Heart's Tempo

by C. L. Ryder

  Alex published the article complete with a video interview and full gallery of our photographs on his website by six thirty. Immediately afterwards, both Frankie and Winny Tweeted out the link to their millions of online followers, setting everything in motion. They both let out a long breath, and set their phones onto the table. “I’m turning mine off,” Frankie said. “I’ll wait for the reaction from everyone in the studio today.”

  “Guess I will too,” Winny said. “If only so that I can get some sleep before the inevitable knocks on my door come.”

  “I think I’d better contact my web host,” Alex said dazedly. “I don't want my site to crash.” He yawned. “Speaking of crashing, can I pass out on your couch? I don't think I can drive home right now.”

  “Go for it,” Winny said. “I’m just about to keel over myself.”

  She and I crawled into bed, and despite the intensity of the last few hours, I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

  Twelve

  If our photos were going to be put up on the Internet, why let some asshole make money off them?

  My plan was simple—we would take the wind out of any potential controversy by releasing the photos ourselves. If the thief tried to sell them, they would be turned away. After all, who would pay money for what’s already available online?

  Frankie interviewed the two of us on video telling our story. We didn’t make any apologies for anything, because there wasn’t anything to apologize for. We were making our announcement to the world that we were not afraid, and that we were no longer willing to hide behind a lie. It felt good to come out with it, to speak straight to the camera and announce that we were together, and I realized that what had happened was actually a great blessing. It had forced us to confront something that we had been too afraid to face straight on our own, and hopefully help other people while doing it. At the end of the interview, Winny announced that she would not be making anymore pop albums, and we encouraged people to not be afraid to be themselves.

  The ring of the doorbell made us both shoot up in bed. I grabbed my cell phone, saw that it was off, and then looked at the digital clock on the table by the bed. We’d been asleep for five hours. We were both still wearing our clothes from the night before, having been too damn tired to change into pajamas, and we slipped out of bed and went out into the living area. Alex sat up from the couch, his eyes in a tired squint. “Whuhfuh?” he mumbled.

  Winny went to the door and looked through the peephole, and then opened it to let Frankie inside. “Tried to get ahold of you guys, but your phones were off,” he said, taking off his sunglasses. “I’m guessing you have no idea what’s going on?”

  We both shook our heads. “We’ve been asleep.”

  “It’s insanity out there,” he said. “Well, at least it feels like it is. People at the studio kept coming up to me, telling me how much they admired what I did for you guys. My phone has been blowing up non-stop.

  “Holy shit,” Alex said. “My Facebook page has gotten sixty thousand follows since the article went live.”

  “Your plan worked, Lily,” Frankie smiled. “Look.”

  He went over to Winny’s laptop and turned it on, and then navigated to his Facebook account. My heart was hammering, and when I saw the first story on the feed it nearly leapt to my throat. It was post made by an LGBTQ awareness page that said, “Listen to Winona Heart and her partner Lily Golden’s heartwarming story, and why Francesca White acted to protect their relationship. You’re bound to be inspired and moved!” The link went to Alex’s website.

  The next story had the headline, “Heartthrob singer Winona Heart comes out as a lesbian! Releases sensual photo series with her and her partner.”

  The one after that, “Winona Masteron reveals she’s lesbian, to retire from music. Publishes nude photo book. (Why couldn’t it have been a sex tape?)” I couldn't help but laugh at that one.

  There were dozens more, all pointing to Alex’s website where the exclusive story and photos were, and if there were any negative posts, they were vastly outnumbered by the positive ones. We looked on Twitter and saw that Winny’s tweet had been reposted nearly fifty thousand times, with replies like, “I’m going to tell my parents today.”

  It was overwhelming. Hot tears filled my eyes as I thought about all the years I had been too afraid to admit that I was gay. I felt embarrassed that I had been ashamed about it, that I had fought so hard to convince myself that I did like men, but just hadn’t found the right one yet. I had loosened up so much ever since Alex and I met during college, but before that…the denial had been so strong that it had blinded me to myself. I looked at Winny, and saw that her eyes were wide. “This is amazing,” she said. “I don’t believe it.” She turned and saw the tears that were running down my cheeks, and drew one arm around me, hugging me close to her.

  “It’s a good thing that I got here so quickly,” Frankie said. “Your mother called me when she couldn't get ahold of you. She said she was on her way here.”

  She straightened up slightly. “How did she take it?”

  “About as well as you might imagine.”

  She nodded grimly.

  Alex went back home to make sure the website didn’t go down from all the traffic, leaving the three of us sitting quietly around the dining table, watching the messages of support and love pour in through the Internet. Frankie’s phone rang, and he smiled when he looked at the screen and answered it.

  “Hello? Hi, Ellen. Yeah, I’m doing great…”

  He went off to talk, and when he returned he said, “That was Ellen DeGeneres. She’s one of my cast mates on the animated movie. She wanted to know if we would come on her show to be interviewed.”

  “That was quick,” Winny laughed. “What did you tell her?”

  “Yes, obviously. Though I said I couldn’t speak for you two, but I’m sure you’ll do it, right?”

  “Of course,” we both agreed. A ball of good, positive publicity had started rolling, and it would be best if we urged its momentum forward as much as possible. It was a little overwhelming to know how many people now knew about our story, about our relationship, and that I even existed. What had spread on the web would be on the entertainment news shows. Once it hit Ellen, our story would heard and known even by people who could care less about the life of some pop singer. It amazed, overwhelmed and yes, frightened me how quickly things could spread online.

  Winny brought out her guitar and started to play. At first it was just her absently strumming bits and pieces of songs, just a time-passer way of playing. She played a sequence a few times, cocking her head to it, and then started to hum along. Soon she was assembling a brand new song, singing brand new lyrics to it, and both Frankie and I had turned our attention completely to her. It would’ve been impossible not to—she was magic.

  She nodded to herself when she was done. “Yeah.”

  “That was beautiful,” I said.

  “I’m going to make a new album,” she said with decided finality. “When I go back to school. My own songs on guitar.”

  “That’s a fantastic idea, Winny,” Frankie said. “I’d never heard you play your own music before. It would be such a shame if you didn’t share that with all your fans.”

  She played a few more songs for us, each one of them brand new and written right on the spot. I was so completely drawn in—all three of us were—my love for her buzzing in my chest and the stress and craziness of the past few hours melting away into the music. New beginnings. That’s what today was.

  There was a knock on the door when Winny finished playing, and we all knew who it was. She set the guitar aside and went to open it for Linda.

  She had on large dark glasses like Frankie had been wearing, and was dressed in sharp business attire, a full on blazer and pencil skirt that looked like it was probably uncomfortable to wear in this summer heat. A lump rose in my throat as I anticipated angry words to be exchanged, but she was quiet.

  “Hi, mom,” Winny said. “C
ome inside?”

  She nodded and followed Winny in. I stood up and Frankie did too, coming to my side

  Linda looked at me icily. “I knew there was something strange going on when I first met you,” she said. “I knew it, and I should’ve put my foot down then.”

  “Mom,” Winny said, her voice tight but patient. “Meeting Lily is the best thing that’s happened to me. You couldn’t have done anything to keep us apart, even if you did try.”

  “Best thing? Winny, honey. What about the two platinum albums? The first time your shows sold out?”

  She shook her head. “Lily has done so much for me in the short time we’ve been together, mom. She’s given me control of my life. She’s reminded me that I have a choice. I want you to know that I came to the decision to leave the contract before we even decided to make this announcement today.”

  Linda took a deep breath. “I can’t believe you would do this to your career. To yourself. Your reputation. Releasing those photos online…it’s not you.”

  “It’s not the you that you want to believe I am, mom. You’ve been shaping me to be someone I’m not. It’s been that way my whole life, but especially since dad died.”

  “Don’t bring you father into this.” Her voice drew quiet, and for the first time I saw a flicker of doubt cross her face.

  “I thought that making you happy was honoring his memory, but now I understand. Dad would’ve wanted me to stay in school. He encouraged me to go to school, mom.”

  “So you’re just going to throw away everything. Your career.”

  “No, I’m not. I’m just going to do it for me now. I’m going back to design school. I’ll keep making music, but not under the label.

  “I just can’t believe you’ve done this,” she said, shaking her head. Then she glared at me. “You have no right to be interfering with my daughter’s life!”

  “Winny has made her own choice,” I said, my voice steady. “She’s living her life.”

  Winny came to me and took my hand. “Everything I’ve done so far has been to make you happy, mom. To fulfill your dreams. They’re all things you wanted, not me. I hope you can understand why we did what we did.”

  “Things could’ve turned out much worse than they did, Linda,” Frankie said. “I’m surely you’ve seen the reaction to their announcement. It could’ve been a scandal, but the response has been nothing but positive.”

  “Yes,” Linda said. “And thank God for that at least.”

  “It was Lily's idea,” Frankie continued. “Just last night those photos were on the verge of being leaked by a thief, sold to the tabloids. It was Lily’s plan to release them first before that could happen. And it worked, Linda.”

  Her glare softened for a moment. “It shouldn’t have happened in the first place,” she said in a low voice. “I don’t know what to be more disappointed about, the fact that my daughter is gay, or that she’s given up her entire career.”

  Winny’s hand flinched in mine.

  “I think you need to leave, ma’am,” I said coldly, pointing to the door.

  She looked to her daughter, expecting something from her. I didn’t know what. An apology? Her saying that she changed her mind?

  “Get out,” I repeated.

  Linda looked at Winny with pleading eyes. It seemed like she knew she had gone too far, maybe even said something she didn’t mean. But she refused to apologize. She only stood there, refusing to look at me, her eyes begging her daughter to reconsider her decision.

  “Go home, mom,” Winny said. “Just go home.”

  Linda took a breath, straightened up, and marched to the door. She hung there for a moment. “I heard you playing your guitar. You played beautifully, Winny.” Then she left. We all stood there silently for a moment in her wake, the door hanging open. Finally, Winny went forward and shut it. I hugged her, and then Frankie came and put his arms around the both us, and we stood silently in a tight group hug.

  Thirteen

  “Um, hi.” I felt a tap on my shoulder as I snapped a few shots of wedding decorations, and I turned around to see the maid of honor standing there with a look on her face that I had seen so many times over the past year.

  “Hello,” I said, waiting for the inevitable question.

  “You’re Lily Golden? The Lily Golden?”

  “I’m a Lily Golden.”

  “But you’re the Lily Golden that’s dating Winona Heart, right?”

  “Guilty,” I said, turning back to continue shooting. There was a lot to do, especially now that I was on my own. Alex had resigned his position as my wedding photographer assistant to work on his website full time. He’d had to hire an assistant of his own, things had grown so rapidly. I thought about looking for someone new—actually I hadn’t needed to look, there were people coming to me wanting a job, many of which were complete strangers (and some who weren't even photographers)—but I decided that I’d just take things on solo. There wasn’t a shortage of work, and I was able to charge more just because of my name and who I was associated with. And people were happy to pay. So many of my clients were just excited to have Winona Heart’s girlfriend as their wedding photographer, I probably could’ve taken their wedding photos with a cell phone and they would’ve been fine with it.

  “Is she going to be here?” she asked eagerly.

  I smiled. It had come to the point where I had to put in my contract that an appearance by Winny was not part of my services. “No, I’m afraid not. She’s in school.”

  “Oh,” she said, “I just bought her new album, it’s really good. Really different from her old music. I usually don’t listen to stuff with guitars and stuff, but I liked it a lot.”

  “I’ll let Winny know,” I said. She seemed happy to hear this.

  “You guys really inspired me a lot. So tell her thank you. And thank you too.”

  “Of course. I’ll tell her.”

  She beamed and walked back to the group of bridesmaids who were standing around waiting for her to return.

  Much like my wedding photography, Winny’s career didn’t decline—it boomed. She released her final album shortly after we made the announcement, and her first independent album just a month ago, and it was met with rave reviews. Music critics who had ragged on her saying she was just a performer with a good voice now came out to say that they were surprised to be proven wrong. Some called it the “best album of the year, filled with true heart.”

  When I got home, Winny was sitting at her drafting table intently working on a project, earbuds plugged into her ears, her hair tied up in a tight bun so that the nape of her slender neck was visible. I came up behind her and kissed her on the top of the head, and she jumped in surprise. “Hey, Lily,” she said, turning her head up to kiss me. “Have you been home long?”

  “Just got in.” I set my camera equipment down by the kitchen table and plonked myself onto the couch. “What a shoot. You got more commendations on your album.”

  She laughed. “I’m sorry. It must be annoying to have to deal with people asking about me every time you go out.” She came over to me and knelt in front of the couch, resting her hand on my thigh. I took it and rubbed her palm.

  “Part of the job,” I grinned. “One of these days, maybe you should show up.”

  “Make up a Winona Heart package,” she said, “Includes a special appearance by. The guests can all line up to take turns taking selfies with me.”

  “Don’t say that, people would actually buy it,” I laughed, and drew my hand around her neck to bring her down and kiss me.

  “My mom came by today.”

  I sat up on one elbow. “Really?” Linda had apologized to the both of us about a month after she had come to the apartment, but she still had been having a difficult time accepting the situation, and she still was distant with me. “What happened?”

  “Just wanted to make sure I was okay. Also she had a little gift basket from Michael, my old manager. He wants to get me back under his label and apparently i
s willing to give me ‘unprecedented freedom’ in my contract.”

  “Okay,” I said doubtfully.

  “He can send all the wine and cheese he wants but I’m not going back.”

  “Okay.”

  “Also, my mom said she had something for you.”

  “For me?” I couldn’t imagine what she would want to give me.

  “Yes, but she wouldn’t say what it is. Only that you’ll get a call about it soon.”

  “Sounds ominous.”

  “She’s trying her best,” Winny said. “She’s a stubborn woman, you know that.”

  “Yeah.”

  Later that evening while I was working on editing photos from the day’s wedding, my cell phone rang. I looked at the number and saw that it was unlisted, and I considered letting it go to voice mail if not for a little hunch inside that told me to pick up the phone.