Sex, Marry, Kill
Page 8
“PEOPLE DIE EVERY DAY, IF U HANG AROUND IN ANY INTENSIVE CARE OR A HOSPICE, U WILL SEE IT, GOOD PEOPLE AND MAYBE TEN OR TWENTY PEOPLE MOURN THEM OR EVEN KNOW THEY PASSED ON WHILE EVERYONE ELSE IS LAUGHING AND WATCHING TV. THIS GUY, HE WAS A JERK BUT BECAUSE HE WAS A TEACHER, THEY’RE MKING A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT, MAKING STUDENTS FEEL LIKE WE HAVE 2 MOURN HIM AND IT PISSES ME OFF,” she wrote.
“I KNOW, RIGHT? OKAY, FINE, IF HIS ASSHOLE JOCKS WANNA CRY INTO THEIR BEER AND STEROIDS, OK, BUT WHY MAKE US DO IT?” wrote Shakes. “SUCKS!”
“AND THEY ACT LIKE HE WAS SUCH A GREAT GUY, 2,” wrote Faye. “HE TOTALLY WASN’T.”
“HE WSN’T NICE AT ALL,” wrote Ed.
Darin thought about all that. Then he smiled and tapped out a reply.
“SO LET’S GO TO THE SERVICE AND SHOW THEM.”
“SHOW THEM WHAT?” Shakes wrote.
“SHOW THEM FUCKING EXACTLY WHAT KINDA GUY HE IS,” Darin wrote out in reply.
He got several “???” in reply.
Chapter Nineteen
Darin arrived at school on the day of the funeral prepared for the big event. He’d sent several digital files to Shakes and they cut and edited the best ones together.
“I can’t believe you collected all of this, it’s unreal,” Shakes had said over the phone when they were done. “How’d you do this?”
“I just hung around with my phone, man. People forget you’re there, eventually, and the real shit comes out.”
“This is gonna be so rad.”
“You realize that if they catch you doing this, you’re in really deep shit, right?” Darin had told him. “I mean, you’re worried about your attendance record, that’s nothing compared to this, this stunt will really fuck you over if they know you’re responsible.”
“They won’t catch me. They can’t catch me. Inconceivable. No way. I wrote half the code the school uses.”
“Right, which means you’ll be the first one they suspect.”
“No way, there’ll be no electronic footprint, nothing. I’m like a freaking ninja, dude. In and out like a shadow warrior. It’s already downloaded and prepped. You’ll trigger it with your prepaid phone and boom! It’s gonna be epic, man, totally.”
“You’re the only one that can pull shit off, so they’ll come down on you.”
“I’m not the ONLY one, there are couple of others with the talents to do it, I just happen to be the best at it. They won’t be able to prove it was me.”
“Maybe so, but if they’re pissed enough they’ll come down on you anyway, they might even call the cops, grill you.”
“Let ’em. My pops is a freaking patent lawyer, do you know how vicious patent lawyers can be? I can handle it, even cops, I know exactly what to do. I may suck at dodgeball and hockey, but cops and lawyers I can handle.”
So it was all set, Darin thought as he walked in. He’d ditched school yesterday to prep. As he came in, he found Ed being tormented by a few freshman assholes. Someone had put a taped “KICK ME” sign on his back and the kids were taking turns kicking him in the butt. Darin tore the sign off and told the freshmen to piss off.
“Or else what?” one of the bigger ones said to him in a challenge. Darin recognized him, even as a freshmen he was already a varsity football player with some size. Darin just stared back at him until the boys laughed and ran off.
“Thanks,” Ed said.
“Why do you let them do that shit to you, Ed? Big as you are, you could turn just about anyone in this school into a pretzel if you wanted to.”
“I don’t like to hurt people.”
“Better them than you, man. You know?”
Ed looked down at his feet, shamefaced.
“Hey man, I’m not trying to tell you what to do,” Darin said. “Just don’t like to see little shits like that punking you all the time.”
Ed looked up, smiled. “Okay. Thanks, Darin.”
“No problem, big man.”
The first bell rang and Ed ambled off to his first period. Darin opened his locker and tossed his bag into it. Someone shoved him in the back, hard, pushing him into the locker.
“Where you been, Detention?” Goodwin said, flanked by Roger and a couple of his other jock buddies. “I’ve been looking all over for you. I need something.”
“Get your fucking hands off me,” Darin spun around. “I told you, you’re not getting shit from me. We’re done.”
“No, we are just getting started. We’re partners now. You keep me supplied, for free, I bring you new customers and take twenty percent. Just because Healy died, that doesn’t change anything with us.”
“I told you, no.”
Goodwin hooked a punch into Darin’s gut. The wind went out of him in a hurry. Goodwin grabbed Darin by the throat, held him up against the open locker.
“Be reasonable, man. This is good for you. Make us both some bank,” Goodwin said. “Otherwise, it’s gonna be really bad for you. Real bad.”
“Fuck you.”
Goodwin brought a fist back to strike.
“What’s going on here?” demanded a voice.
They turned to see Mr. Weitz, the assistant principal, standing near the lockers, Shakes behind him. Weitz was a fussy, balding man with a big paunch. Evidently Shakes had seen the ruckus and summoned Weitz. Goodwin released Darin and grinned.
“Nothin’. We’re just messing around. Right, Johnson?”
“Yeah, RIGHT. Totally.”
“On a day like today, you’re acting like this? I expect this from you, Johnson, but Goodwin? Get your act together and get to class. All of you. Right now.”
Goodwin shot a look at Darin and swaggered off with his buddies, bumping into Shakes before heading down the hall.
“I don’t want any trouble out of you today, Johnson. Hear me?” Weitz said.
“No trouble from me,” Darin said.
“They started it, Mr. Weitz, I saw the whole thing.”
“That’s enough, Hobart. Get to your first period. Both of you.”
Darin shut his locker and he and Shakes walked away.
“You went and got Weitz?”
“Yeah, when I saw that asshole Goodwin grabbing you.”
“Well … thanks.”
“No problem. We have to stick together, you know? We’re like a team.”
“We’re not a team, man.”
“We are, we’re like, the Avengers. No, wait, even better, we’re the Furious Five. That’s us. Yeah, the Furious Five!”
Darin had to smile at that, in spite of himself.
“Don’t make T-shirts, at least not yet.”
“T-shirts, a great idea!”
“We all set?”
“You bet. This is gonna be epic!”
They both spotted Valerie at her locker, stuffing her bag into it. She almost smiled and gave a half wave at them. They both waved back as the second bell rang. They kept going down the hall. Darin noticed that Shakes had turned a bright shade of red when Valerie took notice of them. Darin grinned.
“What?” Shakes asked.
“Nothin’, man.”
“She’s, you know … she’s pretty cool, I think.”
“Yeah man, she’s definitely cool.”
Chapter Twenty
Valerie would have ditched school, the last thing she wanted to do was attend someone’s funeral service, and at a school, no less, but she found herself intrigued by whatever it was that Darin and Shakes were planning to do. They weren’t spilling the beans, either, they just said to be there. So she was curious, another new emotion she hadn’t felt in a long time.
And while she was loath to admit it, Darin intrigued her, too. He had a reputation and the attitude of a bad boy and dressed the part, ripped jeans and T-shirts, long hair and the standard army surplus jacket, but there was something in his eyes that suggested there was more to him than what the world saw.
She saw him and Shakes walking together down the hall, about the most odd pairing anyone could think of, and waved at both of
them as she put her bag into her locker. They waved back as the second bell rang for class and they hurried to their first period. She noticed as Shakes blushed a deep shade of scarlet. She knew the younger boy had a crush on her, it wasn’t like he was hiding it. It was cute. But it was Darin she couldn’t get out of her mind.
She thought about him as she shut her locker and found Linda Sue standing there, self-righteous smirk plastered on her face.
“God spoke to me last night,” Linda Sue said. “He told me to tell you that I forgive you.”
“God … told YOU … to tell ME … that?”
“Yes. You may not be pure, but you can be absolved and should be forgiven for your sins. So I forgive you.”
“You … forgive … me.”
“Yes. You’re just really unhappy with yourself and the things you’ve done, that’s why you said those mean things at the museum, but after praying about it and especially after what happened with Mr. Healy and everything, it is the right thing. I forgive you.”
“I don’t want or need your forgiveness, Linda Sue.”
“Yes, you do, because—”
“No, I DON’T. You’re an empty-headed, sanctimonious know-it-all bitch who thinks her shit don’t stink like everyone else’s, and let me tell you something, it does. It reeks.”
Linda Sue flushed. “Bitch?”
“Yeah, I said bitch and I meant it, that’s what you are. And the next time God tells YOU to tell ME something, you tell Him I said to call direct and not pass messages through a small-minded, bitchy spoiled little girl like you.”
Valerie turned on her heels.
“At least I’m not a whore,” Linda Sue hissed at Valerie as she stalked away.
Chapter Twenty-One
The ceremony for Healy was scheduled for that afternoon in the gymnasium, after which the student body would be dismissed early for the day. As far as Darin was concerned, that was a win all around. They were originally going to have it in the auditorium, Shakes had told him, but it wasn’t going to be big enough so they put everyone in the gym, which made things even easier. They set up chairs on the gym floor for those citizens from town who were attending and the school kids sat in the bleachers.
Faye was already sitting there with Shakes and Ed when Darin arrived. He climbed up next to them. They were near the exit, just as he had advised. Shakes held out a fist for a bump but Darin pretended he didn’t see it as he sat down.
“Okay, here we go. Not too late to bail on it, man,” Darin whispered to them. “Up to you, it’s no skin off my ass if you do.”
Shakes froze before he could reply. Darin turned and saw Valerie behind him.
“Hey,” Darin said.
“Hey. Can I …”
“Sure, be my guest,” Darin stood up and let her slide past him. She sat down between him and Shakes, who went tongue-tied.
“Hi Valerie,” Ed said. “Hi.”
“Hey Val,” Faye said.
“Hey. So. Is this happening?”
“We were just talking about that,” Darin said. “Shakes, if you want to—”
“No. Uh-uh. No way I’m bailing on this,” Shakes said. “No way. I’m down, I’m totally down with this.”
“Me, too, whatever it is you’re going to do,” Faye said.
“Me, three!” Ed said.
“Okay. Here we go,” Darin said.
A pastor walked up to the podium and started a prayer. Darin noticed Valerie didn’t lower her head in prayer like most everyone else did. She kept her eyes up and her headphones on. He could hear Beatles music playing on her phone. Sounded like “Hard Day’s Night.” She noticed him looking at her and stared back at him. After a moment, he smiled. She smiled back.
The ceremony seemed endless. The principal started it off with a testimony about the work ethic and professionalism of coach and teacher Jerome Healy. The principal opined at great length on how much Healy cared about his job and he cared even more about the kids whose lives he had a profound affect on.
Shakes started giggling when that was said and couldn’t stop. It spread to Ed and Faye and Darin, they all bubbled with suppressed laughter until Mr. Weitz glared at them.
“WHAT A BONER!” Shakes texted to them all.
“LOOK AT ARNETT,” Faye wrote. “SHE’S SOBBING ALREADY.”
“BECAUSE SHE KNOWS THAT WAS HER LAST CHANCE TO GET LAID,” wrote Shakes and Darin had to stifle another laugh.
“U GUYS R BAD,” Ed wrote. “FUNNY BT BAD!”
“COME ON, ED, THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE IT THROUGH THIS RIDICULOUS EXERCISE WITH OUR SANITY INTACT,” Shakes wrote. “WHERE’S HEALY’S WIFE?”
“UP IN FRONT, IN THE BLACK DRESS, I THINK. NEXT TO THE PASTOR,” Faye wrote.
“HOLY SHIT, THAT’S HER? THAT’S HIS WIFE? WTF? SHE’S …” Shakes wrote. “HOLY SHIT.”
“SHE’S FAT. YOU CAN SAY IT, I DON’T MIND,” Faye wrote. “SHE IS. THAT’S WHY IT’S BULLSHIT HOW HE GAVE ME A HARD TIME ABOUT MY WEIGHT. LOOK AT WHAT HE WAS MARRIED 2. SHE’S ALMOST AS BIG AS ME! AND ARNETT WEIGHS LIKE FIVE POUNDS.”
Healy’s compassion and dedication to his students seemed to be the theme of the day and teacher after teacher got up to speak about their coworker, sharing stories and anecdotes from over the years. His fellow coaches were the most maudlin, one of them breaking into actual tears as he lamented the tragic loss of a dedicated gym teacher who died far too young.
“OH, I REMEMBER THE DAY HEALY THREW HIS SMELLY JOCK STRAP RIGHT AT ME IN THE COACH’S LOCKER ROOM & IT HIT ME IN THE FACE & CAUGHT ME WITH MY MOUTH OPEN & I COULD TASTE HIS BALLS, WE BOTH LAUGHED SO HARD WE CRIED!” wrote Shakes in a text to them and Darin had to grab his sides to keep from bursting out with laughter. Even Valerie giggled. More students and fellow teachers began to notice.
They bit their lips and stared at their shoes, all except for Valerie. She noticed Linda Sue glaring at her from her spot with her fellow Christ Warriors, all clutching their bibles to their chests. Valerie lowered her sunglasses and stared right back at Linda Sue.
“STOP LAUGHING, WE NEED TO KEEP THIS ON THE DOWN-LOW,” Darin wrote. “BE COOL. AND ERASE ALL THESE TEXT MESSAGES. TRUST ME ON THAT. ED, GIVE YOUR PHONE TO SHAKES, HE’LL SHOW YOU.”
Ed did as he was instructed, they all did. Then one of the coaches introduced Jason Goodwin, who went to the podium.
“UH-OH,” Shakes wrote. “THIS … IS … GOING TO … HURT.”
“As most of you here know, I grew up without a father and as a result, Coach Healy was probably the most important man in my life,” Goodwin said. “Everything I know about being an athlete, I learned from him. To be responsible, to be accountable for my actions, to think of others besides myself, that I learned that from Coach Healy”
“OH MY GOD. KILL ME NOW,” Shakes wrote. “THE STUPID, IT BURNZ!”
“He expected and demanded a lot from me, not just as an athlete but as one of the student body leaders here at Radford High, and I’m proud to say I not only learned from his example on the football field and on the basketball court, but in life as well. I learned what it means to be a man from Coach Healy.”
Many in the gym began openly sobbing.
“ACK! CAN WE DO IT NOW, PLEASE?” Shakes wrote. “I’M DYING HERE!”
“WAIT FOR IT,” Darin wrote. “WAIT FOR IT.”
“He expected and demanded a lot from all of us, but he also gave a whole lot back to us. He was always there for us when we needed him. He cared about each and everyone one of his students, from freshmen to seniors, he cared and looked after us as if we were his own. He loved us, he truly loved us all.”
“NOW,” Darin wrote. And he hit a button on his separate prepaid phone.
“Just to clarify this for you, you punk piece of shit masquerading as a high school student, so that there’s no misunderstanding about what I’m telling you,” Healy’s voice echoed out through the intercom speakers, bouncing off the walls of the gym. “I hear one fucking peep out of you, you even look cross-eyed at me
, I’m calling the cops and telling them you assaulted me. Yeah, I’ll lie to them if I have to, you bet your ass I will, who do you think the cops are gonna believe, a hardworking teacher like me or a snot-nosed punk like you? I’ll even have you strip-searched, one of those really fun full cavity ones.”
A collective gasp went through the auditorium from students and adults alike. Teachers and staff leaped to their feet as if to do something, but couldn’t figure out exactly what they had to do. They couldn’t stop the recording as it switched gears.
“What the FUCK are you doing? You’re playing like a bunch of weak-kneed PUSSIES! This isn’t the girl’s team, you’re supposed to be MEN! What’s your problem? You riding the cotton pony this month or what? Do I need to go to the women’s locker room and get you some Tampax?! Come on!”
Healy’s wife stood up and marched out of the gym, aghast. Arnett soon followed, as did many other adults. The students listened in shock and, some of them, wonder and awe, too.
“Now take Goodwin, for example, he’s a good strong kid and can take it hard up the middle, but let’s be honest, he ain’t never gonna win no Genius Grant. If brains were dynamite, he wouldn’t be able to blow his nose.”
Goodwin’s mouth fell open and he looked like he shit a brick. Then he burned. He stomped down from the podium and pushed out of there. Shakes hid his face but laughed and laughed. Darin, conscious of eyes everywhere, turned to them.
“Keep it cool,” he whispered. “Keep it cool.”
Darin noticed, however, that he and his friends weren’t the only ones enjoying the show. There were more than few students openly laughing, especially at what Healy said about Goodwin. The principal was screaming now, shouting that whoever was responsible for this should stop it immediately. It was getting harder to hear the recording over the bedlam.
“Paul, did you see the thong that Jones girl was wearing today?” Healy’s voice said over the intercom. “Goddamn. Did you see what she was doing? My good God, there’s a stripper pole in that girl’s future.”