Sex, Marry, Kill

by Travis, Todd

  Valerie would say something on occasion, and after finally escaping from the high school counselor, asked Dr. Stein the same thing. If Valerie promised not to try and to kill herself again, could she stop coming in to do this bullshit?

  “Do you still want to kill yourself?” Dr. Stein had asked.

  “What difference does it make? I promise I won’t.”

  “I think it makes a difference.”

  “It’s bullshit.”

  “It might be, yeah. And I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do. If you truly, sincerely don’t want to be here, then I’ll allow you to stop. But I think you should continue, if only for one reason and one reason only.”

  “What’s that? That I’ll finally give in to the ‘healing process’?”

  “No. The only reason you should keep coming here is because it makes your father feel better.”

  Valerie blinked at that. “He doesn’t⁠—”

  “Care? You really think that’s true? Of course he cares. He has the same problem that you do right now, feeling empty inside, but he cares as much as he is able to. Just like you. And that’s why you should keep coming here. Because let’s say, for example, that you DO give in, I know you promise that you won’t, but we’re all frail humans and sometimes we give in to impulse. So you try again. And let’s say this time no one finds you right away, after you’ve tied that cord around your neck and this time you’re not resuscitated. You don’t live through your next suicide attempt. If you dropped out of therapy and that happened, your father will blame himself for not doing more to try and help you, for making every effort. He will. Wouldn’t you?”

  Valerie thought about that, thought about her father. He was still as much a zombie these days as she was, but she knew what his reaction would be. He had already blamed himself for her previous suicide attempts. She had tried to tell him that it wasn’t his fault, but he did anyway.

  “I’m not going to bullshit you, not here, Valerie. Maybe I won’t be able to help you, maybe I won’t be able to stop you from taking your own life at some point if you’re bound and determined to do so. I’ll try my best, but I’m a realist. And you should be, too. And the reality is, if you stay in therapy, it makes your father feel better, and will be of some small consolation to him even if it doesn’t work. He’ll feel like at least he tried to help you. Give him that much, if you can. I’m happy to sit here in silence with you week after week. I’m happy to be here for you in that capacity, if that’s all that you’ll allow. I don’t think it’s bullshit, but I’m not hurt if that’s what you think it is. What I don’t want you to do is quit, I want you to stay, if only for your father’s sake. So look at it from that point of view, you’re not doing this bullshit for you, you’re doing it for him.”

  Valerie thought about that, for a long time, and agreed. That had been near the end of her junior year. So she kept on going, though most of the time she said nothing. By then Valerie had found a coping mechanism that got her through the empty urges, anyway, though she’d never tell Dr. Stein what it was. And she noticed that her father did seem comforted by her attending therapy.

  And Valerie herself, after some time, had to admit that she also found it comforting to go and sit with Dr. Stein. Even in silence. She had her coping mechanism, her meds and the Beatles, those were solace enough that Valerie felt confident she’d at least make it through high school reasonably intact. Or she had.

  Right up until Linda Sue decided she wanted to save her soul. It put her more on edge than she’d been in a long time. Linda Sue was a Christ warrior, that’s what she called herself, a proud and loud virgin who wore her purity pin everywhere, even in gym class, and had tried and failed numerous times to get public prayer back at their school. She followed Valerie everywhere, sat next to her at lunch, in class and study hall, gave her scripture notes and just would not stop. Valerie asked her, quietly, to leave her alone, but Linda Sue just smiled her plastic smile and kept at it.

  After Valerie’s last suicide attempt, some of the bigger asshole students left razor blades and tiny nooses in her locker as a joke and laughed their asses off when she opened it. Valerie was untouched by that, in fact, even left those things right where they were. It truly didn’t bother her, what the jocks or the cool kids thought. When you felt nothing, it was hard to get angry at anything.

  But Linda Sue was starting to do something that no one had yet been able to do. Piss Valerie off, if only for a little bit.

  Part of being of being devoid of emotions was that it left you detached and objective in your observations. Valerie saw the entirety of the school for what it was, warts and all. And what she observed, initially, about Linda Sue’s efforts on Valerie’s behalf, was how empty and vacuous it all was.

  Linda Sue didn’t care about Valerie, not at all. Linda Sue only cared about herself. She was doing this to rack up her Jesus score, get more God points. She wanted to walk around bragging about how cool she was because she was Christian and put all this time into saving Psycho Weems. She wasn’t really interested in Valerie’s pain or tragedy or well-being, not really.

  This was all about Linda Sue’s image as a Christ warrior. Linda Sue didn’t give two shits about Valerie, not really. And her pretending otherwise, that’s what was starting to stir a tiny spark of anger somewhere deep inside of Valerie. It surprised her, to be honest. She hadn’t felt anger in any form since right after her mother died.

  She sat in the back of the bus these days because she knew Linda Sue didn’t like hanging this close to the jocks and the school sluts with their bad language and bared skin. But Linda Sue had followed her back there anyway. She ignored those students, who were all going to hell anyway as far as she was concerned, and stayed focused like a laser-guided missile with her sites set on Valerie.

  Linda Sue tapped Valerie on the shoulder. Valerie ignored her. She tapped again and again. Valerie sighed and turned to her seatmate. Linda Sue held up her Kindle, open on the bible. She’d highlighted a passage for Valerie to read. Valerie just shook her head. Linda Sue tapped her on the arm again, gestured to her headphones. Valerie sighed and took them off.

  “This is from the book of John,” Linda Sue said. “‘Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die.”’”

  “Isn’t that just, like, the best thing ever?” Linda Sue asked, her eyes bright. “You accept Jesus into your heart and you will never die, not really.”

  Valerie just stared at Linda Sue, then pulled her headphones back on. She turned away and forwarded her White Album playlist until it got to “Revolution #9.”

  Chapter Eight

  The tour bus parked in the Irvington/Broadway district of Portland and the kids piled out. Darin waited until everyone else got off before him, still pissed at Healy. He watched Ms. Arnett smile shyly at the other teacher before she stepped off the bus.

  Darin knew there was a reason they both volunteered for this. He wondered if Healy had closed the deal with her yet. He doubted it; Arnett seemed to like the texting and flirting more than anything else. More than that would probably just scare her.

  Darin considered again whether or not he should use the dirt he got on Healy from his stolen phone to get the asshole to back off. He didn’t think it would work. None of it was illegal, just embarrassing, and it would be evidence that Darin had been the one who had stolen the phone, after all. It might get Healy divorced, but that’d be it. Better to wait until after he was out of this place, then send all that shit to the man’s wife.

  That was a good plan. And then, maybe, after a few years, he’d find his way back to Radford after he’d gotten a bit more size and muscle and see if he could bump into Healy in one of the local bars. That’d be sweet.

  Outside, Arnett
and Healy ran down the schedule for everyone. The plan was to let them shop and browse for a couple hours, then they’d all go to a museum and a fancy dinner. Darin didn’t know who came up with this itinerary but it all seemed lame as fucking hell to him. They probably had had a few class meetings about it that he missed. Healy ended the speech with a few dire warnings of what he’d do if he caught anyone drinking, messing around or not being where they were supposed to be when they were supposed to be there. Back at the bus in two hours, sharp. No messing around, or else.

  Healy stared right at Darin when he said the last part.

  And with that, the entire class split off into separate groups to explore the district. Darin noticed that five of them were left alone at first as everyone else found their clique. Fat Chick Clemons, who just sighed as she looked around the shopping area. She wasn’t one for walking very far. Before she left with her friends, Tracy Jones pointed to a nearby Lucille Roberts and suggested Fat Chick should sign up.

  Special Ed Kaminski just stood on the sidewalk, his mouth open and staring at everything. He was overwhelmed by it all. Arnett and Healy were chatting close and intimate, not paying attention to him. Ed was gonna get lost if they weren’t careful, Darin thought. And Healy and Arnett weren’t.

  Shakes hung close to Valerie Weems as she headed straight for a record store, one of those classic places that sold vinyl records. The kid Shakes had kinda a thing for her, Darin thought. He hid it as well as he could, but it was there. Darin couldn’t blame him, Val Weems was cute, once you looked past all her long black clothing and attitude. She reminded Darin of that chick from that old movie in the eighties, the one where kids were in detention together all day on a Saturday. Of course, in that movie, she ended up with the jock. That would never happen in real life.

  And there was something really cool in that she genuinely didn’t give a shit. About anything. Darin never thought about that before as he rarely ran into her in his school travels, but yeah, that was pretty fucking cool, how she acted.

  A hand clamped tight on Darin’s elbow. “Johnson, you’re staying with me, by my side, this entire time. Got me? I’ll not have you shopping for bongs or drug paraphernalia or any of that shit on my watch, boy,” Healy said.

  Darin stared at Healy. Over Healy’s shoulder, he saw as Roger sneaked up and yanked Special Ed’s pants all the way down to his ankles. Roger ran off with his friends, laughing, as Special Ed squawked and stumbled, trying to pull them back up. Healy turned around.

  “Kaminski, what are you doing? Get your pants up and get over here. You and Johnson, you’re with me, understand? Shape up, son!” Healy said.

  Darin sighed again. He should have ditched this trip.

  Chapter Nine

  They all regrouped again later and trooped back on the bus. The whole time they were out Darin boiled, angry and pissed. He had had to follow Healy and Arnett around for two hours, just him with Special Ed. Ed was fine with it, and in fact seemed glad to have someone to lead him around, but Darin was bored out of his fucking skull watching these two asshole middle-aged lovebirds pretend they weren’t actually flirting with each other and all that bullshit.

  They weren’t even paying attention to anyone else, either. Healy had demanded that Darin stay with him and then ignored him from that moment on. Darin had to keep Ed from walking into oncoming traffic at least twice, and once found him after he’d gotten lost and near tears. Healy even berated Darin for letting Ed wander off. Darin just stayed quiet and seethed.

  When they finally got back to the bus, Darin saw the jocks were doing their shoulder-punching bullshit on Shakes again. Both Healy and Arnett just ignored that shit and ordered everyone to get on the bus. Shakes hung back and boarded last, rubbing his arms. He stopped at the front, staring in askance at the back of the bus where the predators were. Valerie had already made her way back to her seat, her head down and sunglasses on. She’d bought a couple of albums at the store and Shakes had offered to carry them for her, but she shook her head no. Linda Sue was already in the seat next to her, trying and failing to get Valerie to talk.

  No point in going back there where Goodwin and his friends waited for him, but there were no other seats available, other than the one next to Special Ed. Except for one. Shakes looked over at Darin, who had an empty seat next to him in the front. Shakes was scared of Darin, too. Darin had a reputation for dealing drugs, carrying knives and just being trouble. Darin stared back at him.

  “C’mon, Hobart, get a move on!” Healy said from behind Shakes. “We don’t have all day here!”

  Darin didn’t change his expression, just glanced at Healy and moved his legs aside to allow Shakes to slip by and sit next to him. Shakes sat down next to the window.

  “Thanks,” he said to Darin, quiet.

  “Hey, Shakes, maybe Detention can get you some ’roids!” Goodwin called. “You could use ’em!” He and his buddies laughed.

  “Knock it off back there,” Healy said.

  Darin glanced at Shakes, who offered up a weak smile.

  “Is that true?” Shakes asked, only half-joking. “You can get me some of that?”

  “I don’t deal juice, man.”

  “I know, I was just kidding⁠—”

  “I’m not. Look, just because I let you sit here, that don’t make us friends.”

  “I know.”

  Healy did a head count, and it was work for him to do that, Darin saw. He had to stop and start again and again as the students in the back horsed around with each other. Tracy Jones was doing a lap dance on Roger specifically for Ed’s benefit. Linda Sue wrinkled up her nose at that and turned away.

  “Get in your seats and stop moving around!” Healy shouted.

  “I do need some steroids, I guess,” Shakes said, more to himself than to Darin.

  “You don’t wanna mess with that shit, man. They give you back acne, male pattern baldness and shrink your nuts down to the size of raisins.”

  “Yeah, but at least then I’ll be a big man.”

  “A big man with teeny-tiny wrinkly balls.”

  “Is that true? Steroids really give you raisin nuts?”

  “And male pattern baldness.”

  Shakes glanced over Darin’s shoulder at Healy as the teacher settled down into his seat. Darin followed his look. Healy had a classic round crown of skin on the back of his head where hair used to be. Darin saw that and had to grin, if only for a moment. Healy noticed the both of them looking at him and glowered.

  “You two, watch yourselves. Hear me?” Healy said.

  Darin and Shakes didn’t answer, just stared back.

  Chapter Ten

  The only reason Valerie hadn’t ditched on this senior trip was because the Portland Art Museum was one of the scheduled visits. There was a painting that hung there, one in particular, that Valerie really wanted to see. Otherwise there was no way she would have ever done something like this. She wandered away from her classmates, most of whom were goofing around and not even paying attention to the artifacts. She checked the map until she found what she was looking for and made a beeline for that floor.

  Faye sat down on a bench, her feet aching and stomach rumbling. When she walked too much, her ankles swelled up, no matter what shoes she wore. And she didn’t want to sweat too much, couldn’t take the chance that she’d stain her new blouse. She’d decided that it was a waste of money, after all, and planned to return it. She looked up. Tracy Jones stood nearby with her friends and one of her regular boyfriends, Roger. She hung on Roger like he was a stripper pole.

  “We shouldn’t fight, Faye, life is too short,” Tracy said. “I mean, in a few short months I’ll be graduating and we’ll never see each other. Or rather, you won’t see me because I’ll be at college. You, on the other hand, can be seen from outer space. But whatever, I think we should make up and so while I was out, I bought you a peace offering. A gift from me to you.”

  Tracy snapped her fingers and one of her girlfriends opened up her big pur
se. Tracy reached inside and, with dramatic flourish, pulled out a McDonald’s fast food bag. She set it down on the bench next to Faye. Faye could smell it and she couldn’t help herself, her stomach growled. The kids giggled when they heard the noise.

  Tracy kissed Roger in the ear and smiled at Faye. Tracy brought Roger’s hand up to her lips and ran her lips over his fingers, taunting Faye.

  “Two juicy Double Quarter-Pounders with cheese, fries and apple pie for desert. I super-sized both, just for you, dear. You know you want it. Go down on that burger, you fast food slut, you. Lick it … clean, baby.”

  Tracy took one of Roger’s fingers into her mouth and sucked on it. Faye squeezed her eyes shut and looked away.

  “Do it, Fat Chick, do it!” Roger said. “Eat it!”

  Faye stood up and ran away from them, unable to stop the noise from her stomach, as her tormentors burst out laughing.

  Darin was now stuck with both Shakes and Special Ed, both of whom followed him like puppies around the museum. Nothing much there interested him, but he noted Valerie Weems studied the layout intently, searching for something.

  “Yo, Shakes, you know her?” Darin asked Shakes.

  “Valerie Weems? Yeah, we have programming and College Prep English together,” Shakes said, momentarily excited that Detention Johnson was speaking to him like an actual person and not a bug under his shoe.

  “What’s her story?”

  “What do you mean, her story?”

  “I mean, why do they call her Psycho?”

  “You don’t know? Yeah, you came after all that, I guess you wouldn’t. Her mother died like, near the end of the eighth grade, I think. I was in seventh then, it was before I got moved up for the last time. She took it real hard, her mom dying.”

  “My mom and dad died, too,” said Special Ed. “When I was five. I don’t really remember them. If my grandma died, though, I don’t know what I’d do. I don’t even want to think about that.”