nowhere

by Marysue Hobika

  I knew it was going to be bad, but this was completely unexpected. “What?” I managed to get out. It was all I could do to keep from bursting into tears. I bit my lip.

  “I don’t want to be with you,” he repeated a second time.

  A full minute passed before I could respond. My throat was tight. My stomach hurt. I felt like someone had punched me in the gut. The hall was mostly empty now. “That’s what I thought you said, only I don’t believe it. I don’t understand. Did I do something wrong?”

  “I...” he stuttered. He looked away and then back again at me again. His eyes were cold and distant. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Liz pass nearby. I watched as James followed her with his eyes. “I’m in love with somebody else. I met someone long before you rolled into town and I thought it was over, but it’s not. Being with you made me realize I love her and not you. Yesterday meant nothing to me. Nothing.”

  His face was serious, but his voice cracked, making me question whether or not he was telling the truth. I knew what passed between us when we were making love, and trust me it wasn’t nothing. Staring at James, I sensed that something else was going on underneath this hard façade. His walls were back up, and I smelled fear. What is he scared of?

  “You don’t mean that.” I reached out to touch him, trying to break through. He stepped back. Wow, that really hurts.

  “Don’t,” he said harshly. Turning, he walked away without another saying another word.

  I stood frozen in the middle of the hallway, concentrating on breathing in and out. James didn’t look back. He walked down the hall and then disappeared around the corner. He’d ripped my heart out and he didn’t even seem to care.

  The rest of the day passed in a blur. I was too numb to pay attention to anything my teachers said. I wasn’t even sure how I made it from class to class. I was angry at myself for believing I was actually happy here in Nowhere. How could I have I been so stupid?

  After school I rode home with my mom, listening to her babble about her classes and her students. She was so happy that she didn’t even notice that I barely said two words the whole way home. Walking through the door, I made an excuse about having to do homework, and raced up the steps to my room. I even avoided Pops, fearing that he’d be able to see through me and know that something was wrong. I didn’t want to talk about it just yet. I needed time.

  Once in my room, I finally let out the tears that had threatened to spill all afternoon. Crying helped a little, but I was still hurt and angry. Sighing, I reached for my sketchpad and pencils. For the next hour, my hand flew across the page, making dark lines with my charcoal pencil.

  Suddenly Emma came bursting into the room, startling me. My pencil gouged the paper. “Damn it, Emma.”

  “Sorry.” She shrugged. She began throwing clothes around while she went on and on about how wonderful her day had been. I didn’t listen to anything she said.

  “Are you done? I’m busy,” I snapped, irritated.

  She stopped what she was doing. Looking at me for the first time since she came barging into the room, she said, “What’s the matter with you? You’re not feeling sick again, are you?” Ever since I had my appendix out, things between us had changed. Emma and I had been getting along.

  “No, I’m not sick again.” She looked relieved.

  “What’s wrong then?”

  I figured it was best to just get it out. Emma would hear all about it from her gossipy cheerleading friends anyway. I took a deep breath. “James dumped me today.” My voice cracked and I began to cry again.

  “No way.” She sat down next to me on the bed. Acting like a true sister, she hugged me and let me cry on her shoulder. Once I’d calmed, she asked, “What happened? You two always seemed so happy together.”

  “He said that he’s in love with someone else.” It hurt to say that out loud. I felt like I might throw up.

  “Really?” Emma’s face registered surprise at first. Then, after a long pause, she looked almost guilty.

  “What is it?” I demanded. “What did you do?”

  “I didn’t do anything.”

  “Tell me,” I demanded. Emma knew more than she was saying.

  Taking her time to respond, she sputtered, “Well, remember the Saturday night that you were home sick, right before you got your appendix out?”

  “Yeah…” I answered, not understanding where she was going with this.

  “I don’t know how to say this.” I glared at her in impatience. She continued in a rush. “I was hanging out, drinking with some of the girls, and we ended up at the school looking for something to do. Suddenly we noticed Liz was gone and we went to look for her. Sometimes her and Tyler sneak off in a dark corner of the gym to hook up. We decided to go and spy on her. Only she wasn’t in the make-out corner with Tyler, like we’d thought.” She looked and me and winced. I nodded at her to continue. I already knew what she was going to say. “She was with Dooner.” I didn’t cry. I was all cried out. “They were kissing.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” I moved away from her.

  “I’m sorry. I was going to tell you, but then you got sick. When you came home from the hospital, I saw your face light up when you saw him sitting on the porch. I told myself that I’d imagined the whole thing. You both seemed so in love with each other, spending all of your free time together. Even made me jealous.”

  “Wow,” I replied, once I found my voice. “I thought maybe he’d been lying to me, but I guess he wasn’t.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Dooner

  I was the first one to arrive in the locker room for the big game. I needed a moment alone to collect myself before the rest of the team arrived. My whole future was riding on this game. I sat down on the bench and put my elbows on my knees. I focused on breathing. I’d been a mess for the past two days. Ever since I broke up with Mikayla. I closed my eyes, remembering how my heart shattered when I saw what my words did to her. I still couldn’t believe how easily she accepted my lies. Of course I wasn’t in love with anyone else. I made it all up to protect her. I loved her so much I’d let her go.

  It had been hard seeing her at school from a distance, when I all I really wanted to do was pull her into my arms. I let out a deep sigh. I wondered if she’d be at the game tonight. Selfishly, I needed her there. I was going to have a difficult time keeping my head in this game; having her on the sideline would lessen my anxiety. I’d no right to expect that she’d come after everything I put her through. Still, everyone came to our games, and maybe she’d come to watch Tyler play. I could hope.

  Shortly the guys arrived and the noise in the locker room kept me from thinking too much. Everyone was excited about tonight’s game. Not only was it our season opener, but we were playing our biggest rival. Also it would mark the team’s fiftieth straight win.

  “Let’s huddle up,” Coach shouted, entering the locker room. We all fell silent as we gathered around him.

  “Listen up. You’ve all worked hard for this moment. There’s no reason why we can’t win this game tonight. I’ve seen some remarkable plays out there on the practice field. Also, in all my years as a coach I’ve never seen a team that has as much passion as you. Your teamwork is what sets you apart from all the other teams. Win or lose, I’m proud of your accomplishments. And you should be too.” He glanced at us in turn. “As for you seniors, this is your last chance to beat the Spartans on your own turf.” He paused. “Now, are you ready to go kick some ass?”

  The roar in the locker room was almost deafening. Everyone shouted and banged on the lockers all at once.

  “What are you waiting for?” Coach yelled over the noise.

  The team shouted again. Everyone grabbed last minute equipment and rushed out to the field. During the commotion, Coach patted me on the back and whispered, “The scouts from Texas Tech are here tonight, son. Do your best.” He smiled encouragingly.

  “Thank you, Coach.” I just hoped I could pull this off.

  The stand
s were full. She had to be here, I thought. I scanned the crowd, trying to find her. It would be impossible to pinpoint anyone. Then a smile broke across my face when I spotted her sitting in the bleachers near the fifty-yard line. She was easy to find after all. She was wearing purple in a sea of green and white, our school colors. She looked right at me. Instantly I knew how stupid I’d been. I couldn’t just give her up. I wasn’t protecting her at all by lying to her. As soon as this game was over, I was going to find her and tell her the truth. I loved her and nothing else mattered. I just hoped it wasn’t too late.

  The first half of the game passed quickly. We were in the lead, 14 to 7. I was playing well. Tyler and I had practiced hard this summer and it showed. So far we’d mostly run the ball, but for the second half Coach wanted us to throw. He wanted me to have the opportunity to impress the scouts.

  Things started to really heat up in the second half. Before I went back out on the field I looked up and saw Mikayla still sitting there. I knew I could do this. I sprinted out on the field and took my position. We were receiving the ball. It was snapped back and I ran like hell twenty yards down the field and then cut sharply to the left and hooked back around. I looked for the ball and it landed in my outstretched hands. I crossed into the end zone and scored. The stand exploded with cheers. The score was now 21 to 7. Our defense was just as strong as our offense and we stopped the Spartans in three short plays. The rest of the game pretty much followed the same pattern. The final score of the game was 42 to 7. The fans were ecstatic, rushing the field.

  My only thought was to find Mikayla. I had to talk to her. I tried to slip away, but Coach approached me with a man wearing a Texas Tech jacket and matching hat. “Dooner,” he called. I turned around. “I want to introduce you to the scouts. They want to talk to you.”

  “Hi, I’m James Muldoon. Everybody calls me Dooner,” I said, shaking their hands. Well, almost everybody.

  “Great game. My name is Cole Johnson. Is there somewhere we can go to talk? It would be nice to sit down and discuss things with you and your parents.”

  “I’m already eighteen and my parents aren’t a part of this decision. We can talk now.” I’d already made up my mind. I wanted to do this. The sooner it was done, the sooner I could find Mikayla and try to convince her to give me a second chance. Over the scout’s shoulder, I saw her and Pops congratulating Tyler.

  “You can use my office,” offered Coach.

  “Perfect,” answered Cole Johnson.

  The meeting didn’t last long since I knew what I wanted. I happily agreed to their terms. My dream was coming true. I’d be playing for Texas Tech in the fall, far from home. Soon I was walking out to the parking lot alone. The rest of the team had already changed and gone off to celebrate on some dirt road. I wasn’t joining them. I had other, more important, plans. I was going to find Mikayla.

  When I looked up, I was surprised to see Mikayla leaning up against Old Faithful, looking amazing in a short jean skirt and the purple hoodie I’d seen from the field. My heart skipped a beat. I couldn’t believe she was waiting for me. Maybe things would turn out okay after all. I was ready to tell her that I made a huge mistake. I smiled shyly.

  Suddenly the still night was filled with the sound of squealing tires. I quickly turned my head. A truck was headed right toward Mikayla, moving way too fast. I yelled for her to move, but instead she froze like a deer in headlights. I knew I wouldn’t be able to reach her in time. I dropped my bag and sprinted, running faster than I ever had in my life. I had to protect her. Her scream pierced my heart.

  There was a terrible clash of metal against metal. The truck that had been heading right at Mikayla was now wrapped around a light pole not two feet away from where she was still firmly planted. She didn’t have a scratch on her. I almost collapsed with relief.

  Reaching her, I said, “Oh my God, Mikayla, are you okay?” I wrapped her tightly in my arms before I quickly checked her over to make sure she was really okay. She was trembling with shock, but other than that she seemed fine.

  Her eyes locked on the driver. “I think so. Is that….is that…your dad?”

  For the first time, I paid closer attention to the truck. “Yes, it is,” I exclaimed. What had he almost done?

  Carefully, I moved her out of harm’s way. “Stay here. I’ll be right back. Call the police.”

  I approached my dad’s truck. He was bent over the steering wheel, blood running down his face. He smelled awful. He was banged up, but unfortunately he’d live. His eyes opened.

  He immediately zeroed in on Mikayla, who was standing off to the side at a safe distance. Pointing at her, he said, “I told that stupid bitch yesterday when she came by to return your shirt to stay the hell away. I warned her what would happen if I saw her again. She didn’t think I was serious. When I came out of the game, she was waiting for you by your truck. I knew it was up to me to make her understand. You’d never have the guts to let her go, you’re nothing but a pussy. You’d rather throw away your chance at playing ball. I wasn’t about to let that happen.” His face was full of pure hatred.

  “You’re an idiot, Dad. She has nothing to do with whether or not I play college football. I already signed the papers. I’m playing for Texas Tech next fall. Who says I can’t have my dream and a girlfriend too? I love her, Dad. And she loves me. Something you’ll never understand.” Looking at him with disgust, I continued, “You’re going to be locked up for a long, long time.” Sirens sounded in the distance. They’d be here any minute. “You’ll never be able to hurt me or anyone I love ever again.”

  The cops arrived and loaded my dad into the back of the squad car in handcuffs. We’d have to go down to the station in a few minutes to give our statements, but before we did that there was something more important I had to do.

  Walking over to Mikayla, I took her in my arms. “How come you came tonight?”

  “Isn’t it obvious?”

  I shook my head no.

  “I couldn’t stay away. I knew how much this game meant to you. I wanted to see you play. Even though I’d never been to a football game until tonight, it was easy to see how talented you really are. Pops was sitting next to me, and I began to worry that he was going to have a coronary the way he kept getting so excited every time Tyler would throw you the ball and you’d catch it, even when it seemed near impossible,” she gushed, blushing. My heart practically exploded at her words. Usually I got embarrassed when people complimented me, but this felt right. “I had to congratulate you,” she added in a quiet voice.

  “I couldn’t have done it without you. As soon as I saw you sitting in the stands, I knew everything would be okay. It is going to be okay, isn’t it?” My hands were shaky. I couldn’t lose her now.

  She stared at me with her big brown eyes. “I don’t know. Can I ask you something?”

  “Anything.” I nodded my head for her to continue.

  “And I want the truth.”

  I nodded again.

  “Are you in love with Liz?”

  “What?” I choked. “Why would you think that?” I hadn’t expected that question, and I wasn’t sure where it came from.

  “Emma said that she saw the two of you making out in the secret hook-up corner while I was home puking my guts out.” In all that had happened these last few weeks, I had completely forgotten that Liz had tried to kiss me.

  “Yes,” I answered honestly, and I felt her stiffen. I rushed to explain before I lost her for good. “I was looking for Coach in the gym, when I ran into her. She was totally wasted and she came on to me. She kissed me, but I didn’t kiss her back. I couldn’t get away fast enough. I’m sure from where Emma was standing it looked bad, but I swear that’s the truth. I love you, not her.”

  “Then why did you say that you were in love with someone else?” She questioned further. I could tell by the look on her face she wasn’t completely satisfied with my answer. I had hurt her and she was trying to figure out why,

  “I thought it
was the only way you’d let me go.”

  “You’re still not making any sense. Why would you want to break up with me?”

  “It’s complicated.” I took a deep breath to gather my thoughts and then continued. “The day that we made love, my dad saw you leave and he threatened to hurt you if I didn’t end things. He thought you’d distract me from winning the scholarship and any chance I had at playing pro ball. I thought I was doing what I had to do in order to protect you. I knew my dad would try to follow through on his threats. He thinks nothing of beating my mom. He used to hit us kids too when we were younger. That day he was so angry he punched me, but he quickly realized he couldn’t get to me that way any more.” She remained silent as I continued. “So he threatened to hurt me the only way he could. He knew hurting you would hurt me. I’m so sorry. When I think about what almost happened here tonight, it makes me sick. I lied to protect you, but all I ended up doing was hurting you. You could’ve been killed.” I paused to catch my breath. “I’m sorry,” I sobbed. “Can you ever forgive me?”

  “I already have. I love you,” she whispered.

  “I love you too.”

  I wrapped my arms around her pulling her close to me. Vowing that I’d never let her go again.

  Epilogue

  Mikayla

  Graduation day had arrived. I stood in my room getting ready to leave for the ceremony. When we first pulled into this town I couldn’t wait to get out. I hated the very idea of spending my senior year in Nowhere. I couldn’t believe how much had changed in the past 11 months. How much I’d changed! Now I didn’t want to leave. I’d be going to college in Michigan, a six-hour car ride from here, but Nowhere would always be my home. It’s where I’d found happiness and true love.

  Giving James my heart was the most amazing thing I’d ever done. We shared so many special moments together this past year. Some of them grand events, like when he stood by my side at the art show in New York City or when I went with him to check out Texas Tech. Other memories were more everyday events, like sitting at the kitchen table working on homework together or cuddling on the on the porch swing. We spent every free moment we had together, talking, kissing, and making love. He was my best friend.