She stared at his shoulder for a second then met his gaze. “It’s Thanksgiving and—”
“Later. Tonight. I’ll pick you up. I’ll drive my mother and sister home then I can pick you up after the girls are asleep.”
She still didn’t say anything, but she didn’t pull away. Her hands were on the front of his chest. He didn’t know if she kept them there because she liked touching him, or if she liked that she’d be able to push him away easily. He took the opportunity to convince her without words. He leaned forward, sank his hands into her hair at the nape of her neck, and pulled her in gently. His mouth kissed the sweet, soft spot beneath her ear and he drank in the smell of her—cinnamon and vanilla and Kate. He kissed a slow trail until he reached her lips, where she was waiting for him. Her hands wrapped around his neck and she pressed against him, kissing him back with the same pent-up need.
“How am I supposed to say no to you?” she whispered, pulling her mouth away slightly. He wasn’t ready to let her go yet, so he kissed her again. And again.
“Then don’t,” he said against her lips.
“Omigod, Matt. Seriously? Groping my teacher on Thanksgiving? I was supposed to come out here and tell you dessert is ready, but it looks like you’ve already helped yourself.”
Kate laughed softly. She was about to pull away, but Matt held her hips to his. “Don’t move.”
“Omigod,” his sister mumbled again, slamming the door. Not before he heard her grumbling about deserving bonus marks due to trauma.
“Your family is just as nosy as mine,” Kate said, pulling away.
Matt rolled his shoulders. “Yeah. So, tonight. I’ll pick you up at nine?”
She nodded, her expression somewhere between wary and heated.
…
“I think I’m going to explode.”
Cara threw a pillow at Alex, who was currently sprawled across Kate’s bed, with the top button of her jeans undone. “Well, maybe you should stop cooking like Paula Deen and we’d all have a chance of not bursting through our jeans.”
Kate wasn’t paying attention to them. She was currently trying not to panic, but she was panicking. Big time. If she were still taking anxiety meds, she probably would have had to take one, but she hadn’t needed to in five years. She wasn’t going back. But she was also going to have to dig deep into her breathing and visualization techniques to make it through.
“Why are you darting around the room like a squirrel on uppers?” Alex asked.
Kate stopped moving, halfway between her closet and dresser. She was darting around. “I don’t know.”
“Is it because Matt is coming over?”
That was the other thing—she hadn’t told them that she was spending the night at his house. Really, she was acting like a teenager planning on sneaking out of her room after her parents went to sleep. She had come so far, yet it was moments like these that reminded her of how far she still had to go. Miles. And more freaking miles.
“Right, and I’m going to spend the night at his place.”
“It’s about time, really.”
“Exactly what I was thinking. If Matt were my boyfriend I would’ve jumped him the first night,” Alex said, flopping back on the bed. Cara snorted her agreement.
Kate stopped in front of her closet and raised an eyebrow. “Right.”
Alex nodded, crossing her bunny-slipper feet at the ankle. “Yep, except I’d probably knock the man over with all my extra, puff-pastry-induced weight. But that man…not an ounce of puffiness. And seriously, the way he was with the girls? You know he’s a keeper, right? Like we don’t have to convince you of that too, do we?”
Kate rolled her eyes. She couldn’t get serious with them tonight. They were breaking down all her last walls. Like Matt hadn’t already done a fine job. “Yes, he’s great with kids.”
“And Janie. He adores her,” Cara said. “You know you can trust him, with everything.”
Kate flopped onto the edge of the bed. “I haven’t told him, if that’s what you’re hinting at.”
“Anything?”
She shrugged and then fell back, staring at the ceiling. “I told him my mother died, I met you two in foster care, and that’s about it.”
She could see from the corner of her eye that they were looking back and forth and mouthing things silently. She wondered who would speak first.
“It isn’t random that you ran into Matt at the bar, then at school,” Cara said. “What are the odds? Maybe he came into your life because he is the one. I remember that feeling, knowing someone instantly.”
“What you and Jack had was entirely different. You guys were teenagers and on the street.”
“No one has ever come close to him again,” Cara whispered. Kate squeezed her eyes shut. She hated how Cara’s story ended. She hated knowing that Cara was secretly in love with someone from her past, someone she’d never see again.
“So, great. What you’re saying is that Kate is meant to be with the hot ex-cop, you had the hots for a guy who is incomparable…where does that leave me? With the Pillsbury Doughboy?”
The pillow that was meant for Alex landed on Kate and she finally found the ability to laugh. It was the Doughboy image.
Cara stood with a start. “Enough of this. Watcha wearing tonight?”
That was the problem here. She knew exactly what they were going to do, and how could she forget? The second Matt had whispered in that raspy, deep, and—good God—hot voice, she knew she wouldn’t be able to say no. But she also didn’t want to look like she was about to go and jump the man. So, she should wear jeans and a sweater.
“Here, I’ve packed your bag, and I’m about to go through your underwear drawer and pick out something hot if you don’t hurry up.” Cara was dangling her small overnight bag in one hand while opening her lingerie drawer with the other. Kate slammed it shut.
“Seriously? You have no faith in me?”
“None whatsoever. You’re looking for a way out of this.”
“I was just thinking that if Janie wakes up during the night…”
“She never wakes up.”
“But if she does, tell her that—”
“We’ll tell her that you’ll be back tomorrow and we’re all home and she has nothing to worry about. I’ll even sleep in her room if she needs me too.”
“Okay, well if I hurry, I’ll have time to tuck her in before I leave.”
“Then stop talking and move.”
She nodded, gathering her thoughts as she left the room. She had nothing to worry about. Janie was in the best hands. She needed to take a long shower and shave her legs. And then she needed to go and be a grown-up woman.
Kate tucked the covers under Janie’s chin, loving the way she watched her. It was the look that little children gave their parents, the one babies gave their mothers, the look that said you are my whole world. That look filled up all her holes, her wounds, her empty places. Janie filled up all the places in her that were hardened and damaged. She made her believe in good and love.
“I liked Thanksgiving today,” Janie said, taking off her glasses.
Kate smiled, placing them on the nightstand.
Janie shook her head. “Put them on the unicorn.”
Kate laughed. “What?”
Janie smiled. “So he can see at night.”
It took a few tries to get the glasses to stay put, but eventually the pink unicorn was staring at them wisely.
Satisfied, Janie gave a nod.
“I’m glad. I had fun today too.”
She pulled out her red ribbon from under the covers. “I’m going to sleep with my ribbon forever.”
Kate tousled her soft brown hair. Janie was growing so fast and, despite all her fears about her daughter not being able to fit in, she was finding a place for herself. She was thriving. Janie wasn’t the one with issues; she was. “Sure. I’m glad you had such a great time. ”
She looked over at the giant unicorn that was staring at them beside the
nightstand. Matt had surprised her. She knew he’d be nice to Janie; he had manners. He was a good guy. What he’d done for them at the restaurant, and at the fair went beyond good upbringing. He didn’t have to defend Janie to the girls’ parents at the restaurant. He didn’t have to step in and get the unicorn. He didn’t have to enter the race. But the look on his face when he realized what was going down when no one partnered with Janie had been…mesmerizing. He’d gotten this tough-ass, protective look that made her insides melt. Someone was defending them. Someone was defending Janie. And as much as she liked to believe she could do it all, it took a hell of a lot out of her. It was like she was constantly fighting. Her past and her present were blurring at times. Sometimes she felt like the little girl who’d been silenced with duct tape for calling out her stepfather, and she still couldn’t get the tape off, couldn’t speak. Sometimes she felt like a hero, who’d risen above it all and come out with this little princess.
“Matt is nice.” Janie reached out for Kate’s hand, tugging her down beside her. Kate stretched out on the bed and snuggled Janie, inhaling her sweet smell. She loved strawberry shampoo. Janie always smelled like strawberries and summer.
“He is,” she said. Yeah, Matt was a lot of things. Guys like him didn’t go to county fairs and try and win unicorns, or get royally pissed when a little girl they barely knew was excluded from a race. They didn’t kiss like Matt did, like he wanted to thoroughly know her. Guys like that didn’t make her feel safe. But he did.
“Cassy and Beth said that he’s your boyfriend.”
Janie was staring at her expectantly. Kate knew there was a disconnect, but she also knew she didn’t want to underestimate what Janie was capable of understanding. “He is,” she said with a nod.
“That’s why he came here for Thanksgiving?””
Kate nodded.
“I like his mommy and sister.”
Kate smiled. “They were really nice. I liked them too. And I liked the pumpkin pie his mom brought. I think I ate so much my pants are going to explode.”
Janie burst out into a fit of uncontrollable giggles and Kate laughed along with her. “You’re my snuggle monster,” she said, giving her lots of kisses while Janie squealed with laughter. When they’d first met, Janie had been very quiet. She hadn’t started speaking yet, walking was a struggle, and she was delayed in almost every major developmental milestone. Kate knew a lot of that was to be expected, but a lot of it was also because Janie needed extra attention, needed therapy. The home she had been placed in was decent, even if lacking the extra attention.
She’d connected with Janie the second she’d met her. Janie’s dark eyes were alert, and the smile she gave Kate had made her breath catch. Kate had stood there, immobile, in a strange internal place, somewhere between her past and her present. Janie had reminded her of her little sister. The way she smiled when Kate would enter the room, the light in her eyes. And then Janie did something that was so uniquely Janie that Kate was able to walk away from the past and get to know the little girl who would soon claim, heal, and capture her heart. Janie had laughed, a pure, loud, belly laugh that didn’t sound like any other she’d ever heard. That day was the first day in a long adoption process that ended with Kate becoming a mother. And the six of them becoming a family.
Sometimes when she saw Alex and Cara, she’d get flashes of the three of them at that group home. Alex still laughed with the occasional snort that she refused to acknowledge. Cara still bossed them around. But they were her family and their little girls were her family. She’d never once thought she was lacking, until Matt came along. He had a killer smile, which was always somewhere between hot and mischievous. A stare that made her think he knew all about her, inside. And a body that…she wanted to explore, that she wanted to be close to. She wanted him to be real, all of it to be real and sure. For once, she was willing to let a man in. He’d won her over, but she knew this wouldn’t be enough for him. Soon, he’d want more and she would have to decide how much she truly trusted him, how much of herself she could share.
“You’re my mommy monster,” Janie said, kissing her back. Kate snuggled in beside her and reached over to shut off the lamp. Right now, she just wanted to lie in this bed and hold the sweet girl who had given her more joy than she’d ever known until Janie fell asleep. And then she’d go with Matt.
…
Matt stood in the doorway, caught somewhere between being what he assumed was emotionally moved and scared. It was the picture of Janie and Kate, curled up together on the single bed. It was a picture of domestic bliss, of home, of warmth. It was something he’d always sought in the back of his mind, but nothing he’d ever actively tried for.
He ran his hands through his hair and stood like an oaf, struggling to find some direction. He knew the kind of man he wanted to be, the kind of husband he wanted to be. He’d screwed up the first time around. He knew at that point in his life he’d been searching for everything he never had growing up. He’d wanted to prove that he was capable of being a better man than his father and he had, though it didn’t take much. But Michelle had been right about him, he had been emotionally closed off. It was the only way he’d been able to bury the shit in his childhood, and the only way to rationalize the shit he dealt with every day at his job. Until that asshole had shot him. He’d had no idea if he’d ever walk again. So yeah, he’d been closed off. Michelle had found what she needed in another guy’s bed and their marriage imploded.
So standing here, in this house, with these women, should terrify him. Kate wasn’t just a woman to go home with. She was a woman you built a home with. That should make him want to run. He still beat himself up over one failed marriage. Did he have what Kate and Janie needed? Right now, he’d say yes. He’d say anything to be part of the picture he saw in front of him. He wanted to lie on the bed with them, feel Kate’s body against his, have Janie’s hand curl around his. He wanted their trust. He wanted to keep them safe. He wanted to erase all the worry and secrets from Kate’s gorgeous eyes.
He swallowed hard. Hell, he’d just answered his own question.
Janie opened her eyes and looked at him. She smiled and started waving. He grinned and quietly walked across the room, crouching down at her bedside. She pointed to the unicorn. Matt laughed softly at the glasses perched on the stuffed animal’s nose.
“Nice look,” he said. She slapped her hands across her mouth and giggled.
“Mommy’s sleeping,” she whispered, not-too-softly. “Her pants are ’sploding.”
Matt laughed as Kate opened her eyes and groaned. “Janie, what are you saying?”
He and Janie laughed, even though he had no idea what was going on. She was pretty funny and Kate’s face was red.
“You told me your pants were ’sploding,” Janie said, gasping for air as she kept laughing.
Kate closed her eyes and shook her head. She leaned over, gave Janie a kiss and stood up. “I think I may have mentioned something about eating too much today.”
Janie looked back and forth between them and he felt something, like a flash of how things could be with them. “Night, Matt,” Janie whispered. She looked up at him with the unmistakable sheen of admiration in her eyes, so much so that his stomach clenched. He leaned down and kissed her forehead.
He smiled when Kate looked over at him. She tucked the covers around Janie and gave her a kiss.
“Good night, sweetie.”
“Night mommy.” They walked out of the room quietly and Kate shut the door behind her, on the picture of the life he wanted. She walked straight into his arms.
And he knew there was no walking away from these two.
Chapter Ten
Matt handed Kate a glass of wine and wanted to curse at the formality of this. He knew there were secrets, but he felt like he was walking on eggshells around her. She took the glass, gave him a small smile, and then looked out the window. It was pitch black outside. They were standing in the great room adjacent the kitchen, and she was
staring through the large windows as though she could actually make something out. There was no one out there.
He’d half expected her not to come here tonight, giving an excuse. So despite the fact that she was holding a helluva lot inside, she did trust him, and that made up for it. She was wearing her kick-ass boots tonight, with dark jeans and a pale pink, soft-looking sweater. She looked gorgeous. Her hair was down and every part of him was dying to be with her.
He walked over to where she was, standing behind her, making eye contact in their reflection. He wanted to watch her, he wanted to see his hands on her, see the desire that lit her face as he touched her, but he didn’t, because he felt her tense when he stood an inch from her body. She was one woman he couldn’t figure out. He’d figured his ex out. All the other women he’d been with had been easy to read, and the second they’d wanted more, he was gone. For the first time, he was at a complete loss with the one woman who mattered.
“You all right?” he asked, jamming one fisted hand into his jeans pocket, the other tightening around the wine glass. He needed to keep his hands occupied.
She nodded, took a sip of wine, and shook her head. “I came here tonight because I want to be with you, but there are a few things you need to know about me.”
“This isn’t where you tell me you’re actually a guy, is it?”
There was the tiniest hint of a smile for a second. She looked down into her glass and then up at his reflection again. “This is where I tell you I’m a sham.”
He didn’t say a thing as she turned around to look at him. “What are you talking about?”
“I stand up in front of a room full of teenagers and I talk like I know things. I know shit, Matt.”
She was going down in his book as the most complex woman he’d ever known. She spoke in riddles. A thousand thoughts were going through him. Did she somehow fake her degree? Lie on her résumé? Did this have something to do with what Derek had warned him about?
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