I pray.
I pray to a higher being to spare her for Carter and those needy kids back at Sunnyside.
I beg him for me. This old lady, who is a complete stranger, saw fit to offer me a second chance at a family, when mine robbed her of her own. If someone with as much compassion as her isn’t worth saving, then we are all doomed. Losing Annie right now would be something so tragic that I doubt Carter would recover. That boy has suffered so much, more than anyone ever should and if Annie doesn’t make it I don’t know if I’m strong enough or good enough to put him back together again.
Chapter Twenty Six
*****
Oli
“I’m trying to keep fu… damn calm, I’m just not cut out for this… crap.” I’m also trying like hell not to explode with rage or curse around the kids. I’m worried about Lottie, she’s sent periodic texts and slept at the hospital, but the longer she stays there the more stressed out I’m becoming. With all she’s been through recently, this could send her back to square one and it feels wrong not to be helping her through it. It’s also becoming increasingly difficult, fuck that, nearly impossible, to deflect Carter’s questions without lying to him.
“Look around you, you’re coping fine, you big ass dope,” flies back at me from Flo.
After a couple of hours of trying to placate the kids I was faced with a choice, stay with the kids and distract them, let them run riot and continue to destroy the joint or hog time them so I could clean the shit pit that Sunnyside had become. “This needs to be right for her when she gets back, shit, that could be anytime,” I grumble.
“Listen big guy, you Donald Trump your ass around Hawkstown easy enough, this should be a piece of cake,” laughs Neely from the kitchen.
“Zip it shrimpy and keep cooking, the natives are getting restless,” I yell back.
The door to the family room opens and Dolly pops her head out, “Any news on feeding time, the animals are getting antsy. I never thought Jonas’s army skills would come in handy for me, but damn, this platoon takes some commanding.”
And they were, Lottie’s crew had hauled ass to Sunnyside when I realized that Lacey and I were never going to cope. One call to Flo was enough to spring them into action.
The other more pressing issue clawing at my mind was, what the fuck would happen next because no way in hell was Annie going to be able to resume duties immediately. The last text from Lottie informed me that she was waiting for Annie to wake up after the surgery. My attempts to get her back sooner failed and Lottie had a good point, someone needed to be there to stop the old bird from stressing about Sunnyside. She needed to be told things were under control (sort of,) and that Carter and the kids were fine (kind of,) otherwise the doctors were going to force her to stay in and recover for as long as possible. I gave Lottie lots of reassurance, but in reality the place was on the verge of implosion until Flo, Neely and Dolly rocked up to put the world back on its axis.
Now sometime later we were all sitting in the recently cleaned kitchen with the kids, devouring something Neely had thrown together. Apparently catering for this lot is a pleasure and feeding Chris’s ranch hands is far worse. Who knew? Not me, because I’m a motherfucking desk jockey, riding pens over irrelevant shit and useless bits of paper. What use is that in an emergency? Fuck all that’s what.
“Where’s Granny and Lottie?” Carter asks again for the millionth time.
“I’m here,” replies an angelic voice from the kitchen door, in relief I drop my fork a bit too quickly to get to her because I need my arms on her now. I need to feel her mood, her skin and soak up her aura because something has to rid me of this feeling of panic that I can’t shake.
“Everything OK?” I ask loading my question with intent, I really want to know what’s happened, but she’s here and all I want to do is inappropriately eat her face off in front of these damn kids.
“It’s gonna be…What are you girls doing here?” she screams down my ear, I guess she’s spotted her girls then.
“We came to the rescue, your guy was having a minor breakdown. Turns out if it isn’t involving property, mayors, governors or town councils then he’s clueless,” laughs Flo as all the girls leave the table and gather round Lottie and embrace her. Flo’s words are bang on the money and hit home, I am clueless because I’ve spent my life silver spooning my shit around town and the country club. When it’s time to make a difference and do something that matters, I’ve learned fuck all of anything of real value to real people.
I don’t have time to dwell on it for long though, my attention is taken up by the group of women. I’ve seen them take each other’s back since high school, get blind drunk together and hunt guys down in a pack, but I’ve never seen this. I’ve never seen Lottie reciprocate emotion, hugs and camaraderie. My woman is clinging to these girls and drawing the strength and confidence she needs to carry on with the shit she’s been dealt.
Have these girls always done this for her? All the times I cut her up over the years and failed to see it, did these women pick up her pieces and make her whole again?
Amazing.
As useless as I feel that I couldn’t fucking cope, I know I’ve done the right thing by bringing them here. Forget the cleaning and shit, they were here for Lottie and I know even if I did nothing else, I’ve given her just what she needed, when she needed it the most.
Carter dumps his dinner and runs to the group grabbing the back of Lottie’s legs. She leans down to embrace him and just like her best friends, we’re all being treated to a side of Lottie that we’ve not see before. The family side that is warm, caring and protective, the side of her that shines because she is doing something that matters and not because she’s putting on a show for the elite.
God she’s beautiful.
“Where’s my granny?”
Fuck.
“Have you finished your dinner little guy?” she asks him and he nods, “Girls, can you keep things going here while I talk with Lacey and Carter?” Lottie doesn’t wait for the answer, she doesn’t need to because these women are in sync with each other. She starts to lead them out of the kitchen when I hear, “Oli are you coming?”
I wasn’t sure whether she’d want me with her, I was hoping like fuck that she did. Whatever she has to say should be a united front and that panic feeling from earlier, is slowly receding. Moving through the hallways I can tell she’s nervous, this type of family interaction is new enough but delivering potentially upsetting information takes it to a whole new level.
I see her take a deep breath and brace as she sits Lacey and Carter either side of her, “Guys there is no easy way to say this, Annie is sick, she’s in the hospital and wont’ be home for a few days.” Lacey bursts into tears immediately and Carter freezes, a look or pure terror takes over all his functioning expressions and features and if he clutches GI Joe any harder the toy will snap.
“Hey little guy, don’t panic, we’re here,” I say soothingly and my intervention brings Lottie back on track, even I could see his reaction was testing her resolve to stay strong.
“Annie is OK, she just had a tiny problem with her heart, but the doctors made her better and now she just needs some rest. She just has to stay there so the doctors can make sure she’s mending properly. When she gets out she’s going to need lots of love from all of us, but you guys especially.”
Carter’s eyes are glued to the floor, in fact I’m fairly sure he hasn’t blinked since Lottie started talking, “Carter honey, look at me,” she urges but he doesn’t respond.
Fuck, is it possible for kids to go into shock?
My turn.
“Guy chat Carter. Remember our rules,” I tell him and he looks at me nodding. “I won’t lie to you if you ask, but I need to know what’s going on up there? What are you thinking?” I say tapping his head.
“She’s gonna die!” He screams, “She’s gonna die and leave me! Everyone I love leaves me!”
Shit, not good. Not good at all and that reactio
n finally breaks Lottie, who falls apart.
“OK, calm down and listen to me. I promised not to lie and I meant it. Granny Annie has been really ill, but you and Lacey looked after her so well that Lottie got her to the hospital at the right time so they could make her better. We don’t know when she’s coming home, but she is coming home. She’s getting better because she misses you but you need to be brave for her. Granny Annie is going to need you to be strong for her, to be the man of the house. Can you do that?”
Carter nods at me, barely, reminding him to be the man of the house is a fucked up way of telling him to grow up and deal with this, but if he accepts it, I’ll go with it. “Lottie stayed with and slept by her so she could make sure the doctors knew just how precious your granny is. She knew that Annie would be worried about you, so Lottie told her that you were running things just fine and helping me out lots. In fact I’m thinking that you should consider asking for a pay rise on your allowance, for management services.”
“I don’t get an allowance, neither does Joe,” he says focusing on those words and not the fact that Annie is lying somewhere in a hospital ward.
“You don’t? That’s outrageous, we’ll add that to the agenda for our next staff meeting, but just to say, if it gets rejected I’ll protest with you.”
Lacey then joins our conversation, “What happens now?” She’s been quiet so far and I know I won’t be able to bullshit her or play her emotions as easily. “I’ve been trying so hard to keep things going.”
Lottie turns to her, “You have done an amazing job, I’m not sure I would have coped like you have, we’re so lucky to have you in our family. I can’t thank you enough for what you did, calling and asking for help like that was mature and responsible. I’m so proud of you.”
Those were the words that this sweet girl needed to hear, she doubted all of her efforts and has been running herself ragged trying to do Annie proud. The worrying thing is I can recognize what’s really been eating at her, Lacey has been keeping things going because she’s scared of losing her home and place of sanctuary.
Lottie continues, “I’m going to be here as long as I’m needed, to help out and get Annie back on her feet.”
They both nod, but I don’t. I feel like the most selfish motherfucker on the planet, if she’s here then she’s not with me and that causes the panic feeling to flare up again. Even knowing she’s doing the right thing isn’t enough to make it go away and stop me wanting to punch holes in the fucking dry wall.
Our discussion comes to an end and Lacey takes Carter back for ice cream desert, leaving me with my woman. I take her back in my arms and embrace her but I’m still too scared to speak, she does not need my selfish shit being piled on top of everything else. As I’m gently rubbing her back, I can tell she’s exhausted and Neely and Flo come to see if all is OK.
“Lottie you must be hungry, come and have some food, the other kids need to see you’re OK before they’ll believe Carter and GI Joe,” Neely takes her hand and leaves me enough time to peck a kiss on her cheek before she’s dragged off again, this does not improve my dark and brooding mood.
“Spill tough guy, you should be happy Lottie hasn’t lost someone else in her life,” Flo says interrupting my sulking.
“I am, but… shit.”
“What’s wrong?” She tries again.
“She’s gonna have to stay. Logically I know this, but I’m not fucking happy about it. Is this it? Now I’ve finally got my shit straight and we’re together do I have to be the bigger person and let her go?” Sharing my woes is not easy for me, I’m a provider and I have a dick, I don’t talk. Flo understands this because my hands are nervously pulling bits of imaginary lint and fluff off my pants in an effort to ease the trauma.
“Giving up already? There’s a million ways you could make this work that don’t involve you ending this. Like a typical guy, you head for ridiculous drastic measures on your first attempt. A guy with your intelligence level and means should be able to come up with something. Promise me you won’t do anything silly. Lottie will never recover from losing you too.” Flo isn’t going away until I give her some confirmation, so I nod in her direction. “Isn’t it lovely though to see how she’s growing and finding herself? You’re part of that Oli, you’re part of her finding something worthwhile from such a horrible tragedy.”
I know she’s right and I’m so fucking proud of what she’s managed to achieve. Lottie is finding the person she wants to be, which is why I can’t let her go. She’s become what I want for my own life, what I need and who I want to be with. The promise of what she could become and what we could have together is too fucking powerful to even consider walking away. Lottie has proved that you don’t have to pick status to get happiness and you don’t need money to live a fulfilled life.
Flo is right, I am an intelligent man with means, fucking considerable means. Maybe it’s time to put that to good use and come up with a plan for the future, rather than just the here and now.
And without a doubt, Lottie Groves is my future.
Chapter Twenty Seven
Exhaustion set in really quickly after I got back from the hospital, I’d never slept upright in a chair before and wouldn’t be in a hurry to do it again. On the bright side, I figured with all the good things I was doing these days, my soul would be redeeming itself for the life of excess extravagance I’d led so far. I was more than grateful that Neely, Flo and Dolly had come to help out, I think Oli felt like a failure but in my eyes he was caring and resourceful. Finally being free to love him was the stuff of fairy tales.
Real life was always creeping in at the corners though, I had to figure out what I was going to do to keep life as normal as possible for these kids, no matter which way I came at the problem, I couldn’t see any other way. I had to move in. Maybe my soul needed some more acts of selflessness to heal. It was obviously still mid process, but I could only hope it would overflow if I had to give up Oli. This was my penance, I had to give away the one true thing I’d always longed for, for the sake of those who were a lot less fortunate.
My soul sisters stayed for two nights which was enough to see the ship righted and the place spick and span. Oli refused to sleep in separate beds and with no other adult supervision on site, we relocated to one of the few rooms that would accommodate both of us. In the space of a couple of days we’d become surrogate care givers to a gaggle of kids and I couldn’t have been happier, although I’m not sure about Oli, I was too afraid to ask. Alarmingly, neither of us had the first clue and to say we were surviving on a wing and a prayer was a massive understatement.
I visited the hospital daily and when I thought Annie was regaining more of her natural disposition I took Carter in with me. The longer he spent away from her, the deeper his head delved into the possibility that she was never coming home and I believed he was just too fragile to carry on imagining life without her. He shouldn’t have been thinking so hard about these things and the only way to bring him out of his funk, was to prove she was fine. I made sure that the nursing team had prepared Annie for his visit and it was a great relief to see her clean, full of spirit and sitting in a chair beside her bed. A quick thirty minute visit did wonders for them both and it meant I could go and sit with a coffee on my own and panic about what the fuck I was actually going to do.
“Thank you for ditching your lives to come here,” I told my girls as we all hugged goodbye. Dolly had to get back to Jonas and the twins, Flo was due back at school and Neely was pretty sure that Chris was a day away from hunting her down if she didn’t return to the ranch soon. Not long ago Neely found herself hostage during their courtship and Chris doesn’t do well if he can’t physically lay his hands on her daily.
“Girlfriend, you know you’re welcome, it was nice to come and meet Carter and the kids,” said Dolly.
“It was more than that, it was amazing to meet some of the people that have helped give us our Lottie back,” sniffed Flo all emotional.
I made
an effort to hurry them to the car they’d come in, the last thing I needed was an emotional goodbye and I was already facing that with Oli, I wasn’t stupid enough to think he’d be able to stay for days on end.
The kids were already tucked up in bed and I’d left Oli taking a shower before we stole a few hours of quiet time together. In reality I knew I was going to collapse in bed just so I’d have enough energy to get through tomorrow. When I got to our room, he was already in bed surrounded by what looked like, Annie’s paperwork. “Are those documents interesting? What are you looking for?”
“No not really, and I’ve been looking for everything and anything that pieces this place together. I want to know how she finances this place,” he replied.
“And?”
“Nothing of note so far, just some big incoming transactions from one of your dad’s business accounts.”
“Well that’s expected, we know the building is paid for because that was given to Carter in the will.”
“Yeah,” he agrees distracted, “But I’m struggling to nail down things like food, heating, supplies and all that kind of stuff.”
“I’m not sure I can help with that. Delivery vans just turn up and deliver stuff from what I’ve seen.”
“Yeah, I may have to ask Uncle Davis to look at your dad’s business, see if they pay for it all. If they do then you own that side of things and its one mystery solved.”
“Interesting,” I said through a yawn. To hell with having a shower, I was wrecked and it could wait until the morning. Throwing on an oversized t-shirt, I climbed in the bed and snuggled up against him careful not to disturb the paper mountain he was delving through.
Fated Love (The Soul Sisters Series Book 3) Page 20