Burn So Bright

by Jennifer Bernard

  She burst into tears. He tried to touch her, but she swatted his hand away. “Damn it, I’m angry, not sad,” she said fiercely. “I don’t want to be crying over him. I’m not crying. I’m not.”

  Him. Logan, no doubt. He hated that guy.

  “Of course you’re not crying over him. It’s perfectly obvious that you’re crying over that sticky bun on your blouse. Which is my fault, so I guess that means you’re crying over me. And I’m standing right here so you might as well just hit me.”

  Just like that, her sobs shifted into laughter. Her shoulders shook with it as she wiped tears away with the heel of her hand. “How do you do that? One minute I want to strangle someone—you, most often—the next I’m laughing.”

  “Well, it is a gift, it’s true. But I bet I can make you want to strangle me again.” He lifted her sticky bun to his mouth and bit into it, closing his eyes in mimed ecstasy. “Mmm, cinnamon roll.”

  “You are such an idiot.” Finally, smiling, she took the thing away from him. “I suppose you deserve a bite, just for not being an asshole like the rest of your gender.”

  Uh-oh. “Seriously? You’re going to blame an entire gender for something Logan did? If someone’s going to represent us, I want a vote on who it is. And it wouldn’t be him.”

  “You don’t even know him.”

  “Fine. Introduce us.” He reached for the sticky bun and plucked off a pecan. She tore off a piece of the pastry and handed it to him.

  “You want to meet Logan?”

  “Not really. But since your life is my responsibility now, I suppose I should. It’s my big-brother side coming out. This is twice now that I’ve caught you crying over him. Three strikes and he’s out.”

  She crinkled her forehead at him as she nibbled on the bun. “You’re not my big brother.”

  His gaze lowered to her upper lip, which had accumulated crystals of caramel syrup. As he watched, she swiped her tongue across it. No, definitely not her big brother. But nothing else either, he reminded himself. “When’s he coming back?”

  She gave a gloomy shake of her head. “We’re keeping the dialogue open on that one.”

  He snorted. Whatever that meant, it didn’t sound like any fun. “Well, Suzie Q, I can’t say that I know much about marriage or long relationships or really anything beyond…mmm…a month. But to me, it seems like there should be a good misery-to-orgasm ratio. Like a hundred orgasms to one tear.”

  He traced a finger down her cheek, feeling just a hint of the wetness that had been there. “Not asking for details here, just something to think about.”

  But she surprised him. “When you have sex, does the woman always have an orgasm? And don’t pull any of your macho crap on me. It’s a genuine question. The kind of thing I might ask a big brother, if I had one.”

  He nearly choked on the pecan he’d just popped in his mouth. “That’s not the sort of thing a girl asks her big brother.”

  She pounded his back to help him get the pecan out, but kept looking at him expectantly. “Okay, then answer as a friend. I really want to know.”

  He finished chewing the pecan as he readied his answer. It wasn’t the kind of thing he was used to discussing with women he wasn’t sleeping with. But he and Suzanne were obviously forming a unique kind of relationship.

  “All right, then. The answer is no, the woman doesn’t always have an orgasm. I always want her to. I always do whatever I can to make it happen, and it usually does. But sometimes it just doesn’t, for whatever reason. I feel bad about that, and aim to make it better the next time. But if I said that every woman I’ve slept with had an orgasm every single time, that would not be true.”

  Something shifted behind her expression. He wondered if he should have lied instead of giving her an honest answer. Would she now think less of him? Maybe see him as a selfish prick in bed? Not that it mattered. They weren’t headed to bed anyway. She was engaged—tears or no tears.

  “What about faking it? Has a woman ever faked it with you?”

  “There have been times that I wondered.” He shrugged. “I like to think not. I try to be everything a woman wants, but maybe sometimes I fall short. And maybe she doesn’t want to tell me, or she doesn’t know how to tell me what she needs. Sex isn’t always cut and dried for a woman. So if a woman feels that she needs to fake it, I guess I can’t judge her for that. Or myself, for that matter. I’m all in, every time. Whatever she needs. If that doesn’t work, well, maybe we’re just not compatible.”

  She was listening to him with an expression of absolute fascination. And maybe even…respect? If so, that was something new. “Thanks for being honest,” she told him. “That means more than you know.”

  “Well, sure, anytime. Nothing to hide here, because this happens to be an area I’m extremely confident about.” He grinned at her. This conversation was getting entirely too serious. Time to bring back the jokester. “Of course, showing is even more educational than telling. Just something to think about.”

  “Oh, I absolutely agree. You should definitely show me how to fake an orgasm. I beg you, please.”

  “What?” He gave a scoffing laugh. “There is no way I’m showing you that. That is beyond the scope of the big-brother responsibilities.”

  “Please?” She batted her eyelashes. “Pretty please with sugar on top? Literally?” She pulled out an especially caramel-soaked piece of sweet roll and held it a few inches from his lips. “I will hand-feed you the rest of this sticky bun if you mimic one good fake orgasm. It doesn’t even have to be the entire orgasm. Just a moan or two.”

  Her eyes held such a wicked challenge that he couldn’t resist. Hell, at least she wasn’t crying anymore. He ran a hand across his torso and moaned, exaggerating the sound. “Oh, baby. That feels amazing. Touch me there. Right there. Oooh, yeah. Oh, baby.” He flopped his head back and forth, going now for comedy instead of accuracy.

  Suzanne burst out laughing. She put her hand over her mouth to block the spurts of giggles.

  “More. Oh yes. Don’t stop.” He was really getting into it now, rubbing one hand back and forth across his chest. “Make me come. Oh yes. I’m coming. I’m coming.” He moaned louder this time, and then the sound amplified, as if someone else was howling along with him.

  Suddenly the dog came hurtling through the air and launched herself at the sticky bun in Suzanne’s hand. The sticky bun flew through the air and landed splat on the ground. The dog pounced on it, sheltering it between her paws and sniffing at it joyfully.

  “Snowball!” Josh scolded. “Bad dog.” He turned to Suzanne. “I’ll get you another one right away.”

  But Suzanne was laughing so hard, tears studded her eyes. “Never mind. I guess it just isn’t my day for a sticky bun.”

  “I’m sorry. She was supposed to be tied up out front.”

  “She’s your dog?”

  Josh looked down at Snowball, whose snout was buried in sticky pastry. “No. Absolutely not.”

  “Are you sure?” Suzanne kneeled down to ruffle the fur on her back. “You should really give her a bath.”

  “Not my dog. I don’t have a dog. I am not a dog-owning person. I am completely dog-free. She wandered onto the base this morning. I’m taking her to the vet or the shelter, whichever I see first.”

  “Stop that, you’re hurting her feelings. I know what we should do!” Suzanne straightened up, face lit up with eagerness. “Let’s take her to the beach. I usually stop there before work anyway. Look, her coat is all sticky now. She can play in the ocean, and there’s an outdoor spigot where she can rinse off.”

  “No. No bath. Not my dog—” He broke off as Suzanne took him by the hand. “I’m a busy man, I have things to do, places to go.”

  “Oh yeah? Like where?” She dragged him back into the Venus and Mars, with the dog trotting behind them, still licking her chops.

  “Like the shelter.”

  “Oh come on. What’s the harm in giving her a little fun first? You can’t fool me. You like
her. Dogs can sense that kind of thing.”

  “You know something? I really need to stay away from you. First I’m pretending to be a fiancé trying to buy a house, now I’m getting a dog. Every time I see you it’s something else.”

  They’d just reached the sidewalk, where she stopped in her tracks. He stopped too, and the dog piled up behind him. “Speaking of which—” She drew her bottom lip between her teeth. “Any chance you would mind a repeat performance?”

  “Why? What’s going on?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Mrs. Chu has a few more questions. I swear, I’ve given her every piece of personal information I have, down to my grade school reports and the name of my dentist. Now she wants to talk to you. Please?”

  With those big blue eyes fixed on him, it was hard to say no. “I don’t understand how this is going to work. If she asks me a bunch of questions, she’ll figure out I’m not Logan Rossi, future lawyer.”

  “I have an idea about that.”

  Just then, Tim called from his Jeep. “Dude, my wife called, I need to get home. Want me to take you back to the base?”

  Suzanne tightened her grip on his hand, holding it with both of hers. “I’ll drive him back, Tim. We’re going to wash the dog.”

  “No we’re not,” Josh insisted.

  “It’s a public health issue. Look at her.”

  “The vet can handle it.”

  “There might be bikinis involved,” she whispered.

  Instantly Josh turned to the Jeep idling at the curb. “See you later, Tim.”

  Suzanne laughed, her face as bright as a sunflower.

  10

  In her little red Miata, with the top down, they zipped toward the ocean. Between the morning sunshine and the gorgeous blonde at the wheel, Josh wasn’t complaining about life right now. He hadn’t been to a beach since he’d left Baja, and he missed the good old Pacific Ocean.

  Stargazer Beach was a pebbled stretch of shoreline at the base of the cliffs. He knew it was a popular hangout among the Jupiter Point teenagers, but at this hour, he and Suzanne had it to themselves. Since the parking lot was empty, Suzanne snagged the best spot, right next to the path that wound through the scrubby beach grass to the sand.

  Josh got out and stretched, with Snowball right on his heels.

  “I’ll meet you at the water,” Suzanne said as she grabbed a striped beach bag from her trunk. “I have to do something first.”

  “Changing?”

  “No, I just have to check something.”

  He watched curiously as she headed toward a grove of eucalyptus trees set back from the beach. “What are you doing?”

  “Don’t worry about it. It won’t take me a second.”

  But he didn’t want her wandering off by herself, so he caught up with her and strolled at her side. She shot him an impatient look. “You don’t have to play bodyguard. I come down here every morning.”

  “For what?”

  “Just to check and see if anyone’s here.” They reached the shadowed grove of trees. Their long branches were so sweeping and thickly leaved, they created a sort of cave. A dark, creepy one, if you asked him. But it didn’t seem to bother Suzanne. She pushed back a branch and peeked inside.

  “Hello?”

  No one answered.

  Josh, peering over her head, saw definite signs of recent habitation—a crumpled Coke can, a dirty balled-up t-shirt, a stray scrunchie. “Someone used to be here.”

  “Yeah, I saw a girl here yesterday. Runaways know about this place and they spread the word.” She reached into her beach bag and pulled out a business card and a plastic jar of peanut butter. She placed both items on the ground and backed away.

  “All right. I’m done. Race you back to the car?”

  She dashed off, her bright hair flying behind her. He gazed after her, too surprised to move at first.

  Suzanne came down here just about every morning to leave stuff for runaways? What else did he not know about this woman?

  If anything could make a tall, tousle-haired, ripped fireman even more attractive, it was a dog. Even though Josh kept claiming he had no interest in keeping the mutt, Suzanne could tell he was completely full of it.

  Suzanne loved Stargazer Beach and always kept beach gear in her car. While Josh was racing Snowball across the sand toward the ocean, she changed into a bikini top and cutoff shorts. She dug around in her gym bag for a small bottle of shampoo and ran after them.

  But the fun, easy task she’d envisioned went completely off the rails the second Snowball caught sight of the water. The dog was hilariously afraid of the incoming waves. She barked at the line of foam skimming toward her across the sand, then chased it as it receded into the ocean.

  “You know, I always thought the job of dog-shampooer was ridiculous, but now I’m kind of seeing the point,” she told Josh as she squirted shampoo at Snowball. “Maybe we should take her to a professional.”

  “No way. Now that we’re here, we got this.”

  It took fifteen minutes of romping around with her, but Josh finally got the dog into the water. While she wriggled and squirmed and chased the spray, Suzanne rubbed shampoo into her coat. By the end, they were all covered in foamy suds and Suzanne was laughing so hard her stomach hurt.

  “I’ll go rinse her off,” Josh said, heading for the spigot at a half-jog, so Snowball would follow him. He stripped off his t-shirt as he ran. Suzanne gazed in awe at all that firm browned skin stretched over the most defined back muscles she’d ever seen. His sun-streaked hair swung nearly to his shoulders as he whistled to Snowball.

  She turned back to the ocean before he noticed the way she was gawking. He was so sexy, it just wasn’t fair. How was she supposed to pretend she wasn’t wildly attracted to him? As she waded into the water, the waves lapped against her knees, the strong surge of the incoming tide swirling around her. The fresh sunlight spangled the surface with crystals. The salt-and-sea-creature smell brought her right back to childhood, when she used to come here with her parents and look for seashells.

  How could they have just left her behind?

  She startled. Where had that thought come from? It was silly. She’d chosen to stay. They’d had to leave.

  Or had they? They could have stayed and gone through the legal process. Maybe her father would have gone to jail, but maybe not. Maybe a good lawyer would have gotten him a good deal. And she would still have a family. She skimmed her fingers across the cool surface of the water.

  Jesus, why was she even thinking about this? Hadn’t she gotten over all that by now? She was fine. More than fine. She was on track to achieving the life she wanted. There was no point in mourning the past.

  Snowball barked from the beach, while the sound of splashing came closer. Shivers danced up and down her skin as Josh waded to her side. All her sad thoughts vanished into thin air.

  “You know something?” Josh’s deep voice murmured in her ear. “Considering you’ve had two sticky buns down your top today, I think I know what you need.”

  “Really? What do I need?” She was already smiling. There was something about Josh’s voice that triggered an almost automatic thrill in her lower belly.

  “A bath.”

  “What?” She shrieked as he picked her up in his arms and tossed her into the ocean. She went under in a big splash. Cool water closed over her head. Spluttering, she surfaced and launched herself at him. Laughing, he didn’t even fight her, just let her topple him into the waves.

  “Woohoo!” he hollered, shaking the water out of his shaggy hair. “Now that’s what I’m talking about.”

  “You are so dead.”

  “No, I’m not. You need me. Who else is going to play ‘Logan’ in your little soap opera?” He grinned at her unrepentantly.

  She splashed a big rooster tail of water at him. He dove underwater. When he surfaced and rose to his feet, water streamed down the muscular ridges of his torso, to the waistband of his cargo shorts and beyond. The wet fabric clung to his th
ighs and other parts. He looked like a sun-bronzed sea god. She realized she was staring and yanked her gaze away. She spotted Snowball, who paced up and down the sand, yipping anxiously.

  “Your dog is getting a little nervous over there.”

  “Too bad. I’m busy doing something more fun right now.” Josh waded toward her and took her by the waist. He swung her around in an arc. “So…something happened with Logan.”

  “Yes.”

  “Still engaged?” His playful gray-eyed gaze anchored her as the rest of the world tilted dizzyingly. She grabbed his arms for more stability, but that just made her even more aware of the lean definition of his arms and chest, and his intoxicating sun-salt scent. Her mouth watered and her lower belly clenched with desire.

  Question…he’d asked her a question. Right, it was about her engagement.

  “Well. I guess so.” Even though she’d tossed Logan’s ring on the floor of the car, he’d given it back to her. She’d been upset in the moment, but that didn’t mean she was ready to call it “over.” Maybe this was a normal part of the process of getting engaged. Doubts and second-thoughts were normal, right? “We had a huge fight, but we’ll probably work it out.”

  He nodded and set her back down in the water with a splash. “Did you ever think that maybe it’s not supposed to be so much work?”

  And just like that, Josh went right back on her blacklist. She stomped through the waves toward the shore. “Says the man who doesn’t even have a home! I’ve never been afraid of work. I’ve been working since I was sixteen. And I’d never just walk away because it’s hard. I made a commitment to Logan. That means something to me. Maybe that sounds crazy to someone like you.”

  “Hey.”

  At his sharp protest, she turned to look back at him.

  “I committed to pretending to be your fiancé, didn’t I? You don’t see me backing out, do you?”

  No, she didn’t see him backing out. She saw him standing in the sunlit water, so gorgeous her panties wanted to drag themselves off her body. She saw him actually talking to her, listening to her, playing with her. He hadn’t taken his phone out a single time since they’d run into each other at the Venus and Mars.