Let It Be Me

by Barbara Speak

"Shelby..."

  "I heard him, Arianna. I heard Canyon talking to you. If he did that to Daddy I'm not mad at him. He was hurting you."

  "You don't need to worry about this. I have it under control."

  "I'm not going to tell. I will never tell."

  In that moment my baby sister became a young lady and I hated that what happened was the cause.

  Chapter 15

  I went straight to Canyon's feeling like life was no longer in the little control I felt I had left. Scared to death of what was to come, I ran straight to the one thing I felt could hold me together. As soon as I could throw it in park I was jumping from the truck and running into his house. I called for him over and over but couldn't find him. I thought about going up the stairs but that would never be my place and even in the mess my head was in I remembered that.

  Outside, I ran to the barn screaming his name but I didn't find him there either. What I saw was Magnuses' stall door open and no Magnus. Realizing he must have taken him out, I sat down next to the tack room and waited, hurting like I should probably go to the hospital but I didn't know where one was and all I wanted was him. I had nowhere else to go and didn't know what to do. Time drug on longer than I could keep my eyes open. The whole situation drained me. I wished I could wake and have it all be a horrible dream.

  "Arianna, wake up."

  The sound of his voice had me jumping up to see him. It was dark and without the barn lights I wouldn't have been able to see a thing.

  I didn't talk. I stumbled straight into his arms, only they didn't wrap around me like I expected and that is what finally broke my walls down. I cried. Not the kind of cry you let out when someone hurts your feelings. No, this was me letting out the pain from my whole life.

  "I'm so sorry I drug you into this. I am so sorry!"

  The arms I needed came not only to hold me but he picked me up and carried me to the house. Every time I had to breathe it hurt but I was too afraid to admit it.

  We climbed up the stairs and the next thing I knew he was setting me down on a bed. I curled in a ball wishing I could just disappear. Canyon climbed on the bed behind me until his body rested against mine and he began to brush my hair away from my face. I waited for him to say something, anything, just to let me know he understood why this was a horrible idea. Why I needed to keep distance between us. Why I needed to get as far away from John as humanly possible. Only I couldn't imagine any longer not having him. He had snuck in under my radar and become the only thing I trusted. My life was more messed up than I ever felt before.

  "I'm falling in love with you, Ari. I came back here and rode for hours trying to wrap my head around all of this. I can't make it stop. You mean everything to me and that son-of-a-bitch put his hands on you. I'm sorry you didn't want me to step in but I'm not sorry for stopping him from hurting you more. I will never be sorry for protecting you." I couldn't believe he just admitted he was falling in love with me. He couldn't be. I rolled over and screamed out from the pain that went straight through my side. "Fuck I hate this! I'm taking you to the hospital."

  "No. I can't."

  "You can't? Ari, I think he broke one of your ribs! I am the one who can't do this again. Do you know how many times she told me I couldn't tell anyone? That it had to be our little secret. I know you said that this is different but it's not. I won't sit back and let him come after you again. I will kill him myself if he even tries."

  "Am I supposed to leave Shelby? I have to go back, Canyon. She heard you in the house and told me that she's not mad at you for hurting her dad. That she won't tell. What does that say? It says she's mine not theirs. I will never leave her with them."

  "Where is your mom when all this happens?"

  "I haven't had one for thirteen years. She does nothing and never will."

  Canyon looked down at my hands that were resting on his chest before he grabbed them up into his and brought them to his mouth before he kissed them.

  "I can't protect you if you won't let me."

  I had nothing to say that could make this situation better so instead I just closed my eyes and willed it all to go away knowing it wouldn't.

  I slept for as long as I could hoping that if I stayed asleep it wouldn't be real. Morning came regardless and I forced myself to get up and go to school. Canyon urged me to stay in bed and let my sore body rest but I needed to feel like I had something left of a normal life. Even if it was to go to a school I disliked.

  I kissed Canyon goodbye hoping that that one kiss wouldn't be our last and then got in my truck and headed home.

  After I had pulled in the driveway and turned off the ignition, my body began to shake. I forced myself to get out and go into the house whether he was there or not.

  The door swung open, surprisingly; I was betting on being locked out. I walked in with caution but was met with complete silence. Instinctively, I was about to shout, "Hello" but welcomed the quiet instead.

  After a shower, I went to my room and got dressed, worrying that any second John would come in swinging. He never came.

  I got to school and went about my day the best I could without answering the questions coming at me about why I was walking funny or how I got hurt. Even Ashlynn seemed to leave me alone. Maybe I wore an expression that read, "Not today" and for once they listened.

  When the end of school came I was more worried than ever about where I should go. I knew Canyon was expecting me to come to his house but Shelby had to be a nervous wreck after waking up and finding that I never came home. The last thing I wanted was to worry her even more and then it hit me. What would she do when I finally left? I had never talked to her about it. Would she be okay? I had always convinced myself that when I was no longer there her life would be better. After the night we had just had I wasn't so sure any more about anything.

  I got to my truck and started it still not sure what to do. I decided to just head toward the house and let myself decide then. Driving down the road approaching Canyon's house, my nerves started kicking in. My need to reassure Shelby won out as I passed Canyon's and pulled into my driveway moments later. His car was there; this time I checked to see. I was just about to restart the truck and leave when Shelby came barreling out the front door. I got out and met her with a hug I didn't know I needed until she was in my arms.

  "Where did you go yesterday? I didn't see you this morning and got really scared."

  "I went to Canyon's and fell asleep without realizing it. I’m sorry if I worried you. I will never do it again okay?"

  "You are promising so no take backs!"

  "No take backs."

  We walked back in to the house together and flashbacks from the day before hit me.

  "It's okay, Arianna, he's in the kitchen," Shelby whispered.

  I didn't want to be there. I had seen Shelby and knew she was okay. That was all that mattered to me.

  "I'm just here to grab a few things and then I am leaving again."

  "Can I come with you?"

  "I don't know. I'm not sure that's a good idea."

  "Please. He hasn't talked to me at all. I don't want to be here."

  The look she was giving me made up my mind. I would take another beating if it meant getting her out of there. "You let me grab what I need and we can go."

  "Thank you."

  She didn't thank me often which only fueled my reason to take her with me.

  After I grabbed my boots and changed my dress into shorts and a t-shirt we headed out the door. I yelled, "Shelby is coming with me" but didn't wait for a response. The entire walk to the truck was terrifying. My pace quickened the closer I got to it just waiting for him to come barging out. When I reached the truck door, I flew it open and climbed inside turning it on as soon as I could. Shelby climbed up and closed her door before I put it in reverse and backed out onto the street.

  "It's okay, Arianna, he won't come."

  The last thing in the world I wanted to do was ask her how she knew that but I couldn't help myself.


  "What makes you think that?"

  "Because he knows I saw."

  She was right. I hated that it was the truth but she was right. With Shelby as a witness he would never want me to go to the police. If I had the guts to do that I might out him and everyone that was involved. He would never chance it.

  "I'm sorry that that is the truth."

  "Me too."

  There was a moment of silence before she spoke words that I would never tire of hearing.

  "I love you, Arianna."

  I grabbed her hand in mine so she would know how much I meant it when I told her, "I love you too."

  Canyon was waiting in the driveway for the first time looking worried out of his mind. He was pacing when I first saw him as we passed the tree line and then he began walking toward the truck to meet me at my door when I came to a complete stop. He opened it, ready to yell at me, before he noticed Shelby. His entire demeanor changed.

  "Hello there, little bit. What a great surprise."

  "Hi, Canyon. Do you care that I came with Arianna? I didn't want to stay at home."

  She was so blunt with her feelings at times I wish I had her inner strength.

  "No, I don't and never will. You will always be welcome here. I never want you to feel like you have to ask again. Does that sound good to you?"

  "It sure does! Can I go see the puppies again?"

  "Have at it."

  She opened her door and jumped out before he finished his sentence. Once she was out of range to hear him he turned back to me.

  "You had me worried to death. I was two seconds from driving over there again."

  "I went to see Shelby. You can't be mad at me for that."

  "I can but I would never. Come here." He picked me up and lifted me out of the cab into his arms. "Are you okay? Did he say something to you? Tell me the truth, Ari."

  He was more concerned than anyone had ever been for me.

  "I hurt a little but other than that I'm okay. He was there but Shelby said he hadn't talked to her at all. I told him I was taking her with me but I didn't wait for a response."

  "Did he go to the doctor?"

  "I don't know. I didn't go into the room he was in or anything. I just changed clothes and left. Why?"

  "Because I'm pretty sure I broke his jaw. He won't be able to talk comfortably for a while."

  I kissed him with every ounce of my heart I could give. "Thank you for being there when I needed you. By the way, how did you know I needed you?"

  He set me down gently and smirked. "I was going to pick you up and surprise you with dinner out. I thought a real date was finally in order.” He noticed my expression and then screamed.” Don't make fun of me!"

  "You wanted to ask me on a date?"

  "No, I was going to take you on one. I don't need to ask. You can't resist me."

  "Oh, you think?"

  "I know. Now let's get you inside so you can take it easy."

  "Normally I would argue but today I think it sounds like the best plan ever."

  We passed Shelby and the puppies on our way and I changed my mind instantly. "They are so cute!"

  "Oh no you don't. Inside, Ari, now."

  "Don't get bossy, I'm going."

  "Canyon, can one of them come inside with her?"

  I looked at him and smiled hoping it would pull some weight.

  "How am I ever supposed to stand a chance against you two?"

  I watched her pick out which one she wanted and then hurried to close the fence so the rest didn't run out before I made it to the first step. I was airborne seconds later landing in Canyon's arms.

  "Stop doing work that I can do for you."

  "Put me down. I'm not crippled."

  "You will let me take care of you and like it. Shelby, tell your sister to play nice."

  She was about to speak when I gave her a look that closed her mouth tight.

  "Did you just do that?" He looked at me and pointed to Shelby. "Don't do that."

  Then he went back to Shelby. "Whatever looks she gives you don't listen. You're on my side, right? I have horses and puppies."

  I died laughing. "You are pathetic! Trying to lure my own sister to your side with puppies and horses, really?"

  "Can I have one?"

  My head snapped in Shelby's direction telling myself I couldn't have heard that right.

  "You sure can. Whichever one you want it's yours." He looked at me with every one of his teeth showing. He was so proud of himself.

  "Take me inside. Please."

  "Your wish is my command."

  He carried me into the family room and set me down on the couch while Shelby and the puppy, which she was now calling Darla, both sat down next to me. Canyon flipped on the TV and then went into the kitchen for I'm guessing a snack seeing as he is always hungry. I was busy playing with the puppy climbing all over me that I didn't pay any attention to what was on the TV until I heard his name.

  "Governor Michael Thompson has won the seat as the Republican candidate going into the Presidential election."

  Tears welled up in my eyes and I begged for the TV to turn off so I didn't have to see his face any longer.

  "Isn't that Kale's dad?"

  "Can you turn it off?" Shelby didn't move causing me to shout, "TURN IT OFF!"

  She was off the couch and heading for the TV when Canyon came running into the room looking for the problem. He hit the button on the remote and the screen went black.

  "What's wrong?"

  "Nothing."

  "Don't lie to me. You obviously are upset."

  I looked at Shelby ignoring Canyon's question. "Come here." She walked over to me with her head down. "Hey, I'm sorry I snapped at you. I shouldn't have."

  She hugged me. "It's okay."

  "No, it's not, and I will try to never do it again."

  She hugged me tighter and then said, "Why don't you want to see him?"

  "He's a bad man, Shelby, and that's all you need to know."

  I expected her to argue but what I said seemed to be enough for her.

  Canyon looked from me to her and said, "There are cookies in the pantry if you want some."

  Shelby took off with the puppy following right behind her into the kitchen. Canyon took advantage of the privacy immediately.

  "What happened? I don't even know what you saw. Please don't lie to me again."

  "This is the part of my life you can't be involved in. Don't take this personally, it isn't about you, it's about me and why I need to get far away from John."

  "Something on the TV was about you?"

  "No, it wasn't."

  "I'm about to turn it back on, Ari. Tell me."

  "Please listen! You can't do this. You can't make me talk about something I can't. This isn't fair."

  I stood up and was ready to grab Shelby and leave when Canyon stood in front of me. "I’ve told you so much and yet you keep me in the dark. Why won't you let me in?"

  "Because I'm not okay with bringing you into this! It's my problem not yours."

  He took a step back and then walked out the door. I knew he was getting too close. I also knew I didn't want to let him go either but with Kale's father gunning for president I was never going to be able to break free from a past that wasn't mine to own. I had nowhere to go. I couldn't stay with him and let him fall deeper and I didn't want to go home. Shelby surprisingly stayed in the kitchen never coming in to see what the commotion was about. I guess she was so used to her father screaming that it wasn't an issue for her. I hated that just as much.

  I decided it would be best to go talk to Canyon and try to reason with him. If I failed, at least I tried.

  Chapter 16

  I walked out the door and found him on the back porch looking out. He didn't turn and pay any mind to the fact I was there.

  "Will you please try to understand?"

  That got his attention.

  "Try? That's all I have been doing. I didn't let anyone in, Ari, until you. I've done everythi
ng I can think of and you keep pushing me away."

  "Because you keep coming closer. I warned you from the beginning this would never be something—"

  "That’s a lie and you know it. You may push me away every time I try to get close but only after you realize you want me there. I don't know what happened to you but whatever it was you can't keep running from it. It will eat you alive. Trust me I know."

  "So where does this leave us? We can't be friends because I won't put you in a situation that you never belonged in the first place? Come on!"

  "Friends? Yes, Ari, you are my friend. If that’s how you want it."

  I decided it was time to go. "We're going to get going. I will make up my work time tomorrow."

  I turned and walked back in the house to collect Shelby. I found her in the cookie jar with a face covered in chocolate.

  "How many have you had?"

  With a mouth full I got, "Only six."

  I had to laugh. "It looks more like sixteen. Come on, it's time to go."

  The puppy was still at her feet feasting on every crumb she dropped.

  "I don't want to leave. Where are we going to go? I don't want to go home, Arianna."

  "Why don't you guys run to the grocery store for me and grab some steaks. I can barbecue when you get back. Sound good?"

  Shelby's eyes lit up while my mind went in circles. What would he do this for unless he was changing his mind?

  "Can we?"

  She looked at me and the choice of making her go home versus being around Canyon was simple. It wasn't her I was worried about.

  Canyon gave us money and we headed to the store. We were quiet for most of the ride there until Shelby asked, "Why did seeing Kale's dad make you mad at Canyon?"

  "It didn't, he just needs to understand that I don't want to tell him everything. Sometimes keeping things to yourself is a good thing."

  "But he likes you."

  "I like him too."

  When we got back from the store, Canyon had already started the grill and was making potatoes and corn in the kitchen when I walked in and set the bags down.