Love and Kisses

by Jean Ure

  “Yes, and you let them go out together!”

  “We’d let you go out,” said Dad, “if you had a boyfriend your own age. We don’t object to you having a boyfriend. But seventeen is not a boy! It’s a young man.”

  My heart swelled, even as he said it.

  “What kind of seventeen-year-old goes out with a thirteen-year-old schoolgirl?”

  “He must see, himself, that it’s not appropriate,” urged Mum.

  I bristled at that. She could talk! She was the one who got married to my dad, that is my real dad, who she now HATES, on account of him walking out before I was hardly conscious. If it hadn’t been for her being pregnant, they wouldn’t ever have got married in the first place. How appropriate is that? Having to get married cos you’re pregnant?

  Dad said, “seventeen!” Like it was some kind of crime. “He’s either completely naïve, or—”

  Or what? “Why are you being so ageist?” They wouldn’t be racist, or sexist. “Why pick on Alex just cos he happens to be a bit older?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous, we’re not picking on him,” said Mum.

  “Dad is!” I choked. “He’s being totally unreasonable!”

  Dad said, “Yes, and guess what? He’s going to be even more unreasonable! As far as I’m concerned, that’s it. You’ve blown it. Enough is enough! I don’t want you seeing this boy again.”

  I felt like shouting, “I thought you said he was a young man?” but I was suddenly feeling too shaken to say anything. Not see Alex ever again? I turned helplessly to Mum.

  “Tamsin, I’m sorry,” said Mum, “but you’ve brought it on yourself. We always thought we could trust you.”

  I said, “You can trust me!”

  “After you’ve lied to us?” That was Dad, still thundering away.

  “Tammy, why did you?” said Mum. She suddenly sounded sorrowful and hurt. “I thought we had the sort of relationship where we could talk.”

  “She lied,” said Dad, “because she felt guilty!”

  I turned, and screamed at him. “I lied because I knew you’d be all snobby!”

  “Now you’re being unfair,” said Mum. “It’s nothing to do with being snobby! Just that once you’re out at work, you start to grow up really fast. And anyway—” She broke off, and looked at me. “You still haven’t told us how you actually met him.”

  Sullenly, cos I knew what the reaction would be, I muttered, “He ran into me with his wheelbarrow”.

  Dad made a loud noise of exasperation.

  “He was very apologetic!” I said. “He was scared he might have hurt me.”

  “So then what happened?” said Mum.

  “He asked me out.”

  “And you went? With a boy you knew absolutely nothing about?” Dad’s face had turned all red and mottled, like when he was doing his sergeant major act. “Exactly how long,” he said, “has this been going on?”

  I opened my mouth in protest. Nothing had been going on! But I wasn’t quite brave enough to say it. I’d never known Mum and Dad in such a lather.

  “I asked you a question!” roared Dad. “How long?”

  I mumbled, “Just a few weeks.”

  Needless to say, that brought Dad crashing in again. “Just a few weeks? A few weeks of sneaking around behind our backs? A few weeks of telling lies?”

  Desperately I protested that Alex didn’t know. “It wasn’t his fault! Mum, please…please don’t make me stop seeing him!”

  Mum shot a glance at Dad. I felt that left to herself she might waver, but Dad was horrendously angry. He said,

  “I don’t want any more discussion. Thanks to you we have just lived through the worst couple of hours of our entire lives! You are not seeing this boy again, and that is the end of it. Now get to bed!”

  Ellie was waiting for me on the upstairs landing, crouched behind the banisters in her nightdress. She whispered, “What happened? Where have you been? I heard Dad shouting.”

  I hissed, “You had to go and tell, didn’t you?”

  “I didn’t! I didn’t tell anything! I just said I’d seen you talking to this boy.”

  “Yes, well, thank you very much!” I said.

  Next day I got Mum on her own in the kitchen and pleaded desperately with her. “Tell Dad he can’t dictate like this!”

  “He’s not dictating,” said Mum. “We both feel the same way. You really scared the life out of us, you know.”

  “I won’t do it again, I promise!”

  “Well,” said Mum, “do you promise? Do I have your word that you won’t attempt to see this boy again?”

  That wasn’t what I’d meant! All I’d meant was that I wouldn’t scare them again.

  “I’m waiting,” said Mum.

  “Mum, I can’t,” I wailed, “I can’t! I love him—and he loves me! I can’t not see him!”

  “Oh, Tammy.” Mum sighed. “I know what it’s like to be young and in love, believe me, I do. But your dad is right. However nice he is, this boy is far too old for you. You’re far too young for him! For both your sakes we have to put a stop to it.”

  “But how can I just not see him any more? He’d be so hurt, he wouldn’t know what was happening!”

  “If you like,” said Mum, “if it makes it any easier, you can give him a call and tell him to come round, and I’ll have a word with him. It’s all right, I’ll treat him gently! I won’t let your dad get at him.”

  I was torn. I felt that if Mum could just meet Alex she would see for herself what a sweet person he was. She would see that he wasn’t any danger! On the other hand, she would discover that I’d told him I was nearly sixteen, and that would just totally freak her. It would confirm Dad’s worst suspicions.

  “Couldn’t I at least see him one last time?” I begged. “Just so I can tell him myself?”

  Mum hesitated.

  “Please, Mum?”

  “I’d really rather you didn’t actually see him,” said Mum. “Couldn’t you just telephone?”

  I told her that phoning was no good. “He doesn’t speak much English. It’s hard for him to understand.” “Well…all right! Just this one last time. But it had better not be while your dad’s here.” Dad at that moment was shut away in the sitting room, practising his lines. We could hear his sergeant major bellow shaking the house.

  “I could slip out really quickly and get back,” I said.

  “No. Your dad might ask where you’ve gone. I don’t want to take a leaf out of your book and start lying to him. He loves you just as much as he loves Ellie, you know. He was nearly going out of his mind last night, thinking something had happened to you.”

  I said again that I was sorry.

  “Yes, well, sorry doesn’t really cut it,” said Mum. “You can think yourself lucky I’m giving you this one last chance. Where do you usually meet him?”

  I muttered that he was working just a few streets away.

  “Right, well, I suggest you drop by on your way back from school on Monday and explain the situation to him. I shall be here,” said Mum. “I shall expect you home no later than four thirty. Is that understood?”

  I nodded.

  “Good. Well, don’t let me down. I’m trusting you.”

  I didn’t let Mum down: I got home by four thirty. Mum said, “Good girl!” and hugged me.

  “So.” She held me at arm’s length, anxiously studying my face. “Is everything all right?”

  I hunched a shoulder.

  “You explained that you couldn’t see him any more?”

  Angrily I pulled away from her. “That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”

  Mum said, “Oh, Tammy, don’t be like that! I know you hate me right now, but try to see things from our point of view. We’re your parents, we’re responsible for you!”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” I swiped a packet of biscuits out of the cupboard and made for the door. “I’m going upstairs to do my homework.”

  “Well, don’t stay up there all night,” said
Mum. “Come down and be sociable!”

  I made a grunting noise.

  “Please?” said Mum.

  I gave another grunt; I wasn’t making any promises. I hadn’t made any promises. And I hadn’t told any lies! You explained, Mum had said, that you couldn’t see him any more? I hadn’t properly answered her. I really didn’t want to tell any more lies. I would if I had to. But only if I had no choice. I’m not naturally an untruthful person; I bet Ellie has told Mum and Dad far more whoppers than I have. I’d told Alex that we had to talk. We’d wandered up the road to the park, and sat on a bench, holding hands. Alex hadn’t wanted to talk; he’d just wanted to kiss and cuddle. We hadn’t seen each other for three whole days, and it seemed like a lifetime. But we needed to be serious.

  “Listen,” I said, “I know it’s a drag, but—stop it.” I pushed at him. “I’m trying to talk.”

  He said, “I don’t want talk!”

  “I can’t help it, we’ve got to. Listen. Stop it! This is important.”

  He corrected me. “This what important!”

  As best I could, with my lips squashed against his, I said, “Yes-and-we-won’t-be-able-to-do-it-again-for-a-whole-week!”

  That stopped him. He said, “Why? You go way?”

  “No, it’s my mum and dad getting all fussed about exams.” In fact we’d already had exams. We hadn’t had any results, but I was pretty sure that for the first time ever I wouldn’t have come top of anything. It didn’t bother me in the least little bit. Exams just didn’t seem that important any more.

  Alex said, “Why your mum and dad get fussed?”

  “Oh, cos that’s what they do! They fuss. They think I’m not working hard enough. They expect me to stay in every night and study and go to bed early. It’s only just for this one week!”

  After that Mum would be off on tour and Dad would be away on location and I would be staying with Beth. She’d confirmed that it would be OK. “No problemo!” We’d agreed that we’d have fun together, going out as a foursome, me and Alex, Beth and whichever boy she happened to be seeing.

  Alex pulled a face and said that a week was a long time. I said, “Yes, but then it’s holidays and we can see each other every single night! It’s just this hang-up they’ve got about education.” I groaned, to show that I didn’t have any hang-ups. I could feel the shadow of Katie, looming disapprovingly at my shoulder. I shrugged it off. “They want me to go on to uni. University.”

  “Ah. Uni.” Alex nodded. “You very clever girl.”

  “Not that clever.” I didn’t want to come across as a total boring swot. “What about you? D’you think you might go to uni some day?”

  He looked alarmed. He said, “Me?”

  “Once you’ve learnt enough English…you could! We could go together.”

  He shook his head at that. He said he wasn’t clever enough. “Always at school—” He pointed his thumb downwards. “No good!”

  “So what d’you think you’ll do,” I said, “in the end?”

  “What I do in the end…I be my own boss!” He laughed. “I be like Stefan!”

  Stefan was the man that he and Marek worked for.

  “You could start your own company,” I said. “Be a company director!”

  “Yes, I be company director. The boss! I tell people what they do…and they better damn do it, or else!”

  “You might end up with a whole empire,” I said.

  “I be millionaire. Live in big house. Smoke cigar. Drive fast car!”

  I thought, at least Mum couldn’t say he didn’t have ambitions. And anyway, she hadn’t gone to uni. Neither had Dad. And in spite of everything I’d never actually promised I wouldn’t see Alex any more. Dad had told me I wasn’t to; but I hadn’t promised anything!

  And now we had the whole of the summer holidays to look forward to…no mum, no dad. No more creeping around, no more inventing stories. We could be together as much as we wanted!

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  “You promised me!” I screamed at Mum across the room. “You said I could!”

  “Actually,” said Mum, “we said we’d think about it. Your dad specifically said no promises.”

  “But I’ve arranged it all! Beth’s already asked her mum. She’s looking forward to it! Why can’t I stay with her?”

  “I’d just rather you didn’t,” said Mum.

  “Why not?”

  “Because a) I don’t know her, b) I don’t know her mum, and c) the temptation might prove too much for you.”

  I said, “What temptation?”

  “I think you know the answer to that! I don’t want to be worrying all the time, wondering what you’re up to.”

  “You mean, you don’t trust me!”

  “Tamsin, you’re still only thirteen.”

  “You don’t trust me!”

  “You haven’t really given us much reason to, have you?” said Mum. “Sneaking out behind our backs…and now your school work is starting to suffer.”

  I might have known she’d bring that up. She and Dad had both gone to Open evening: they’d come home looking grim. Everyone had complained about me, and my exam results had been disastrous—well, compared with what they normally were. Mum didn’t actually say, “You may not be as bright and pretty as your sister, but at least you’ve always done well at school.” Still, I knew that was what she was thinking. I guess all parents like their kids to do something they can be proud of. Now I wasn’t doing anything. Instead of “Tamsin always comes top, Tamsin always gets good marks,” it would be, shock horror, “Tamsin’s been seeing this really unsuitable boy!”

  “I’d just feel easier in my mind,” said Mum, “if you were with the Aunties.”

  She meant if I were banished. Shunted off to Clacton, miles away from Alex. A sort of desperation came over me. She couldn’t do this! She was ruining my life!

  Mum prattled on, happily oblivious of the volcano of rage that was boiling up inside me. “You can spend the last week of term with Katie. I’ve spoken to her mum.” Warned her, more like. Keep her under house arrest. Don’t let her out of your sight. “She’d love to have you there.”

  “So would Beth’s mum! And I could be with Beth the whole summer!”

  “Tamsin, we’ve just been through all this. Your dad and I don’t need the aggravation! Try thinking of someone other than yourself, for a change. This movie could be your dad’s big break—”

  I said, “Yeah, yeah! Heard it all before.”

  I could tell at once that I’d got to her. In this tight, controlled voice she said, “What exactly do you mean by that?”

  “Everything’s always going to be the big break! Yours, Dad’s, every time you get a part in anything, this could be the big break. Only it never is! You go off and leave us all for nothing. You’re just totally irresponsible! Katie’s mum and dad aren’t always rushing off to do their own thing and dumping her on people. How d’you think it feels, always being dumped? Like that time you left us with your agent, it was hideous. And then the time we went to Tim and Megan, and they hadn’t got the faintest idea, they obviously didn’t want us there, but you and Dad were off getting the big break so we had to be dumped. Now it’s the Aunties, for the whole of the summer! Other people go on holiday. Not us! We just get dumped on people…here, you take them! We’re actors. We can’t be expected to look after them. I don’t know why you ever had kids in the first place,” I yelled, “except of course that I was a mistake!”

  There was a long, rather dreadful silence. I knew I’d gone too far. But so had Mum! She’d brought it on herself. She was the one who was always boasting how she’d won a prize at drama school for playing Juliet in Romeo and Juliet. Hadn’t it taught her anything? You can’t forcibly separate people who are in love.

  Quietly Mum said, “Is that really how you feel, or is it just the anger speaking?”

  I shouted that it was really how I felt; then I burst into tears and ran from the room.

  Later, Dad came to speak to
me. He said, “You’ve really upset your mum. You know that? You’ve really hurt her. She’s even speaking of pulling out of the play. At this late stage! That would get her into a whole load of trouble. Word gets round in this business…nobody wants to employ an unreliable actor.”

  I hunched a shoulder and mumbled. Dad looked at me reproachfully. “Have you any idea how much this part means to her? Have you any idea how important it is? Blanche duBois is a part to die for! It’s a dream come true. It’s her big chance!”

  “Big break,” I said.

  “Yes! And thanks to you, she’s seriously thinking of giving it up. Well, she’s not going to,” said Dad, “because I’m not going to let her. I’ve already promised we’ll do something at Christmas. We’ll go off somewhere, all four of us. What more do you want?”

  I thought, by Christmas they’d probably both be in panto and we’d all end up in Hull, or Middlesbrough. That would be exciting. Big joke. Not that I cared about Christmas. Who knew if I’d even be around by then? Wild schemes were already bobbing and bouncing like ping-pong balls in my head.

  “I think,” said Dad, “that it would be nice if you told your mum you were sorry.”

  But I wasn’t! And I didn’t care any more whether she went off on her stupid tour or stayed at home. I had a plan.

  A few minutes after Dad had said his piece, Ellie came bursting in. Even she wanted to have a go at me.

  “Why have you been so mean to Mum?” she said. “Poor Mum! She was so looking forward to playing Blanche! This could be her big break.”

  I said, “Yeah, like this time next year we could have world peace.”

  “Don’t be so horrible! You’re horrible! You don’t know what it’s like. I know how she feels cos I feel the same way. I want to be an actor more than anything else in the world, and there isn’t anything that’s going to stop me!”

  There wasn’t anything that was going to stop me being with Alex. Nobody, but nobody, was going to come between us.

  The day she was due to go off on tour—which was the day I was going to Katie’s—Mum did her best to make things up between us. I hadn’t exactly not been speaking to her; but my demeanour was frosty. I just love that word! Demeanour. I know it only means the same as behaviour, but it is somehow so much more dignified. I was being dignified. Cool and aloof to show my displeasure.