Let It Be Me

by Barbara Speak

  "I heard what happened and I'm so sorry. But what you need to hold onto right now is your strength. God gives us more than we require and it's times like these that you have to tap into your reserve."

  "How is he?"

  I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and then turned to look at her.

  "He's got some pretty bad burns but none are past third degree. I just wish that poor boy would have worn a shirt."

  I stood up and said, "Excuse me" while I passed her on my way to the sink to rinse my mouth out. I noticed she didn't tell me he was going to be okay. At least she didn't lie to me.

  "Can I see him now?"

  "I'm sorry. We're still keeping him comfortable while we treat the burns."

  "How would being there make him less comfortable?"

  "The doctor intubated him just in case his air way swells. Right now we just want him to sleep."

  I didn't care if he was asleep or not. I just wanted to be with him. See him with my own two eyes.

  "I thought I lost him. When I couldn't find him I thought..."

  Her hand rested on my shoulder. "He's going to be just fine. Time is what he needs. He's always been a tough one, even as a child."

  I wasn't expecting that one.

  "You know him?"

  "I'm sorry, I haven't introduced myself yet, have I? My name is Hillary Michaels and it's nice to meet you."

  "MICHAELS?"

  "Yes, unfortunately I bear the name but please don't lump me in the bunch. I married Canyon's cousin and before you ask, no we are no longer affiliated with his father's side anymore."

  "You said anymore. Like once upon a time you were?"

  "Honey, when that boy’s mama was here we were as tight as two friends could be. Sharon was the most amazing women you could ever know."

  "I really just need to see him. Please, even if I don't get to go into the room, can I just see him?"

  She looked perplexed but answered me with exactly what I needed to hear. "I could get in trouble for this. Whatever, you only live once right? Follow me."

  I was two steps behind her the entire way until we reached his door where I found a small window but that was as far as I could go. I was grateful to even get this.

  I peeked through and when my eyes landed on him, my heart began beating so hard I'm surprised others couldn't hear it. At the same time that I felt relief, rage also took its place. For so many reasons I was angry. Why did it happen in the first place? Why did all of those beloved animals have to suffer and last but most importantly, why did Canyon risk his own life?

  "We have to go now. I can't chance anyone seeing you here any longer."

  I stayed in place for one more second, just to touch the glass and wished it was him before I turned back to Hilary and said, "Thank you for bringing me here."

  "You're welcome."

  Once we were back out into the waiting room I was met by police. The last thing I wanted was to relive what happened but I had no choice when I heard, "We need to ask you some questions."

  Twenty minutes later I had told every detail I knew to the officers.

  "Thank you, ma’am, we'll be in touch."

  They walked away without so much as an “I'm sorry”. I can't tell you how much I wanted to chase them down and ask if they would like to be questioned just after a loss like the one I was feeling. Of course I knew they were just doing their job but my patience was absent and my kindness was spent.

  Hilary checked on me several times suggesting I go home and get some rest but two things were stopping me. The first and most obvious was I had no way to get there. Second, I didn't want to see the remnants of what was once my favorite place in the world.

  "He's going to be sleeping the majority of the day, sweetheart. You deserve to do the same."

  "I can't go home."

  "Sure you can and I'm going to make sure you're not alone in doing it. I get off in a half hour. Just hold tight and I will be back soon."

  She patted my leg before she walked back through the double doors leaving me once again. I knew without her I wouldn't have been told anything. Hospitals are tricky about who they give information to and with me not being family I would know nothing.

  Thirty minutes later Hilary walked out with her keys in hand and her purse slung over her shoulder ready to go.

  "You look like you're about to fall asleep sitting up. Come on, let me get you home."

  "I appreciate this but you have no idea how much I don't want to go back to that house."

  "Oh, I was thinking I was taking you back to your parents. Do you not have any either, dear?"

  That was a question that took some thought to answer. I never really had parents the way that most kids do and so that's how I answered.

  "No, I don't. I have been staying with Canyon."

  "Oh, well that is more complicated isn't it? Just the same, you need rest so follow me."

  I walked behind her through the parking garage until we reached her car.

  "I feel bad asking you to do this."

  She turned to me with a stern reprimanding look.

  "You didn't ask, I offered. Now get in the car, sweet child."

  She hit the button to unlock the doors and got in while my hand hovered over the handle as she turned the car on. The window began to roll down when she leaned across the seat and said kindly, "It's going to be hard but remember, you're not alone."

  Hilary didn't talk much or ask me questions like I expected her to. She simply let me have the quiet I very much needed to get my thoughts in order. After twenty minutes they were just as jumbled as before. I missed him already and the idea of walking into that house knowing he wouldn't be with me, sleeping in his bed without him beside me… it was haunting.

  Hilary was kind enough to try and drown them out with music. I had never heard “Night Changes” by One Direction before but damn did they have it right, so much can change in one night.

  I wiped the tears from my cheeks as they fell wondering how I could conjure up some of that strength everyone apparently thought I had, but was coming up empty.

  "You know you can think about all of the things that you lost or you can think of what you still have."

  "I can't get it out of my head. The sounds of all of those poor animals suffering. The idea of losing him..."

  "I remember after Sharon passed when Canyon's father had David sell all of her horses. That in itself would have killed her. I don't know how that young man managed to rebuild after that but he can do it again."

  The horse! He saved one, a girl!

  "Oh my God, Magnus!"

  Hilary looked at me like I was insane.

  "Magnus is Canyon's prize stallion. He's with the jockey. I bet that's why he saved a female."

  "He managed to save one?"

  "Yeah, the dumb goof. That's why he must have gone in."

  "See? If he wasn't willing to give up you shouldn't either."

  That was something I could debate but she wouldn't understand.

  By the time we pulled into the driveway daylight had broken. There was no longer a barn standing strong in front of us, instead there were two cars I didn't recognize.

  "Who could that be?"

  "I have a feeling we're about to find out."

  We both got out of the car and walked toward what was left. I was shaking uncontrollably and Hilary must have noticed because the next thing I knew she took my hand and squeezed.

  Two different men were walking around the scene looking for something.

  "Can we help you?" Hilary asked.

  They both looked up and then the man closet walked toward us.

  "This is a crime scene. You can't be here."

  "I live here."

  "Then excuse me, ma’am, but we need you to stay out of this area until we complete our investigation."

  "Who are you?"

  "My name is Duncan and I am the laboratory analyst." He handed me a business card. "That over there is the lead fire scene investigator,
Shane Collins. He might need to ask you some questions hold on one second."

  "Hey, Shane! This is..." He looked back at me. "I didn't catch your name."

  "Arianna."

  "This is Arianna. She lives here."

  The man named Shane began to walk towards me while Duncan went back to work. I glanced at Hilary and realized just how grateful I was that she was there and I didn't have to do this alone. When the man named Shane reached the two of us there were no nice pleasantries exchanged. He simply made his approach and then started firing questions.

  "Do you have anyone in mind as far as who might have started the fire?"

  I knew it couldn't have happened by accident but for someone to do this, it was unbelievable.

  "Are you saying someone did?" Hilary took the question right out of my mouth.

  "I can't officially pronounce it as arson until our investigation is complete but it sure looks that way to me."

  The first person that came to mind was John and what he'd said the last time I had seen him but I wasn't sure if I should throw unfounded blame.

  "I'm aware that there was a feud over ownership of the stables with a—" he looked down at his report "—David Michaels. Is this someone you would consider a threat?"

  That name hit me like a ton of bricks to the face. He may have hated Canyon for taking the business but he wouldn't have killed innocent horses to sever the ties completely, at least I thought.

  "Yes, absolutely I believe he could have done this."

  I was stunned silent. I knew Hilary was there to support me but I had no idea she would blame someone outright.

  "And who are you, ma’am?"

  "My name is Hillary Michaels and David is pure evil, just like his brother. I don't doubt for a second that he would go to any lengths possible to punish Canyon."

  "Well, we have your statements, now you need to let us do our job."

  I heard him speak but I couldn't wrap my head around the fact he said arson. If someone did this they deserved to pay.

  "John McCormick," I blurted out without premeditation.

  "Excuse me?"

  Hilary looked just as shocked to hear me speak for the first time since I told them my name.

  "He lives in the next house down the road."

  "And what leads you to believe this man would be involved?"

  "He's married to my mother and the last time I was there he said something like he will make sure Canyon loses everything he owns."

  Hilary gasped while Shane the fire investigator started writing things down.

  "Thank you, ladies. Now please, we need to get back to work."

  "Who will clean this up after you're done?"

  "That's up to you to hire a crew. My job is to nail the son-of-a-bitch responsible."

  That was the last thing I wanted to hear. Canyon didn't need to deal with any more than he already had.

  "Do you know of anyone I can call?"

  He started digging through a pocket of his jacket when he pulled out a stack of business cards. After sorting through them he pulled one out and handed it to me. "Ask for Jeff." And then he walked away.

  Hilary turned to me and said, "Do you really think your step-dad could do this?"

  "I think it's possible that he could do anything to hurt me or the people I love."

  "So that's why you said you have no parents?"

  "I'm sorry if I misled you. I just don't really consider either of them anything close to what a parent should be."

  With sympathy in her expression she wrapped her arm around my shoulder and said, "Let's get you inside."

  Ten minutes later Hilary had drawn me a bath and was saying goodbye.

  "Thank you for all your help."

  "It was no problem at all, dear. Now you get washed up and then get some rest."

  She let herself out while I stripped out of the scrubs I had been wearing, climbed into the tub and openly sobbed.

  If John did this, I was the one responsible. I pushed him too far the last time I was there and I knew it. But what if it was David? In the end it didn't matter. Canyon lost almost everything he had worked so hard for.

  I woke up in ice cold water and realized I had fallen asleep what had to have been a long time ago. Getting out, I told myself that it was a good enough nap being all I wanted to do was get back to Canyon anyway, so I rushed to get dressed, grabbed my phone, and headed out the back door.

  The men were gone leaving no distraction from the pile of wood and ash but there was one thing out of all of the saddest that brought a smile to my face. Nyah. I walked out to the corral where they had left her and felt the weight of my sadness return. She no longer had a mother to care for her and after everything she'd been through she was left alone. I tried to pet her but she was still to skittish which I understood completely. I needed to get the mess cleaned up and to find her a place to stay while it was being done. I went back in the house and grabbed the business card Shane had given me and dialed the number. I knew because it was a Sunday it was a long shot and I was right. It went straight to voicemail. I left him a message with all the details and asked that he get back to me as soon as possible before I walked back out the door and to my truck.

  I drove straight to Canyon's friend Jason's house. When I got there I found him out back after I rang the doorbell several times.

  "Hey, Ari, what brings you here? Canyon's not—“

  "No, I know. It's just, well, there was a fire last night and ah…"

  "Holy shit! Is he okay?"

  "I think he's going to be but he lost the barn."

  "Oh dear God almighty!"

  "Yeah, well he managed to save one foal. She's in the corral but I have nothing to feed her. I'm on my way to the hospital to see him now and have nowhere to take her. To be honest I don't even know anyone here. So I was wondering if you wouldn't mind..."

  "Don't even ask. Consider it taken care of. I'll go get her now."

  "Thank you so much. You have no idea how much I appreciate this."

  "It's no problem at all. Please tell Canyon I'm willing to help any way I can."

  "I sure will. Thanks again. I don't mean to cut this short but I really need to get back to the hospital."

  "No problem, go. I'll take care of..."

  "Nyah."

  "Nyah. She's going to be one spoiled girl."

  Driving to the hospital, I turned the radio off and rode in silence. I didn't need any distractions what I needed were answers I just didn't know where to find them. When I got to the ICU floor I checked in with the nurse on duty.

  "Hello, my name is Arianna and my boyfriend Canyon Michaels was admitted here late last night."

  "Yes."

  Yes? That's all she was going to give me.

  "I understand your policy regarding family but he has none. I'm ALL he has so if you wouldn't mind telling me a little more than yes, I would appreciate it."

  "If you understand our policy then you know I can't release any information regarding the patient."

  "Did you hear me? He has no family. His mother was killed and his father is in prison so what does your policy say regarding that?"

  I had no patience left. If I had to tackle her to the floor I was going to get answers.

  "I think you can leave now or I will have you escorted out by the police."

  "Are you kidding me? Do you know what I've been through! I'm not going anywhere and if you feel the need to call the police then call them!"

  "Can I be of any help here?"

  I turned around to see a man standing behind me wearing a doctor’s coat but I kept my eye on the nurse with the phone receiver in her hand, ready to dial.

  "You can try all you want but like I told whatever her name is, I'm not leaving until I see if Canyon's okay."

  "You wouldn't be Ari, by any chance?"

  No one other than Canyon called me that. No one. It gave me chills just hearing it come from the man’s mouth.

  "Yes, that's me."

  "We
ll it seems we have two individuals willing to fight tooth and nail to see each other. My patient hasn't stopped screaming your name since we pulled the tube out."

  "He's awake?"

  "Undoubtedly and won't shut up like he's been instructed to do since."

  "Can I see him?"

  "Give me a few minutes but yes. I will bring you back myself."

  I wiped the tears that began to fall, walked over to sit in one of the waiting room chairs, and started what felt like the longest few minutes of my life.

  Chapter 29

  The doctor came to get me like he promised and led me back to Canyon's room. As soon as the door opened, chills ran across my body as I ran to his bedside. Nothing prepared me for the overwhelming emotions we both would feel as I wiped the tears falling from his eyes.

  "I was so scared, Ari." His voice was hoarse but I could clearly understand what he was saying and to be able to say hearing him came with a joy I can't express to you properly.

  "Don't cry. Please, you're here and going to be okay. That's all that matters."

  "I'm sorry I went in. I just thought maybe I could save some of them."

  "You did."

  "She made it?"

  "Yeah. I talked to Jason and he's going to get her and keep her for a while for you."

  "I couldn't let Shelby lose..."

  "Shelby? What are you talking about? I thought you saved her for Magnus to breed with."

  "I didn't even think about that. I just kept thinking, I promised Shelby a horse and I didn't want to..."

  I snapped. "Are you kidding me? You risked your life because you didn't want to hurt Shelby? I almost lost you. I could have lost you!"

  "Please don't be mad at me. I'm sorry. I screwed up."

  I wanted to slap myself for being so insensitive. How could I yell at him for doing what he thought was right even if it was just plain stupid?

  "No, I'm sorry. I was convinced I was never going to see you again and then when they pulled you from the fire and you weren't moving, it was the worst moment of my life."

  "Knowing I couldn't get out to you was the worst moment of mine."

  I was wiping my own tears along with his before I bent down to kiss his forehead.