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Past Remembering

Page 13

by Catrin Collier


  ‘I have Anne to look after.’

  ‘I could take care of Anne, if you wanted to work,’ Phyllis offered. ‘Another baby’s neither here nor there when I’ve already got Brian and sometimes Bethan’s two.’

  ‘Won’t it be rather a lot for you?’ Jane asked.

  Phyllis shook her head. ‘I’d like to feel that I’m pulling my weight too. The harder we all work, the sooner this war will be over.’

  ‘Amen to that.’ Tina finished the wine in her glass.

  ‘Jane, you look exhausted, are you sure you’re all right?’ Diana asked as Jane’s eyelids flickered.

  ‘Just tired after the journey.’

  Bethan could see tears hovering perilously close to the surface. From what little Haydn had said, Jane had every right to be emotionally drained. Depositing Rachel on Tina’s lap, she slipped out through the door to Andrew’s study. Charlie must have brought a bottle of vodka with him. Andrew’s brandy stood untouched on the desk, while there was a suspiciously bright gleam in the eyes of all the men.

  ‘I came to see if you wanted anything else to eat, or dare I suggest tea?’

  ‘As you can see, we’re fine,’ her father grinned sheepishly.

  ‘So I notice.’ She looked to Haydn who was still shell shocked by the news of Maud. ‘Jane’s tired. I gather you have to leave first thing in the morning. I could run you down the hill if you want some time alone together tonight.’

  ‘Would you, Beth? That would be great.’

  ‘What time are you leaving?’ Charlie asked.

  ‘Six o’clock train.’

  ‘To London?’

  Haydn nodded.

  ‘I’ll walk down to Graig Avenue in the morning and pick you up; we can travel together.’

  ‘I’d appreciate some company.’ Haydn rose to his feet.

  Wyn followed suit. ‘And if you don’t mind, Diana and I will walk down now. I’d like to make sure Alice has locked up the New Theatre shop properly.’ He held out his hand to Charlie. ‘It’s good to know you approve of our wives’ business partnership.’

  ‘They need a hobby to occupy themselves,’ Charlie said drily.

  ‘Do you want to leave with us now, Dad?’ Bethan asked.

  ‘There won’t be room in the car as it is for Megan, Phyllis and the children as well as Haydn and Jane.’

  ‘Yes there will, Jane can sit on Haydn’s lap and we’ll squash Brian, Anne and Billy in somehow.’

  ‘The boot?’ Haydn suggested.

  ‘I’d be more likely to put you in there.’

  ‘I’ll stay on and talk to Charlie a while longer. I’ll enjoy the walk down.’

  ‘I’ll walk down with you,’ Ronnie offered. ‘This leg of mine needs some exercise.’

  ‘That’s not what I heard from the relief nurse,’ Bethan contradicted. ‘I’ll be back up for you.’

  ‘I’d prefer to walk, really. Tina will look after me. It’s only as far as Laura’s.’

  ‘I’ll call in to see you first thing in the morning to check just how well it’s mending.’

  ‘I’ll give Maisie a hand to bath your babies,’ Alma said as she began to clear the men’s plates.

  ‘Thanks, Alma. In that case I’ll go straight on to your mother’s after dropping off Megan and Billy. Maisie knows what to do if either of mine wake in the night, although after the day they’ve had today, they should sleep through.’

  By the time she returned to the dining room, Jane had already wrapped Anne in a shawl and Phyllis had buttoned on her own and Brian’s coat.

  ‘Haydn’s old room is all ready for you, Jane. All we have to do is air and make up the bed and carry the cot through from the other room. Bethan uses it when she comes down. It will be perfect for Anne.’

  Jane nodded agreement, but she looked so tired, Bethan doubted she’d heard a word Phyllis had said. Diana came in carrying their coats, bumping into Haydn who was showing the after-effects of Charlie’s vodka. He tried to kiss Megan on the cheek, but she pushed him away.

  ‘I recognise the smell of that stuff of Charlie’s even if no one else does. Come on, if Bethan isn’t in too much of a hurry, I’ll give you a hand to get everything sorted in the house.’

  In all the bustle of filling copper warming-pans with hot coals to air the mattress on Haydn’s old bed, emptying wardrobes and carrying cots across the landing, Bethan found herself alone in the kitchen with her brother for a few moments.

  ‘You’ll keep an eye on Jane for me, sis?’

  ‘Do you need to ask?’

  ‘It’s going to take some getting used to, just the two of us from now on.’ Haydn looked at the last photograph that had been taken of the four of them together. They were standing in the back garden the summer before Bethan had qualified as a nurse. She hadn’t met Andrew, he hadn’t left town to go on stage, Eddie had been on the dole, and Maud had still been in school. She saw what he was looking at and hugged him, burying her face in his shoulder.

  ‘Just make sure you take care of yourself.’

  ‘I’ll be fine, they never let entertainers go near the fighting in case we frighten the enemy away before the sappers get a chance to shoot them. But I am worried about Jane. She hates the idea of us being separated. I really don’t know how she’ll cope without me.’

  ‘Don’t flatter yourself that she won’t be able to manage. She’ll cope very well, just like the rest of us have had to.’ Bethan thought of Tina’s conversation and how it would probably shock her brother to the core to know exactly how the women left behind kept up their spirits.

  ‘You look a bit peaky, love,’ Megan said as Bethan drove her up to Tyfica Road. ‘Too much work too soon after having Eddie, if you ask me.’

  ‘I manage, and I’d probably manage better if people didn’t keep telling me how tired I looked.’

  ‘Like what people?’

  ‘Andrew’s mother for starters.’

  ‘How is she?’

  ‘Missing Andrew, but not much else judging by the table she keeps. Do me a favour, stop me now, before I say something I regret.’

  ‘If I were you I wouldn’t regret anything I’d say about that woman.’

  ‘She is my children’s grandmother.’

  ‘Poor children.’ Megan had even less reason to like Mrs John than Bethan. She hadn’t had as much as an acknowledging nod from her since she’d been released from prison.

  ‘How are Wyn and Diana?’ Bethan asked, deliberately changing the subject. ‘Diana hardly says a word these days.’

  ‘As you saw tonight, outwardly fine; inwardly I worry myself to death about them.’

  ‘Is there a problem?’

  ‘You tell me?’

  ‘As I said, Diana seems very quiet.’

  ‘Exactly. There’s nothing concrete that I can put my finger on. Of course Wyn’s father doesn’t help, miserable old soul that he is. Nothing that boy ever does is right where the old man is concerned. A couple of days ago he was nagging him to find real work instead of selling sweets. Now Wyn’s found a job in munitions, he’s telling him he won’t be able to cut it after years of serving behind the counter like a sissy.’

  ‘That can’t be very pleasant for Diana.’

  ‘As you noticed she doesn’t say much. Wyn couldn’t be kinder to her or Billy, but -’ she looked across at Bethan – ‘you think it was a marriage of convenience too, don’t you?’

  ‘I don’t know, Auntie Megan.’

  ‘Did you see the look on her face when Tina was talking about missing William?’

  ‘That’s just Tina. I think she succeeded in shocking Phyllis and Jane.’

  ‘What she said was right enough if you have a normal, healthy marriage. I wish I’d never got involved with the forty thieves, and I’m sorry I went to prison, but you can’t change the past. I did wrong and I paid for it. Unfortunately it wasn’t only me who did the paying, it was Diana too.’

  ‘Come on, no one could have been a better mother than you.’

  ‘When
I was around.’ There was no trace of self-pity in Megan’s voice. ‘Most of the time I was just too damned busy trying to earn a living to talk to Will and Diana. It’s not easy bringing up a family without a father, but then you’re beginning to find that out.’

  ‘At least I’m not short of money and I know Andrew will be back, some day.’

  ‘I don’t suppose Diana ever went to you for advice when I was inside?’

  ‘When she and Maud came back to Pontypridd from Cardiff Infirmary, I was living in London.’

  ‘And your mother was still living with your father. I can imagine the way she treated Diana.’

  ‘When I eventually came home, Diana seemed all right. She obviously liked working for Wyn. If she was a bit quiet, it was no more than any of us with Will and Eddie in the house.’

  ‘I knew something was wrong when I was released, but I put it down to the quarrel she’d had with Tony Ronconi. William told me it was serious between them, but she insisted she didn’t want to wait for a husband who might never come back.’

  ‘Perhaps she didn’t love him.’

  ‘You think she loves Wyn?’

  ‘They seem very fond of one another.’

  ‘I’m fond of Tiddles the cat.’

  Bethan burst out laughing. ‘I think Wyn stands a little higher in Diana’s estimation than Tiddles.’

  ‘Billy arriving six months after the wedding certainly set tongues wagging.’

  ‘People have said things to your face?’

  ‘Mrs Richards.’

  ‘She would.’

  ‘She asked me why I let my daughter marry a queer. There, I’ve finally said the word.’

  ‘I always assumed it was just gossip.’

  ‘I hoped it was,’ Megan said as they turned the corner into Tyfica Road. ‘But after living with them, I know it isn’t. They’re more like older brother and younger sister than husband and wife, which means Billy’s father is someone else. What I’d like to know is; just why didn’t he marry my daughter?’

  Chapter Eight

  ‘Enough of the reminiscences,’ Evan declared as Ronnie went to see if Tina and Jenny were ready to leave. ‘How are you really faring?’

  Charlie shrugged his massive shoulders as he pushed a cigarette between his lips. ‘Better than you after the news you’ve had. I didn’t want to say too much in front of Haydn, because he was obviously devastated, but it must be hard, losing two children, especially ones like Maud and Eddie.’

  Evan drew on his pipe, while his mind groped for words to answer Charlie.

  ‘I know it’s no help now, but it will get easier in time.’

  ‘I’m not so sure. I lost my brother in the last war and there isn’t a day that goes by without me feeling bloody angry about it. I still don’t know what that was all about and neither does anyone else. And just look at us now. Back where we were in 1916. Boys dying to satisfy the egos of politicians. Nothing changes.’

  ‘Believe me, when this war is over everyone will know what it was about,’ Charlie asserted quietly.

  ‘Then the stories in the press aren’t just propaganda?’

  ‘Hitler’s a maniac. He won’t be satisfied until he’s taken over the world, and made every non-Aryan a slave to his Reich.’

  ‘That helps,’ Evan reflected soberly. ‘I’d hate to think that Eddie died for nothing.’

  ‘Take a look at William and every other soldier who came back from France to fight on another front. They know what Eddie died for, and they won’t forget it.’

  ‘Do you think the Germans will invade?’

  ‘The only question is, why are they waiting?’

  ‘Then we’ll lose.’

  ‘Not without putting up a bloody good fight.’ Charlie slipped his hand into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out an envelope. ‘This is for Alma. You have my will; perhaps you’ll be kind enough to give her this if anything happens.’

  Evan took it and stowed it away in his own jacket. He knew Charlie too well to offer platitudes. ‘And don’t worry about Alma. We’ll be here to sort everything for her when her mother goes.’

  ‘I know you will. You’ve been a good friend.’ He pulled the cork from the vodka bottle as Alma walked in.

  ‘You two still at it?’

  ‘A man needs protection against the night air at this time of year, and Evan still has to walk down the hill.’

  ‘Evan will be rolling down Penycoedcae Hill if he has any more of that.’

  Evan rose to his feet. ‘You take care.’

  ‘And you. I hear it’s tough in the pits these days.’

  They looked at one another, a look more eloquent and intimate than any of the conversation they had shared.

  As Charlie walked Evan, Ronnie and the girls to the lane, Alma cleared away the glasses and went up the stairs. She pulled the blackout in Bethan’s tiny sitting room, lit the lamp and put the bottle of vodka and a glass on the table, together with a cup of cocoa she’d made for herself . When she heard Charlie’s slow, steady tread on the stairs she sat in one of the chairs and waited.

  ‘It was good to see old friends.’

  ‘It was,’ she smiled, thinking of Tina’s conversation. Tomorrow she would be in Tina’s situation, but tonight she wouldn’t change place with any woman on earth.

  He lifted her hand and kissed the tips of her fingers.

  ‘You gave me good advice yesterday. No more talking, let’s go to bed.’

  ‘And make a lot of women jealous.’

  ‘Jealous?’

  ‘Tina was complaining how frustrated she felt with William away.’

  ‘She talked about that?’

  ‘You’d be surprised what we women talk about.’ She switched off the light and abandoned her cocoa as she followed him into the bedroom.

  ‘About this?’ he murmured after he’d undressed her and lifted her on to the bed.

  ‘Not this. This is just for memories, Charlie, yours and mine. And we have all night to make them.’

  ‘Mrs Moore died an hour ago,’ the relief nurse announced as she opened the door of Alma’s flat to Bethan. ‘She didn’t regain consciousness. I washed her and laid her out. I know I should have telephoned you, but I kept thinking of her daughter. Her husband told me this morning he has to go back tomorrow.’ She led the way up the stairs and opened the door to the bedroom.

  Bethan looked at the old lady lying peacefully on the bed. ‘Did you phone the doctor?’

  ‘No, nor the undertaker. It can wait until morning, can’t it?’

  ‘Only if we lie about the time of death. And the doctor is bound to notice.’

  ‘I can’t see either of them making a fuss under the circumstances, can you?’

  ‘Let’s hope not.’ Bethan looked up at the clock. ‘Why don’t you go home, I’ll sort everything out in the morning.’

  ‘Do you think Mrs Raschenko will forgive us?’ the nurse asked as she went into the hall to fetch her coat.

  ‘With luck she’ll never know.’ Bethan opened her bag and took out one of the blue and white folding, pre-printed letters she used to write to Andrew. Corpse-sitting was a lonely task, especially at night, and after today she had a lot to tell him.

  ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gone on about missing William the way I did,’ Tina apologised to Jenny as they walked down the hill ahead of Ronnie and Evan.

  ‘Why not? I’ve been married. I know what it’s like to live in an empty house and long for my husband to come home. I’m tired of people avoiding any mention of men when I’m around.’

  ‘I don’t know how you stand it. At least I’ve got William’s leaves, always supposing he’s ever going to get any more, to look forward to. You know Eddie’s never coming back. I couldn’t bear it if it was Will.’

  ‘Sometimes, even now, I can’t quite believe it. I think it’s because we only really lived together for a couple of days on his last leave. Even after William told me he saw him being killed, I only felt it was true for a day or tw
o. Then, after William went back it was just like before. I’ve never told anyone this, but I’ve actually picked up a pen a couple of times to write to Eddie.’

  ‘What’s so odd about that? When I close the café at night and start clearing up, I talk to Will for hours.’

  ‘Then I’m not a candidate for Hensol Castle?’

  ‘No more than I am.’

  They slowed their steps as they reached the junction of Llantrisant Road and Graig Avenue. Tina turned her head. ‘I can’t even see Ronnie behind us.’

  ‘He did tell us not to wait for him if we were in a hurry.’

  ‘Which we are.’ Tina quickened her step.

  ‘You’re lucky to have a brother like him,’ Jenny said with all the wistful naivety of an only child.

  ‘You can have him. I’ve four others and they’re all the same, even the little ones. Bossy, overbearing, typical Italian males who believe themselves so vastly superior to women it gives them the right to dictate the way their sisters live, even when they’ve left home to marry.’

  ‘You don’t really mean that?’

  ‘Don’t I? Ronnie’s a worse tyrant than Papa ever was. When he lived at home he was always reminding us that he was the eldest by six years, and he believed that endowed him with the God-given right to stop me and Gina from doing any and everything we enjoyed, like dancing, or seeing boys. He said he would never have let me marry Will if he’d been home, and he meant it.’

  ‘He won’t stop you from going to the pictures tomorrow?’

  ‘Let him try. Gina’s offered to look after the café if Ronnie can’t.’

  ‘Then I’ll come down and pick you up, same as usual?’

  ‘Of course.’ Tina halted outside the Morning Star next door to Jenny’s shop.

  ‘You sure you’ll be all right walking the rest of the way down the hill by yourself?’

  ‘You seen any men left in the town fit enough to jump out and attack me?’

  ‘Don’t joke about it.’

  ‘I’ll be fine. See you tomorrow.’ Tina pushed her hands into her pocket and walked on briskly. Soon her slight figure was swallowed by the blackout.

  Jenny turned the corner into Factory Lane, opened the high door set in the wall and fumbled her way across the tiny yard to the back door. Her parents had always used the side gate after hours, and she continued to do so, although it would have been more convenient to use the shop door that fronted Llantrisant Road. The stockroom was in darkness. Locking the door she thrust the bolts across it, and felt her way into the shop. Opening the blackout she scanned the deserted road wondering how much longer it would be before Ronnie passed that way. Not long, unless he had called into Evan’s for tea. Perhaps it was worth waiting just a little while.

 

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