Loosen Up

by Max Walker

  As happy as humanly possible.

  4 Brody Winters

  “I can not believe that happened.” I felt more embarrassed than that one time in high school when my pants ripped as I was giving a presentation on STIs.

  They’d ripped down the front.

  That day was fucking rough. And those were terribly made pants.

  “It’s okay,” Jordan tried reassuring me. “It’s human biology. Besides, they shouldn’t have opened the door.”

  “This is true.” I nodded. “Why are those doors even a thing in the first place?”

  “In case the family next door actually knows you and all parties involved are fully dressed. I guess that’s when it comes in handy.”

  “Well, they should really reconsider that. I don’t like it.”

  “I know you don’t.” Jordan squeezed my hand, and we both laughed.

  We were walking down a shady street lined with different stores, most of them having window displays showing off what kind of things they had inside. We passed colorful clothing stores, a cozy-looking bookstore, and a coffee shop that had its doors open, filling the air with the sweet scent of fresh brewed coffee. We walked into a few of them, always greeted warmly by whoever was working in the store. There were plenty of people out and about, too. Some on bikes with their kids trailing behind them, others walking and gazing into the shop windows the same way Jordan and I were doing. When our gazes occasionally met with a stranger’s, there was always a smile and a “hi, how are you” offered without blinking an eye.

  The warm and overflowing hospitality was a welcome change. It also made me feel comfortable as we walked down the street, holding hands. Sometimes when we traveled, we had to sadly censor ourselves depending on where we were. I hadn’t exactly heard the greatest things about gay people and America’s South, but at least here in Vintage Ridge, no one batted an eye at the two of us. I wondered if that had anything to do with Ace and Wilder’s influence. Judging from what our flight attendant friend, Susy, told us, those two had really changed the mindset of a lot of people.

  “Hey, look.” Jordan nodded toward a brick-faced building across the street.

  As if on cue, a bright ray of sunlight broke through some nearby trees and lit up the painted white sign above the double doors: Ace’s Wild.

  “We have to check it out,” I said, looking up and down the street to make sure it was safe to cross.

  “Let’s go,” Jordan said. We crossed the street, heading toward the large store. There was a window next to the doors, giving us a look into the well-lit and organized store, a few items already jumping out at me, all of them being different kinds of vibrators in various shapes I didn’t even know existed.

  I reached the front doors and opened one, holding it for Jordan. We walked in, sandals slapping loudly on our feet.

  Immediately, our attention was pulled toward a big, burly man who stood by the door, wearing a leather vest over a white T-shirt that looked like it was crying for help with how the man’s muscles stretched the fabric. His long black dreads swung as he turned to face us, his expression stern but his eyes instantly revealing a hidden kindness.

  “You two have IDs?” He put a fist into his palm and cracked his knuckles, the loud pops filling the air.

  “Oh, uh, yeah, sorry,” Jordan said, stumbling and digging into his back pocket.

  “Sorry, sorry,” I echoed him, looking for my own wallet.

  The man’s face cracked, and a loud, contagious laugh erupted from him. “I’m just fuckin’ with ya. You don’t need IDs. Get in here, get in here. I’m Ace.”

  Another man came from around the long counter. He smiled as he nudged Ace with a shoulder. He wore a pressed blue button-up shirt tucked into his jeans and looked to be the complete opposite of the man who was currently giving him bedroom eyes if I’d ever seen them.

  “I’m Wilder,” he said, reaching out a hand to shake while also readjusting his wire-framed glasses. “Don’t listen to this guy. He likes to torture the newbies.”

  “Newbies? Is it that obvious?” I asked.

  “Oh yeah,” Ace said with another deep laugh. “You two walked in here like two city slickers who got off at the wrong bus stop.”

  “You’re actually not that far off,” Jordan quipped.

  “Your clothes also gave it away,” Wilder said.

  I laughed, looking down at the two of us. As we were unpacking, we realized the two of us had packed for a sun-and-sand-filled vacation on the beach, so we mostly just had different brightly patterned swim trunks with a couple of Speedos thrown into the mix. I had thrown on a black tank top with my pink-and-white board shorts, while Jordan wore his light-blue swim trunks and a plain white tee.

  Ace leaned back on the counter, crossing his arms and making them look bigger. “Where you two from?”

  “Canada. Vancouver. We were actually headed to Miami but got on the wrong flight. Hence the beachwear.” I motioned up and down.

  “Miami?” Ace said, looking to Wilder. “Oh man, Miami. You remember all those hot Miami nights, babe?”

  “Most of them,” Wilder answered with a laugh. “It’s a great city, and you two should definitely visit when you get a chance. But I’m glad your mistaken plane dropped you off here in Vintage Ridge.”

  “Damn right,” Ace said. “We need all the tourist dollars we can get. Even the ones we have to trick into coming here.”

  It surprised me with just how comfortable I felt inside of my first ever adult toy store, speaking to two total strangers who were somehow beginning to feel like longtime friends. I could tell Jordan felt the same way, his entire demeanor pulling a complete one-eighty from the tense and stressed-out Jordan that we seemed to have left back in Canada.

  “So are you two interested in looking around?” Wilder put a hand out, indicating the rest of the shop. It was a large space, immaculately clean with bright overhead lighting. There were shelves of neatly organized dildos, shown in size order. There was a wall holding all kinds of different things: edible panties, cock socks that looked like an elephant trunk, lace jockstraps, sheer bras. Another wall displayed even more toys, all kinds of sizes and colors and functions.

  “I don’t even know where to start,” I said.

  “Let’s start with the basics,” Ace said. And before anyone else could say another word, he turned and reach around the counter. He pulled out a large bag and set it on top of the counter. “We just got this baby in today.” Ace lowered the bag, revealing a massive veiny dildo sitting upright inside of a box with The Great American Challenge printed on the top of it.

  We started to crack up. “That thing’s as big as my arm,” Jordan said, his cheeks getting a little pink.

  “Do you have a Great Canadian Challenge?” I quipped.

  “Maybe that’s not the best one to start with, Ace.” Wilder, still chuckling, pulled the bag back up and moved it behind the counter. “We’ve still got to find a place to display it.”

  Jordan perked up. “How about over there? You just have to move the whip display a few feet to the left and nudge the handcuffs over one shelf.”

  Ace and Wilder both turned and cocked their heads.

  “That could actually work,” Wilder said, turning back around, eyes wide behind his glasses. “Thanks.”

  “Not a problem,” Jordan answered. “I work for a mall back at home. I’m mostly in the musty offices, but sometimes we do site visits and give some notes on the displays and things.” He sighed and arched a brow. “Real exciting stuff.”

  I could hear the frustration bubbling up inside Jordan. Even though we were hundreds of miles away from his job, he still carried the resentment with him.

  Ace huffed. “Quit. If it ain’t working for you and you feel yourself being locked up like you’re in a cage, I say it ain’t worth it. We ran away from here at eighteen, you know? Wilder and me, we’ve lived everywhere, we’ve done everything, and because of that, we’ve loved each other so damn hard. Life is much more enjoya
ble when you’re actually enjoying it.”

  “He’s right,” Wilder said. “And being free allowed us time and space to figure out a purpose for the rest of our lives. We explored so much, and we’ve seen so much, it let us realize that we wanted to open up this store in the city we both were born and raised in. We knew it would be a challenge, but we were up for it.”

  There were gears moving in Jordan’s head. I could see it in the wrinkle between his brows and the small pout he wore every time he got lost in thought.

  “Is there anything you really see yourself doing?” Wilder asked, readjusting the glasses on his nose.

  “Well… that’s the thing. I thought I saw myself just living with a stable paycheck and being fine, but that’s not really living, is it? I love animals, and I love people. So if I could maybe combine that, somehow, maybe… I don’t know.”

  “You don’t have to figure it all out right away.” Wilder pointed to Ace. “We sure took our time figuring things out, and I have absolutely zero regrets. You too, right, Ace?”

  “Right. We’ve been all around the world, following our passions, wherever our hearts lead. And I think we’ve lived damn good lives because of that. You also have to be okay with your heart changing its mind sometimes. That happens, and I think that’s what’s happening with you right now. Your heart’s saying, ‘wait a hot fucking minute, I don’t like this desk gig you’ve got me sitting through.’”

  We both laughed at that. Ace spoke a hundred percent truth, regardless of the funny accent he had given Jordan’s heart.

  “All right,” Ace said, clapping his hands. “So you both are packing your bags and moving here permanently as our dildo display consultants, correct?”

  Jordan and I laughed before we shared a look between each other. One that said, That’s actually not such a bad idea.

  5 Jordan Hampton

  We got the full tour, from the paddles to the vibrators to the adult magazines and videos, Ace and Wilder took us down every aisle and past every display. They seemed to have stories about every little (or big) thing in the shop, and they were never shy about sharing. It was refreshing, walking around a sex shop and chatting with the owners as if there weren’t a care in the world. No one was shouting about wrong numbers in a report or about a missing rental agreement or talking shit by the water cooler.

  This was their day to day. They opened up their shop and talked with people interested in exploring their sexual needs and desires, all while spreading sex positivity throughout a city that wasn’t as open to it before they came back.

  It was inspiring, which felt funny to me considering the backdrop of anal beads and plugs, which Ace currently stood in front of while Wilder recounted a story about the time they walked Chicago’s Pride Parade with plugs in.

  “And you can… like just walk around with it?” Brody asked. He seemed to be having just as much fun as I was.

  “Walk? Pfft, I could finish a triathlon with a plug,” Ace said. “Trick is just getting the right size and shape for your body, along with some good long-lasting lube. Let’s see… Starting off small is the way to go.” He grabbed a couple of packages off the wall behind him and handed them over to us. The one I held was black silicone and about the length of a thumb, and pretty girthy. Brody held a set of three in increasing sizes.

  “That’s a good starter kit,” Wilder said before pulling another package off this shelf. “Now this one, this right here. It’s one of our best sellers and for good reason.”

  I swapped my plug for the one Wilder had. It was a small, all-black package with a clear plastic window revealing a well-sized plug that also had an extension that curved upward, giving it an odd U shape.

  “Oh yeah.” Ace nodded, lips twisting into a smile as he no doubt recalled some crazy story about the time they used it.

  “What, uh, what is it?” Brody asked. His curiosity was clearly piqued.

  And so was mine.

  “It’s a vibrating plug with a prostate massager,” Wilder explained.

  Ace opened his hands like he was saying “I told you so.” He smiled wide and I could tell he wasn’t bullshitting us when he said: “You get it from both ends. Life changing.”

  I looked to Brody, his blue eyes fixated on the plug in my hand.

  “It’s the perfect size for beginners and experienced users alike. Means you can wear it longer.” Wilder’s eyebrows jumped up and down.

  I hadn’t really been planning on buying anything, but then again, what had I learned about planning from this trip?

  “And is it, you know, good?”

  Wilder nodded, his eyes lighting up behind those glasses.

  “You’re kidding, right?” Ace asked. “This thing will blow both your minds.”

  “We’ll take two,” I said, smiling wide.

  “Perfect.” Ace clapped his hands again and grabbed another white box from the wall, giving it a toss in the air and catching it in his big hands before handing it to Brody.

  We walked around the store some more, Ace and Wilder stopping every now and then with a riveting and scandalous story. By the time we made it back to the checkout counter, I realized that the sun was beginning to set, casting a soft glow outside.

  As Wilder was placing our new toys into a brown paper bag, Ace perked up and told us to turn around. “I’ve got a surprise for you two.”

  Brody and I looked at each other, grinning, and turned to face the other side of the store. I heard rustling and movement behind us and then Ace’s strong, commanding voice: “Okay, bend over.”

  My eyes opened wide before Wilder started to crack up, Ace’s loud, contagious laughter joining the chorus.

  “Just fuckin’ with you two.”

  We turned back to the counter, Ace and Wilder both grinning like goofballs, Wilder with his arm around Ace.

  “Don’t open that bag until you guys get back to your room,” Ace warned with a wink.

  “We won’t.” Brody grabbed the bag from the counter, holding on to the handles.

  “And don’t be shy about coming back to visit,” Wilder said. “Our doors are always open. And we live right upstairs, so if you want to come over for dinner or anything, you know where to find us.”

  “You two are too kind,” I said.

  We left Ace’s Wild, Brody holding the paper bag with our goodies, the two of us almost giddy. Outside, the dusk sky was painted in light purples and fiery reds. We walked through the empty parking lot and onto the street, chatting about our new friends and how great of a time we’d had.

  “We literally spent all afternoon in there,” Brody said.

  “And I’m sure we could have spent even longer.”

  We both froze in our tracks just then, like the two of us had spotted ghosts.

  Walking toward us, and not very far away at all, was the entire family from the hotel fiasco that had happened earlier. The twin girls were eating ice cream cones and laughing while the parents were focused on the little boy, who wanted to swing between them. The grandparents were keeping up, all of them headed straight for us.

  “Let’s, uh, cross here,” Brody said, his face going stark white.

  “Right. Yup. Let’s do that.”

  But before we could cross the street, tragedy struck.

  The family noticed us, the parents’ expressions quickly shifting once recognition set in.

  And then there was a loud tear. It might as well have been the earth’s tectonic plates tearing apart and swallowing me whole.

  Unfortunately, it wasn’t. The tearing sound had come from the brown paper bag Brody was holding on to for dear life.

  The bag’s bottom tore completely, dumping the contents on the floor.

  Dumping Ace’s surprise onto the floor.

  The large dildo landed display up, the big, veiny thing practically highlighted for everyone and their mom to see.

  Literally.

  Meanwhile, the fall must have triggered the plugs and caused them to start vibrating, their clear pla
stic boxes clattering on the ground like little sexual jumping beans.

  A screech followed. One of the twins dropped her ice cream and started to cry, while I could have sworn I saw the grandma stifle a laugh before she turned around. The parents didn’t yell this time but snatched their kids’ wrists so hard and fast, I thought they were going to start pulling arms off.

  They quickly turned around and power walked down the street, away from us, our new dildo, and the dead ice cream cone.

  Brody and I gave each other one look before we started cry-laughing, the dildo and vibrating plugs still on the ground. We picked them up, managing to turn them off, wiping away a couple of tears, and went back inside Ace’s Wild, where we asked them to double bag it this time.

  Back outside, the sun had fully set. There were plenty of streetlamps lining the street but not as many people walking around. We walked down the main street, all the stores now closed with their lights off and signs of when they’d open again displayed on their windows.

  “This place is so cute. I’m really loving it,” I said. “Let’s stay. Let’s stay for the entire vacation.”

  Brody looked at me, a smile playing on his lips. “Let’s do it.”

  I reached out for his hand. This felt so right. All of it. Being here with Brody, not thinking about what was waiting for me at my nine-to-five, not feeling a constant existential dread weighing down on me.

  Yeah, this really did turn into a happy accident. And there was potential for it to turn into something much, much bigger.

  “Ace and Wilder look so happy, don’t they, eh?” Brody asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

  “They couldn’t stop smiling. And all those stories they had to tell us, jeez, those two really have lived their best lives.”

  “It’s inspiring. Gets me thinking.”

  “Oh?” We stopped on a corner, the crosswalk sign telling us to stop even though there wasn’t a car in sight. “About what?”

  “About things. Life. What we’re doing.”