Best Kept Secrets

by Sandra Brown

  His fingers skimmed over her flesh, which was warm and flushed with arousal. He cupped one breast, pushed it up, and took the center between his lips. He sucked it with enough pressure to elicit a tingle in her womb, but with enough finesse to tantalize. When the nipple drew taut, he flicked it roughly with the tip of his tongue.

  Alex cried his name in panic and joy. He buried his face between her breasts and held her close while he rolled her above him and fought his way out of his jacket at the same time. She began tearing free the buttons of his shirt. He unzipped and unbuttoned her skirt, then shoved it down over her hips, taking her half-slip along with it. Alex ran her fingers through the thick pelt of hair on his chest, dropped random kisses on his supple muscles, and rubbed her cheek against his distended nipple.

  They reversed positions again. She managed to get off her shoes and stockings before he stretched out on top of her. He placed his hand low on her belly and slid it down into her underpants.

  His hand covered her mound completely and possessively. With his thumb, he parted the lips of her sex and exposed the tight, responsive kernel of flesh. His fingertips dipped into her creaminess and anointed that tiny nub with the dew of her own desire.

  When she moaned her pleasure, he bent his head and kissed her stomach. Removing her panties, he nuzzled the fiery dark curls between her thighs and touched her with his open mouth.

  Clumsily, he undid his fly and, taking her hand, pressed it against his erection. He hissed a curse when her fist closed tightly around him. Nudging her thighs apart, he settled himself between them.

  The smooth tip of his penis slipped between the folds of her body. He covered her breasts with his hands and lightly ground the raised centers with his palms. He gave a steady, smooth thrust of his hips that should have planted him firmly inside her.

  It didn’t.

  He readjusted his hips slightly and tried again, encountering the same resistance. Levering himself up, he stared at her with disbelief. “You mean…?”

  Her breath was choppy, and her eyes fluttered in an effort to stay focused on him. She was making small yearning noises in her throat. Her hands moved restlessly, searchingly, over his chest and neck and cheeks. Her fingertips glanced his lips.

  The utter sexiness of all that and the satiny heat that was gloving him so tightly were his undoing. He applied more pressure and sank into her completely. Her ragged sigh of surprise and discovery was the most erotic sound he’d ever heard. It inflamed him.

  “Christ,” he groaned. “Oh, Christ.”

  Mating instincts took over and he moved his hips against hers with the ancient compulsion to possess and fill. Sandwiching her head between his hands, he kissed her mouth with rampant carnality. His climax was an avalanche of sensation. It was soul-shuddering. It seemed to go on forever… and it still wasn’t long enough.

  Several minutes elapsed before he roused himself enough to disengage. He didn’t want to, but when he gazed down at her, any thoughts of prolonging their coupling fled.

  She was lying with her head turned away, one cheek on the pillow. She looked fragile and haunted. Looking down at the faint pulse in her throat, seeing the bruise his kiss had branded there, Reede felt like a rapist. Filled with regret and self-loathing, he worked his fingers free of the snare of her hair.

  They both reacted violently to the knock on the door. Alex quickly reached for the rumpled bedspread and pulled it over herself. Reede’s feet landed hard on the floor. He hiked his jeans up over his hips.

  “Reede, you in there?”

  “Yeah,” he called through the door.

  “I, uh, I got Ms. Gaither’s keys here. Remember, you told me to—”

  The deputy broke off when Reede opened the door. “I remember.” He extended his hand through the crack and the deputy dropped the keys into them. “Thanks,” he said tersely, and closed the door.

  He tossed the keys on the round table in front of the window. The clatter they made when they landed on the wood veneer was as loud as a cymbal’s crash. Reede bent down to retrieve his shirt and jacket, which he’d slung over the side of the bed at some point that escaped his memory now. As he pulled them on, he spoke to Alex over his shoulder.

  “I know you’re hating yourself right now, but it might make you feel better to know that I wish it hadn’t happened either.”

  She turned her head and gave him a long, searching look. She looked for compassion, tenderness, love. His features remained impassive, his eyes those of a stranger. There was no softness or feeling in his remote gaze. He seemed untouched and untouchable.

  Alex swallowed hard, burying her hurt. In retaliation for his aloofness, she said, “Well, we’re even now, Sheriff. You saved my life before I was born.” She paused, then added, huskily, “And I just gave you what you always wanted, but never got, from my mother.”

  Reede curled his hands into fists, as though he wanted to strike her. Then, with jerky, disjointed motions, he finished dressing. At the open door, he turned back. “Whatever your reason for doing it, thanks. For a virgin, you were a fairly good fuck.”

  Chapter 36

  Junior slid into the orange vinyl booth of the Westerner Motel’s coffee shop. His engaging smile collapsed the instant he saw Alex’s face. “Darling, are you sick?”

  She smile wanly. “No. Coffee?” she asked, signaling the waitress.

  “Please,” he told her distractedly. When the waitress tried to hand him a large, plastic menu, he waved it off. “Just coffee.”

  After she had poured him a cup, he leaned across the table and lowered his voice to a whisper. “I was real tickled to hear from you this morning, but something is obviously very wrong. You’re as pale as a sheet.”

  “You ought to see me without the sunglasses.” She bobbed them up and down in an attempt at humor that fell flat.

  “What’s the matter?”

  She leaned back against the bright vinyl and turned her head to gaze through the tinted window. It was bright outside; her sunglasses wouldn’t appear out of place. That about exhausted the merits of this day. “Reede told me about Celina’s attempted abortion.”

  At first, Junior said nothing. Then, he cursed expansively beneath his breath. He sipped his coffee, started to say something he thought better of, and finally, shook his head in apparent disgust. “What the hell’s wrong with him? Why’d he tell you about that?”

  “So, it’s true?”

  He lowered his head and stared into his coffee. “She was only seventeen, Alex, and pregnant by a guy she didn’t even love, a guy on his way to Saigon. She was scared. She—”

  “I know the pertinent facts, Junior,” she interrupted impatiently. “Why do you always defend her?”

  “Habit, I guess.”

  Alex, ashamed of her outburst, took a moment to compose herself. “I know why she did it. It’s just incomprehensible to me that she could.”

  “To us, too,” he admitted reluctantly.

  “Us?”

  “To Reede and me. He gave her only two days to recover before he and I flew her back to El Paso to take care of it.” He sipped his coffee. “We met out at the airstrip, right after sunset.”

  Alex had asked Reede if he’d ever taken Celina flying at night. “Once,” he had told her. Celina had been scared, he’d said. “He stole a plane?”

  “Borrowed is what he called it. I think Moe knew what Reede was up to, but he looked the other way. We landed in El Paso, rented a car, and drove to the army base. Reede bribed the guards into telling Al Gaither that he had relatives waiting to see him. He was off duty, I guess. Anyway, he came to the gate and we, uh, talked him into getting in the car with us.”

  “What happened?”

  He looked at her, shamefaced. “We took him to a deserted spot and beat the shit out of him. I was afraid Reede was going to kill him. He probably would have, if Celina hadn’t been there. She was practically hysterical.”

  “You coerced him into marrying her?”

  “That sam
e night. We drove across the border into Mexico.” He shook his head wryly at the memory of it. “Gaither was barely conscious enough to recite his vows. Reede and I supported him between us through the ceremony, then dumped him back at the gate of Fort Bliss.”

  “One thing puzzles me. Why did Reede insist on Celina getting married?”

  “He kept saying he wouldn’t let her baby be born a bastard.”

  Alex looked at him intently from behind her shaded glasses.

  “Then, why didn’t he marry her himself?”

  “He asked her.”

  “So, what was the problem?”

  “Me. I asked her, too.” Seeing her confusion, he blew out his breath. “This all happened the morning following the, uh—”

  “I understand. Go on.”

  “Celina was still real shaken up and said she couldn’t think clearly. She begged us to stop badgering her. But Reede said she had to get married in a hurry, or everybody would find out what had happened.”

  “Everybody found out anyway,” she said.

  “He wanted to protect her from the gossip as long as possible.”

  “I must be dense, but I still can’t figure it. Celina has two men who love her begging her to get married. Why didn’t she?”

  “She refused to choose between us.” A furrow of concentration formed between his brows. “You know, Alex, that’s the first smart, adult decision Celina ever made. We were seniors in high school. God knows Reede didn’t have any money. I did, but my folks would have gone ape shit if I’d’ve gotten married before I even graduated, especially with Celina carrying another man’s baby.

  “She had another reason, though, more important than finances or parental approval. She knew that if she chose one of us over the other, it would alter the friendship forever. There would be an odd man out. When it came right down to it, she wouldn’t break up the triangle. Funny, isn’t it? That happened anyway.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It was never quite the same between the three of us after we got back from El Paso. We were on guard all the time, where before, we were always nakedly honest with each other.”

  His voice turned sad. “Reede didn’t see as much of her as I did while she was pregnant, and that wasn’t very often. We were busy with school and she stayed close to home. Oh, we went through the motions of still being best buddies, but when we were together, we tried too hard to pretend that everything was normal.

  “That night she tried to abort you stood between us like a solid wall. None of us could ever go up, over, around, or through it. It was there. Conversations became an effort. Laughter was forced.”

  “But, you didn’t desert her.”

  “No. The day you were born, Reede and I rushed to the hospital. Besides your grandmother, we were the first people you were introduced to.”

  “I’m glad of that,” she said thickly.

  “So am I.”

  “If I’d been Celina, I would have snagged one of you when I had the chance.”

  His grin slowly faded. “Reede stopped asking.”

  “Why?”

  Junior signaled for the waitress to refill his coffee cup. Then, cradling it between his hands, he stared into its dark depths. “He never forgave her.”

  “For Al Gaither?”

  “For you.”

  Stricken, Alex raised her hand to cover her mouth. The guilt she had borne all her life pressed in on her like a vise.

  Junior, sensing her anxiety, rushed to say, “It wasn’t because she’d conceived you. He couldn’t forgive that abortion business.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “See, Alex, Reede’s a survivor. Hell, if anybody was ever destined to turn out rotten, it was Reede. He didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of making anything out of himself. Social workers, if Purcell had had any, would have pointed at him and said, ‘There goes a wasted life in the making. He’ll go bad. Watch and see.’ But no, not Reede. He thrives on adversity. He’s a scrapper. He’s strong. He gets knocked down and comes up fighting.

  “Now me,” he said with a scoffing laugh, “I can overlook other people’s weaknesses because I’ve got so many of my own. I could understand the panic and fear Celina must have felt. She took desperate measures because she was afraid to stick it out.

  “Reede can’t understand taking the path of least resistance. He couldn’t tolerate that weakness in her. He expects so goddamn much out of himself, he imposes the same standards on everybody else. Those standards are virtually impossible to live up to. That’s why he’s constantly disappointed in people. He sets himself up to be.”

  “He’s a cynic.”

  “I can see where you’d think that, but don’t let that tough pose fool you. When people let him down, as they invariably do because they’re human, it hurts him. When he’s hurt, he turns mean.”

  “Was he mean to my mother?”

  “No, never. Their relationship being what it was, she had the power to hurt and disappoint him more than anybody could. But he couldn’t turn mean toward Celina because he loved her so much.” He looked at Alex levelly. “He just couldn’t forgive her.”

  “That’s why he stepped aside and gave you the advantage.”

  “Which I unabashedly took,” he said with a short laugh. “I’m not as hard to please as Reede. I don’t demand perfection in myself or anybody else. Yes, Alex, in spite of her mistakes, I loved your mother and wanted her to be my wife on any terms.”

  “Why didn’t she marry you, Junior?” Alex asked, genuinely perplexed. “She loved you. I know she did.”

  “I know she did, too. And I’m damned good-looking.” He winked and Alex smiled. “Few would believe this because of the way I live now, but I would have been faithful to Celina and made you an excellent daddy, Alex. I wanted to try, anyway.” He clasped his hands together on the table. “But Celina said no, no matter how many times I asked her.”

  “And you went on asking her, right up until the night she died.”

  His eyes snapped up to hers. “Yes. I invited her out to the ranch that night to propose.”

  “Did you?”

  “Yes.”

  “And?”

  “Same as always. She turned me down.”

  “Do you know why?”

  “Yes.” He shifted uncomfortably in the booth. “She still loved Reede. Always and forever, it was Reede she wanted.”

  Alex looked away because she knew it was a painful admission for him to make. “Junior, where were you that night?”

  “At the ranch.”

  “I mean after that, after you took Celina home.”

  “I didn’t take her home. I presumed Dad would.”

  “Angus?”

  “I was upset because she had refused me again. See, I’d told my parents to get used to the idea of having a daughter-in-law and a grandchild in the house soon.” He spread his hands in a helpless gesture. “I got mad and stormed out—just flew the coop and left Celina there.”

  “Where did you go?”

  “I hit all the places that would sell liquor to minors. I got drunk.”

  “Alone?”

  “Alone.”

  “No alibi?”

  “Junior doesn’t need an alibi. He didn’t kill your mother.”

  They had been so immersed in the conversation that neither had noticed Stacey Wallace’s approach. When they looked up, she was standing at the edge of the table. Her stare was even more hostile than it had been at their first meeting.

  “Good morning, Stacey,” Junior said uncomfortably. He seemed less than pleased by her sudden appearance. “Sit down and have a cup of coffee with us.” He moved over to make room for her on his side of the booth.

  “No, thank you.” Glaring down at Alex, she said, “Stop bothering Junior with your endless questions.”

  “Hey, Stacey, I’m not bothered,” he said, trying to smooth over the situation.

  “Why don’t you just give it up?”

  “I can�
�t.”

  “Well, you should. It would be best for everybody.”

  “Especially the murderer,” Alex said quietly.

  Stacey’s thin, straight body quivered like a bowstring just plucked. “Get out of our lives. You’re a self-serving, vindictive bitch, who—”

  “Not here, Stacey.” Junior, intervening quickly, scooted out of the booth and took her arm. “I’ll walk you to your car. What are you doing out this morning? Oh, your bridge group is having breakfast,” he said, noting the table of women watching curiously. “How nice.” He gave them a jaunty little wave.

  Alex, as aware as Junior of all the prying eyes, slipped a five-dollar bill beneath her saucer and left the coffee shop only a few moments behind Junior and Stacey.

  She gave Stacey’s car a wide berth, but watched from the corner of her eye as Junior pulled Stacey into an embrace and rubbed her back consolingly. He gave her a soft kiss on the lips. She clung to him, appealing to him about something that had caused her consternation. His answer seemed to soothe her. She went limp against his chest.

  Junior worked himself out of her clutches, but in such a charming way that Stacey was smiling when he tucked her into the driver’s seat of her car and waved her off.

  Alex was already inside her room when he tapped on the door and said, “It’s me.”

  She opened the door. “What was that all about?”

  “She thought I’d spent the night with you, since we were having breakfast together in the coffee shop.”

  “Lord,” Alex whispered. “People in this town certainly have fertile minds. You’d better leave before anybody else gets that impression.”

  “What do you care? I don’t.”

  “Well, I do.”

  Uneasily, Alex glanced toward the unmade bed. On any other morning the housekeeper was knocking while she was still in the shower. This morning, of all mornings, she was running late. Alex was afraid that the bed would give away her secret. The room was redolent of Reede. His essence lingered on each surface like a fine coating of dust. She was afraid Junior would sense that.

  Gently, he removed her sunglasses and traced the lavender half-moons beneath her eyes. “Bad night?”