“No problem.”
“What’s no problem?” Plock heard Veli say.
“Uh... Just what you were saying about fixing that device. You’re right. Why bother?”
“So you do understand. That’s good. I was starting to worry about your intellect, to be honest.”
“Of course I do,” Young Veli replied smoothly. “Just because there’s a short-circuit there, it couldn’t possibly jeopardize any of the other systems… right?”
“Exactly, and…” There was a moment of silence. “Damn it. I should check it. Fine. Back up. I have to dig.”
Young Veli’s hand moved back into the light as he took a few steps back from the ship.
Veli closed a couple of panels and dropped some tools on the ground. Then he leaned forward, putting his rump in the air, and started digging.
Almost immediately, two little red orbs popped out from under his scaly nethers and Plock’s computer said, “Target acquired” while setting a couple of green crosshairs against Veli’s testicles.
“You’ve got to be f—(static)—ing kidding me,” cried Fluck into the comm.
“Language,” Clack said.
“He said ‘Flucking,’ Plock replied hopefully.
“No, I didn’t.”
“Right. Start your engines and lift off.” He pressed his thruster in place until the ship started moving.
“Ouch,” Young Veli hissed, dropping his hand away.
“Sorry about that,” Plock called through. “Forgot to warn you about the heat.”
“I’ll be fine,” whispered Young Veli. “Just get it over with. I can’t watch.”
“You heard the man,” said Plock, “erm… I mean dinosaur. Anyway, get your weapons locked and prepare to unleash a full load.”
“Language,” said Fluck.
“What? Oh.”
The three little ships jumped into formation and got within firing range. Of all the missions Plock had run, this was by far the most difficult. Not because they were on a dangerous world attacking a formidable enemy, but because they were just about to literally blow the balls off the poor bastard.
“Sights set?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Planet Poppers at the ready.”
“Fire!”
A NEW LEAF
Captain Harr was not about to take any chances with the likes of Veli. He had all the androids lined up, with weapons drawn, ready to extinguish the dinosaur at the first sign of one wrong move.
Veli was just starting to come around from the attack that Plock and his crew had enacted. Once they’d beamed him aboard, Commander Sandoo had taken the role of cleaning and covering up Veli’s private area. Jezden wept through the entire ordeal. It was nice to know there was something the chauvinistic android could feel empathy about.
Young Veli had also been transported aboard. He was in a smaller cage to the left of Veli’s encasement.
“Ugh,” said Veli as he shook his head and rubbed his eyes. “What happened?” He glanced down at his midsection. “Why am I wearing a diaper? And why do I feel so... at ease?” Slowly, he lifted his head and glanced around. “And why am I looking at the crew of Platoon F and Frexle?” He groggily turned his head to the side. “And why am I looking at the younger version of myself?” Finally, he reached out and plucked one of the bars. “And why am I in a cage?”
Commander Sandoo stepped forward. “You’ve been castrated and captured.”
“Ah,” Veli said with a nod. “That would indeed explain the feelings of happiness.” He took in and let out a deep breath. “Also explains that horrific pain I felt while digging. That wasn’t much fun.”
Jezden whimpered.
“We were told you’d be calmer by doing this to you,” Harr explained.
Veli looked at his younger self. “You helped them?”
“Obviously.”
“I have to commend you for tricking me,” Veli said with a light chuckle. “Only I could contend with myself, after all.”
“You’re not angry with me?” Young Veli said with a tilt of his head.
“You know better than that,” Veli replied. “It’s beyond my ability to feel much anger at this point. If anything, I owe you a great deal of gratitude.” He waved a hand around. “All of you. You’ve freed me from my personal angst.”
“I can’t believe that worked,” Frexle said suspiciously. “Don’t get me wrong, it was quite cathartic to see it happen, but I was doubtful it would cause such a drastic personality change so quickly.”
“Ah, Frexle,” Veli said gently, “you were my ever loyal assistant. Or should I say, previous assistant?” He laughed again. “You’re the only one to hold that title who is still alive, you know?”
“I know.”
Veli stopped laughing and looked instantly downcast. He went to pull himself up, but was obviously still a bit out of it. With a wince, he sat down again, leaning back against the cage.
“I treated you so poorly, Frexle. I’m ashamed of that. I’m sorry.”
Frexle’s jaw just hung open.
“Maybe I could buy you a herbal tea some day to help make up for it?”
“Herbal tea?” said Frexle.
“Least I can do.” He scratched at his arm. “And the rest of you were treated badly by me as well. I tried to have you killed during your last mission and everything.”
“Yes,” said Harr.
“Abhorrent behavior on my part. I wish there was something I could do to make it up to you.”
“This is unbelievable,” Frexle said, pinching himself. “Nope, I’m still awake.”
“Told you,” Young Veli piped up.
Seeing such a drastic change by the simple removal of testicles was amazing. It was a shame this didn’t have an equal effect on humans. There were many a violent criminal who could stand losing their testicles for the greater good.
“So now what do we do?” Harr asked.
“We need to take him back to Overseer Land for sentencing,” Frexle said in a wooden voice.
“I deserve it,” Veli replied in a sad tone.
Harr nodded at Frexle. “And what will they do?”
“Execute me,” Veli answered before Frexle could.
“We could have done that.”
“And I thank you for not doing so, Captain. Gives me a little time to enjoy life without those chains of despair wrapped around my neck.”
“Was it honestly that bad?” asked Geezer.
“Worse. The constant memories of how I was tormented was appalling. It made me hate and that hate made me replay the memories over and over. It was a snowball that grew beyond belief.”
“Sheesh,” Frexle said as his entire body slouched. “Now I just feel bad for the guy.”
“Oh, thank you, Frexle,” Veli said. “You were always so kind to me.”
“Yeah, right.”
“There were many times I wanted to kill you, but you were irreplaceable.” The dinosaur shrugged and smiled. Nobody would expect the smile of a Velociraptor to be more than a flashing of teeth, but it looked oddly kind. “I suppose it’s okay to tell you that now.”
“Thanks,” Frexle said, clearly in a state of shock.
“And, Captain Harr, I have to hand it to you. You’re quite the hunter. Never in all my years would I have expected your ability to outwit me once, let alone twice.”
“I can’t take the credit for that, except to say I’m fortunate enough to have a wonderful crew around me.” He glanced down at the Tiny Ship. “Not to mention some great new friends.”
“Gay,” said Jezden.
“Did that one just admit to being gay?” Veli asked, pointing at Jezden. “Good for you.”
“What? No!”
“Don’t be ashamed of it, young man. You should embrace who you truly are.”
“Yeah, Jezden,” Moon said with a giggle.
“Shut up.”
“Never heard of a gay android before,” Veli continued. “Of course I also hadn’t known abou
t the majority of your crew being androids or the fact that you had… uh… cavemen on board.”
“Early Evolutionary Humanoids,” corrected Commander Sandoo.
“My apologies,” Veli said, bowing his head slightly. “Seems they are ever interesting.”
“Cavemen?” said Harr, and then amended that with, “I mean, EEHs?”
“Sure,” Veli said with a wry smile. It was even stranger-looking than his normal one.
“Right. Well, I’d say it’s time to send Young Veli back to his home world.”
“I know I have no right to speak out against your plans,” said Veli, “and I’m sorry to point it out, Young Veli, but I just want it noted that sending him back means you’re risking him turning into my pre-castrated self.”
“No way, man,” Young Veli said, coming to his own defense. “I’ve seen what happens. My plan is to start doing the homework for the dumb sports guys. Then they’ll treat me right. Also, I’m going to stop Mom and Dad from going on that vacation.”
Veli nodded and waved his hand in such a way that Harr could have sworn it was a blessing of some sort.
“I hope it works out for you.”
“And we’ll have an eye on things just in case,” Harr stated while giving Young Veli a stern look.
“Swell.”
“We do appreciate your assistance in this matter,” Liverbing said through his mini-PA device. “Note that my three pilots said you were quite a help.”
“Glad to be of service.”
Harr gave Geezer the signal to transport, and the smaller dinosaur faded from view. Veli seemed to deflate slightly at seeing his younger self leave. But he also seemed to be rousing a bit more from the ordeal he’d endured.
“Geezer,” Harr said, thinking about how Young Veli might turn out, “before we head back to Overseer Land, why don’t you and Frexle scoot back down to engineering and get things set for a jump. I want to go into the future to make sure the timeline on Earth is secure.”
“You got it, Chief.”
“And send up Grog and Vlak, will you?”
“They say they won’t go near the dinosaur, Yogi Bear,” Geezer answered.
“Yogi Bear?”
Geezer shrugged. “Frexle must be rubbing off on me.”
Jezden laughed.
“Tell them I won’t bite,” Veli said, smiling again.
THAT'S DECIDED
Lord Overseer Pillbox strolled out of her bedroom with Senator Jord in tow. She’d not been with a member of the opposite sex in many years and she found the adventure rather pleasant. This was especially true since Jord was not what you may call a “selfish” lover.
“Based on what just happened in there, Jord,” Pillbox said as a service robot brought her a cup of tea, “I’m under the impression you desire that I maintain my affiliation with the HadItWithTheKillings group instead of the HadItWithTheHadItWithTheKillings group, yes?”
“I do, ma’am,” Jord said after setting down his cup of tea, “but we must learn to kill.”
“I thought as much,” she said. She then took a sip of tea and promptly spit it back into the cup as his words struck her. “What?”
“That Corlair fellow has proved something we haven’t seen before. He’s shown that our group is full of pacifists.”
“And?”
“Their group is full of predators,” Jord explained.
“You think they’re all dinosaurs?”
“No, ma’am, but you don’t have to be a dinosaur to be a predator.” Jord took a sip. “In fact, according to the documents we’ve received on the subject, it seems many dinos were prey.”
“Interesting, but I don’t understand your point.”
The service bot brought in a couple plates of food. Pillbox and Jord took a few bites, both clearly famished from their prior activities.
“What happens when a group of pacifists does battle with a group of warmongers?” Jord said between bites.
“The people feel terrible for the pacifists as they are slaughtered.” Then Pillbox nodded. “Okay, I get your point. But to suggest we become like that which we abhor is terrible.”
“Even if it’s only towards those whom we abhor?”
“I see,” Pillbox said thoughtfully. “So you want us to go back to the witch hunt against Veli’s followers.”
“Yes.”
“But Corlair rightfully pointed out that doing that would leave our economy in a state of flux.”
“Not if we come in and replace him with people of our own.”
“You want softhearted people to run corporate conglomerates?” she asked as if he were crazy.
“Sure, why not?”
“Do you know anything about business, Jord?”
“Certainly. My parents ran a smoothie shop when I was younger.”
“That would be a no, then.”
“Hmmm?” he said with a frown as he peered over the lip of his teacup.
“Business is just as cutthroat as war, Jord. Actually, it’s probably even more violent.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know.” She smiled at him. Sometimes he was about as sharp as the backside of a spoon, but his looks and build afforded him a lot of leeway among the populace. “Those who are at the top of these businesses are Veli followers because they have no problem sacrificing people to get where they want in life.”
“Oh.”
“That means we will have to find people who are equal parts ruthless and caring.” She leveled her gaze at him. “Any suggestions on where a few bucket loads of these folks might exist?”
“Not a clue, ma’am,” he admitted. “Not a clue.”
BACK TO THE PRESENT
The Earth of the Reluctant’s typical time was not what Harr had expected. There should have been buildings, ships, the beginnings of space flight, and a slurry of other advancements. Instead, the scan of the planet showed the dinosaurs were still roaming around like it was nobody’s business.
Something was clearly amiss.
“Geezer,” Harr called on the comm, “are we in the future yet?”
“Sure are, Big Cat.”
“It’s just that—”
“I know. I see it too. We must have done something to screw up the timeline.”
“We affected the timeline on Segnal a number of missions ago and it wasn’t screwed up,” Harr pointed out. “Well, maybe it was screwed up, but it had been in a better fashion.”
“Yep.” There was a pause and then Geezer said, “Actually, I wonder if everything is screwed up there, too.”
He looked down at the comm. “Why would it be?”
“I don’t know, Prime,” Geezer admitted. “Maybe the current Overseers are going out of their way to make sure everything Veli touched is not as it once was.”
“He’s got a point there, you know?” Veli said from his cage. “It’s what I would have done in my old frame of mind. The new me just wants to run through a field of dandelions while singing show tunes, but the old me would have wiped you out completely.”
“Yeah, okay,” Harr said with a wince. “Anyway, Geezer, why don’t we make a quick jump over to Segnal, just to be sure.”
“You got it.”
A moment later the view screen showed a different marble spinning in space. It was roughly the same coloring as Earth, but the continents were laid out differently. Everything looked just like he remembered, except for one thing: There were no rails.
“No rails,” Geezer announced.
“I noticed that.”
“Scans show there are no Segnalians on the planet, sir,” Ridly said from her station.
“None?”
“Not a single one, thir,” Moon agreed.
“Damn it.”
“Told you,” Veli said sadly. “I’m sorry about all of this. We should just collectively find a planet where we can laugh and frolic around.”
“What’s his deal?” said Geezer.
“Does seem to be overdoing it a bit, sir,”
Ridly said.
“Are you talking about me?” Veli asked. “Am I being too sweet for you now? I’m sorry, dinosaurs at my age are known for their extremes.”
Harr stared at him for a few moments. It could all be on the up-and-up or he could be playing a game until they let their guard down. The problem was that Harr had no way of knowing and until Veli was safely back in Overseer Land, the crew couldn’t take any chances.
“I’d love to believe you’re for real, Veli,” Harr said evenly, “but I hope you understand that I can’t be too careful around you.”
“That’s okay,” Veli said with a wave of his hand. “I’m just happy to have a few moments of bliss before my demise.”
“Right.”
“Why don’t you just ask the cavedudes about him?” suggested Jezden.
“What?”
“They’re supposed to be the experts, right?”
“Hmmm.”
“He’s got a point, Bingo,” Geezer said.
“I’ve noticed he’s had a few lately,” Harr said as he regarded Jezden. “Maybe there’s something to all this pornography he looks at after all.”
“Nah, man,” Jezden said. “This one is just common sense. I don’t need to see someone pole dancing to figure out that cavedudes have a better understanding of dinosaurs than we do, dig?”
“Right,” Harr said and then refocused on the problem at hand. “Geezer, get together with Ridly and Frexle on this and find me some options.”
“You got it, Top Dog.”
“And send those damn cave— EEHs up here to help me sort this other stuff out!”
§ § §
“Captain wants you guys back on the bridge,” Geezer said to Grog and Vlak, who were sitting at one of the work tables, playing cards.
“Not if Veli’s up there,” Grog said, keeping his eyes on his hand.
“Yep.”
“He’s in a cage.”
“And he’s about as gentle as a lamb,” said Frexle with the same look of surprise Geezer had seen on him upstairs. “It’s kind of unnerving, to be honest.”
“Hmmmm.”
Vlak glanced up. “What’s the worst that could happen, Grog?”
Platoon F: Quadology: Missions 6, 7, 8, and 9 (Platoon F eBook Bundle 2) Page 66