Always Faithful

by Catherine Snodgrass

  "I swear, Phillip, I didn’t know you were in the Corps until a year ago when I got a promotion and switched to the legal department. It seemed like such a bizarre coincidence. I know I should have told you before now, but I couldn’t find a way. I kept putting it off and putting it off."

  She pulled her head up to look at him directly, face wet with tears. "But I’ll be honest with you. If none of this other mess had happened, I can’t say that I ever would have told you about Ian. No matter how much checking up I did, I couldn’t be sure if you were your father’s puppet or not. I was frightened, for him as well as myself. The last thing I wanted was for Donald Stuart to get his hands on my son. And you know he’d try, Phillip. Out of sheer meanness, he’d try to take Ian and mold that child into his own image."

  He cupped her hands in his. "I know. Don’t worry. We won’t give him the chance. Come on, you’ve cried enough tears to last a lifetime. You need to get some sleep."

  Rowan let him guide her to the bed and tuck her in even though sleep was the furthest thing from her mind. "I don’t expect you to understand and you do have every right to be

  angry—"

  "Oh, you can bet I’m plenty angry, but not at you. Not any longer. Sleep."

  With one long finger, he traced the fading remains of her bruise. The tantalizing sensation of his warm skin upon her sensitive cheekbone sent a shiver through her body.

  "Phillip?"

  He paused at the doorway, a perfectly sculpted statue, beads of moisture glistening on the golden hair dusting his chest. "Yes?"

  What good would it do to ask him to stay? her common sense chided. You want more than that. "Nothing. Good night."

  " ’Night."

  Phillip shut the door behind him and walked slowly down the stairs to the living room. Nine years wasted. Nine years! He shook his head in a mixture of anger and regret.

  "Beer? Wine? Pants?" Zach’s voice emerged from the depths of the over-stuffed recliner in the corner. "I thought you’d need something right now." He offered Phillip a beer.

  He waved it away. "Rowan told you?"

  "Yes, a couple of days ago. I thought you would want to know…after you cooled down enough to listen with both ears open. So, which will it be?" Zach held out a cold beer in one hand, an extra pair of his sweat pants in the other.

  Phillip slipped the sweats on then sunk into the nearest chair. "Nine years, Zach. We could have been married. Raised a couple more kids. All because of a misunderstanding started by my father."

  "I know. I’m sorry for both of you, Phillip."

  "I thought that I’d won. Thought I’d beaten him by leaving and joining the Marine Corps, by making my way without his damned money. And all this time… I’ve got to call my sister." Phillip reached for the telephone receiver.

  Zach placed a hand on his arm. "It’s after midnight. Do you really want to upset Claudia with this when it’s really your father you want to rant and rave at?"

  "I can’t talk to him…not right now." He punched in the numbers and leaned back. Claudia picked up on the first ring, her voice groggy with sleep.

  "Hey…it’s me."

  "Phillip, what’s wr—"

  "Donald’s done it again. This time it’s beyond even his usual manipulative games."

  In painstaking detail, he laid out the whole sordid tale. It hurt worse hearing the words the second time. Thankfully, Zach was sensitive enough to leave the room.

  Claudia listened in silence—a clue as to how furious she was. He could picture the rage in her blue eyes, her full lips thinned to a line so tight nothing could part them. She understood the true soul of their father, Donald Stuart.

  There was also not much doubt what she would do when he hung up the phone. Her anger on his behalf would be the catalyst between him and his father. There wasn’t going to be any need for Phillip to call. He only needed to wait for the mountain to come to him.

  Turning, he saw Rowan sitting at the foot of the staircase, hugging her knees. "Claudia?"

  "Yeah." He rubbed the ache from his eyes.

  "You know she’ll call your father."

  "And he’ll call me."

  "You’d better take it in my room. Ian might hear you if it gets ugly."

  And it was going to get ugly. "Be right there."

  He listened to her soft footsteps retreat. Zach walked in, beer in hand.

  "Don’t go up there, Phillip. If you do, you know you’ll wind up making love to her." Concern softened Zach’s tone.

  "Would that be so wrong?" Phillip demanded. "Don’t we have the right after all that’s been taken from us?"

  "You know the answer as well as I do. Is it worth the risk of losing everything that you and Rowan have worked so hard to achieve?"

  A week ago the answer would have been an unequivocal no. Now, what was life without Rowan and Ian?

  But it wasn’t his career they were dealing with, it was hers as well. She’d asked for him to help save her and here he was, debating an action that would surely accomplish the opposite. If they made love, they’d both be in court again, this time for fraternization.

  Scuffling in the hallway pulled them around. Ian stumbled toward him, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Phillip knelt down and gave him a hug.

  "What’s the matter, buddy? Can’t sleep?"

  He plopped his head against Phillip’s shoulder. "Oscar’s hogging the bed."

  "Make him get down."

  "I tried. He won’t move."

  "Want me to try?"

  Ian shook his head. "I want to sleep with mom."

  Phillip pointed him to the staircase and gave him a pat on the bottom. "I’m sure she would like that. Sleep tight."

  "Clever," Zach said once Ian was out of earshot. "But he can’t sleep with his mother forever. Face it, Phillip, you’re a ticking bomb. You can’t have both Rowan and your career. You need to do some hard thinking before you walk up those steps. How does she feel? Where does she stand? She is a beautiful woman—maybe there’s already another man in her life."

  Jaw set, Phillip whirled around. "Then where the hell is he? Why isn’t he here to lend her support? If she were your woman, wouldn’t you be here?"

  "If she were my woman, I would have never let her out of my life in the first place. She would have been a part of every decision I made—even joining the Marine Corps. Nothing would have kept me from her. If she were my woman, I would have broken down the doors to her home the first time she hung up on me, and demanded an explanation." Zach flung the painful words at Phillip with deadly accuracy.

  "But you didn’t do that, did you, Phillip? You called her out on the carpet for not telling you about Ian, yet you’re the one who ran away to join the Corps and let her slip out of your life without a fight. Maybe you should be asking yourself if it was really love you felt for her nine years ago…or maybe your father was right, maybe she was your flavor of the month."

  Phillip cocked a fist and took a step forward. "That’s a lie."

  Zach held his ground. "If she meant so much to you, if she was the love of your life, why didn’t you fight for her then?"

  Anguished, Phillip lowered his arm. He stood for a moment, looking at his friend, then clasped Zach’s arm briefly, asking for forgiveness.

  "Rowan wasn’t the only one my father worked on. When she didn’t call, didn’t come around, didn’t write, and refused my calls, he started in on me. ‘I told you she was no good. She was after the family money. As soon as she found out you were cut off without a cent to your name, she left you.’ Year after year he threw that in my face at every opportunity. What’s worse, I actually believed him."

  "Yet she didn’t hesitate to call you when she really needed help…and you immediately went to her aid. I’d say you’ve got some serious thinking to do, my friend. About your relationship with Rowan and your continuing job as a judge advocate for the Marine Corps. You can’t have it both ways." He yawned. "I’m hitting the rack. If you need me, I’ll be in the guest room."

/>   Left alone, Phillip stretched out on the couch and draped his arm over his eyes. Why wasn’t life simpler? They had both started out with such grand, youthful plans. To become teachers. To get married… Now this. All because of a malicious, manipulative man.

  No…because they had believed in Donald’s lies instead of each other. That was the bottom line. Donald fed the fire that kept them apart, but they were the ones who let the flames burn. Call it youth or inexperience, maybe stupidity.

  Zach was right, nothing should have stood between them, but there could be no doubting the love that existed then…and now…could there?

  "Phillip?"

  He rose up at the sound of Rowan’s voice. She leaned over the banister, his cell phone extended down to him.

  "You left this upstairs. It’s your father, and you’ll be happy to know that he’s as endearing as ever."

  Even from where he stood, Phillip could hear his father’s barking tones echoing from the receiver.

  Rowan tossed the phone to him. Phillip caught it neatly in one hand.

  "Listen to me when I’m talking, you little bitch!" his father ranted.

  Phillip screwed up his face in disgust and pressed the receiver to his ear. "No, Donald, you listen to me. Did you think I would never find out? I don’t know who you think you are, messing in my life. All those years, gone. Thanks to you I have a son I barely know and I’ve missed almost all of his childhood. I don’t expect that you would understand the importance of being a father. All you know is manipulation and control. I put up with your authoritarian presence at holidays for Mother’s sake, but no longer. As far as I’m concerned, you are dead to me. Stay out of my life. Out of Rowan’s life. And you damn well better stay out of my son’s life."

  He jammed the buttons down to end the call, then turned off the phone with a grunt of satisfaction.

  "You’re more calm than I would be," Rowan told him.

  "You said you hated me before. I have to know…" He looked at her, all too aware that his naked anguish would show on his face. "Do you still hate me?"

  Her reply was barely audible. "How can I when every day I see you in our beautiful son?" She pivoted abruptly and started to return upstairs.

  "Don’t, please." He held out his hand to her. "Don’t leave. I need to hold you for a little while. Like before. I’m so tired, Rowan. Please, stay with me. I need you beside me."

  For a moment, Rowan thought her hearing was playing tricks on her, but there he was, shadowed by the night, reaching for her with strong arms. Putting one shaking foot before the other, she went to him, folding herself into his warm embrace.

  Bodies cradled together like two spoons, they stretched out on the soft expanse of the couch and in their mutual exhaustion, drifted to sleep.

  Chapter 12

  * * *

  "This has got to be the most unnecessary hearing I’ve had all year." The judge scribbled his name upon the order regarding custody of Ian and slid the paper to his clerk. "I can’t believe the two of you wasted the court’s time with a hearing when a stipulation would have freed valuable time for another case. Next time, talk to each other first."

  Rowan kept quiet while Phillip apologized to the judge, then walked with him out of the courtroom. A lot of problems could have been avoided if they had talked to each other first. Still more agony would be avoided if they could talk about the one issue they were dancing around now.

  Rowan couldn’t speak for Phillip, but she ached to renew the physical relationship they enjoyed so very long ago…no matter how forbidden the military decreed it. Until last night, she considered it a moot point. A sensual caress when he was drunk didn’t mean he felt the way she did. Then she woke with his fingers cupped gently around her breast.

  Again, she tried to put off his action as second nature, being curled up next to a member of the opposite sex, being groggy from sleep, the memories of their relationship so long ago. But there was no mistaking the hardness pressed insistently against her, the tingling that accompanied his caress, the thumb that dusted along her nipple. His warm breath against her ear. It had nothing to do with being asleep—he was wide awake and wanting her. Sinking backwards into his unyielding hardness would have been too easy.

  Unfortunately, when she opened her eyes, she saw Zach sitting across from them in the recliner, frowning like a disapproving guardian angel. She and Phillip had both broken apart, embarrassed at having been caught in such an intimate embrace.

  Okay, so it was wrong. But what could they do? They had no control over their actions when they were asleep…did they? At least that was the excuse she’d use if it came to that.

  The returning answer flared inside her—they had no business sleeping beside each other in the first place. Yet she hadn’t possessed the willpower to say no. Like a flower craving the first warm touches of the springtime sun, Rowan knew that she would take any fleeting chance she could to be near the heat of Phillip’s passion.

  Sunlight blinded them at they stepped from the courthouse. Squinting, Rowan turned into Phillip to protect her eyes. This, too, seemed natural, right. His arm around her, she tucked protectively into the cove of his body. By chance, she looked up. Their simultaneous step faltered. He caught her chin on the crook of his finger, dusting the surface with his thumb. Rowan tilted her face toward him, willing him to close the distance. By slow degrees, he bent to her, his lips parted.

  "How’d it go?" Zach strode toward him. Phillip’s car now sat beside her van.

  Muttering a curse, Phillip set Rowan away from him. "Besides pissing off the judge, it went great. Nothing more than the stroke of a pen. As far as hearings go, it was easy."

  "That’s good." Zach opened the van door for Rowan. "But it’s going to take a lot more effort to get you out of the next one."

  They turned puzzled frowns his way.

  "I called Mike while you were in court. Rowan’s colonel is furious and wants to see all players once we get back. He also has some questions about your current relationship. Considering what I just saw, I can understand. In any event, for what it’s worth, it’s probably not going to look good if the two of you drive up in the same vehicle. A little too cozy."

  Phillip snatched open the passenger door on the van and guided Rowan to the seat. "We have good reason to be together."

  Zach grabbed his arm before he could move any further. "Sometimes it just doesn’t matter. Trust me on this one, please. If you’re worried about Rowan’s safety, I’ll ride back with her."

  When Phillip relented, Rowan scooted into the van’s driver’s seat. She needed something to occupy her during the awkward silence of driving back with Zach. Silence was the last thing she got.

  "You realize, of course, that Phillip will be up here in Twentynine Palms visiting Ian every chance he gets."

  Rowan nodded, but kept her gaze on the road. "Trying to make up for lost time. I understand that. He wants to be more than just a part-time father. And after all that’s happened, he deserves that chance."

  "You can bet he’ll be an active participant in this parenting thing. I’ve never known Phillip to do anything halfway, no matter what he tackles. There are a lot of people out there who are saying he could be promoted to colonel if he wanted. Maybe one day even general."

  "And does he want it?" From the corner of her eye she saw Zach shrug.

  "As I said, he never does things by half measures."

  "Are you trying to tell me that Ian is a hindrance to him?"

  "Not Ian…you."

  If she had been walking, Rowan would have stumbled. She didn’t know what to say. How to respond. Fortunately, Zach saved her from having to reply.

  "You still care for each other. That’s more than obvious to anyone who’s looking. Even if you can’t admit it to one another right now, some day you will. Your actions are already giving you away. And don’t try to play games with me by denying it. You could cut the sexual tension between the two of you with a knife."

  All right, she woul
dn’t. But what was she supposed to do?

  "Zach, I’m not stupid. I know what would happen to us if the military knew we were together."

  "But how can you stop it? What would you have done this morning if I hadn’t been sitting there when you woke up? What would have happened now if I hadn’t busted in?"

  The thought heated her cheeks and ignited those aching places again.

  "I’m not saying the two of you should never be together. That’s too cruel to even think about. But you can’t do it while you’re both in the Marine Corps. One of you will have to resign first."

  "And you think it should be me?"

  "I think you both need to be realistic first."

  Tears clouded her eyes. Rowan eased onto the shoulder of the road, put the van into park, and clenched her fists on the steering wheel.

  "I don’t know what to do, Zach. I’ve worked my ass off these last nine years, trying to get through a pregnancy where I was sick more times than I was well. Trying to get over the death of my father. Trying to help my mother through her grief. Trying to survive and support the three of us because the hospital and funeral took all of our insurance and then some.

  "I worked hard in the Marine Corps. Took every opportunity I could to get ahead. Be realistic? I’m always that. It’s gotten me through some rough times. But one look at Phillip and I regret all we’ve missed. I honestly don’t know what to do."

  "What about when your current tour is over? Would you consider getting out of the Corps?"

  "I told you I don’t know what to do. I don’t see why I should be the one to make the sacrifice when it’s easier for Phillip to resign his commission. If the Marine Corps didn’t have its silly rules about officers and enlisted fraternizing then this wouldn’t be an issue."

  "Please don’t cry." He squeezed her shoulder. "I’m sorry I brought it up."

  She glanced out the back window where Phillip’s car idled behind them. "He’s going to wonder what’s wrong. I don’t want him to see me crying."

  "I’ll take care of that. I’ll tell him you threw me out."