And It All Comes Down To You

by Kyra Lennon

  “God. Of all the things you could have witnessed…”

  “Even if I hadn’t, I’d have heard about it. You were legends at school!”

  “I don’t know about that.” I laughed. “There were rumours going around that we were arrested!”

  “But everyone thought it was cool.”

  “That’s probably the most daring thing I’ve done in my life.”

  “Aside from getting in a car with me.”

  Logan’s smile sent butterflies flapping around my stomach, as again, the reality of what I was doing hit me. If only he knew I’d have clung to the freaking roof rack if it meant spending time with him.

  “Well, a girl’s gotta take a risk now and again.” I gave him a cheeky wink, and he laughed again.

  “You haven’t changed much, you know?”

  “Hmm, I don’t know if that’s true. I have no plans to crash the stage today.”

  “But you still have that mischievous thing going on. That twinkle in your eyes might blind me if I look right at it.”

  My heart sang in my chest, joining the rhythmic flapping of the butterflies and creating a beautiful melody.

  That could be the sound of your doom if you don’t get a grip on yourself.

  Ah, that bloody cautious voice again. But Logan was right. I’d noticed this weird glint shining from my baby blues, like something inside me had ignited in anticipation of this trip, and it radiated from me, even when I was just doing my make-up in the mirror every morning, or when I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a shop window.

  So much for not getting my hopes up, huh? But it was subconscious. And while I liked the sparkle, I’d tried to rein in everything it represented – the hope that maybe this would lead to something more.

  “Well,” I said, calling on my inner mischievousness, “it would be a shame if my twinkle damaged your eyesight so you couldn’t see how good I look today.” I gestured to my face, giving him a look of mock seriousness. “I don’t wake up looking this good, you know?”

  I gave his leg a playful poke, the first time I’d touched him all day, then pulled my hand back quickly, worried I’d crossed a line and hoping that feeling didn’t show on my face.

  “Nobody wakes up looking good.” Logan didn’t flinch, and I settled back in my seat, relieved. “Well, except maybe… me.”

  I chuckled, remembering how unkempt he was when he rocked up at my house. But he did look good. “And that is what hasn’t changed about you.”

  His brows pulled together for a second, although his lips were still slightly tilted upwards at the corners. “What, my ability to look like a stud first thing in the morning?”

  “No!” I shook my head. “Your arrogance.”

  Logan placed one hand on his chest in a gesture of fake horror. “You hurt me, Marnie. That’s harsh.” His own eyes twinkled, and I had to try to conceal the sharp intake of breath my body wanted me to take at the sight of it, causing me to cough as my lungs freaked out in the confusion. I managed to turn my choke into a laugh so as not to splutter all over him.

  “I’m sorry. Maybe you weren’t arrogant, but definitely not lacking confidence.”

  “This from the girl who molests bands while they’re on stage!”

  “That was stupidity!” I claimed. “Definitely not arrogance.”

  His eyes shifted towards me again. “I’m not sure I was as confident as you think.”

  “What’s not to be confident about? You’re… Logan Ryan.”

  Quick thinking, replacing “You’re hot as hell” with his name. I was getting too relaxed; relaxed enough to blurt things out I couldn’t take back. Things that could make the rest of the day awkward, and ruin the banter we’d so easily slipped into. But he made everything so easy. It should have already been awkward with me fighting so hard to keep my feelings under control. Instead, being with Logan felt like the most natural thing in the world, like we should have been doing this the whole time we’d known each other instead of occasionally seeing each other when adult life wasn’t in the way. Nothing I’d done in the last few years had felt as simple as sitting beside him talking and laughing.

  But those were the kind of thoughts that had led me to almost slip up.

  My brain swirled with these contradicting thoughts. Always. Because dammit, I’d waited long enough, hadn’t I? Why not just throw the idea of spending more time with him out there and see where it led?

  Because then… he’d know. And if he knew, he might run away screaming. Wasn’t it better to say nothing and have him in my life than confess and risk never seeing him again?

  Sometimes it was better that way. Sometimes, however, keeping my mouth shut made my insides knot and caused me to lie awake, too restless to sleep.

  **

  “Jesus fucking Christ.”

  Logan’s words perfectly reflected my feelings as rain hammered down on the car, making it impossible to see out of the windows. I actually ducked when a gust of wind blew what looked like a bucket load of water down on the windscreen from the overhanging trees.

  “This is not the weather I ordered,” I muttered then let out a small laugh. Just my luck. One day out with the guy I’d waited to spend forever with, and the sky decided to throw down a week’s worth of rain in five minutes. I hope this isn’t a sign of how the rest of the day is going to go. Dismal, dark, and disappointing.

  Logan flicked on the car radio, but the only sound emitting from it was a loud crackle, as a low rumble of thunder came from overhead. He turned his head towards me. “Well, I can’t reach the local radio station, but I think it’s safe to say the festival is not going to happen.”

  I briefly raised my eyebrows, letting out a sigh. “That’s my plan to make Ed Sheeran fall in love with me ruined.”

  “And mine to make Rita Ora fall in love with me.”

  An entirely irrational ripple of jealousy slithered down my spine. Rita freaking Ora? If that’s the kind of woman he’s into, I should probably give up now! I mean, I’d made the effort to look good, but underneath the make-up, I was still… me. Pale-skinned, dark-haired… imperfect. Okay, I had curves in my favour, although I’d have liked them to be a bit less curvy, but I’d never be able to rock skinny jeans and crop tops, or have the kind of face that men instantly fall in love with.

  Marnie, get a grip.

  I blinked a few times to clear my illogical doubts. “So… I guess we’ll head home when the rain slows down?”

  Logan leaned forwards over the steering wheel, looking out at the road which was starting to flood from the downpour. “I think it’ll be a while.” He sighed too. “I’m really sorry, Marnie. This isn’t how I wanted today to go.”

  “It’s not your fault.” I turned to him, completely empathising with the disappointment in his eyes. It wasn’t how I wanted the day to go either. I’d wanted music, sunshine and more of our playful conversations, not a car journey, a coffee and another car journey.

  “No, but I dragged you all the way here and now there isn’t anything for us to see apart from… fucking rain.” He shook his head as he leaned back in his seat.

  “You didn’t need to drag me,” I said, with more honesty than I’d planned. “I’m really glad you invited me. I guess we should have factored in that we live in England and the weather makes no sense at all.”

  “Yeah.”

  I turned my head to the passenger side window again, not that it did any good. The only thing visible was the streaming rain, completely blocking the view of the street we’d stopped in. I vaguely remembered we were in a residential area, but I hadn’t had a chance to see much of it before Logan had to park before we crashed due to low visibility.

  Leaning down, I pulled my phone out of my bag, amazed to find I still had a signal. I called on my 3G and did an Internet search for the festival, just to be absolutely certain it was cancelled. Terrible weather happens at Glastonbury and that doesn’t get cancelled so maybe there was a chance we’d be lucky. Perhaps lucky wasn’t the right
word – we were going to get wet - but at least we’d get the day out we’d planned.

  It took approximately three seconds for my hopes to be dashed. The festival’s cancellation was headline news, and I held my phone out to Logan. “Yeah. Definitely cancelled.”

  Logan wrinkled his nose. “Damn.”

  I threw my phone back into my bag and dumped it back on the floor by my feet. A disappointed silence filled the car, the only sounds were our gentle breaths as we internally dealt with our own disillusionment at the way things had taken such a crappy turn, and the persistent rumblings of thunder.

  “We could…” Logan began, then trailed off. “Nah, forget it.”

  Really? Dude needs to understand that is not the kind of sentence a girl is ever going to “forget” about.

  “Go on,” I encouraged. “What were you going to say?”

  He tilted his head thoughtfully to one side. “We’ve driven for four hours. This storm is not going to let up any time soon. Maybe we could find a place to stay tonight and drive back tomorrow.”

  The flip of my heart in my chest made me jolt in my seat – embarrassing since Logan was watching me. I shifted in my seat as his words sank in. Honestly, those were the last words I expected him to utter – well, aside from, “This has been the best road trip ever. I think we should get naked immediately.” The idea of that had me jolting again, and I tried to pull together something to say before he changed his mind.

  “I… I’m… I don’t have anything with me for an overnight stay.”

  Not true. I had my cosmetics counter in my bag.

  “Me neither but we’re in Southampton. It’s not exactly the arse end of nowhere. There are shops around where we can grab what we need. And what do we really need anyway?”

  “Well, underwear for tomorrow would be a good start.”

  I tried not to cringe at the mention of undies, but since I’d been fighting to stop thinking about him ripping mine off, it wasn’t an easy task. The heat rose in my cheeks again and Logan laughed.

  “I’m sure there’s a Primark or something around here.”

  “Please.” I held my hand up, adopting an air of offence. “Do I look like the kind of girl who buys her knickers in Primark? I’ll have you know I’m a little more upmarket than that!”

  I truly was kidding; Primark usually has a kickass selection of knickers, but my inner mischievousness had started running the show again, primarily to save me from the embarrassment of discussing my pants with Logan.

  “Alright, Miss Fussy!” Logan laughed. “There’s probably something around here more suited to your refined tastes.”

  “I’m sure there is, but how are we going to get there? We don’t know where we’re going, we can’t go anywhere in the car because we can’t see out of the windows, and we’re dressed for sunshine, not storms.”

  “Jesus, woman! Talk about creating problems! Where’s your sense of adventure?”

  “I left it at home with my umbrella.”

  He shrugged. “Fine. We’ll go home when it stops raining so hard.”

  I didn’t miss the smirk on his lips, and I bit my own lip to hold in a laugh. I couldn’t let this trip end yet. Screw it, even if we drowned on the way to the shops, it would be worth it just to be with him a bit longer. And it seemed like he genuinely wanted us to stay. Why, I had no clue, but I wasn’t about to question it.

  “Let’s stay. I can suck it up and wear budget pants for one day.”

  Present

  “Well, well.” Lydia smirks. “Talking to Logan about your underwear. This is hotting up!”

  I fling my beer mat across the table at her, laughing. “Stop. Don’t rush me.”

  I figure I’m doing pretty well with the sharing, in spite of me trying to preserve the memories. Each memory I share brings with it another little snippet of something that happened; a small brush of our hands as we ran through the rain, me catching him smiling at me when he thought I wasn’t looking, small jokes that made us laugh at the time but wouldn’t make sense to anyone now. I suppose those are the things it’s okay to keep to myself. My things. Our things. I wonder if Logan looks back on them with the same fondness, or if he even remembers the little things. Maybe guys remember things differently and don’t hang on to small details. For me, those small details are everything.

  “Right, right.” Lydia said. “I know. You like to build the dramatic tension.”

  “Well, I can just get to the end if you want…”

  “No!” Lydia pushes my beer mat back towards me. “I need to hear how this progressed, but, as I said, the underwear talk is giving me a good idea of how things went down!”

  “Stop sleazing up my weekend! It wasn’t like that.”

  It wasn’t. But the memories of touching him send shivers through me then lead to an ache I’ve carried in the pit of my stomach since the day we got home. We have plans to see each other soon, but until then, the whole thing still feels a little like a dream. I’m frozen in time, waiting. From the second I stepped into my house after our trip, I missed him. Lying on my bed the night we got home, I genuinely reached out for him to tell him something, my hand stretching over before I remembered he wasn’t there. I felt that after one full day with him. I still feel it.

  “I miss him.” I didn’t mean for the words to slip out because I don’t want Lydia to think I’m still not happy after such a brilliant trip. I’ll just be happier when I see him.

  Lydia’s head tilts to the side. “You haven’t seen him since?”

  I shake my head. “He’s away with work this week and it’s killing me.” I laugh, feeling my cheeks warm. “I know I’m ridiculous. We’ll see each other at the weekend but this week is dragging.”

  “It’s understandable. You’ve waited a long time for this. I mean… I’m still assuming there’s a happy ending here.”

  “What kind of person gives away the ending this soon?” I chuckle, though we both know I wouldn’t be this detailed if the trip had been a disaster. Also, I would have called her, crying, and spent the last few days eating ice cream straight out of the tub.

  “Good point. But I do need to know if you ended up buying your undies in Primark. So… keep talking.”

  The Serious Stage aka Thinking Out Loud

  It would be an understatement to say that storms are not my thing. However, in an extremely dorky realisation, it occurred to me that with Logan, I could probably fight a dragon or wrestle a tiger, and all manner of other things I didn’t think I could do alone. What is that? I’d had that feeling around him before more than once. Perhaps it was partially that I didn’t want him to think I was pathetic, so I tried harder with him around. But that wasn’t all of it. Something about him was encouraging, motivating. Had I been with Lydia, I probably would have huffed over the weather, and then chosen to go home. That way, at least we’d be warm and dry. With Logan I could take a little discomfort so as not to let an opportunity slip away. If it even was an opportunity. What I was effectively doing, was taking the opportunity for another potential opportunity to occur.

  We waited for thirty minutes in the warmth of Logan’s car for the rain to slow. It didn’t. If anything, it got heavier, and the thunder grew louder, interspersed with flashes of lightning that made me jump every time. We didn’t have many options available. Stay where we were, or make a dash for… somewhere. After consulting Google Maps, we realised we were two streets away from a B&B, and in the interests of making sure we had a place to stay, we braved the rain and made the fastest run ever, hoping there would be a vacancy.

  “Oh my God!” I tried to catch my breath as Logan and I reached the undercover porch of the B&B. There was not an inch of my skin that wasn’t saturated, and the hair I’d meticulously straightened that morning now hung in dark, frizzy curls around my shoulders. As I looked at Logan, water dripped from his hair onto his cheeks, his clothes clinging to his body.

  Sweet Jesus.

  If we’d been in a movie, we’d probably have laughe
d at how ridiculous we looked then kissed as our rain soaked bodies clung to each other, his hands in my hair, and mine…

  “Marnie?”

  “Huh?”

  I blinked a few times as my thoughts flicked back to reality, and silently thanked God that I hadn’t actually reached out to him during my mini daydream. I could only have been a second from pulling him into me… my fingers digging into his back…

  Stop it!

  His brown eyes flickered with amusement, almost as if he knew what I was thinking. My face was already wet so I had no idea if I’d drooled while I’d been lost in my fantasy. All I could do was take a deep breath and say, “Do you think they’ll let us in in this state?”

  “I’m hoping they’ll take pity on us and make us a bed anywhere. In the attic if necessary.”

  “Ha, because that’s not creepy at all! A dark attic in a storm. What else do you want to add? Is the attic haunted with the ghosts of former guests?”

  Laughing, Logan rested his hand on my shoulders and turned me towards the door. “Come on. Let’s get in there.”

  I opened the heavy front door, and Logan and I stepped inside. I’d been kidding when I’d mentioned ghosts, but the reception area was dimly lit and the décor looked like it hadn’t been updated since the seventies. The wallpaper was faded and the carpets lacked their former colour. Even the framed artwork on the walls was lacklustre and dated.

  I shifted my eyes towards and Logan and found him giving me a similar look of apprehension.

  “It’s just one night,” he said. “Or we could look for somewhere else?”

  The raise of his eyebrow made me roll my eyes. As if I was going back outside without a clear idea of where we were going unless I absolutely had to. Also, I couldn’t imagine going anywhere until we’d dried off a little. Assuming the owners of this establishment didn’t turn us away for ruining their already downtrodden carpets.

  A tiny elderly lady wearing a floral dress and a thick white cardigan stepped out through the door behind the reception desk. Her jaw dropped when she saw us dripping all over her floors.