He continues sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting a reaction from me, finally he stands and says:
“Did you understand everything I just say to you? Do you understand your health seriousness?”
I nod my head confirming, without saying a word, I knew something wasn’t right for some time, but I was just ignoring it, because I really don’t care about me anymore, I only wish I could die as soon as possible to put an end to my misery.
The doctor left the room and two police officers turn up and escort me back to prison.
Now I was staying alone in a prison cell, because of my health problems and the police wanted me living and well enough to go to court. With my pain numbed because all of the meds, the police restarted a never ending interrogation.
I was so tired of their voices and of this life I didn’t want to talk anymore so I kept in silence. But the police officer was trained enough to kept going hours after hours trying to convince me to tell him what happen, claiming that my testimony was important, because he believed I acted in self defense and if I did, I would be a free woman again.
What the police man didn’t know was that I wanted to stay in prison, anything could be worse than prison, it just couldn’t.
Frustrated without being able to rip any information out of me, the police man said I had the right to an attorney, maybe I would talk to him, I needed to wait until the judge named an attorney for me.
I continue looking down without reacting and kept in silence.
The following day, I was not feeling well again, but I was back without any complaint to the interrogations room, I stand still sitting on the table looking into the infinity waiting today for my lawyer.
I didn’t need to wait for long, and in a few minutes after, a well groomed young man entered the small meeting room.
Burning in fever, I looked at him and my heart stopped immediately, I knew those kind and bright eyes and that unforgettable smile, I’ve it before, but my meds and my health state didn’t help me remembering.
Introducing himself as Edward Junior Walker my nominated lawyer.
Oh my son, my dearest son is in front of me, I never ever thought I would have such joy, I thought I couldn’t feel anything anymore and yet I was feeling this inexplicable pain of love inside of me, just having the opportunity to see him again.
Inside I was happy to see him again and at the same time heartbreaking because I couldn’t tell him anything. Outside I was motionless and as soon I realized it was him, I looked away into the floor and tears slide slowly my face down.
I didn’t know if I was dreaming, was it my medication effects or what it for real. I looked quickly back to him again, while he was sitting in front of me pulling out paper and pen and start his lawyer duties.
Still looking down, now I was certain he was for real, although I wanted to scream of happiness, I couldn’t break my vow nor could I say to him I was his dead mother. I wasn’t her mother anymore, because I left and wasn’t strong enough to take care of him.
Junior started talking to me in the most gently voice I ever remembered someone had spoken to me in years. In silence my tears continued coming out in slow-motion.
I think he was impressed with me, but for the wrong ways.
“I know you don’t want to give your name, but can we talk? Tell me what happen, I want to help you. The police couldn’t find your name in at database; you are a very mysterious lady for them and I can’t deny, for me too.”
He said looking softly at me.
Remaining in silence, I looked away hiding my tears. He is so calm and tender to me, my heart was filled with love just by the way he was talking to me.
Hours had passed, but instead of getting frustrated like the police officers and getting the same result, he grabs gently my hands and says in the most caring way:
“You know, you are my very first client, I just graduate. I am so happy that I can pursue a profession I am passion about, and my mother if she was still alive she would be so proud of me, as she wanted to be a lawyer herself, but she give her dream up to take care of me.”
I look at him, my heart was lacerated and I leaned my head with the saddest face, I couldn’t avoid it. He saw my face expression and he continued holding my hands:
“You have such a sad face, you must been through so much pain, I saw your medical report you must have had a very hard life. I am determinate to help you.”
He stops, because he wants me to know he would understand whatever I would say to him, but I couldn’t get a word out of me anymore.
Junior doesn’t give up and continues decided to connect with me, but he can’t imagine how deeply connected to him I was since the first moment I saw him.
“My mother died already, she died when I was little and I don’t remember her very well anymore, many years have gone by. But I still love her and I miss her dearly. Do you have any family we should contact?”
I looked at him and down to the floor, ignoring eye contact.
We stood there for hours, until a police officer came and helped me back to my cell.
In the next morning Junior was there again trying to convince me to talk and to tell him what had happen:
“I read the police report, are you aware that you have been charged for murder in first degree? If you don’t talk and tell us that it was in self defense. We don’t have a case and you will be in prison forever.”
He was starting to be in despair because he couldn’t get me to talk, I knew it, but I just couldn’t talk anymore.
I needed to protect him like I always did, that’s why I faked my own dead and that was the only thing I was able to do, my silence is to protect is and this prison is now the best place to be.
“Please talk to me, you know, we have all your medical reports as well and the doctor was so sensible with your case, he will testify for you and confirm all the abuses you have been suffering by that man you murdered. He was a monster and with your help we can proof it.”
And again he started with his never ending questions and talking about his mother, leaving me completely heartbroken. He had all this wonderful memories of me and him and he puts me in a pedestal as if I was a saint, when in reality I was forced to fake my own dead to save his father from bankruptcy. I wasn’t strong enough to fight with his father and keep my son with me, and that devastated me deeply ever since.
Was it fair to keep him in this ignorance? Yes it was, because I am technical dead to protect him and give him the life he deserves. At least his father didn’t talked bad about me to him, and that gives me a little piece.
It looks like Junior had a good education, he is a kind man and very smart with a law degree, and he will be a good lawyer. His father kept his promise and raised him properly.
I didn’t expect that Junior would open up with me about his life, it could be because he want to connect with me or because I am his first case he is just too naïve.
“You don’t know me” He said to me and continued:
“But I know deep down you are a good person you are just a victim of circumstances and I don’t understand that you don’t have someone that can support you. How can a sweet lady be so alone in the world? Don’t you have children? How about nieces or nephews?”
I kept in silence looking to the floor, my tears started running uncontrollably. He saw how broken I was and he hold my hands again.
“This might sound crazy to you, but I don’t have a mother anymore and from the few memories I still have when I look in your eyes, and your face, although you have a hard expression, you resemble so much my mother, it’s almost scary, you remember me so much of her. The only thing I know is that I love my mother so much, and although my father give me the best life I could ever imagine, I know that he never surpassed my mother death, she was the love of his life.”
He stopped for a while.
“Please let me help you…”
He almost begged.
I remained in silence, he couldn’t recognize me, a
nd he was too little to remember me. It was a mix of emotions inside me, I don’t remember having so many feelings at once anymore. This poor young man, who was once my son, still misses his mother as if he was 4 years old, and here I am, I am his real mother, and I can’t say anything anymore, it’s too late, this was too painful.
Hours were passing, Junior kept trying to convince me to talk and I was feeling this bad fever again, I started feeling dizzy and minutes after I couldn’t avoid but faint again.
Junior ran in my direction and catches me from the floor, he sat on the floor holding me in his arms, I didn’t had any strength to get up anymore, I lied half on the floor and half on Junior’s lap and I manage opening my eyes one more time, looking into his eyes, I felt deep inside I knew it was the last time. I smiled at Junior, he smiled at me back perhaps out of pity or love because I remembered his mother. With my trembling hand I could to put a small paper in his pocket I’ve had written previously, because I knew my time was near.
I could hold my eyes for a few minutes, seeing the most beautiful and caring man, my son.
Exhausted I closed my eyes, I knew I wouldn’t open them again, finally it was over and I found a hint of happiness. I died happily in my son’s arms looking into his eyes, with his love or pity it doesn’t matter, and knowing that he and his father always loved me, I collapsed peaceful.
He let me go, maybe he thought I was just tired and felt asleep, but I was gone forever. When Junior realized something was wrong, he started shaking me, but I didn’t wake up. He called for help, but the police man confirmed his fear, I was already dead.
Finally, I was out of my misery and if I would come back, I’ll be back as a butterfly in a rose garden.
Leaving the prison building dragging slowly his feet to his car, Junior had an indescribable sadness, he couldn’t understand why, could it be because she was her first client or was it something else he was feeling, there was something about that woman he can’t explain.
Still thinking about her, he put his hands into his pockets, feeling something that wasn’t there before, and he pulled out a small paper, reading it:
Please take care of my Butterfly Garden
He didn’t know what it meant and how this small paper had turned up in his pocket, but he was determinate to find out…
The Butterfly Garden Page 4