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Page 37

by Sandra L. Ballard


  “Your papaw was out hoeing corn when I got home. He's never been a churchgoer.

  “‘What are you doing home early, woman?’ he hollered. ‘And where are them younguns?’

  “Younguns? Upon my honor, I had plumb forgot about them! The service was still going when I was throwed out and I had headed home like a horse to the barn.

  “Well, I didn't even speak to your papaw. I pitched my sign into a fencerow and took off up the road a-flying. Halfway there, I met them coming home.

  “‘What happened, Mommy?’ June cried. ‘Where'd you go?’

  ”‘She was churched,’ Burchett said. ‘I done told you that.’

  “Dolan just stood there with his thumb in his mouth.

  “‘Hush, Burchett,’ I said, scooping Dolan up with one arm and with the other hugging June to my waist.

  “‘Ain't it true?’ Burchett insisted.

  “‘Can't tell you what's true right now. Let's go home and get some dinner.’

  “We did. I watched them all eat hearty while every bite I took tasted like sand.

  “For the next weeks, months, I don't know how long, it seemed like there was a skin over everything. Sun was far away; colors was dimmer. I couldn't even hear good. I'd stand at the stove and not smell dinner burning, not hear your papaw a-calling in the yard.

  “Then Annie Isom's boy fell on a wagon tongue and Jeb asked me to sit with her while he went to Cutshin for the doc.

  “It was a long journey he was starting, and this boy, Jess, was bleeding real bad. Annie had gone cold and dumb in the way people will sometimes. I sent the other younguns to play in the barn. For some cause, I called to Flo as she went out, ‘Hunt up a feather and bring it back to me, will you?’

  “She did. Brown one, short and wide-splayed, most likely a wren's.

  “‘Better put on some coffee, Annie,’ I said. ‘We'll be needing to keep awake.’

  “It was full daylight as I said this, but Annie didn't question, just put more kindling on the fire. I didn't question either. I was following something with my tongue and my hands.

  “I went over to the bed where Jess was laying, whiter than just-come snow. Ten years old and his breath on my hand no stronger than a baby's, the sheets wadded around him bright with blood.

  “‘Mother Jesus,’ I said, something drawing out my voice, ‘let us keep Jess, this boy that's just started to grow. Stop his life from spilling. Let his pain fall away like this old wren's feather. Seal his wounds, Mother Jesus, and heal Sister Annie's heart.’

  “I had one hand on Jess's forehead as I said this, and with the other I touched the feather to his shoulder bones, the fork of his legs, his heart. I closed my eyes and laid the feather inside my dress, against the heat of my bosom. And I sang:

  ‘Leave us a while longer

  In this earthly light.

  Our eyes are not ready

  For Your holy sight.

  Mother, comfort

  Your child and take his ills.

  Leave him to work for you

  Among these sacred hills.’

  “I'd never heard this song, mind you, but I heard my voice singing it, hoarse and flat, like wind whining in a door.

  “I opened my eyes, and Jess's eyes were open too. A little color had come to his cheeks and the blood on the sheets had darkened. No new came to keep it red.

  “‘She's healed him, Annie,’ I said. ‘Mother Jesus has healed him!’

  “Annie rushed over to the bed. She took Jess's hand, stroked his hair, smiled into his face. Then she looked back at me. ‘Don't worry, Ada,’ she promised. ‘I won't never tell.’

  “That seemed a shame at the time, but it didn't really matter. What I knew, I knew, and it closed the church hole in my heart. I won't say I don't sometimes grieve for Little Splinter. But all its members call me when the bad times come. Somebody goes for the doc, somebody for Mamaw. There's been many a door opened to Mother Jesus since Sam Wilder and the church shut us out.”

  WHERE I'M FROM

  from where i'm from: where poems come from (1999)

  I am from clothespins,

  from Clorox and carbon-tetrachloride,

  I am from the dirt under the back porch.

  (Black, glistening,

  it tasted like beets.)

  I am from the forsythia bush

  the Dutch elm

  whose long-gone limbs I remember

  as if they were my own.

  I'm from fudge and eyeglasses,

  from Imogene and Alafair.

  I'm from the know-it-alls

  and the pass-it-ons,

  from Perk up! And Pipe down!

  I'm from He restoreth my soul

  with a cottonball lamb

  and ten verses I can say myself.

  I'm from Artemus and Billie's Branch,

  fried corn and strong coffee.

  From the finger my grandfather lost

  to the auger,

  the eye my father shut to keep his sight.

  Under my bed was a dress box

  spilling old pictures,

  a sift of lost faces

  to drift beneath my dreams.

  I am from those moments—

  snapped before I budded—

  leaf-fall from the family tree.

  RINGS

  from where i'm from: where poems come from (1999)

  This poem began one day when I sat down to write and began studying my hands. (In addition to exercises for writing, I have lots of techniques for Writing Prevention!) It happens that I wear three wedding rings: one from each of my grandmothers and one from my great-grandmother, Ella, whose name I share. I chose to wear these, of course, but until that day I had never really thought about what it meant. Sitting on the tawny rug in my mother-in-law's Hialeah Townhouse, it suddenly hit me: I am married to my grandmothers!

  Adrienne Rich said, “The moment of change is the only poem,” and this realization was such a moment for me. It was as if, hiking a familiar trail, I spotted a cave I'd never noticed before. The writing that followed was like spelunking: I had no idea what I would find, and I often got lost or stuck. The poem wasn't finished for a long time—months, as I recall. But it started that afternoon with the gleam of Florida sunshine off magic objects: rings.

  I married with my grandmother's wedding ring

  and wear my great-grandmother's on the other hand,

  both too large—the jeweller cut them down.

  Mother and daughter bore seven children,

  seven times met death inside out.

  Each time they rose and grew larger

  like trees, ring on ring, thick with time.

  Not all the children lived.

  Some were put to bed in iron ground

  uncovering the bone-ring of the eye.

  Death is its hook—together they close the gap.

  At my grandmother's house we drank from a dipper

  long after the backporch pump was gone,

  bent and came face to face with water

  mouth to metal rim, ring on ring.

  SALVATION

  from where i'm from: where poems come from (1999)

  What does the Lord want with Virgil's heart?

  And what is Virgil going to do without one?

  O Lord, spare him the Call.

  You're looking for bass

  in a pond stocked with catfish.

  Pass him by.

  You got our best.

  You took Mammy and the truck and the second hay.

  What do You want with Virgil's heart?

  Virgil, he comes in of a night

  so wore out he can hardly chew

  blacked with dust that don't come off at the bathhouse.

  He washes again

  eats onions and beans with the rest of us

  then gives the least one a shoulder ride to bed

  slow and singing

  Down in some lone valley

  in some lonesome places

  where the
wild birds do whistle…

  After that, he sags like a full feed sack

  on a couch alongside the TV

  and watches whatever news Your waves are giving.

  His soul lifts out

  like feed from a slit in that sack

  and he's gone

  wore out and give out and plumb used up, Lord.

  What do you want with his heart?

  GROWING LIGHT

  from where i'm from: where poems come from (1999)

  I write this poem

  out of darkness

  to you

  who are also in darkness

  because our lives demand it.

  This poem is a hand on your shoulder

  a bone touch to go with you

  through the hard birth of vision.

  In other words, love

  shapes this poem

  is the fist that holds the chisel

  muscle that drags marble

  and burns with the weight

  of believing a face

  lives in the stone

  a breathing word in the body.

  I tell you

  though the darkness

  has been ours

  words will give us

  give our eyes, opened in promise

  a growing light.

  LINDA PARSONS MARION

  (February 5, 1953–)

  A Tennessee native who grew up in Nashville and has lived in Knoxville for nearly three decades, Linda Marion fondly remembers her maternal grandmother's pivotal role in her early years that were punctuated with frequent moves and an unsettled home life. “I always felt I was in the calm eye of the storm when I was with her.”

  Marion completed her B.A. (1988) and M.A. (1991) in English at the University of Tennessee, where she works as an editor and policy coordinator for the University of Tennessee's internal audit department. “Although editing provides my bread and butter and occasionally concert tickets,” she says, “writing poetry provides something less tangible in my life—but nourishment and music all the same.”

  She is the mother of two daughters, served as poetry editor of Now & Then: The Appalachian Magazine, co-editor of the anthology All Around Us: Poems from the Valley (1996), and remains active in the Knoxville Writers’ Guild. The recipient of the Associated Writing Program's 1990 Intro Award, she has also been awarded two literary fellowships from the Tennessee Arts Commission, the 1995 Tennessee Poetry Prize, and the Tennessee Writers Alliance Award in Poetry in 1996, 2000, and 2001. Her poetry has appeared in a variety of journals and anthologies.

  OTHER SOURCES TO EXPLORE

  PRIMARY

  Poetry: Home Fires (1997). Nonfiction: “Listening for the Hello of Home: A Conversation Between Linda Parsons Marion and Jeff Daniel Marion,” in Her Words (2002), ed. Felicia Mitchell, 178–90. “The Writing Well,” New Millennium Writings (1995–2000), “Rescue from Within,” Sleeping with One Eye Open: Women Writers and the Art of Survival (1999).

  SECONDARY

  Gina Herring, “‘Approaching the Altar’: Aesthetic Homecoming in the Poetry of Linda Marion and Lynn Powell,” Appalachian Heritage 30:2 (spring 2002), 20–30. Linda Lange, “Kindling ‘Home Fires,’” Knoxville News-Sentinel (17 May 1997), B1.

  MULBERRIES

  from Home Fires (1997)

  They fruit themselves into early June

  somewhere between the abelias and

  the blue-balled hydrangeas. In the backyard

  I'm crushing grapes with my skirts held

  high, squishing and purpled, the air rife

  with ferment. I stand in this kitchen

  of smells, the loaded tree a Bordeaux drunk

  slowly, burning all the way to my toes.

  People say cut it down, it doesn't bloom,

  it stains the sidewalk, the rugs, your shoes.

  What's a stain but the mark of memory

  you hope never fades—a spot of red-eye gravy

  from Grandmama's table every Sunday of my life,

  the flow of woman's wine telling my age

  season after season, as sharp as the yellowing

  bouquet I saved from her grave, as delicious

  as the first long day when the bikes come out

  and kids count off streetlights coming on

  from the corner to the bridge, their hands

  and mouths black from berry-eating, believing

  their wheels can take them anywhere.

  TO MY DAUGHTER GOING OFF TO COLLEGE

  from Home Fires (1997)

  One day it will not be enough

  to make perfect pesto, cinnamon coffee,

  and know every little club on Jackson Avenue.

  All this you've learned in secret, striking out

  on your own. I've said the usual mother things:

  There are men downtown who would crack

  you open, leave you drying on the curb.

  Where will your pearl be then?

  I've said, One day you'll see,

  as you counted your bus tokens.

  One day you'll look in the mirror and see

  only furniture. You'll feel a great hole

  in your heart, a weight in your pocket.

  You'll take these crumbs, drop them

  by an ancient moon and, in your darkest hour,

  find yourself at my door.

  I'll take you to the clock on the mantel.

  My grandfather used to scavenge the alley

  for his clocks. That one's made of bedposts.

  He drank, people called him weak.

  I watched him work, a carpenter's hands

  hiding his bottle when I came too close.

  Four daughters, no sons, something less

  than a man. As a girl, my mother must've heard

  him stumbling in, the raucous chiming

  greeting him like children.

  Now light the eye of the stove and smell

  my grandmother's kitchen. I'd stand shivering

  till she struck the long wooden match.

  On Saturdays she bought gladiolus

  for the altar, for the quick and the dead.

  We walked through the hothouse, our palms

  brushed yellow for forgiveness.

  In the dense geranium air

  I clung to her dress like a bud

  at the moment of birth.

  All week she cut buttonholes

  at the Allen Garment Factory.

  Thirty years of service,

  the diamond pin says.

  Up at five, lighting the flame,

  her hands planed smooth by the zig

  and zag of broadcloth.

  I have her hands, people say,

  a woman who lived her faith.

  She believed in the diamond pin,

  in the thirty years. She believed in

  his clocks after he died. She forgot

  the man who sang to his shadow

  and bragged on him finally being saved.

  Sometimes I'll turn on the gas, a smell

  so sweet I'll turn to hold her dress.

  One day all this will be yours:

  You'll sit at a vanity, her milk-glass lamps

  on either side. You'll take her diamond pin

  from the drawer and rub it like a token.

  The moon will look new, you'll get up

  while your daughter is asleep

  to hear the soft ticking.

  And with your whole heart

  you'll know where you've come.

  WELCOME TO THE OTHER SIDE

  from Home Fires (1997)

  FOR ELAYNE

  This Christmas you came all the way

  over. You left the living room minefield

  of tissue paper, indestructible playhouse,

  Obi-Wan reruns, spilled drinks. With plates

  in hand, you crossed over surely as if to another

  country. You're with us now, the women

  of the kitchen, preparers of bre
ad and bandages,

  showers of scars and casseroles, savers

  of foil and string. This summer you'll be married,

  and while you say no children, no children

  for awhile, you'll take what life hands you, a glass

  empty or full. You say I'm yin to your yang—

  my towels straight, yours crooked—whatever is

  opposite or contrary. Still, I see a house

  not too far from here. The woman has learned

  to put raisins on the baby's tray while she vaccuums.

  She gives out the lion's share, but hides

  the Swiss chocolate. She dries mittens

  on the register, wool scenting the air like soup.

  Your hand is in every room, stirring, mending,

  shining, coming closer to the words I have folded

  in hospital corners all these years. Words

  you can pick up like a doll saying mama,

  whole sentences you never thought possible,

  yours from this day forward, to have

  and to hold.

  GOOD LUCK CHARM

  from Home Fires (1997)

  Our hike all done this perfect morning,

  the trail extending its hand to receive us,

  the mist in slow descent to our shoulders

  like the smoke rings I begged from my grandfather

  and his pack of Camels. We went the whole way up

  Greenbrier, past the swept floor under hemlocks,

  the feathery maidenhairs under poplar, past

  the little graveyard, its stones as crusted as moles

  on a stooped back—the babies borned and died

  on the same day in 1890, in 1903, in 1910,

  and the women who joined them

  the next day in heaven.

  Driving down from the trailhead, you saw them:

  the orange hulls of buckeye broken by squirrel

  or groundhog on a river rock. We need all the luck

  we can get, you said and stopped the car.

  We overturned beds of moss and oak for our

  lucky charm, the shiny meat with its dimple

  of brown that just fits in your palm. But the bank

 

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