Steal This Book

by Abbie Hoffman

  Theater

  • The Dramatic Workshop, Studio number 808, Carnegie Hall Building, 881 7th Ave. at 56th St. Free on Friday, Saturday and Sunday at 8:15 PM. JU 6-4800 for information.

  • New York Shakespeare Festival, Delacourte Theater, Central Park. Every night except Monday. Performance begins at 8:00 PM, but get there before 6:00 PM to be assured of tickets.

  • Pageant Players, the Sixth Street Theater Group and other street theater groups perform on street corners and in parks. Free theater is also provided at the United Nations Building and the Stock Exchange on Wall Street. If you enjoy seventeenth century comedy.

  • The Equity Library Theatre gives performances of old Broadway hits at the Masters Institute, 103rd St. and Riverside Drive. They perform Tuesday through Sunday at 8:30 PM and Sunday at 2:30 PM. Free tickets are not always available so phone ahead (MO 3-2038) for reservations. No shows during the summer.

  • The Museum of Performing Arts, 111 Amsterdam Ave. offers plays, dance programs and music. Shows start at 6:30 PM. Tickets are handed out at 4:00 PM. Saturday shows start at 2:30 PM. You can write for a calendar of events to 1865 Broadway or call 799-2200.

  Movies

  • The New York Historical Society, Central Park West and 77th St. presents Hollywood movies every Saturday afternoon. TR 3-3400 for a schedule.

  • At the Metropolitan Museum, Fifth Ave. and 82nd St., you can see art films every Monday at 3:00 PM. TR 9-5500 for a schedule.

  • New York University has a very good free movie program as well as poetry, lectures, and theatre presentations. Call the Program Director’s Office 598-2026 for a schedule.

  • The Film Library in the Donnell Library, 20 W. 53rd St., 790-6463, has a wide variety of films which may be borrowed free of charge. The Library system also presents film programs throughout the year. Pick up a Calendar of Events which lists the free showings at all the branches.

  • The Museum of Modern Art is free every Monday and they have a free film showing at 2 and 5 PM. Get a schedule at the Museum. They have the largest movie collection in the world.

  • Museum of Natural History, Central Park West between 77th and 81st St. (TR 3-1300), presents travel and anthropological films on Wednesday and Saturday afternoons at 2:00 sharp, from October through May.

  Every movie that plays in New York has a series of screenings for critics, film buyers and friends of the folks that made it. Look in the Yellow Pages under Motion Picture Studios and Motion Picture Screening Rooms. Once you get the feel of it, you’ll quickly learn who shows what, where and when. They always let you in free and if not give some gull story. (See Free Entertainment section). If you see previews in a theater or notice a publicity build-up in the newspapers, the movie is being screened at one or more of the rooms.

  INFORMATION

  • Daily News-220 E. 42nd St., will answer any questions you put to them.

  Well almost!

  o General information: 883-1122

  o Sports: 883-1133

  o Travel: 883-1144

  o Weather: 883-1155

  • For the latest news, call the wire services:

  o AP is PL 7-1312, UPI is

  o MU 2-0400.

  • The New York Times Research Bureau, 229 W. 43rd St., 556-1651, will research news questions that pertain to the past three months. Liberation News Service at 160 Claremont Ave., will give you up-to-the-minute coverage of radical news. Call 749-2200.

  UNDERGROUND PAPERS

  • East Village Other—20 E. 12th St., 255-2130

  • Liberation—339 Lafayette St., 674-0050

  • Other Scenes—Box 8, Village Station, 242-3888

  • Rat—241 E. 14th St., 228-4460

  • Win—339 Lafayette St., 674-0050

  • For others, call Underground Press Syndicate, Box 26, Village Station, 691-6073

  MISCELLANEOUS

  • Dial-A-Beating-911

  • Dial-a-Demonstration 924-6315

  • Dial-a-Satellite-TR 3-0404

  • Time-NERVOUS

  • Weather-WE 6-1212.

  • The Switchboard-989-0720, at the Alternate U, is open 6 PM to 3 AM.

  THE SUBWAY SYSTEM

  The first thing to do is get familiar with the geography of stops you use most frequently. Locate the token cage. Check to see whether the exits are within easy view of the teller, off to the side, or blocked from view by concrete pole-supporters. Next learn the type of turnstile in use. Follow the hints laid down in the Free Transportation section.

  The rush hours are always the easiest times. Just go through the exits as people push open the door. Also at crowded hours, people go single file past the turnstiles, one after another in a steady stream. Get in line and go under. The people will block you from view and won’t do anything. Even a cop won’t give you much hassle. Some subway stations have concrete supports that block the teller’s view. Where these exist, slip through the exit nearest the pole or slide by the turnstile.

  Turnstile jumping is such a skill, it’s going to be added to the Olympics. There are three basic styles common to New York and most cities and each needs a slightly different approach.

  The Old Wooden Cranker-(Traditional)

  You have to go under or sail over this type. Going under is a smoother trip. Going over is trickier since you need both hands free to hurdle and it’s a quicker, more noticeable motion.

  New-Aluminum-Bar-Turnstiles-Which-Turn-Both-Ways-For-Exit-and-Entrance

  Approach it with confidence. Pretend you’re putting in a token with your right hand and pull the bar toward you one third of the way with your left hand. Go through the space left between the bars and the barrier. Not for heavyweights!

  New-Aluminum-Bar-Turnstiles-Which-Can-Be-Used-Only-For-Entrance

  They won’t pull towards you, and so, you must go either under or over them.

  NOTE: There is no way to tell a New-Aluminum-Bar-Turnstile-Which-Turns-Both-Ways-For-Exit-and-Entrance from a New-Aluminum-Bar-Turnstile-Which-Can-Be-Used-Only-For-Entrance unless there is a sign. You have to try it first.

  Therefore, it is important to remember which kind is in use at your local station so your technique will be smooth. Once you’re through, remember in your mind you’ve paid. Ignore everybody who tries to stop you or tell you different. If someone shouts just keep on truckin’ on toward your track. Don’t stop or run.

  Insist you are right if you ever get caught. We have been doing it for years, got caught twice and let go both tunes when other passengers insisted we paid.

  Everybody hates the subways, even the tellers.

  FREEBIES

  Clothing Repairs

  All Wallach stores feature a service that includes sewing on buttons, free shoe horns, and shoe laces, mending pants pockets and linings, punching extra holes in belts, and a number of other free services.

  Furniture

  By far the best place to get free furniture in New York is on the street. Once a week in every district, the Sanitation Department makes bulk pick-ups. The night before, residents put out all kinds of stuff on the street. For the best selection try the West Village on Monday nights, and the East Seventies on Tuesday nights.

  On Wednesday night there are fantastic pick-ups on 35th St. in-back of Macy’s.

  Move quickly though, the guards get pissed off easily; the truckers couldn’t care less. This street method can furnish your whole pad. Beds, desks, bureaus, lamps, bookcases, chairs, and tables. It’s all a matter of transportation. If you don’t have access to a car or truck, it’s worth it to rent a station wagon and make pick-ups.

  Ghosts

  If you would like to meet a real ghost, write Hans Holtzer, c/o New York Committee for Investigation for Paranormal Research, 140 Riverside Drive, New York, NY. He’ll put you in touch for free.

  Free Lessons

  Lessons in a variety of skills such as plumbing, electricity, jewelry-making, construction and woodworking are provided by the Mechanics Institute, 20 W. 44th St. Call
or write them well in advance for a schedule. You must sign up early for lessons as they try to maintain small courses. MU 7-4279.

  Poems

  are free. Are you a poem or are you a prose?

  Liberated Churches

  • Saint Mark’s in the Bowery, Second Ave. and 10th ST. (674- 6377

  • Washington Square Methodist Church, 133 W. Fourth St.,

  • Greenwich Village (777-2528); Judson Memorial Church, Washington Square South (725-9211).

  Flowers

  At about 9:30 AM, free flowers in the Flower District on Sixth Ave. between 22nd St. and 23rd St. Once in a while, you can find a potted tree that’s been thrown out because it’s slightly damaged.

  The Staten Island Ferry-Not free, but a nickel each way for a five mile ocean voyage around the southern tip of Manhattan is worth it. Take IRT (Broadway line) to South Ferry, local only. Ferry leaves every half-hour day and night.

  Drugs

  In the area along Central Park West in the Seventies and Eighties are located many doctor’s offices. Daily they throw out piles of drug samples. If you know what you’re looking for, search this area.

  Books

  You can always use the library. The main branch is on Fifth Ave. and 42nd St.

  The Public Library prints a leaflet entitled “It’s Your Library” which lists all the 168 branches and special services the library provides. You can pick it up at your nearest branch. They also publish a calendar of events every two weeks which is available free. If you have any questions call 791-6161.

  You can get free posters, literature and books from the various missions to the United Nations located on the East Side near the UN Building. The Cuban Mission, 67th St., will give you free copies of Granma, the Cuban newspaper, Man and Socialism in Cuba, by Che Guevara and other literature.

  Maps

  A free subway map is available at any token booth. Good if you’re new in the city and don’t know your way around.

  Pets

  ASPCA, 441 E. 92nd St. and York Ave., TR 6-7700. Dogs, cats, some birds and other pets. Tell them you’re from out of town if you want a dog and you will not have to pay the $5.00 license fee. Have them inspect and inoculate the pet; which they do free of charge. A place to look for free pets is in the Village Voice under their column Free Pets.

  Radio Free New York

  WBAI FM, 99.5 on your dial. 30 E. 39th St. (OX 7-8506).

  Free Schools

  • Alternative University, 69 W. 14th St. (989-0666). A good radical school offering courses in karate, Mao, medical skills and other courses. They will send you a catalogue listing current courses.

  • Bottega Artists Workshop, 1115 Quentin Road, Brooklyn, 336-3212 has art taught by professionals for a free.

  GENERAL SERVICES

  • Contact—220 E. Seventh St. Open 3 to 10 PM. Raps, contacts, mailing addresses, counseling, sometimes food.

  • Traveler’s Aid—204 E. 39th St. MU 4-5029

  • Village Project—88 Second Ave. Open 2 to 6 PM. Same as Contact.

  2. FUCK CHICAGO

  HOUSING

  Contrary to rumors, none of us have ever been to Chicago. None-the-less, we have some friends who have visited the area. In Chicago, everyone 17 or under must be off the streets by 10:30 PM and by 11:30 PM on Fridays and Saturdays.

  Don’t sleep in Lincoln Park during political conventions, but other nights it’s O.K.

  Wasn’t it Hillel who asked, “Why is this night different from all other nights?” And wasn’t it Mayor Richard J. Daley who responded, “Cause I say get your ass out of the park!”

  The Chicago Seed (929-0133) will give you the best advice on crashing and the local heat scene. Grace Lutheran Church, 555 W. Beldon St., and the Looking Glass at 1725 W. Wilson also have crashing places or know where you can find free room and board.

  You won’t get hassled if you sack out in the Union Station on Adams Street just over the bridge. There are loads of folks crashing in abandoned buildings along LaSalle and other streets. Also the rooftops are cool. Stay off the streets though, unless you’ve got good identification.

  FOOD

  SCLC (Operation Breadbasket) has a free breakfast program every morning Monday through Friday from 7-10 AM at St. Anna Church, 55th St. and LaSalle St., and also at Christ the King Lutheran Church located at 3700 Lake Park.

  You can get free samples of cheese, meat, and coffee everyday at the Stop and Shop food store located on Washington between Dearborn and State Streets. At the Treasure Island grocery store located on Broadway, two blocks north of Belmont, free coffee and cookies are offered for the people. Halloway House at 27 W. Randolph gives coupons good for coffee. Also at the Guild Bookstore at 25

  W. Jackson Blvd., and from the machines at the 4th through 14th floors of the Playboy Building.

  There are real cheap restaurants. One is a truck-stop in Skokie called Karl’s Cafe. It’s just north of Oakton on Skokie Highway. It’s open until 6:00. You get a whole lot of food for $1.00. Also, under the viaduct at Milwaukee and Damen is a small restaurant with Polish food. You can get a great meal for $1.35. It’s worth a visit. It closes early in the evening. Another cheap restaurant is Paul and Ernie’s on North Lincoln, just south of Wrightwood. You can have a beef dinner for about 70 cents.

  A good place to pick up free vegetables and fruits is at the wholesale market on Randolph St. or S. Water St. on Friday afternoons. Many of the food factories such as Kraft Dairy Products give away free samples and cases for “charity.”

  Check them out.

  It is possible to steal food from the 2nd floor Federal Building Cafeteria at Adams and Dearborn and the National Cafeteria at Clark and Van Buren. These cafeterias usually have long lines and you can eat while standing and just pay for the coffee.

  If you have a place to cook and store food, there are a few places that have pretty cheap food. The east gate of International Harvester, located at 1015 W. 120th St. is unbelievable. Dig these bargains! 10 pounds of T-bone steaks (boxed) for $5.25 at midnight. at 4 PM, the produce man brings a different combination of goods. A typical bill of fare might include tomatoes, cucumbers, strawberries, etc. at $1.00 for 10 pounds of any item. The produce might vary from day to day, but the prices stay the same. On Thursdays at noon and 4 PM, the Lennell cookie man comes around. It’s $1.25 per box. At 7 PM, the sausage man arrives and the standard price is $2.00. The standard size is 3 to 5 pounds.

  He has salami, liver sausage, polish sausage, and usually odd lunchmeat such as bologna or summer sausage. All the food is sold out of trucks, and the prices might not be exact, but they’re pretty close.

  Eggs are about 3 dozen for $2.00 on Randolph west of Halsted. Orange juice is pretty cheap at the Del Farm on Broadway. Wonder Bread thrift store on Diversey; Butternut, 87th St. and Ridgeland and 1471 W. Wilson, and Silvercup, 55th and Federal, offer bread and rolls at big discounts. The Cicero Bottling Company at 31st St. and 48 Court sell a case of 12 quart bottles for $2.00.

  Mamas Cookies, 7400 S. Kastner give 5 pounds for $1.50. At Burhops, State and Grand, you can get cheap 5-pound boxes of steak. The Railroad Salvage around Madison and Halsted has dented cans (with stuff inside) for big discounts. It is also a good place for paper products. Campbell Soup, 2250 W. 55th St., open Tuesday and Thursday, will give you cases free or at discounts if you tell them it’s for charity or look straight. Two good spots for all around shopping are the Hi-Lo on Lincoln, north of Irving. There’s lots of stuff for 10 cents. Marathon Products at Randolph and Halsted is another good place.

  If you can survive on just one meal a day, you’re set. The city has just opened 14 free lunch centers throughout the town. They are located at:

  • Antgeld Urban Progress Center-967 E. 132nd St.

  • Area II Multi-Service Center of DHR-1500 N. North Park

  • Division Street Urban Progress Center-1940 W. Division

  • DHR Woodlawn District Office-6317 S. Maryland

  • Englewood District Office
of DHR-6003 S. Halsted

  • Garfeld Neighborhood Service Program-9 S. Kedzie

  • Halsted Urban Progress Center-1935 S. Halsted

  • Lawndale Urban Progress Center-3818 W. Roosevelt

  • Madden Park Fieldhouse-500 E. 37th St.

  • Martin Luther King Urban Progress Center-4741 S. King Drive

  • Montrose Urban Progress Center-901 W. Montrose

  • North Kenwood CCUO Office-4155 S. Lake Park

  • South Chicago Urban Progress Center-9231 S. Houston

  • Southern District DHR Office-2108 E. 71st St.

  The free hot meals consist of meat, potatoes, a vegetable, dessert, fruit, and coffee or milk. You have to give them a name and an address.

  MEDICAL CARE

  All three major universities have excellent clinics that do most kinds of medical work for free. The University of Chicago maintains a clinic at 950 E. 59th St. The University of Illinois has one located at 840 S. Wood. In addition to good medical care, Northwestern University Clinic offers very cheap dental treatment. The clinic is at 303 E. Chicago. Call the main switchboard of the schools and ask for the clinics to check out services and hours.

  A V.D. clinic is open every weekday and late on Wednesdays at 27 E. 26th St.

  and N. North Park. Chronic diseases are treated at 2974 N. Clybourn. Free chest X-rays are available at City Hall downtown, everyday. For mental health problems, try the clinic at 1900 N. Sedgwick (642-3531).