Heart's Tempo

by C. L. Ryder

  What was this?

  Was this a…a date? Because right now, with the romantic mountain restaurant and the intimate private table, it sure felt like one. I realized that my palms were sweating. It couldn’t be, could it? It just seemed too surreal. And besides, she was seeing someone.

  I had to ask her. I had to find out what this was all about. I opened my mouth, and the just as the words, “is this a date” were about to escape my lips, Winny spoke first.

  “When I was just a kid, I’d always had an obsession with buildings,” she said. “I’d build these crazy fancy Lego creations, skyscrapers that needed a ladder to complete. You could open them up and see inside them. Each of the floors were actually there with real rooms and all sorts of cool little details.

  “My father, he was in the movie industry back then. He encouraged me, and must’ve bought thousands of dollar’s worth of Legos for me to play with. He’d bring over his friends to see the stuff I built, and people actually came, not just because they wanted to be nice, but because the stuff I made was actually really good. Everyone always said that I should become an architect, and so I decided, yeah, that’s what I’m going to do. My mom though. She wasn’t so into the idea. She was grooming me to become a singer like she was, only she was convinced I could be famous. After all, my family had connections because of my dad.”

  There was a change in her eyes, their clear ocean blue becoming just a little bit hazy. So that was why she had gotten upset in the car. I could see where this story was going. I was just unsure why she was suddenly telling it to me.

  She told me that her father had gotten sick while she was in high school, and had to retire from acting. He had supported his daughter with her design and architecture goals up to his death, when Winny was enrolled in university.

  “Why didn’t you just finish the program?” I asked.

  “My mom was a mess after my dad passed. I dropped out to take care of her.”

  “And she wanted you to become a singer after that?”

  “I don’t hold it against my mom, not entirely at least. But she can be very…she’s good at getting her way. At the time I thought by doing what she wanted I was doing right by dad. That’s what she convinced me, at least. But now…I don’t believe that’s true at all.”

  “So why don’t you just step away from it all? Go back to architecture, if that’s your passion.”

  She smiled. It wasn’t her normal smile, and it wasn't one tinged with sadness either, but there was something in it. Doubt, maybe?

  “I’m too wrapped up in my world now,” she said. “I’ve got album contracts. Fans to take care of. And my mother, of course.”

  It didn’t make much sense to me, but it seemed like something that was beyond me. Fame, the music industry, all of that, it was way outside of my experience. I let out a long breath.

  “Sorry, Lily,” she said, and she took a long swallow of her beer. “Not to bring the vibe down or anything, but I figured I should explain why I acted the way I did in the car.”

  “It’s alright,” I said. “I appreciate it.” And I did, not just because I had been so curious about the whole thing, but because for the first time I felt like I was looking at Winny Heart the person, and not at Winny Heart the famous singer. It felt like a filter had been taken off, like when a portrait photographer uses a mist filter on the lens to make the subject look like they’re soft and glowing. Winny’s glow had been removed. She was still incredibly beautiful, none of that had changed, but I felt more on the same level as her now, and to be honest—it only made my feelings grow stronger for her.

  And that pained me. It was only our second time spending time together, and despite my efforts I couldn’t keep myself from falling harder for her, no matter how many times I reminded myself she was straight and that she had a boyfriend. I needed to know what this was about. Was she only seeing me because I was a way for her to connect with her old passion?

  “Winny,” I asked slowly, with a bit more than a hint of hesitation. “Why is it that you want to hang out with me? I know we get along well, but you’re…you.”

  She smiled, and this time it was her genuine, warm, body tingling smile. She reached out across the table and placed her hand on my wrist. I flinched, but didn’t move away. I felt my face growing hot. “I told you the other day. Because I like you. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry if I am. It’s just, it’s been a while since I’ve connected with anyone in this way.”

  “What way?” I asked. My voice was low.

  Her eyes were locked deeply with mine, and a look of conflict crossed her face, like she was struggling with something deep inside. My heart was racing.

  “Excuse me, ladies.”

  The waiter approached the table with a tray of food perched on his hand. The connection broke like a snap, and we both sat back quickly in our chairs. “Veal shanks for you, Ms. Golden, and for you, Ms. Heart, the swordfish. Enjoy.” He shuffled off, and I let out a breath and picked up my knife and fork. The moment had passed. I would have to ask her again if I could after we were done.

  The food was mind blowingly good and as I dug in, I suddenly realized how damn hungry I was. I found myself slowly pushing my conflicting feelings to the back of my mind as Winny told me a hilarious story about how a fan in Europe had given her a live bear cub as a present. She just had this way of talking with me that completely disarmed me, loosened me up and brought me right to the present. And of course, I felt my want for her growing even stronger.

  We walked around the gardens that surrounded the restaurant, lit by lanterns that lined the pathway and cast everything in a warm, romantic glow. She told me she had something to show me, and we walked side by side, one of my hands in my pocket and the other hanging loosely at my side, just a few inches away from Winny’s. I could feel her hand drawing mine in with almost magnetic force, beckoning me to take it. I resisted, though very soon I wouldn’t have to anymore. In the end, it was Winny that took me.

  We chatted about work, and she told me about how after recording her album, she’d likely be going on tour. Asia, she said. She was really big in South Korea. She said that while she was there, she wanted to see a few famous works of home architecture if she had the spare time, which was rare. She had to go from place to place constantly, never leaving much time for her to do anything except perform, attend parties, press events, signings, and all while working in a moment to sleep. She sounded tired just talking about it.

  I had always just assumed that celebrities loved their work. I mean, they were doing some special, something rare that very few could achieve, and making tons of money while they were at it, but with Winny I could see that this wasn’t always the case. She was carrying someone else's torch—her mothers.

  We walked up a long set of stairs and at the top I was greeted by a sight that completely took my breath away. We were up at an observation area, looking out over the vast expanse of west Los Angeles, glimmering like a carpet of gems resting at the foot of the downtown skyline in the distance.

  “Even this dirty old city can look beautiful with a view like this,” I laughed, and she agreed. I stared out over the vast expanse, the head and tail lights of the cars backed up on the 10 freeway flowing like a red and gold river of light, when I felt Winny’s hand draw around my waist. I looked at her in surprise, and she gazed back at me with eyes that were filled with desire for me. My surprise faded quickly as all the questions I had were answered with that one touch. I didn’t care about anything else, I didn’t think about anything else, other than she wants me too. And then our lips drew together.

  I had kissed boys before and it was nice, but I had never really enjoyed it, at least not as much as I figured I should have. I kind of just assumed that maybe I wasn’t into kissing, that it was just something that didn’t really do it for me, but here, my lips pressed firmly against Winny’s, tasting her, smelling the light scent of her perfume, I was struck with a hunger. We both were, and I clutched at th
e back of her neck as she drew me in close, her hand pressed firmly around the small of my back. I couldn’t get enough of her. I felt a surge of energy and warmth between my legs, something that had never happened to me with any of the boys I had dated, and I found myself gasping both in surprise and in want for her as everything that had built up inside was released.

  She pushed me up against the rail, kissing my neck and biting my ear as I moaned softly. I could feel just how wet I was. I would’ve let Winny take me right then and there, turn me over that railing and do things to me that I had tried for so long to keep out of my mind because I couldn’t accept that I was the kind of girl who wanted to do those things with another woman. But she didn’t. Our tongues explored each others and she lightly sucked the tip of mine before breaking away, gazing deeply into my eyes. I realized my breath was almost a pant, my heart was beating so fast and so hard.

  “Should we be doing this?” I asked, knowing full well that the answer didn’t matter.

  “Yes,” Winny said simply. She took my hands in hers. “Lily, I don’t want you to think that I’m like this with just any hot girl that I meet. I’ve never met anyone like you, and it’s not just because we share a passion. Truth is, it’s not easy for me to trust people. I never know what people are trying to get from me. But with you…right from the day we met I’ve just felt at ease with you.”

  “I felt the same way,” I admitted, squeezing her hands softly. They were so warm in my grasp, so real, and I could hardly believe that I was touching them. “I’ve never felt this way about another woman before.”

  She nodded and kissed me again. “We can’t let anyone know about us,” she said.

  We went back down to the restaurant, walking casually side by side as we had done on the way up, my hand aching even more for hers now that the floodgates had been opened, but I knew that she couldn’t be seen doing that. My head was swimming with euphoria, and I constantly had to remind myself that I wasn’t dreaming, that this was real, and I also knew that I stepped into territory I wasn’t familiar with. I was in Winny’s world now, one where anyone with a cell phone could snap a picture and create a scandal that would be seen literally around the world. We drove back to her apartment, both drunk with how we felt for each other, and I had completely forgotten that Winny was already a taken woman.

  I couldn’t wait to get my hands on her again, and I fidgeted with them as we walked from her car up to her loft. I wondered where the rest of the night was going to lead. We reached the front door, and I felt a little thrill of anticipation and a new surge of excitement down between my thighs. Winny tapped her key to the reader, the door whirred and unlocked and she pushed the door open.

  The lights in the apartment were on, but I didn’t pay any notice and assumed that a place like hers must have lights that automatically turned on once the door was opened. As soon as the door shut behind us I practically pounced on Winny, pushing her backward as I kissed her, letting my hands wander over the swell of her full breasts. Her curves were absolutely perfect, and they drove me wild. I wanted to get her down to her underwear and see if the sexy lingerie photos on the Internet did her justice, even though I knew perfectly well that they wouldn’t.

  I was so distracted by her body and by what her tongue was now doing to my own that I didn’t notice that the fridge door was open.

  “Winny,” a man’s voice said. “I just ate the rest of the ice cream.” I cranked my head to the right in surprise and saw the fridge swing closed. “I’ll go buy—” Standing there, staring open mouthed at us was a man whose face I easily recognized. After all, I had seen him in movie not too long ago. “More,” he finished.

  “Hey, Frank,” Winny said, with a sheepish grin.

  Six

  I looked at Winny, a wash of confusion rolling over me. In the heat of it all I had completely forgotten that she was a taken woman. Or had I just selectively forgotten? Either way, I was confronted with it now. I braced myself for the fight that I thought was about to come, and I felt a surge of anger as I realized that Winny and I had only been intimate for a few hours and already my trust was betrayed. And she said she trusted me…

  But then I saw that Frank White was smiling. He arched an eyebrow, put his hands on his hips and said, “Well, shit, Winny. If you had told me you’d be bringing her home tonight I wouldn't have come over.”

  Winny was still smiling sheepishly. “Lily, this is Frankie. Frankie, Lily.”

  He walked over and stuck out her hand. “Hey there,” he said.

  I stood dumbstruck. “You guys…” I pointed back and forth between them. “I read online…”

  “Winny did explain us, right?” he said. “Oh, Christ, she didn’t. Winny, what the hell?”

  “I’m sorry, Lily,” Winny said. “I was going to, but the way the night went it just slipped my mind. Frankie is my best friend. He agreed to pretend to be my boyfriend to dispel the rumors that I was a lesbian.”

  I didn’t even know there were rumors she was a lesbian.

  “Agreed? More like suggested it,” he laughed. “I’m sorry, Lily. I didn’t mean to ruin your guys’ evening.”

  “It’s alright,” I said, dazed. “I’m just relieved. Honestly, it had been on my mind the entire evening up until after dinner. Then I just completely forgot.”

  “Well, anyway,” Frankie said, walking over to the front door. “Winny, you’re out of ice cream, and I’ll bring back a tub next time I’m over. Lily, it was nice meeting you, sorry about the confusion. I’ll see you next time.”

  “Yeah,” I replied. He gave a quick smile and a wave before leaving the apartment. I stared at the shut door, still trying to get a handle on what just happened. Winny stood, playing with her hair, and I turned to her. She gave me an apologetic smile. Then I snorted, and started to laugh. She laughed too, and I found the laughter rolling out of me, half from nervous relief and half from amusement at the absurdity of it all.

  “God, you don’t even know, Winny. Ever since I read your Wiki, I could barely stop thinking about how you had a boyfriend and how you were straight and how fucking broken up I was about that. And then I went and forgot about it. And now look at us. This is just unreal.”

  She took me in her arms, and I hugged her back, nuzzling my face into her neck. God, she smelled incredible. “It is,” she said. “You want something to drink? Coffee?”

  “Sure.”

  She went to the kitchen and pulled out two mugs from the cupboard and set the pot on to boil. When the water was bubbling, she poured it into a French press. “Milk, sugar?” she asked me.

  “Just a little sugar,” I said.

  When the coffee was ready we took them over to the couch that sat facing her television, and both reclined onto it. She put her arm around me, and I felt the steady beat of her heart. “So what does dating a famous pop star entail?” I asked her, half teasing.

  “Well,” she said, “you might get a song or two written about you.”

  “I thought you didn’t write your own songs?”

  “Sometimes the label lets me put one of my own on the record,” she said. “But either way, a song or two Winny be written about you.”

  I chuckled, and then took a sip of my coffee. It was rich and flavorful, the real good stuff. “We’ll have to be a secret, won’t we?”

  She was quiet for a moment. “Yes,” she said. “Are you okay with that?”

  “I’m okay with it,” I said. “Counting you and Frankie, only my friend Alex knows that I’m…that I’m into girls.” I still wasn’t able to say it about myself. “I’m still very much in the closet. Yeah, I’m okay with it.” And I was. I still wasn’t ready to say it, and if things between us had to be a secret then that was just perfect. At that moment, I couldn’t have asked for a better situation. I didn’t know it then, but things would change.

  “We can go out together,” she said. “You’re my photographer. No one will suspect a thing. You could even come on tour with me. And this place will alway
s be a safe spot for us.” She looked at me, her ocean eyes flashing. “Come to my album recording tomorrow.”

  “Would that be a good idea?” I asked doubtfully, though I really did want to.

  “I want you to be there.” That was all she needed to say to convince me.

  After finishing our coffees, I kissed Winny, savoring her lips and the lingering flavor of the coffee that was there, and then stood up. “I should get going,” I said. I wondered if she would ask me to the stay the night, but she didn’t, and I was fine with that. A lot had happened that night, and taking things slow seemed like the right thing to do now, despite having been practically bursting at the seams for her not too long ago.