After a great deal of clanging, strapping, and adjusting, Erec was ready. Carrying his favorite broadsword and shield, he clanked his way to the stables. Sir Hector was already there, looking quite trim and rested. His garments were always rather clean despite his numerous claims of adventures. Still, Hector, aside from suspicious cleanliness, was not a bad fellow. It could have been worse.

  Then there was Bors. He was worse. A brute in shining armor, Bors was a Might Makes Right man through and through. Might Makes Right was the philosophy that if you could pound something harder than the next person, then you should do as you please. King Arthur had been doing his best to dissuade his knights of this idea, but old habits die hard.

  Bors’s squire, a thin lad named Mel, struggled with the knight’s many weapons. He carried swords of all sizes, a mace, a bludgeon, a lance, a shield, several knives, and even a few rocks. Bors believed in being prepared for any and all encounters.

  “Sir Erec!” bellowed Bors. “A fine day to smite a treacherous lizard, eh?”

  “Terrible lizard, Bors,” said Erec. “Get the name right. You don’t want to confuse the minstrels later. Also, remember that my name is spelled with two E’s. The minstrels will need to know that as well, sin
ce I shall be the slayer.”

  “And you will not be alive to spell it yourself, I wager!” countered Bors.

  Hector chuckled. “Good one, Bors!”

  Erec simmered.

  “It is very early in the morning,” he said. “I will furnish a retort in fine wit momentarily.”

  THUNK!

  A great ax chopped through a block of wood, startling the knights, the horses, and several chickens.

  The Black Knight lifted the ax and regarded the knights. He turned and swept onto his midnight-black steed.

  “Of course a witty retort is not always necessary,” mumbled Erec.

  “Mel!” barked Bors. “Load the weapons horse and follow me.”

  “Sir Bors, we are to leave our squires,” said Hector.

  “My squire is required as far as the cave. He will then tend to our horses. Did none of you think of that?”

  Erec and Hector looked at each other. They shrugged, their armor creaking slightly.

  “Looks like I’ll be doing the thinking for this adventure,” said Bors.

  “Marvelous. This is getting better and better,” Erec grumbled to Hector.

  Erec snapped his reins and led the others to the gate. Hector followed, trying to jockey to the front. Bors took his horse to the left in an attempt to pass them both.

  The Black Knight rode silently and steadily behind them with nothing to prove whatsoever.

  “Yonder is the cave,” announced Hector, pointing to a shale hillock with a small opening near the crest.

  “Is that not the cave of Reginald the Hermit?” asked Bors.

  “No,” replied Hector. “Reginald the Hermit moved last summer. He wanted something with a nice view by a lake.”

  “Silence,” commanded Erec. “We shall leave the horses here and proceed on foot. We know not the manner of this beast and must approach with caution.”

  “You would know, oh, great dragon slayer.” Bors snickered. “I will approach on foot, but not because you suggested it. I thought of that moments ago.”

  “I, too, had created a similar strategy,” piped Hector.

  The Black Knight dismounted in silence.

  The cave entrance was unremarkable. It was just wide enough for the four knights to enter single file, as they did in the following order: Sir Erec, the Black Knight, Sir Hector, and Sir Bors.

  CLANG!

  Oh, and Mel, Sir Bors’s squire.

  Mel carried a large, bulky canvas sack filled with weapons. It was the lance that gave him trouble at the entrance.

  Erec looked back, annoyed.

  “Bors, Merlin said no squires.”

  “Who will carry my weapons, then? I for one prefer to be prepared. Also, I have difficulty choosing sometimes.”

  “But Merlin—” Hector began to speak.

  “Oh, Merlin! All talk that one with his rules and little tests. You never see Merlin slaying a dragon, do you? What does he know about anything?”

  As if in answer, four torches suddenly ignited, lighting a passage deeper into the cave.

  “Let’s continue on,” Erec said. He pulled his sword from its scabbard.

  They followed the path and emerged in a small chamber of solid rock also lit by torches. A flat stone sat in the center of the chamber. On it was a large leather-bound book.

  “This, uh, seems to be the end of the cave,” said Erec, poking the wall with his sword.

  “Perhaps the Terrible Lizard stepped out for a bite,” said Hector.

  “Well, it left its book,” said Erec, poking the book with his sword.

  “It can read?” asked Hector.

  “I can’t even read, you dunderhead!” snapped Bors.

  “Who are you calling a dunderhead?” demanded Hector. “I can read beautifully. My father believed a knight should be well rounded.”

  Hector inspected the book.

  “It has a title: The Terrible Lizards.”

  “Merlin sent us to slay a book?” growled Bors.

  Hector opened the book. A strong wind blew through the cave and extinguished the torches.

  Darkness. Silence.

  “Well, it certainly seems to be Merlin’s book,” observed Erec.

  A tentative voice came from the entrance to the chamber.

  “Sirs?”

  “What is it, squire?” barked Bors.

  “Only that . . . you see . . . there’s a tree outside the cave.”

  “So?”

  “Well . . . it wasn’t there before.”

  The Black Knight strode back down the passage. The other knights followed. At the mouth of the cave they stood stock-still for a moment. Then the Black Knight drew his enormous broadsword from its scabbard.

  Directly outside the cave were the tops of tall vine-covered trees. Below spread a lush forest, overgrown with large ferns and moss. To the west, a barren land of dirt and dust and enormous rock formations.

  “Merlin,” said Erec.

  “Merlin,” gulped Hector.

  “Merlin!” growled Bors.

  The Black Knight pointed to the book in Hector’s hands.

  “Yes. Right,” Hector said. “Perhaps there is some guidance here.” He began to page through the book.

  Erec gazed at the unfamiliar terrain.

  “It must be an illusion. See if it says how to break the spell.”

  “‘Ty-ran-no-saurus rex,’” read Hector slowly.

  “Rex?” Erec interrupted. “That means king. A tyrant king. Splendid. It’s a mission. We take care of this tyrant king and the illusion fades. Let’s go.”

  “Erm . . . ,” muttered Hector.

  “Close the book, Hector. Look lively,” said Bors.

  Hector closed the book. But he did not look particularly lively.

  Chapter Three

  Terrible Lizards

  The entire landscape had changed. Behind them the cave itself was the same, but the shale hillock was now much steeper and surrounded by more rocky hills. As the knights descended, they entered a forest unlike any they had ever seen. Actually it resembled all the forests they’d ever seen trying to occupy the same space. It was not an orderly English wood.

  “Where are the horses?” exclaimed Hector.

  “The horses? Where is Camelot? Where is England?” Erec’s voice rose with each inquiry.

  “Trickery and illusion,” declared Bors. “Mel, my sword. You all wish you brought your squires into the cave now, eh?”

  Mel reached into the canvas sack and fetched a fine sword.

  “I shall explore the perimeter.” Bors shut his visor. “Fear me, all who dwell h—”

  Bors did not have a chance to finish his bellow. A tremendous creature burst from the trees and snatched him up in its mighty jaws. The beast lifted Bors twenty feet off the ground and shook him like a puppy’s chew toy. Fortunately Bors’s armor held.

  Sir Erec had seen some surprising things in his day. He’d been ambushed a time or two by barbarians hiding in trees. The Lady of the Lake had waved to him on one occasion. But nothing compared with what he now witnessed. This creature—calling it a lizard was a bit of a stretch although it was clearly reptilian—had a ridge of spikes that ran along its neck and back. It stood on two legs with nasty-looking claws at the end of its long arms. Its jaws held rows of teeth unlike any Erec had ever seen. They crunched into Bors’s armor, denting deeper and deeper with each angry chomp.

  Bors shouted from within the massive monster’s jaws, kicking furiously.

  The Black Knight was the first to remember that they were trained knights and leaped into the fray. A broadsword to the lower leg made the creature toss Bors aside.

  Sir Erec swung his sword high and aimed for the tail, but the monster was fast for its size. The tail whipped around. Erec attempted to duck, but unfortunately a knight in armor is not the swiftest fighter. Sturdy, yes. Swift, no.

  One swat from the tail sent Erec into the air. He landed on Bors.

  “Get off me, Sir Knight!” barked Bors. “My honor has
been . . . dented!”

  Erec rolled over and took in the scene. Hector was off to the side, frantically paging through Merlin’s book.

  “Hector, what are you doing? Drop that book and engage!” yelled Erec.

  The Black Knight had been cornered. The creature snapped its jaws.

  “Ah! Here, beast!” Bors hollered, scrambling to his feet.

  The monster spun, sprang into the air, and landed a few feet in front of Bors and Erec.

  Hector placed the book safely by a rock, drew his sword, and attacked from behind.

  “Mind the fiery breath!” he shouted.

  “It doesn’t need fire!” countered Erec.

  The Black Knight jumped in and stabbed at the monster’s leg. It roared and swung around wildly, its thick, scaly tail sweeping across the area and easily knocking all four brave knights over like so many bowling pins.

  They toppled through a thick brush and over a hidden precipice. One by one they tumbled down into a ravine below with a great deal of . . .

  CLANG!

  CLANG!

  CLANGING!

  The Terrible Lizard roared from the top of the slope. It looked, it sniffed, it tried a toe over the edge of the ravine, but then it thought better of the idea. With one final thrash of its tail, it was gone.

  The battle had taken scarcely five minutes, but the knights’ armor was more dented and scraped than it had been in the past five years of derring-do.

  “What in Lancelot’s name was that?” yelled Bors.

  “Definitely not a dragon.” Erec rose shakily and removed his helmet.

  “Clearly not,” said Bors. “In all my years I’ve seen one—well, obviously several—dragons but none that size.”

  “Or shape,” said Hector.

  “Or temperament,” added Erec.

  Mel slid down the hill dragging the sack of weaponry and holding Merlin’s book.

  Hector perked up. “Well done, squire! The book might—”

  “Hang the book, Hector!” Erec said, wiping his sword with his tunic. “It’s pretty clear. We have our Terrible Lizard to slay. Then we find this tyrant king fellow, make him bow to Arthur, and end this wretched spell! We don’t need to read about it.”