by Murray, Dean
Jain felt something inside her start quivering as she realized just how much they'd overstepped their bounds. Somehow she'd never really expected that he'd be mad, never thought it would take more than a moment's thought for him to forgive her. She firmly pushed aside thoughts of all of the other girls who would line up to be with him if he evidenced any kind of interest in anyone besides her, and took a deep breath.
"All we did was level things out so that things were fair again. I'm so sorry, Va'del, I should have tried to make them get your permission first, but I didn't think. I didn't want to see you get hurt like that again. I knew he'd keep trying, and it wasn't fair that he might win again because of something someone else did for him. He's so terrible, so violent. He'll kill you if he can, and I couldn't bear that."
The quiver had built as Jain's tears had arrived, and she found herself shaking, but unable to decide if it was a result of fear that Va'del would hate her now, worry for his life, or from the sheer violence of Be'ter's attempted murder.
For several minutes Va'del didn't say anything, and Jain started to lose hope until she felt a pair of strong hands reach out and grasp hers.
"What about the other boys that I beat? They haven't been changed, so my beating them won't be any more fair than Be'ter's beating me."
Jain tried to understand. "But you won't hurt them like Be'ter did you, so it shouldn't matter."
Va'del sighed. "It isn't that simple. The level of competition among the boys, candidates and trainees alike, is unbelievable. Right or wrong, we all believe that at least some of our value lies in how good we are at the various things we are learning. By beating them in this way I'm taking something from them, and cheating to do it."
"I guess it would be like finding out that all of the other girls were stronger than me not through an accident of birth, but because the instructors liked them better."
Jain leaned into Va'del as she felt tears start to come. "I'm sorry, I think I understand and I'm so sorry."
"I just wish that they'd quit using me to do all their dirty work. They won't let me be one of them, but they are just fine with putting me in situations where I can get killed, if it means they won't have to do anything themselves."
The bitterness hadn't gone away, but it seemed that Va'del didn't hate her after all.
"I can't believe Ah'bi let you come here just so you could tell me what they did to me."
"No, obviously I wasn't supposed to tell you. I think they hoped not knowing would protect you. You would be able to honestly deny everything. They let me come here because the modifications aren't completely done. Once they are done though, I'll still need to monitor them fairly regularly to make sure everything's working properly. Otherwise your body might stop making blood, or your muscles might go into seizures."
Va'del nodded sadly. "I guess that makes sense. Nothing is free. If you become more than merely human then there are bound to be complications like the potential for sudden death."
There was something else there, part of the root of what was really bothering him was contained in that statement, but Jain couldn't make out exactly what he was getting at. Rather than badgering him for an answer, Jain remained silent, hoping he'd give her more of a clue so she could slowly draw it out of him, but instead he turned and pulled her face towards his. Their kiss was more forceful than usual, with a surprising undertone of need. She was so overwhelmed by the urgency in Va'del's touch it was several seconds before she realized he was talking again.
"...my life I've never fit in. I was always the orphan, or the half-breed. When I'rone's family sponsored me, I thought I'd finally be somewhere I belonged. Instead I'm stuck partway between worlds. I'm not a candidate, but I'm more than a trainee. Now you tell me I'm not really even human anymore, that someone needs to monitor what they've done to me or I could die."
Jain was surprised to feel Va'del's tears slip down to join the ones already running down her face. "I won't let you die! Even if they kick us both out and try to exile us to different villages I'll find a way to get back to you. I don't care what it takes, you saved my life and I love you."
##
Va'del rubbed his eyes and tried to will his exhaustion away. Jain had promised that subsequent modification sessions would go much more quickly now that she'd be seeing him a couple of times a week. He certainly hoped so, otherwise they'd both start falling asleep in their classes.
Of course, he couldn't blame all of his tiredness on the late night. He had a suspicion that even with an extra couple of color cycles worth of sleep that the subject matter he was supposed to be studying would have made him want to close his eyes. He wasn't scheduled to start his comparative religion class for several more months, but he'd been apprehensive about it ever since he'd returned to the Capital.
Not that anyone really talked to him, but he overheard plenty of discussions where his fellows lamented the difficulty of that particular subject. That would have been enough to make him nervous, but he'd quickly realized just how little he really knew about what the rest of the People believed.
Nobody had bothered teaching 'the orphan' much of anything, so he was starting at a real disadvantage, and he hadn't forgotten that it would only take one set of bad marks for him to be kicked out of classes altogether.
Having once again reached the end of a page without really understanding anything he'd just read, Va'del sighed and started back over. Before he could make any progress, a sharp shove from behind sent the book flying out of his hands to bounce off of the dark rock wall, just missing landing in his food.
"Oh, sorry, Va'del. I don't know how I could be so clumsy. I guess I'm almost as bad as Alir was. Always tripping over the little things you find littered all over the place these days."
Pretend it doesn't bother you. Va'del knew he couldn't afford to put any of them in their place. If he rocked the boat, the Council might decide against him, and then not only would he likely never become a candidate, he'd probably end up back in that prison cell.
Four collisions later, a tiny boy that Va'del thought he'd heard someone refer to as the newest candidate, sat down with his food two seats over from Va'del. It would have been comical watching someone so small shove food in his mouth so rapidly, but it made Va'del suspect that the boy had spent at least part of his life afraid someone was going to come along and steal his food.
"Whatcha readin'?"
The question, heavily accented as it was and coming from someone who looked so timid, took Va'del by surprise, but he closed the book and tilted it so that the boy could read the cover.
"Oh, I wish I coulda be readin' that kinda stuff. They're makin' me study law 'n stuff."
The curiosity flashing across the boy's face was completely at odds with his retiring demeanor from a few seconds before.
"I'm Tim'i, what'chor name?"
"Hi, Tim'i, I'm Va'del. That's quite the bruise you've got there. Training accident?"
Some of Tim'i's earlier shyness returned. "Um, ya. I'm not ver' good at that stuff yet."
Watching the boy eat with such abandon reminded Va'del his own food was getting cold, so he closed his book and picked up his spoon.
"I wish I could trade you. I'd gladly do double weapons instruction and law classes if it meant I didn't have to try and make sense of what the lowlanders believe when I don't even know what we believe."
Tim'i got a faraway look on his face for a moment and then nodded vigorously. "That'd be a good trade. Ma used to read the Teachens to us er-night. I don't know forsure what them others believe, but can't be too much different than the Teachens. Truth is truth."
Va'del found himself nodding despite the fact that what little he understood from the book seemed to give lie to Tim'i's philosophy. It made a kind of sense. You'd think that an honest search for truth would result in everyone coming to essentially the same conclusion, and Va'del was hardly expert enough to disagree.
"Ya hear 'bout the new tests?"
Va'del shook his head. "No
, I'm afraid not."
The smaller boy shrugged. "That's 'bout all I know. Some new test 's in theworks. Don't suppose it'll make things differnt for me."
"I don't expect it will make a difference for me either."
After all, I'm still not even a candidate.
Chapter 6
On'li picked up a small slice of the mushroom sweet bread that Mar'li had baked before leaving to help the healers for the day, and reminded herself to thank her sister-wife. A pair of quiet claps announced the arrival of someone wishing to enter the suite of rooms, and On'li called out an invitation to enter with barely disguised glee.
"Pavir, I'm so glad that you've returned safely, and that you were able to come visit so soon after your arrival."
The woman who entered the room was unusually tall for one of the People, with brown eyes that lit up with happiness at seeing On'li. "Please, as if I would pass up the opportunity to have some of Mar'li's sweet bread and reminisce with you about old times."
"It has been too long. I'm so sorry that we had to leave you out there like that."
Pavir waved her hand dismissively. "It isn't like you had much of a choice, not now that we're all that's left of the bloodline."
The offhand remark concealed an incredible amount of pain. It hadn't been that long ago that Pavir had learned that the other two families she'd all but grown up with had been killed.
"I can't believe we're all that's left. It just isn't right for us to be around after they're gone."
On'li nodded. "I have to keep reminding myself that the bloodline won't end with us, that there is still hope. Mi'lo will make a fine Guadel."
Pavir shook her head. "Oh, I agree he is a fine young man, but he isn't the future of our bloodline. He's far too timid for that. I suspect we'll have to range further afield to find someone to replace you. Possibly this young man you've had your eye on?"
For a moment the comment caught On'li off guard, and she realized she was spending far too much time with politicians. It was time to get back to teaching on a regular enough schedule that it wouldn't surprise her when someone actually just came out and said exactly what they meant.
"He really would make an excellent Guadel, but I don't think we'll be able to get him sponsored outside of normal channels now."
Pavir sighed. "Javin filled Ba'loc in last night while they were hacking away at each other with big swords just like the barbarians they are. So what happens now?"
"I don't know. The Council has approved the creation of an intermediate class. After they've passed some fairly extensive tests, we'll promote the more advanced students and allow them to marry. They'll still be operating under the supervision of their sponsors, but this will allow us to put more people out on patrol, thereby reassuring the various villages."
"So they'll be promoted before their field work?"
On'li nodded. "I can put Mi'lo forward for advancement if you'd like."
"I don't think so, he's only another few months from becoming a full Guadel following the normal course of advancement. Throwing him into a new situation would just make life more difficult. Maybe if he had a sweetheart he was pursuing it would be a different matter, but I really think he'll be better off if we just leave things as they are."
Pavir laughed at the barely restrained expression of disappointment on her hostess's face. "I hope that you aren't that transparent when you are in the Council chamber. You were hoping of course that I'd jump at the idea of promoting Mi'lo, and then agree to sponsor Va'del."
On'li felt herself blush. "I know I shouldn't presume like that, it's just that he's been through so much, and he has such potential. It breaks my heart to think of him being stuck in the Guard for the rest of his life."
The younger woman nodded. "I understand; I really do. When I think of the lengths I would have gone to in order to ensure that Joh'nith was sponsored...let's just say it is a good thing that the Council approved his promotion to full Guadel, or who knows what would have happened. I'll do the best I can for the boy, but my first loyalty has to be to Mi'lo. If I give him anything less than my best, it will set him back more years than I care to think about."
On'li squeezed Pavir's hand. "I know you will, and you're right to set Mi'lo as your priority. Honestly, right now I'm not sure that even sponsoring Va'del would be enough to ensure he eventually became a Guadel. The boy saved us all, and in doing so, seems to have earned himself more enemies than any three full Guadel."
##
Va'del walked over to where Fi'lin was supervising a practice bout. The bruises were just tender enough to make him want to favor his right leg, but he did his very best to move normally. For days now he'd done his best to be a good little prospective candidate, but the trainees had finally pushed him too far. If Ah'bi hadn't strengthened his bones he was pretty sure a couple of the 'accidental' blows would have put him back in the healers' care.
It was fear of facing him in the training ring that had made them leave him alone when he'd first arrived. He didn't have any choice now but to see if the same kind of threat would work a second time.
The wiry Guadel looked up as the teenager approached him and nodded. "Trainee, should you be here already?"
"Sir, I feel fine, and would like to get back to some limited training."
"What did you have in mind?"
"There are a number of the trainees who I think would be ideally suited to helping me get back to fighting trim, Sir."
Fi'lin looked him over with dark, emotionless eyes for several seconds, and if Va'del hadn't known it to be impossible, he would have almost thought the Guadel was cataloging the various bruises and sore muscles hidden beneath his clothes.
"I think something to that effect could be managed, trainee. Why don't you go warm up while I see to making the proper arrangements. Who did you have in mind?"
Va'del was halfway through the third form when Fi'lin returned with Fri'd and Eiri'k in tow. A strange sense of recklessness suddenly filled the teenager and instead of engaging the other boys one at a time as he'd planned, he instead saluted both of them with his practice sword, and assumed a ready stance.
The watching Guadel momentarily looked like he was going to object, but then shook his head in resignation and stepped back out of the way.
Apart from all of the bruises, for the first time since he'd returned to the Capital and been thrown in jail, Va'del felt like he was at full strength. Better than full strength even, which gelled with what Jain had indicated based on the changes they'd made to him.
As soon as both boys had returned his salute, Va'del struck, wielding his blades with a measured strength that no doubt left his opponents' palms smarting, but which shouldn't result in anything more than colorful bruises if they failed to parry one of these blows.
From the first moment of attack it was apparent to Va'del that he could end the fight quickly if he so chose. Neither of the other boys was used to working with a partner. Fri'd's footwork was especially bad, which allowed Va'del to keep him in Eiri'k's way.
Instead of going all out, Va'del let the boys make their best effort and then matched them stroke for stroke. When Fri'd tried to hammer away at him with greater strength, Va'del increased the force of his own blows. Eiri'k tried fancy footwork and complex combinations only to find that Va'del effortlessly sidestepped most of the blows before moving gracefully back into position and launching ripostes that came within a hair's breadth of scoring on his quickly-tiring opponents.
The fight had gone on for two tenths of a cycle, Va'del ever more clearly in control, and then he launched a quick spate of cuts and thrusts that left both boys disarmed and trying to hold onto two or three different parts of their aching bodies.
Looking at the pair with mock concern, Va'del made sure he had their attention before making his apology. "I'm very sorry. I hope I didn't hurt either of you. I didn't realize that I was so clumsy."
The sudden stiffness on both boys' faces made it very clear they understood exactly why th
ey had been selected as Va'del's 'training' partners. With any luck they'd now think twice before 'bumping' into him or 'accidentally' swinging something hard into his leg.
Va'del saluted the pair again, and then turned to walk away. Fi'lin, his voice filled with nothing but casual curiosity, stopped him before he'd made it out of earshot of the other boys. "Do you think you'll continue to need some amount of light practice against the trainees?"
Pausing to regard the Guadel, Va'del nodded respectfully. "I suspect that I'll probably need their assistance from time to time. I would expect that my clumsiness won't reappear of course, but I suppose one never can tell, Sir."
"Very good, I'll make the appropriate arrangements."
As Va'del walked back to the side of the cavern given over to the needs of the candidates, he realized that every single individual, from the instructors down to the small group of Daughters who'd just arrived, had stopped whatever they were doing to watch him defeat Eiri'k and Fri'd.
That same sense of recklessness was back, and rather than stopping in the first open spot and continuing his forms practice as he'd intended, he walked over to Be'ter and Se'ath.
"Why don't you join me in some light sparring, Be'ter?"
Va'del could see the wheels turning in the older boy's mind. If he dodged Va'del's challenge he would lose prestige, but not as much as he'd lose if Va'del actually beat him. The real question was whether or not Be'ter could win.
Be'ter shrugged, his classically handsome features full of mock regret. "I would like to, but my sponsors forbid me from training against you. You were so clumsy last time, but they still had quite the time convincing everyone that it wasn't my fault that you got hurt. As much as I enjoy our little matches, they're probably right. You'd get hurt again, and I wouldn't want that on my conscience."
Va'del nodded amiably. "Fine, but if anyone else gets hurt by your clumsiness, we will face off again, and if that happens, you'd better hope that you win."