Finding Peace (Finding Series Book 1)

by Love, K. J.

  Kayla looks back at me and motions for me to come forward. I walk over and stand behind Kayla with my hands on her shoulders, letting her know I’m there for her.

  “Grandma this is Blake, my fiancé. Blake, this is my Grandma, Eleanor or Elle.”

  “He’s easy on the eyes, Rose. You did good.”

  I laugh and I think I may be blushing a little.

  “I like you, Elle.”

  Elle has the same eyes as her son and it’s strange because they are also similar to Kayla’s. Elle also reminds me of Kayla in other ways. I think it’s her smile.

  “Don’t try to steal my man, Grandma.”

  “Oh, in my younger day, I may have given you a run for your money.” Elle says with a wink.

  Kayla and I both laugh. I really do like this lady. She’s got fire much like Kayla does when she relaxes and stops worrying.

  “I hate that you're sick Grandma.”

  “Oh honey, I’ve been sick for a long time. They tell me this is it though, that this time I’m going home.”

  She must see the look on Kayla’s face because she takes her hand and shakes her head no.

  “Don’t you cry for me. I’ve lived a full and happy life, but it’s at this time that a person looks back on her life and thinks of the things that they need to set right before they leave this earth. That’s why I’ve been wanting to see you. I have some things I want to talk to you about. Blake, can you give us a few minutes alone. Don’t go far, though, okay?”

  “Sure. Are you going to be okay?” I ask Kayla.

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll be right in the hallway if you need me.” I say leaning down and kissing her. “It was nice to meet you, Elle.” I lean down and kiss her on the cheek also.

  “Oh. He’s good, Rose.”

  “You have no idea, Grandma.”

  That was my cue to leave. Walking out into the hallway, I pull the door to, but not all the way so I can hear Kayla if she needs me.

  “So, my little Rose is going to get married.”

  Hearing Elle speak, I wonder if I should shut the door, but they know I’m out here and I don’t want to leave in case Kayla calls for me.

  “Yes, I am. I didn’t know that love could be like this. I didn’t know that you could love someone more than anything else in the world. He amazes me everyday. It’s the little things he does that makes me feel so special. Blake’s a really good man. I’m so blessed to have met him. I feel whole and complete for the first time in my life. He took my heart and mended it. I didn’t know that was even possible. Every time he touches me, I feel it through my entire body. Grandma, it’s so intense at times I feel like I’m drowning in it.”

  I feel the same way at times. I want to walk away, but hearing her say these things makes me love her even more.

  “Oh, sweetie, that’s a love that’s rare. Not many find it. Some find it and lose it because they are afraid of it or because of mistakes they make. Some people settle before they ever even look for it because they think it doesn’t exist. I’ve had that with your grandfather and I know I will carry that love with me. Don’t be afraid of it. Grab hold of it and never let it go. You’ve had sex, with him, haven’t you?”

  “Grandma! I’m not discussing this with you.”

  Oh, no, did she really just ask her that? I would die if my grandparents asked me about my sex life. I really shouldn’t be listening to this.

  “Rose, you don’t have to tell me. I can tell you have. You have that glow and your body language with him says that you have. Now, I know what I taught you and I still stand by that. Do not beat yourself up for giving in to your desire. You are human honey.”

  “In my heart, I feel like we are already married. I know that doesn’t make it right, but I love him so much. It’s hard to deny those desires when all I want to do is be closer to him.”

  “Do this for me Rose. Try not to have sex again until you’re married, but don’t beat yourself up for giving in. You can’t go back and change it now. People have been having premarital sex since the beginning of time. And I’ve always told you that a sin is a sin no matter how big or how small. We sin every day, which means we need to ask for forgiveness every day. Just do what you know is right in your heart. The rest will work itself out.”

  “I will Grandma.”

  She is such a wise woman. It’s quiet for a moment and then Elle gets to the reason she wanted to talk to Kayla.

  “Kayla Rose, I am so proud to have been your Grandmother. Even though no one ever knew the real story. I’m just glad I got to be in your life.”

  So, Rose is her middle name. Kayla Rose, that’s beautiful just like her.

  “The real story? What are you talking about Grandma?”

  “Where are they?” I hear someone shout as they come through the front door.

  “Son, you can’t stop this! It should have been handled years ago.”

  “The hell I can’t!”

  Just then I see Mr. Jameson storming down the hallway. I step in front of him and his father is behind him.

  “Blake you need to move.”

  “Sir, with all due respect. I believe that Leo doesn’t want you to interrupt Elle and Kayla.”

  “Son, you can move or I can move you.” Mr. Jameson threatens.

  Just then Leo grabs his arm. “Son, let them be.”

  Mr. Jameson jerks his arm from his father, causing him to lose his balance and fall. I rush toward both of them.

  “Dad, I’m sorry. Are you okay? Blake help me get him to the sofa.”

  We both take an arm and help Leo to the sofa.

  “Blake stay with him. I’ve got to go and stop this before it gets out of hand.”

  “Mr. Jameson, I don’t think you should interrupt them. Kayla needs this time with her alone.”

  “You have no idea what you are talking about. My mother has no idea the ramifications of what she is about to do.” Mr. Jameson states.

  “Son, don’t make your mother take this secret to her grave. She wants to die knowing that Kayla finally knows the truth.”

  Mr. Jameson walks back and forth in front of the sofa, running his hands through his hair.

  “Will someone please tell me what’s going on? The truth about what?” I ask looking first at Leo and then Mr. Jameson. Leo starts to speak, but Mr. Jameson begins shouting again.

  “No! This never has to come out! She is finally happy. Just let her be. Leave it alone!”

  “How can she ever be happy and have peace if she doesn’t know the full story?” Leo shouts.

  “Leo.”

  I think I hear someone calling Leo. However, Leo and Mr. Jameson keep shouting back and forth at each other and I can’t be sure what I’m hearing.

  “Leo!”

  I think I hear it again, but it’s so faint.

  “Stop!” I shout. “Do you hear that?”

  This time it’s a louder cry.

  “Leo!”

  We all run down the hall to find Elle crying and alone.

  “She… she…”

  “She, what mom?”

  “She’s gone. Didn’t you see her?”

  She can’t be gone. The front and back door are visible from the living room. I would have seen her. Bolting from the room, I begin to shout her name.

  “Kayla!” I shout frantic to find her. “Kayla, honey. You’re scaring me. Where are you?”

  Checking the bathroom, I come up empty. Then I check her old room and the window is open with no Kayla in sight.

  My heart falls into my stomach and I feel like I’m going to be sick. She’s hurting and she didn’t turn to me for help instead she ran. Never have I felt this lost and hurt. What if she’s out there alone having a panic attack? What if she gets hurt?

  Storming out of the room, I’m determined to get answers. So I head straight to the one man that I know can give me the answers I need. And he damn well better give them to me.

  “She’s gone. It looks like she went out her old bedroom windo
w. Mr. Jameson we need to talk and I’d rather not upset Ms. Elle.”

  “Don’t you dare try to keep this from me. I did what I knew was right. She’s hurting, but she’s a smart girl, give her time to get her head straight.” Elle says making no apologies for what’s taken place.

  “Fine.” I say gritting my teeth. “Someone better tell me what’s going on. I need to find my fiancée.”

  “I can’t.” Mr. Jameson states.

  “So help me, I’m losing my patience. Your daughter is hurt and alone. I need to find her and you’re wasting my time. I need to know what we’re dealing with.”

  No one says a word. So deciding I have to find Kayla, I point my finger at her dad.

  “I’m going to find her, but you better believe I’m coming back to find you and get some answers.”

  Not giving them time to respond I run out of the house and jump in my truck. Having only maybe a ten minute lead I know she can’t be far. Scanning the streets, I drive around for a good thirty minutes. What do I do? Kayla, where are you? This can’t be happening. Another thirty minutes of driving and pleading with God to help me find her.

  Deciding to go back to Kayla’s grandparents, I pray that she may have gone back there. If she hasn’t, I plan to get some answers. Running up to the door of the house, I knock loudly.

  “Did you find her?” Leo asks.

  “No, sir. I drove everywhere. There’s no sign of her. I’m going to go to Tessa’s but I wanted to check here before I drove the forty minutes to get there.

  “She didn’t come back here and I doubt she will. She knows we’ve all lied to her for years.”

  “Leo, can you please tell me what’s going on? I need to know. There’s this hole in my chest right now and I need to find my girl to fill it. But I’m afraid of what I’m going to find when I do get to her. So please just tell me so I can help her.”

  “Come have a seat son. This is a complicated story.”

  Sitting on the sofa next to Leo, I stare at Mr. Jameson, who is sitting across from us with his head down.

  “Andrew, do you want to tell him?”

  Mr. Jameson just shakes his head no.

  “Okay. I will. It’s a long story, but I’ll try to make it quick so that you can find our Rose.”

  Catching myself bouncing my leg like Kayla does, I motion for Leo to hurry and start. The need to find my girl is killing me.

  “Andrew and Paige adopted Kayla a few days after she was born. They never hid that fact from Kayla. She was always such a sweet child. Anyway. When Kayla was six Paige found some papers she was never meant to see. Elle and I did our best to conceal the truth, just the way that Andrew had asked us to. It cost us a pretty penny, but we didn’t care. We wanted to keep our granddaughter in our family.”

  “I don’t understand. Kayla knew about the adoption. She has told me everything. What were you trying to hide?” I ask.

  “I’m not finished. The papers Paige found also contained Kayla’s original birth certificate, which listed Kayla’s mother as Charlotte Rose Belvie and the father as Andrew Caleb Jameson.”

  “Excuse me!? You’re her biological father?”

  My head is spinning. Getting up, I walk around the room. My poor girl. How is she even dealing with this? My confusion turns to anger. Anger at all of them, but mostly at her father.

  “How could you keep that from her? Why would you keep that from her? And then you ran like a coward when your wife found out the truth.”

  He jumps up and gets right in my face.

  “How dare you call me a coward. I’ve fought in two wars and never once backed down. I’m not a coward. I’ve led many men into battle and watched those men die in the field. I’ve seen things that no one should see. I’m not a coward! I did what I did to protect her. Kayla was my life. I didn’t have a choice. You don’t understand.”

  “I understand that you turned your back on her. Made her feel like you didn’t love her anymore. You took your love away from her at a time when she needed it the most. She was just a little girl and after your wife lost it you disappeared too. How dare you! You don’t deserve her and you never did!”

  “Stop! Everybody just stop!”

  We all turn and see Elle leaning against the wall in the hallway.

  “Blake, we all made mistakes, but we all love her dearly. I hope that once she calms down, she will let us explain everything. Go find our Rose, Blake. Go hold her for me. Please, I don’t have much time left.” Elle pleads with me.

  “Mom, get back into bed. You shouldn’t be up.”

  “If I don’t get to see her again, tell her I always thought she should have been told the truth. Tell her I love her, Blake. Please.” Elle pleads with me again.

  “I’ll tell her, Elle. She loves you.” I try to reassure her.

  Looking at Mr. Jameson, I think back to the first time I met him. Not feeling a need to impress him because I felt I had nothing to prove to him. Now I know, I have nothing to prove to him. A man that could abandon his child the way he did doesn’t deserve my respect. I can respect what he has done for our country, but he failed miserably as a father.

  “You don’t know the whole story. I was trying to protect her. It broke me just as much as it did her.”

  “I doubt that. You were protecting her by hurting her? I don’t have time for this. Besides, I’m not the one you need to talk to.”

  Turning, I walk out the door and run to my truck. That need to find her is stronger than ever. News like that would devastate anyone, but to know your whole family lied to you your whole life about who you were. I don’t know how anyone would deal with that. Turning my truck toward Tessa’s I pray that Kayla is there and she is safe.

  Chapter 41Kayla

  There’s a loud roaring in my ears. I reach up to put my hands over them. I know I didn’t hear her right. Squinting my eyes shut, I continue to hold my ears. Slowly, I start to rock back and forth. It’s a soothing motion for me.

  “Kayla, can you hear me?”

  Stop, please stop! Make it stop. Hearing my Grandma, but not being able to speak, I don’t respond to her. I can’t think. It’s then that I realize there are people yelling in the living room. Hearing the voice of the last man I want to see right now, I know I have to leave.

  “I… I… have to go. Need to get out of here.”

  “No. Kayla, let me explain.”

  “I can’t.”

  Jumping up, I run into the hallway. They don’t hear or see me. Opening the door to my childhood bedroom, I walk in shutting it behind me. Going straight to the window, I open it and lean out looking at how far the drop is. I feel disconnected from my body. It’s like someone else is controlling everything I’m doing and I’m just along for the ride. It’s not too bad of a drop to the ground. These windows are higher than most but I won’t break anything, at least I hope not.

  Putting my legs out first I sit on the window sill for a moment, take a deep breath, and jump. Ouch! I grab my ankle as it throbs. Maybe jumping wasn’t the best idea. At least the pain will distract me from the reason I jumped out the window in the first place.

  “Kayla, I’m your real grandmother.”

  “I don’t understand. Of course you’re my grandmother.”

  “Sweetie, listen. Your daddy is your real daddy. You are his biological daughter.”

  It’s playing on repeat in my head. ‘You are his biological daughter. Biological daughter.’

  That can’t be true, but the signs were all there. Weren’t they? I just ignored them. I’ve looked at my grandmother’s old photos. I look a lot like she did at my age. And the eyes, my God the eyes should have been a dead give away. How did I not see it? Because I never expected them to lie to me.

  Running to the small store down the street I go to the pay phone and realize I don’t have any money. Dialing zero, I tell the operator that I need to make a collect call. I give her the number and wait while the phone rings. It rings a few times, then Tessa picks up.

  �
��You have a collect call from Kayla Jameson. Will you accept the charges?” The operator asks.

  “Yes.” Tessa answers.

  “Come get me. I’m at the Mini Mart down from my Grandparent’s house. Go behind the store. I’ll be waiting for you.”

  “Kayla, what’s wrong?”

  Not answering her I hang the phone up. I know she’ll come. She’ll be here.

  My mind is working frantically to make sense of all of this. The song my dad used to sing to me runs through my mind. Hearing it like it was yesterday that he was sitting there singing it to me.

  Your beautiful green eyes pierce my soul… You’re Daddy’s girl… Daddy’s girl… One day you will know… Your Daddy’s girl.

  Why didn’t he tell me? Why did he leave us? Why did they divorce? What happened to my real mother? How did my dad meet her? Why was he with another woman when he was married to Paige? I have more questions now than I did before. Did my mom know about my real mother? Oh, I can’t do this. Hurry Tessa. Please hurry.

  Memories of my childhood play in my mind like a movie. Moments where my father was everything to me and then moments when I waited for him to call and he never did. When the only mom I had ever known was gone and he disappeared too, leaving my grandparents to pick up the pieces of my broken heart.

  My grandparents were all I had, but aren’t they just as guilty? They lied to me too. My whole life has been one big fat lie.

  “Kayla!”

  I see Tessa running to me.

  “Girl, I’ve been worried sick. Don’t ever do that again.”

  I look up and look into her eyes and lose it again. She sits on the ground beside me.

  “Oh, Kayla. What’s wrong? Is it Blake?”

  Shaking my head no, I look at her and then close my eyes. I can barely get the words out.

  “It’s all been a lie. My whole life. Who I am. It’s all a lie.”

  “Kayla, you’re not making any sense. Where’s Blake?

  Oh no! Blake. Running out of there, I didn’t even think about Blake. Shaking my head to myself, I can’t go back there.

  “I don’t know. I just left.”

  “Come on. Let’s get you home.”