The Snow Queen tsq-1

by Joan Vinge

  Taryd Roh turned away from him, strolled back across the chamber to the gate like a killer skule moving through a fish trap.

  Blodwed threw an obscene hand-sign after his retreating back. “Gods, I hate him, that bastard!” She winced as the elf fox pup woke inside her jacket, squirming and scratching. “He thinks he’s the Prime Minister or something, just because he’s Ma’s favorite. He’s been to Carbuncle, and he’s crazy too — that’s why she likes him so much.”

  Moon watched Gundhalinu stretch out on the cot, moving like an aged cripple, and turn his face to the wall. She said nothing.

  Blodwed pulled the wriggling cub out of her parka and thrust it back into its cage, almost angrily. Moon felt Blodwed search the room with her eyes for something that had disappeared; she kept her own eyes on Gundhalinu. Blodwed dragged the babbling baby to his feet and went out the gate, leaving them to smother in silence.

  Moon made her way through the heaviness of the air to Gundhalinu’s side, kneeled down. “BZ?” Knowing that he did not want her to ask, knowing that she had to. She touched his shoulder. She felt the trembling of his body even through his heavy coat. “BZ…”

  “Leave me alone.”

  “No.”

  “I’m not one of her animals, for gods’ sakes!”

  “Neither am I. Don’t shut me away!” Her fingers dug into his ] arm, forcing him to acknowledge her.

  He rolled onto his back, lay staring up at her with bleak eyes. ‘ “And I didn’t think things could get any worse.”

  Moon looked down, nodded. “Then maybe they’ll start getting I better.”

  “Don’t.” He shook his head. “Don’t tell me there’s going to be a ‘ future. Just facing tomorrow is all I can stand.”

  She saw the broken instrument that Taryd Roh had left for him I on the ground beside her knee. “You can’t fix this?”

  “Blindfolded,” with a broken smile. He lifted his hand. “If I had ‘ll two good hands. But I don’t.”

  “You have three.” Moon clasped his hand like a pledge.

  He brought his other hand up, laid it clumsily over hers. “I thank you.” He took a long breath, and sat up. “Taryd Roh…” he swallowed. “Taryd Roh caught me re circuiting Blodwed’s radio. After he’d finished working me over, I couldn’t walk for two days. And gods, he enjoyed it.” He ran his hand through his hair; Moon saw it tremble again. “I don’t know what he did while he was in the city — but he was good at it.”

  Moon shuddered, wiped the memory of Taryd Roh’s touch from her face. “Is that — why?” She glanced at his hands, his scarred wrists.

  “Everything! Everything was why.” He shook his head. “I’m a highborn, a Tech, a Kharemoughi! To be treated like a slave by these savages — worse than a slave! No one with any pride would go on living that way: without honor, without hope. So I tried to do the only honorable thing.” He said it with perfect evenness. “But Blodwed found me, before it was — finished.”

  “She saved you?”

  “Of course.” Moon heard hatred in it. “What’s the point in humiliating a corpse?” He looked down at his useless hand. “A cripple, though… I stopped eating; until she told me shed let Taryd Roh feed me. Fifteen minutes and he could have me eating shit.” He tried to get up, fell back onto the cot, coughing until his eyes ran. “And then there was the storm—” He spread his hands helplessly, as though he wanted her to know how hard he had tried to do the right thing.

  Afraid that she did understand, she only said, “And now?”

  “And now everything’s changed. I… have to think about someone besides myself again.” She didn’t know whether he was glad, or only resentful.

  “I’m glad you failed.” She looked down. “We’ll get out of here, BZ. I know we will.” It isn’t finished. Suddenly certain of it again.

  He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter to me any more. It’s too late, I’ve been here too long.” He lifted her chin with his fingers. “But for your sake, I’ll hope.”

  “It isn’t too late.”

  “You don’t understand.” He pulled at the seal of his uniform coat. “I’ve been here for months, it’s all over! The Festival, the Change, the final departure… everyone’s gone off world by now, they’ve left me behind. Forever.” His gaunt face twitched. ““In dreams I hear my homeland to me call; and I cannot answer…”“

  “But they haven’t! It hasn’t happened yet.”

  He gaped as though she had struck him. He pulled her up onto the cot beside him, almost shaking her. “Truly? How long? How long? Oh, gods, tell me it’s true!”

  “It is,” breathlessly, stumbling. “But I don’t know h-how long I mean, I’m not sure… a week or two, I think, until the celebrations.”

  “A week?” He let her go, slumping back against the wall. “Moon. Damn you, I don’t know whether you’re heaven or hell: a week.” He rubbed his hand across his mouth. “But I think you’re heaven.” He embraced her, briefly, chastely, his face averted.

  She lifted her hands as he pulled away, clung to him with sudden gratitude. “No, don’t. A little longer. Please, BZ; I need a little longer… Hold me just for now.” Until everything isn’t drowning in ugliness. Until I believe in hope, and feel his arms holding me again…

  Gundhalinu stiffened with surprise and a strange reluctance. But his arms circled her, almost mechanically, and pulled her to him again, sheltering her, answering her.

  So long… remembering Sparks’s tender hands as though it had been only yesterday… it’s been so long. She rested her head on his shoulder, let herself dissolve, mindless, timeless, against the solidness of his flesh; let it give substance to the phantom of another flesh, and strike the chains of bitter knowledge from the future. After a time she felt Gundhalinu’s arms tighten, felt his breathing change; felt her own heartbeat quicken unexpectedly with answering emotion.

  “Wilt thou… to me in Sandhi sometimes talk?” hesitantly.

  “Yes.” She smiled against his sleeve. “Though I — do not it well speak…”

  “I know. Thy accent is terrible.” He laughed softly.

  “So is thine!” She felt his head rest on her own shoulder; she rubbed his back with slow, peaceful motions, heard him sigh. Gradually his arms loosened and fell away from her; she felt his breathing change again. She lifted her head, saw his face half smiling, asleep beside her own. She lowered him carefully onto the cot, lifted his legs up and covered him with blankets. She kissed him gently on the mouth, and went to her own pad on the floor.

  “You fixed it, huh? Lucky for you, Blue-boy.” Blodwed stooped down as she entered the chamber, picked up the broken distance finder, which Gundhalinu and Moon had repaired working together through the new morning. Her voice barely disguised relief; but Gundhalinu heard only the threat, and frowned. “Hey, what did you do that for?”

  White birds fluttered up from Moon’s shoulders; the pair of starls slunk under the cot at the sound of her voice. “To give them a little freedom,” Moon said, more confidently than she felt.

  “They’ll get out! That’s what I keep them in cages for — they’d run away if I didn’t, the stupid things.”

  “No, they won’t.” Moon held out her palm, filled with bits of bread. The birds circled down again onto her arm, jostling for position. She stroked their curling feathers. “Look. This is all they really want. Keeping them in a cage won’t make them yours; not if you know you can’t ever open the door.”

  Blodwed came toward her across the room, the birds flew up again. Moon put the crumbs into Blodwed’s hand; but the hand made a fist and she dropped them onto the floor. “Screw that. I

  don’t want that. I want a story, Blue.” She moved on across the room to Gundhalinu, sat down on the cot beside him. “About the Old Empire, some more.”

  He moved away from her pointedly. “I don’t know any more stories. You know them all.”

  “I don’t care. Just do it!” She shook his arm. “Read that book again. Read it to her,
she’s a sibyl too.”

  Moon glanced up from watching the birds peck at crumbs around her feet.

  “Sit, sibyl.” Blodwed gestured imperiously. “You’ll like this. It’s all about the first sibyl that ever was and the end of the Old Empire. It’s got space pirates, and whole artificial planets, and aliens, and super weapons zap!” She disintegrated Moon with her finger, laughing.

  “Really?” Moon said, looking at Gundhalinu. “Do they really know about the first sibyl?” He shrugged.

  “He said it was all true.” Blodwed’s enthusiasm and her voice rose. “Come on, Blue. Read the part where she saves her True Lover from the pirates.”

  “He saved her.” Gundhalinu coughed his indignation.

  “Look, just read it.” She leaned over, the starls scuttled out with clicking claws as she groped under the cot. She found the battered book, tossed it at Gundhalinu. “And in the end, she thinks he’s dying, and he thinks she’s dead; it’s so sad.” She grinned ghoulishly.

  “Blodwed, I’ll tell you a story,” Moon said suddenly, clutching inspiration’s key. She sat down cross-legged; the starls came to her, scattering the birds, and laid their pointy muzzles in her lap. “About me… and my True Lover, and tech runners and Carbuncle.” And you will listen, and understand. She felt the strength of the inspiration suddenly take hold of her, almost as though she were compelled.

  She told the story again; letting down the barriers that kept her emotions back, letting herself see Sparks’s face laughing in sunlight, hear his music drifting over the sea, feel the fire-bright nearness of him… feel his going away as it wrenched a part of her soul out of her. And she left nothing out, of the things she had seen and done “You mean you didn’t even know it’d take five years to go to Kharemough? You really were stupid!”)

  (“I’m learning.”)

  — the people who had tried to help her; the price they had paid for it. “And then on the man in black, who was killing the mers, I saw the medal, his medal… It was Sparks, I f-finally found him.” She looked down, pressing a hand against her purple cheek; remembering only his caress.

  “You mean… he’s Starbuck?” Blodwed whispered, awed. “Holy shit. Your own True Lover killed the mers… And — and you still love him?”

  Moon ‘nodded silently; her mouth trembled. Damn everything, I do! She held a long breath, fighting for control; struggling back into the present to measure Blodwed’s reaction. Blodwed wiped her eyes surreptitiously, scratched her head, her cropped-ofF hair standing out like straw. “Oh… it’s not fair. Now he’s going to die, and he’ll never even know.”

  “What?” Moon stiffened.

  “The Change,” Gundhalinu said. “The last Festival, the end of Winter. The end of the Snow Queen — and Starbuck. They drown together.” He looked back at her with unspoken understanding. “It’s the end of everything.”

  Moon rose up on her knees, pushed the starls away, breaking the spell that had held her holding Blodwed. “Mother of Us All-there’s hardly any time left! Blodwed, you have to let us go! I have to find him, I have to get to Carbuncle before the Change.”

  Blodwed stood up, her face turning hard. “I don’t have to do anything! You just made all that up, so I’d let you go. Well, I won’t!”

  “It’s not a lie! Starbuck is Sparks, and he’ll die… I can’t have come all this way just for that!” She struggled to keep panic from taking the rest of her voice. “If I can get to Carbuncle, BZ can help me find Sparks in time. And if he doesn’t get back there in time, his own people will go off world and leave him behind. There’s not even a fortnight left—”

  “Then in a fortnight it’ll all be over, and you won’t even care about it any more, either of you. So you can stay here with me, forever.” Blodwed folded her arms, her eyes fierce with betrayal.

  “In a fortnight my life will be meaningless…” Moon got up, feeling the walls of stone close in on her. “Please, please, Blodwed! Help us!”

  “I don’t care if it’s all true! You don’t care about me; why should I care about you?” Blodwed caught the sleeve of Moon’s tunic and jerked at it, ripping the fragile cloth halfway up her arm. She went out, slamming the gate behind her.

  “I don’t understand it,” BZ murmured, between irony and despair. “The stories I read always have happy endings.”

  Lying sleepless far into the night, she felt the starls wake suddenly beside her, listening. Listening with them she heard the covert sound of footsteps coming back from the silent camp beyond. She sat up, blinking in the heater’s glow. BZ sat up on his cot; she realized that he must have lain awake with her in silent misery half the night. Oh, Lady, she’s changed her mind…

  But the gate swung open, and the figure that took form in the light was not Blodwed. Moon heard Gundhalinu’s indrawn breath. She sat as still as death, paralyzed.

  “Wake up, little sibyl. I’ve come for a few of your tricks… and to teach you a few of mine.” Taryd Roh came on across the chamber, shrugging off his parka.

  Moon struggled to her feet, moving in slow motion. He doesn’t believe… Mother, please Mother, let me wake up! She stumbled back as the dream did not dissolve and her prayers flew up unheeded. She felt Gundhalinu’s hands grip her shoulders and pull her to him.

  “Leave her alone, you son of a bitch, unless you want to lose what mind you have.”

  Taryd Roh laughed. “You don’t believe that, any more than I do! Keep out of it, Blue, or this time I’ll show you what real pain is.”

  BZ’s grip lost all strength on her shoulders. His arms dropped, he backed away. Moon clenched her teeth on a cry. But as Taryd Roh lunged across the gap between them, Gundhalinu moved forward, struck at Taryd Roh’s throat with a well-trained blow.

  But there was no strength behind it, and Taryd Roh blocked his arm, twisted it, threw him aside into the cages. Gundhalinu pushed away from the wall, but before he could recover his balance Taryd Roh’s heavy fist clubbed him to his knees, and a boot knocked him sprawling. And then Taryd Roh had reached her again, his arms were around her. His mouth covered hers; Moon twisted her face frantically until she found his lip. She sank her teeth into it, tasted his blood mingling with her saliva.

  He knocked her away with a shout of pain. She half fell, staggering up again as she tried to keep beyond Ms reach. “You’re cursed, Taryd Roh! You have the sibyl-madness now, Motherless, and there’s no hope for you!” Her voice shrilled like the screech of the white birds beating above her head. But he still came after her, blood shining on his face and another kind of madness in his eyes. Moon clung to the wire of the locked gate, screaming, “Blodwed! Blodwed!” His hand closed on her neck, she gasped and lost her voice as pain leaped out along her arms, paralyzing her. He jerked her away.

  A starl attacked his leg, sinking its thick claws into the cloth of his legging, and on into his flesh. Tusks locked in his calf; he dragged her around, kicking viciously until he threw it off into its circling mate. But as his hands closed around her throat again he suddenly staggered back, losing all his strength. “You bitch!” thick with fear. He put his hands to his head, swaying; toppled and fell, sprawled motionless on the floor.

  Moon stood over him, her voice raw. “I’ll teach you some tricks, unbeliever.” She stepped across his unconscious body, ran back to where Gundhalinu was getting to his feet uncertainly. She tried to steady him with tingling, heavy hands, saw the livid bruise swelling on his forehead. “BZ, are you all right?”

  He looked at her incredulously. “Am I all right?” He cupped her face in his hands for a long moment, before his arms went around her, holding her close to his heart; she pressed her face against his neck. “Thank the gods… thank the gods, we both are.”

  “All right, what do you think you’re — doing?” Blodwed burst in through the gate, stopped short at the sight of Taryd Roh’s body on the floor. The starls circled it like hunters over prey, growling threats. She looked up at Moon and Gundhalinu together across the room; Moon saw the question tha
t came into her eyes, and the answer she got without asking. “Did — you do that to him?” Half-afraid.

  “I did.” Moon nodded, surprised at the calmness of the words. “I infected him.”

  Blodwed’s mouth fell open. “Is he dead?”

  “No. But when he wakes up tomorrow he’ll — he’ll start to go mad. Madder.” Moon swallowed suddenly.

  Blodwed looked down into Taryd Roh’s slack face. She glanced up again, her own face filling with a strange mixture of emotions, anger slowly separating and rising. She reached inside her parka, took out her stunner and adjusted the dial. She leaned down and put the muzzle close to his temple. “No he won’t.” She pressed the stud; his body jerked.

  Moon flinched, felt Gundhalinu stiffen beside her. But she felt no pity, or remorse.

  “Good riddance.” Blodwed stuck the gun away. “I told him he’d be sorry if he tried to hurt you.” She lifted her head, looked back at them with something deeper than possessiveness, and stronger than frustration. “Damn you, now you really did it! When Ma finds out what happened she’ll want you skinned alive; and she gets what she wants around here, I can’t stop it. Everybody thinks she’s holy, but really she’s just crazy.” She wiped her nose. “All right! All right, don’t look at me like that! I’m going to let you go.”

  Moon swayed as reaction caught her, and slid down to her knees.

  * * *

  The carnivorous predawn cold gnawed Moon, even through the insulated clothing, the gray-brown woolen mask pulled down over her face. The stars crackled on the black dome of sky, the snow lay silvered under a gibbous moon beyond the gaping cavern mouth. “I never saw such a beautiful night.”

  “Nor I. Not on any world.” Gundhalinu shifted beneath the thermal blankets, among the lashed-on supplies at the front of the loaded snow skimmer “And I never will again, if I live until the New Millennium.” He took a deep breath, coughed rac kingly as the frigid air assaulted his healing lungs.