The Vow

by Lindsay Chase

  She fell silent, thinking back. “Yes.”

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  “Well, you’re seeing in Benjamin what I saw in you, the same sensual awakening.” He shrugged helplessly. “It’s not disgusting. It’s part of becoming a man or a woman.”

  She rested her head against the tree trunk and listened to the calming sound of water dripping off nearby branches. She looked at Samuel standing in the middle of the path. In an unguarded moment desire warred with restraint on his perfect features.

  Hannah stepped away from the tree toward him. “God, how I’ve missed you!”

  He stepped back a pace. “Hannah, don’t.”

  Distraught and emotional from the events of the previous night, she reached for him. “I need you.”

  He caught one of her wrists, but his strength was no match for Hannah’s determination. She slid her free arm around his waist and drew him toward her with a contented sigh.

  He stood stiff and unresponsive. “Hannah, you’re not being fair to me. This is wrong.”

  “Hold me, Samuel. Just hold me. There can’t be anything wrong with that.”

  She rested her head on his chest, listening to his strong, steady heartbeat. “I don’t care if it’s right or wrong. When I lost your child, I thought I’d—” She stopped, appalled.

  The fog thickened around them until the woods disappeared. All Hannah saw was Samuel’s bloodless, anguished face staring down at her. His lips moved, but he spoke not a sound.

  “Forgive me,” she said, stepping away. “I vowed never to tell you.”

  “A child?” His voice trembled. “You were going to have my child?”

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  “It could have been Reiver’s, but I wanted it to be yours.” She pulled her shawl more tightly about her. “It happened not long after Reiver banished you.”

  Her eyes filled with tears at the memory. “The very day I learned I was with child, I lost it.” A child’s existence reduced to blood on the snow. “So cruel, so unfair… I didn’t even have time to love it. Then when I learned that I couldn’t have any more…” She raised her head. “So you see, you’re not the only one who is crippled.”

  Samuel cradled her cheek in his hand, and she shivered at his touch.

  “Hannah, I’m so, so sorry,” he whispered. “Dear God, why didn’t you write and tell me? I would have come back.”

  “What good would it have done?”

  “You wouldn’t have had to face such pain alone.”

  She tasted tears on her lips. “I’ve grown used to it.”

  That undid him. He stepped toward her, his right arm sliding around her waist and holding her as tightly as if he still had a hand. His pale eyes searched her face as Hannah entwined her arms around his neck and her fingers in his soft, silky hair.

  “So beautiful,” he murmured, just before devouring her mouth with his own.

  Hannah’s kiss flooded his parched soul like a sweet spring rain, and her eager body pressed along the length of his kindled the dormant fire within him.

  He had been too long without her. He wanted to sheathe himself in her and love her, love her, love her.

  Hannah took his face in her hands and showered his cheeks, his eyelids, his forehead with kisses, branding him as her own. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. I thought I’d die when Reiver sent you away.”

  He silenced her by kissing her again, but her insistent fingers kept running over his chest, sliding down his ribs, seeking his belt buckle.

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  Reiver’s face flashing in Samuel’s mind’s eye forced him to fling himself away from Hannah just in time.

  “We can’t.” Panting, he put his hand against a nearby tree to support the weight that his shaking knees could not.

  She stared at him out of soulful eyes, hugging herself. “I—I thought you wanted me.”

  “I do, but I can’t betray my brother, not while I’m living here on his charity.”

  Hannah’s eyes burned with anger. “Your staying here does not depend on Reiver’s benevolence. I want you here, and as far as I’m concerned, you may stay here for as long as you like. So you needn’t fear that Reiver will cast you out if you displease him.”

  “I’m grateful.”

  “I don’t want gratitude or humility. I want to see you proud and whole again.”

  He looked down at his missing hand. “That might present something of a problem.”

  “I meant whole of spirit.” When he said nothing, she stepped away from him and looked around. “It’s nearly dawn and the fog is lifting. I suppose I had better get back.”

  Samuel fell in step beside her. “What are you going to do about Ben?”

  Hannah sighed. “Apologize for treating him like a child.”

  When she returned to the main house, she found Benjamin eating breakfast alone at the kitchen table. Hannah poured herself a cup of coffee and joined him.

  He regarded her sullenly while she explained why she had been so upset with him last night, but when she admitted that she had been wrong to treat him 362

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  The Vow

  as a child, his surliness vanished and he became the son she remembered, even rising to kiss her on the cheek.

  Before he left for the mill, he kissed Hannah on the cheek once more, and she knew that her son had truly become a man.

  Hannah stood in the same parlor that she had dusted, swept, and polished for Aunt Naomi and smiled in satisfaction. “I hardly recognize the place, Georgia.”

  With the addition of wallpaper in tiny red roses, framed lithographs of seasonal New England scenes, and multicolored braided rugs scattered on the floor, the Bickford house now revealed a welcoming warmth that had been sorely lacking when Hannah lived there.

  Georgia set down her tray. “This place was such a pigsty! Black fingermarks on all the walls, grease building up inside the stove, dirt ground into the floorboards…my Ma would’ve died of shame to keep her house that way.”

  Hannah took the cup of tea Georgia proffered in a practiced, ladylike manner. “Knowing Nate as I do, I’m not surprised his wife was just as slovenly.”

  Georgia looked around, beaming with pride. “Well, Georgia Shaw is the mistress here now, and she’s going to see that it stays a real home for my husband and babies.”

  Hannah said, “And where is your husband? I checked the mill, but he wasn’t there, and I have to ask him if he’ll help me with a special project.”

  Georgia blushed prettily. “Ever since we got married, James hasn’t been going in as early as he used to.”

  Hannah smiled. “Why should he, now that he has…more interesting things to do at home?”

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  Georgia giggled. “It’s nine o’clock, so he should be dressed by now. Shall I get him for you?”

  “No need, my love,” came James’s voice from the doorway. He greeted Hannah, brushed his hair out of his eyes, and crossed the parlor to kiss his blushing wife on the cheek.

  Hannah said, “Before you go to the mill, I’d like to speak to you about a project.”

  James poured himself a cup of tea and raised his brows. “What kind of project?”

  “I want you to make something very special for me, something I suspect will be very difficult to construct.”

  “James can build anything,” Georgia said.

  James sat down and turned to Hannah. “Tell me what you want me to make, and I’ll tell you if I can.”

  Hannah leaned forward and described what she wanted. When she finished, she sat back and waited for their reactions.

  “Oh, Hannah,” Georgia said, “that would be wonderful.”

  Hannah looked at James, still sitting there silently. “Can
it be done?”

  His brow furrowed in concentration, and Hannah could almost hear his mental wheels turning as he considered all possibilities. Finally he smiled. “I think so. At least I’ll try my best to see what I can fashion.”

  “I can’t ask for more than that.” Hannah rose. “Don’t either of you tell anyone about this, especially Reiver. I want it to be a secret in case it doesn’t work.”

  “We won’t tell a living soul,” Georgia said, rising.

  James rose also. “I’ll find a way to work on it without anyone else knowing.”

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  Hannah stared over James’s shoulder. “Will it work?”

  He shrugged. “The only way we’ll know that is to try it.”

  She shivered, more from her own nervousness than from the draft of cold November air swirling around her skirts. Now that the project was completed, second thoughts plagued Hannah. What if it didn’t work? What if it caused irreparable damage?

  Hannah knotted her long fingers together and stared at the creation of wood and straps on James’s workbench. “I don’t think this was such a good idea.

  Perhaps we ought to throw it away and forget about it.”

  “Don’t worry,” James said. “Even if it doesn’t work, he’ll be touched by the sentiment behind it.” He grinned. “Besides, this is my masterpiece! I’ve put too much blood and sweat into it to discard it now.”

  Hannah took several gulps of refreshing air. “You’re right. I’m being silly.”

  She took another breath. “Well, it’s Judgment Day. Shall we go?”

  James nodded, and together they left the Bickford barn, where they had been conspiring in secret for almost two months. The overcast sky with its threat of snow mirrored Hannah’s feeling of foreboding.

  When they arrived at the homestead, James said, “Hannah, you look as though you’re going to a hanging.”

  “I am…my own!” She couldn’t stop shaking. “He’s going to hate me for this.”

  “If anything, he’ll be moved by your concern for his feelings.”

  They went inside without knocking. “Samuel?” Hannah called.

  He appeared a minute later, a book tucked under his arm. His gaze went to the package James held. “What’s this? An early Christmas present?”

  Hannah nodded. “In a way.”

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  He smiled. “Come, don’t keep me in suspense.”

  James offered his brother the package, but Hannah stayed his hand.

  “Samuel, before you open it, I have to say that I hope you won’t be offended when you see what it is.”

  “Now I am intrigued. Give it over, baby brother.”

  When he saw the contents, he turned so ashen, Hannah thought he would faint.

  “It’s an artificial hand,” she said, her voice shaking. “James made it out of wood and leather so you could strap it on your arm and fit it with a glove. It—

  it’s not as good as a real one, of course, but I thought…” She stared at him helplessly.

  He looked at the wooden hand with its fingers flexed in a natural resting position and a hollowed-out cup to anchor the stump. Then he took his time examining the straps. His eyes revealed not a thought. A mask held more expression than his features. He didn’t smile or register any enthusiasm or gratitude for what they had done.

  He loathes it, Hannah thought, and he loathes me even more for thinking he would accept this.

  Samuel looked from Hannah to James and back to Hannah. “I—I don’t know what to say.”

  James said, “Why don’t you let me show you how it works?”

  When Samuel started to remove his coat, James raised his brows. “You intend to undress in front of Hannah?”

  She looked away. How was James to know that she had seen Samuel in far less?

  Samuel said, “Of course not. Let’s go into another room.”

  And he walked out with James following.

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  Hannah waited. And waited.

  After what seemed like hours they returned. Hannah’s gaze went straight to Samuel’s face, searching for any sign of resentment or reproach.

  “What do you think?” he asked.

  He held his right arm close to his body as before, but instead of his coat sleeve being sewn shut, it came down naturally to the end of his wrist. With the wooden hand covered by a black leather glove, no casual observer could tell that Samuel’s hand was missing.

  Hannah managed a tentative smile. “Now it doesn’t call attention to your—

  your—”

  “Infirmity,” he finished for her.

  An awkward silence ensued. Finally James slapped his brother on the back.

  “I’ve got to get back to the mill or Reiver will think I’ve left town.” After accepting Samuel’s thanks, he left Hannah alone with him.

  Hannah crossed her arms to hide her nervousness. “I—I know it’s a poor substitute, but I—oh, Samuel, I didn’t mean to embarrass or insult you.” She shrugged helplessly. “Say something, please!”

  “I’m speechless.” Now he radiated such warmth that Hannah felt as though she were standing before a roaring fire on a cold winter’s day. “Just when I think I’ve seen the pinnacle of human kindness, you do something like this.”

  He took her hand and pressed his warm lips into her palm, causing her to tremble. When he released her, his eyes sparkled with gratitude. “I don’t have enough words to thank you properly.”

  “I just want you to be whole again.”

  Samuel watched her walk back up Mulberry Hill, her skirts billowing in the brisk November wind. Her gesture had touched him more than he could show.

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  When he thought of Hannah planning this and enlisting James’s help, and the two of them working all these weeks in secret…

  He wished he had Hannah’s courage and her boundless optimism. He wished he could be whole again for her, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know if he even had the energy to try.

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  Chapter Nineteen

  In late March of 1858, Reiver came to a decision that he dreaded telling Hannah.

  That afternoon he found her in the study, seated at the desk with her pen in hand, answering a pile of business correspondence. When she didn’t acknowledge his presence, he said, “Would you stop writing for a moment? I have to talk to you.”

  Hannah set aside her pen and folded her hands on her desk. “You have my undivided attention.”

  Reiver sat down across from her. “I’m going to Yokohama. And I’m taking Benjamin with me.”

  After eighteen years of marriage, he knew how to read her. By the way her eyes darkened and narrowed, he could tell she was not pleased. The slight tightening of her lips indicated resistance and a possible battle. Reiver was prepared.

  Hannah sat back in her chair. His decision didn’t come as a complete surprise. She had overheard him discussing the matter with several of his cronies at James’s wedding reception last year. Since he hadn’t mentioned it afterward, she thought he had discounted the idea.

  “Do you really think such a voyage will benefit Shaw Silks?” she asked.

  “Immeasurably. You know how I’ve been displeased with the inferior quality of Chinese silks for years. Japanese silk has the potential of being the Lindsay Chase

  highest quality, and now that they’re receptive to trade with the United States, this is the perfect time to establish a business relationship with them.”

  “Why do you have to be the one to go?”

  Reiver raised his brows in surprise. “I should think you’d welcome the opportunity to be rid of me for a while.”

  Hannah looked chagrined. “I
merely meant that you are forty-six years old and this is a long, arduous voyage better undertaken by a younger man.”

  Reiver slapped his flat stomach. “I’ll have you know I’m still capable of doing the work of a man half my age. Besides, who else would I send? James is to be a father soon, and Samuel doesn’t know enough about the business. My new overseer is still too green.” He shook his head. “No, Hannah, the only two people qualified enough to go are me and you.”

  She gave him a level look. “I have no intention of going to Japan. Not with Elisabeth to look after.”

  “Somehow I don’t think the Japanese would deal with a woman, anyway, so you’re spared.”

  “What if there is a war? What happens if you’re cut off and can’t return to Connecticut?”

  “I plan to be back before that happens.”

  Hannah rose in an agitated rustle of taffeta. “Why must Benjamin go with you? He’s—”

  “Too young? Hannah, we’ve been through this before. Shaw Silks will belong to Ben and Davey someday. Davey is still too young to learn about the company, but Ben isn’t. By going to Japan, he’ll meet the people he’ll be dealing with in the future. He’ll be an invaluable asset.”

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  She went over to the window, parted the curtains, and looked out.

  “Intellectually I know you’re right, but in my mother’s heart, I don’t want him to go.”

  Reiver crossed the room and placed his hands on her shoulders. “I know, Hannah,” he said gently. “You worry needlessly. He’s my son, too, and I promise to take good care of him.”

  She turned. “But to not see my son for such a long time…”

  “You’ll have Davey and Elisabeth. And Georgia’s new baby. And you can run the mill without my interference.”

  Hannah smiled dryly. “That is certainly the best inducement. Are you sure you can trust me with your precious mill?”