Love and Kisses

by Jean Ure

  I told her that it wasn’t that. “It’s Alex,” I said. “He’s shy. Maybe when he speaks English a bit better…maybe then you could come along.” In the end she accepted it, but I knew she thought I was being disloyal, going off without her again. For years we’d done everything together. I did so wish she could find a boyfriend of her own!

  I asked Alex, when we met, whether Marek was seeing anyone. He said, “Yes, he go out with Polish girl. Marta. She over here one year already. She speak English very good! You like sometime we go all together some place?”

  I told him that I would love to, thinking to myself that that was the end of any matchmaking plans I may have had for Katie. It was probably just as well. Unlike me, Katie would never get away with pretending to be fifteen. All the same, I was sad that we couldn’t both have found boyfriends.

  I have to admit that I cannot remember a single thing about the movie we went to that day. I can’t remember what it was about. I don’t think I actually saw very much of it…anyone who has been in love will know. And anyone who hasn’t—well, they will just have to use their imagination. I’m sure it is not too difficult! All I remember is the warm glow I felt inside all night.

  I arrived back home to be greeted by the news that Dad had landed a part in a movie! Ellie, gloatingly, said it was a real part.

  “A proper character, with a name. Tell her which character you’re playing, Dad!”

  Dad drew himself up stiff and straight, and in this very deep, loud voice said, “Sgt Major Foster, you, orrible slovenly bunch!”

  Ellie shrieked. I said, “Another war movie?” I didn’t mean to pour cold water on Dad’s moment of triumph, but I sometimes wish they could make a few more movies about, well, love, for instance, instead of all this macho fighting stuff. But I could see Ellie starting to bristle—she is very protective towards Dad—so I hastily added that all I meant was he’d been in a war movie last time. “Blaze of Glory? That was all about war!”

  “Yes, but that was practically just a walk-on,” said Ellie. “He hardly got to say a line. This time he’s got dialogue. Haven’t you, Dad? You’ve got dialogue! Loads of it. He’ll have his name in the credits. We can tell everyone to go and watch!”

  “I could still end up on the cutting-room floor,” said Dad; but I could see he was excited. A real part in a real movie! I was really pleased for him…until I discovered he was going to be abroad on location for almost the whole of the school holidays.

  I wailed, “Oh, no! Please!”

  Everyone looked at me in amazement. “What’s the problem?” said Mum.

  The problem was that Mum was also going to be away. She was going off on tour, with a play.

  “Not the Aunties!” I said.

  But I knew that it would be. We have these really complicated arrangements for what Mum calls “child care”.

  They try not to both be away during term time, but if they are it’s usually not for very long and I always stay with Katie and Ellie stays with her friend Carla, up the road. Sometimes when we were little Dad’s mum used to come and look after us, but she’s in a home now, so if it’s holiday time we get shipped off to the ancient old Aunties in Clacton. We almost never seem to have any money for proper holidays, like other people.

  Mum seemed at a bit of a loss. “I thought you liked going to stay with the Aunties?”

  “That was when I was younger,” I said.

  “You mean like last year?”

  “Couldn’t I stay with Katie?” I said. “Mum, please!”

  “But what about Ellie? She’d be all on her own.”

  “No, she wouldn’t! There’s always Drew and Chelsea.” Drew and Chelsea are kids who live next door to the Aunties. We’d been friends with them for years. But they are just kids. OK for Ellie; not for me.

  Dad said, “Won’t Katie be going off somewhere?”

  Yes. Damn! She would. I hadn’t thought of that.

  “Maybe…” Mum glanced at Dad for confirmation. “Maybe we could offer to pay for Tamsin to go with Katie and her mum and dad? Wherever it is they’re off to.”

  “No! I’d forgotten. They’re going to America.” I tried to quell the note of panic in my voice. I couldn’t go to America! It would be even worse than Clacton. At least Clacton was in the same country. “It’d be way too expensive! It would make me feel guilty.”

  “Yes, and it wouldn’t be fair,” said Ellie.

  “No, it wouldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair!”

  “Not unless we both went.”

  “You can’t go inviting yourself on someone’s holiday,” I said. And then it came to me: the perfect solution. “Beth! I could stay with Beth!” If I stayed with Beth I’d be able to see Alex every single day. Beth wouldn’t nag to come with me, she had boyfriends of her own.

  “Who’s Beth?” said Mum.

  “She’s in my class, she’s really nice! And she won’t be going away, she never goes away. Her mum’s even more broke than we are.”

  Dad winced slightly when I said this. Ellie shrilled, “We won’t be broke now Dad’s got a part in a movie!”

  “Certainly not as broke,” said Dad. “I’ll tell you what…we’ll all go off somewhere at Christmas. How about that?”

  I didn’t care about Christmas. Christmas was months away! I cared about now.

  “Please!” I begged. “Please let me stay with Beth!”

  Mum looked across at Dad. “What do you reckon?”

  “We’ll think about it,” said Dad. “Not making any promises, mind!”

  That was all right. I could get round them!

  Alex wasn’t working on the flats any more. They’d finished converting the house and moved to another job, several streets away. I really missed seeing him on the way to school in the morning, but at least he hadn’t moved to the other side of town—or, worse still, another part of the country. I could still see him in the afternoon. I looked forward to it all day! Counting the hours, even the minutes, till I could be with him. Fortunately, Mum was up in town rehearsing for her tour and Dad was doing a play way over in Bromley, which meant neither of them was at home when me and Ellie got back from school. Ellie usually went up the road to Carla’s, so nobody knew that I was getting off the bus four stops early and going to spend time with Alex.

  One afternoon when I’d just got in, Mum rang to say she’d been invited to a party to meet some big TV director and wouldn’t be back till late.

  “Is that OK? Will you be all right by yourselves?”

  I said we would be fine, and promptly rang Alex on his mobile. We arranged to meet in the Pamino Bar, in half an hour. The Pamino Bar had become our special place. It was small and poky but nobody seemed to mind how long we sat there. I told Ellie I was going round to Katie’s.

  She said, “Again? You’re always going round to Katie’s! I think you’re lesbians. Either that or you’re secretly meeting someone.”

  I looked at her, rather sharply. What did she know???

  “Is that what you’re doing? Secretly meeting someone? It’s all right, I won’t tell Mum! Not if you confess.”

  I said, “There’s nothing to confess. I’m going round to Katie’s. And we are not lesbians, you little snot bag!”

  She sulked at that. “You’re supposed to be looking after me.”

  “That’s all right, I won’t be long. You can go back to Carla’s for a couple of hours.”

  “I don’t want to go back to Carla’s! I want to stay here. You oughtn’t to be going out and leaving me. Anything could happen! I could start a fire. I could have a heart attack. I could—”

  “Oh, don’t be so childish!” I said. “Let’s go.”

  She refused, point blank. Just dug in her heels. She can be really obstinate. It gets me so mad!

  “I don’t see why I should have to go out just cos you are. Why can’t Katie come round here?”

  I snapped, “Because she can’t! Just do as you’re told.”

  “I won’t. I’m staying here. And it
’ll be all your fault if you get back to find the house burnt down!”

  I wouldn’t normally have left her on her own, but I couldn’t resist the opportunity to see Alex. Every minute we had was precious! Anyway, it wasn’t like she was really scared. She was just being awkward on purpose to annoy me.

  I told Ellie that I would be back by eight o’clock. I really meant to be. I am not an irresponsible person! It’s just that sitting there with Alex, all cuddling and cosy, I lost track of time. And then we wandered out into the mall, and the shops were still open cos of it being Thursday and late-night closing, and it was all busy and buzzy and throbbing with people, and how could I say that I had to go home?

  Alex took my hand. “I glad you nice girl, not gold-digger.”

  I giggled at that; I couldn’t help it. I said, “Gold-digger? Where’d you get that from?”

  “I read some place. Is not right word?”

  “Depends what you mean by it.”

  “What I mean…you not girl that only want money…fast car. Go clubbing. Some girl…that all they want. You not have money—poof!” He made a gesture. “Goodbye, see you, finish!”

  “That’s because all they care about is glitz,” I said. “All I care about is just being with you!”

  “This what I mean,” said Alex. “This why I love you.”

  Oh, God…I went all melty. “I love you, too!” I said.

  We paused for a moment, then went on our way, hand in hand. It was then that Beth appeared, coming out of Starbucks. With a boy, goes without saying! Beth is always with a boy. Her eyes widened when she saw me and Alex. Then she grinned, and waved, and called out, “Way to go!”

  It would be all round school before first break…

  I did feel a moment of panic when I saw the time on the big clock at the end of the mall: half past nine! Mum would be back before me if I weren’t careful. I told Alex that I should have gone home ages ago.

  “It’s my little sister…she’s on her own.”

  We ran all the way, Alex still holding my hand. But we didn’t run fast enough, or maybe we shouldn’t have stopped for a good-night kiss. Not that anything had happened; the house was still standing. But even as I tore panting round the corner, Mum was letting herself in at the front door…

  CHAPTER FIVE

  I got into quite a bit of trouble, going out and leaving Ellie on her own. Mum went on and on about it. Ten years old, anything could have happened! Thought I could trust you. Obviously wrong.

  “What on earth were you thinking of?”

  In vain I bleated that Katie and I were doing this very important project for school. “I’m really sorry! We got carried away.”

  No use; Mum just wasn’t buying it. She said it was the lamest excuse she’d ever heard and I ought to be ashamed of myself.

  “Leaving your sister like that!”

  “They’re lesbians,” said Ellie.

  I said, “You shut up, turd features!”

  Would you believe it? Mum had the nerve to tell me not to speak to my sister like that. After what she’d just said to me. I mean, it’s pretty disgusting, coming from a ten-year-old. But Ellie is Mum’s favourite, and Dad’s too. Probably not surprising. She is so much more the right sort of daughter. At least she didn’t go putting ideas into Mum’s head by hinting at secret boyfriends. And, to be fair, she didn’t actually gloat.

  “I wouldn’t have told her,” she said, “if you’d got in a bit earlier…I knew she’d be mad at you!”

  Mad was an understatement. Mum was still going on about it when we got up next morning. She told Dad, and he went on about it too. I thought they’d never stop.

  “I’m just so disappointed in you,” said Mum.

  Mum wasn’t the only one to be disappointed; Mrs Hendricks was, too. She is our history teacher, and I am definitely one of her favourites. History is my best subject. I always come top and get good marks for my homework. Never less than an A-. I can’t help it, I am just naturally enthusiastic when it comes to dates and stuff. Even boring stuff, like the Corn Laws. I try to think what it must have been like for the poor, not being able to afford bread to feed their children, and that kind of makes it come alive. Mrs Hendricks is used to me sitting there all bright and earnest and boffinlike, ready to answer any question she throws at us. She knows she only has to say “Tamsin?” and I’ll leap into action. Except this time I didn’t, cos this time I was sitting there in class dreaming about Alex.

  When Mrs Hendricks said, “Tamsin? Date of the first Corn Law?” my mind was like a total blank. Just a ball of cotton wool. She was expecting it of me. I made a wild guess.

  “1904?”

  There was a pause, then somebody tittered. Then other people tittered. Apparently it was a really stupid answer. So stupid that even a dumbo like Kyle Mellish, who spent most of every class picking his nose and flicking bits of snot at people, was honking and snorting. I’d obviously made a complete idiot of myself. Mrs Hendricks raised an eyebrow and said, “Katie?”

  “1804,” said Katie.

  I was only, like, a hundred years out. Mrs Hendricks said, “Thank you, that’s better. I’m surprised at you, Tamsin.”

  I felt bad about that. I felt that I’d let her down. Afterwards I thought, well, if I’d said 1904 and it was really 1804 that showed I had actually known, I’d just had a moment of confusion. I still felt bad; but I still went on dreaming about Alex. Sometimes I got so lost in my world of make-believe I hardly knew what was going on around me. Mr McCarthy, our maths teacher, came and banged on my desk one day, so loud it made me jump.

  “TAMSIN MITCHELL,” he thundered, “ARE YOU STILL WITH US?”

  It was a rude awakening. You can get really lost in daydreams.

  “If you are with us might I ask that you devote a modicum of attention to my maths lesson? Just a modicum. Or is that perhaps too much of an imposition?”

  “Too much!” yelled Kyle, growing excited. Like he even knows what an imposition is.

  Beth, who is often quite cheeky with teachers and seems to get away with it, said, “You’ll have to forgive her, sir…she’s in love!”

  Of course I went bright scarlet; but I couldn’t help a glow of pride, spreading like warm treacle through my body. I was in love! And everybody knew it.

  “Who is he?” demanded Beth at breaktime. A little gaggle had clustered round me, all eager to hear the details. “I saw her with him,” said Beth. “In the mall. They were like all lovey dovey.” She grabbed someone’s hand and started planting kisses on her cheek. “Mwah, mwah!”

  I protested, a bit feebly. “We weren’t doing that. Not when you saw us.”

  “Hah!” Beth turned triumphantly, and pointed a finger in my face. “That’s an admission! That means you had been doing it. Or were going to do it. And don’t say you weren’t cos I won’t believe you!”

  By now I was all lit up like a Christmas tree. Beth said, “Ooh, look! She’s embarrassed!”

  Oonagh Fox, the girl whose hand she’d grabbed, told Beth to lay off. “We’re still waiting to hear who he is! Is he at this school?”

  I said, “No, he’s left school. He’s seventeen.”

  “Wow!” Beth studied me with new respect. “You’re a dark horse!”

  Who’d have thought it? The boring old boffin, having a real proper boyfriend.

  “Where’d you meet him?”

  Katie got in ahead of me. “On a building site,” she said.

  Beth stuck her fingers up. “Shut up, snobby! What’s wrong with that?”

  Nothing! I looked at her, gratefully. I felt a bit sorry for Katie, but really she had asked for it. “He’s Polish,” I said. “He doesn’t speak much English.”

  “Ah!” Beth nodded, wisely.

  “That explains it…if you can’t talk…” She kissed the air noisily.

  Oonagh said, “Who wants to talk, anyway?”

  “Yeah, right! Not what boys are for.” Beth gave me a companiable biff on the shoulder.

&n
bsp; “Go for it, girl!”

  They were treating me like I was one of them. Like at long last I’d joined the club.

  Katie said to me, as we went back into school, that she thought Beth was wrong. “Boys aren’t just for kissing! I wouldn’t want a boy I couldn’t talk to.”

  I said, “We do talk!”

  “About what?” said Katie.

  “Everything! Anything!” I could see she was about to start challenging me, like how can you talk when he doesn’t even speak English, but I really didn’t want us to start fighting again. Quickly, changing the subject, I said, “Have you done your essay for Mrs Martinez yet?” Doing my best to sound like I cared.

  Katie gave me that look that she does when she can’t quite believe what she’s hearing. She said, “What do you mean, have I done it? They were due to be handed in on Monday.”

  Oh, God, oh, God! And I hadn’t even started. Where had I been???

  “You know what?” said Katie. “You’re losing it!”

  She was right. My schoolwork was going down the tubes, fast. Even when I remembered to do my homework I wasn’t getting my usual marks. When did I ever get a B-for anything??? Never! Next week was Open Evening for Year 8. Mum would dutifully be coming along to chat with the teachers and get a progress report, and Dad, too, if his play had finished. I’d lost all track of what was happening in the outside world. But anyway, Mum by herself would be bad enough.

  “I don’t know what’s come over Tamsin just lately.” I could hear all of them—Mrs Hendricks, Mrs Martinez, Mr McCarthy. “Her grades are slipping, she’s not concentrating, I’m really worried about her.”

  I should probably have been worried too, but I wasn’t. I was on a rollercoaster. I didn’t have time to worry! I was already making plans for the summer. I spoke to Beth one day when we were alone in the girls’ toilets, and she said I could stay at her place as long as I liked, no problem.

  “I’ll tell my mum, she won’t mind. Probably won’t even notice you’re there! Doesn’t even notice I’m there, half the time. We’ll have a laugh, it’ll be great!”

  In spite of the telling-off I’d had about leaving Ellie on her own, I was still getting off the bus four stops early every afternoon to go and see Alex. Sometimes we just had time for a chat or a quick kiss and a cuddle—in full view of anyone who happened to walk by. I didn’t care! When Alex put his arms round me it was like we were enclosed in our own private world. Other times we walked up the road to a tiny little park and wandered round in the sunshine until it was time for me to go. I worried that Alex would think it really babyish of me, always having to get back, not being able to stay out late, so I told him that Mum and Dad were really old-fashioned.