The Gender Fall

by Bella Forrest

  “It’s too risky,” Ms. Dale replied. “But… I have a thought. I’ll need to talk to Jeff about it.”

  “What is it?” I asked.

  Her lips quirked up and she met my gaze, her brown eyes sparkling. “They have to be letting emergency services in and out of the city,” she said. “It might be easier to call in an emergency, and then hijack their transport.”

  I leaned to rest my shoulders against the back of the chair, considering the idea. On one hand, it was bold. Chances were good the emergency services hadn’t been dismantled yet, which meant most of their workers would still be male. That would get Viggo, Thomas, and Owen into the heart of enemy-controlled territory… I paused, suddenly remembering Owen wouldn’t be there for this mission. I took a minute to allow myself the pang that accompanied the thought, and then turned back to the idea. If it worked, and if they weren’t scrutinized too much at the border…

  “I don’t know,” I said, doubt creeping into my mind. “I’m not comfortable with the idea of holding up an emergency response team, especially if someone else calls needing aid. We could be condemning innocent people to death or serious harm by holding them up.”

  “We have our two doctors,” Ms. Dale replied practically. “And we wouldn’t harm the emergency team. We could even leave a team with them to get them where they needed to go.”

  I bit my lip. “I guess. Check it out with Jeff and then run it by Viggo? It’s workable, but not ideal.”

  “Agreed,” said Ms. Dale, straightening up. “Well, I’ll leave you all to it. If you come up with a breakthrough on the papers, let me know. If not, we’ll see if we can’t brainstorm a few more options before settling on a plan. Don’t worry—this will not be where we get stalled.” She winked at us, and I smiled.

  “I’m sure it won’t,” I said, with more confidence than I felt. I watched her as she left, and then sighed, doubtful. It seemed like every option we explored was coming up short, and without a viable plan to get into the city, we might be forced to rely on our refugee volunteers to carry this vital mission through for us. That was risky, as they had never worked as a unit before—or even been on an operation. It was a lot for them to accomplish with little to no experience.

  Still, I had faith we would figure something out. This had to work. We couldn’t keep chipping away at the edges of what Elena and Desmond were planning. We needed a big win, one that would hurt them deeply. Turning Patrus against them would be just such a blow, and would hopefully rock them both back on their heels.

  I turned over to Thomas to ask what he thought, and then paused when I saw the middle-aged man staring at his hands, a sad look in his eyes.

  “Are you okay?” I asked softly. “I mean, with Owen leaving?”

  Thomas blinked behind his glasses and fidgeted slightly. “No,” he mumbled. He took off his spectacles and began cleaning them on his shirt.

  I hesitated, and then leaned forward. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  He met my gaze again, squinting at me slightly before replacing his glasses on his nose. “What would I say?”

  Shrugging, I settled back in my chair. “I’m not sure,” I replied honestly. “It’s more out of a… social obligation that we ask. I don’t think it’s required that you take me up on the offer.”

  “Would it be wrong of me to do so?”

  “Not at all,” I said with a smile.

  Thomas nodded, his gaze drifting away for a moment. “Have I ever told you how Owen and I met?”

  I shook my head. “No, you haven’t. Would you like to?”

  “I would.” He paused for a second, collecting his thoughts, and then sighed. “A couple of years ago, Desmond had recruited Owen and two Patrian males to join the Liberators. She put Owen in charge, but the other males were… aggressive and short-tempered. Owen was having a hard time keeping them in line.

  “Owen brought them into the sewers after a supply raid had gone off the rails. It was a last-ditch effort to avoid the Patrian patrols. Anyway, after they met me, they started to…” He trailed off, looking away.

  “Bully you?” I offered, and he nodded, meeting my gaze, his dark eyes glistening and his mouth curling in distaste.

  “That would be one word for it. Owen, well, he tried to get them to stop, but they knew what I was, and they were relentless. At one point, they broke my wrist with their ‘teasing.’ I guess that’s when Owen had had enough.” He met my gaze then, his eyes hard and flat.

  “What did he do?” I asked.

  “He crushed some sedatives from one of our first-aid packs into their food, and then tied them up. Then he brought me in to… exact some revenge.”

  “I see,” I whispered, surprised by the bloodthirsty look on Thomas’ face. No wonder Thomas had given Owen his allegiance so completely. The move was ruthless but had a kind of street justice to it, and under the circumstances, I wasn’t sure I could blame Owen or Thomas. “What did you do to them?”

  “Nothing that would be permanent,” Thomas said softly. “Owen wouldn’t allow it. He was hard but fair, so they were in relatively one piece when I finished with them, and they made sure to steer clear of me afterward.” His face tightened almost imperceptibly. “They died on a mission a few months later, and I don’t miss them.”

  “I’m sure you don’t,” I agreed, trying not to let my shock at the callous statement show. This was Thomas—I expected such statements from him now. “Still, I’m sorry Owen didn’t say goodbye to you when he left. It seems like he was one of the few people you were really comfortable with here.”

  Thomas shrugged. “He’s the only one who seems to care. He always makes sure I’m okay, and he… he wasn’t put off by my… social ineptitude. He treated me like a person, not a tool. I mean, while I don’t believe in emotional decision making, it doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings.”

  I frowned, realizing that I, too, had probably been a little cruel to Thomas when I had first met him. At the very least, I still didn’t check in on him as often as I could, and I never told him how much I appreciated him and what he had done for us. I opened my mouth, but Thomas waved me off. “I wasn’t asking for you to do that, Violet,” he announced with some aplomb. “I just… I wanted to share what Owen did for me. That’s all.”

  Licking my lips, I nodded. “Well, I appreciate it.”

  “Besides, there is an eighty-four point three six percent chance Owen will return soon. If I were a gambling man, I would say before the end of the week.”

  “Eighty-four point three six percent?” I blinked, a smile tugging at my lips. “I would not wager against those odds.”

  “Smart move, Ms. Bates.” He met my gaze, a shadow of a smile on his lips. “I so dislike taking from those who have nothing in the first place.”

  I laughed then, my earlier disappointment and sadness evaporating under my delight at Thomas actually making a joke. It was so out of character I couldn’t help but appreciate it even more. Besides, if Thomas said Owen would be back, I knew he would be. Thomas was rarely wrong about these sorts of things.

  Fueled by that burst of optimism, I turned to the computer at my station and cued up the blueprints of Starkrum Stadium, seeing what possibilities it had to offer for our upcoming mission.

  32

  Violet

  Eight hours later, I was in my room, packing my bag, amazed at how quickly everything seemed to have come together. Ms. Dale had her conversation with Jeff, and, after only an hour and a half of what must have been carefully placed questions on Jeff’s part, he had reported back that, almost always, emergency vehicles that left the city were given blanket clearance upon re-entry. Apparently, Elena’s desire to appear merciful had helped play into our hands.

  After that, Jeff had reached out to Anello Cruz, asking if the former fighter turned security advisor would be so kind as to give his family, who were coming into the city to undergo their registration process, a tour of the stadium. He had played to Cruz’s ego, promising that his family were
all huge fans, and the man had fallen for it hook, line, and sinker. I smiled at the very thought. I had no idea how good a valet Jeff had been, but as a spy and manipulator of assets, he excelled.

  And now everyone was getting ready, packing their own equipment, just as I was. There was no way I was going to sit this one out. Not again, not after what had happened the last time. The worry alone had made me sick to my stomach, and this time around there would be little to no communication with our base, as Ms. Dale, Thomas, and Amber had insisted it would be too much of a risk. Using our handhelds that close to Elena’s forces meant a higher chance of them tracing our calls and intercepting us—or finding their way back to our allies.

  I was busy folding up a set of slightly-too-big black pants when the door swung open with a creak and Viggo walked in. He leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms as I finished folding and set the pants in my bag. I tried to make the motion look as effortless as possible, but the cast around my arm made it almost laughable.

  “What are you doing?” Viggo asked roughly.

  I picked up a flashlight, shoving it into the bag as well, and didn’t look at him. “I think it’s pretty obvious.”

  I cringed at the tone of my voice. I had already dropped into defensiveness in anticipation of the fight brewing. I knew Viggo was going to fight me on my decision to go, and I was already snapping at him. It wasn’t right, and it wasn’t how I’d planned to do this.

  I looked up to see him glowering at me. “I’m sorry,” I said, fidgeting slightly. “I didn’t mean to sound snappy.”

  Viggo took a step into the room, turning to close the door behind him. I heard him take a deep breath, in and out, before he came about to face me.

  “We had an agreement,” he said quietly, his eyes dropping to my cast and then rising back up to take in my bare scalp. I reached up to run my fingers over it, feeling the coarse, short hairs prickling me.

  “I know, but I’m fine,” I insisted. “I haven’t had a dizzy spell since—”

  “Yesterday,” Viggo said sternly.

  “How did you know that?” I asked.

  “People in the camp are keeping an eye on you,” he supplied. A flash of irritation made my skull heat up, but he held up his hands, palms out in a calming gesture. “I didn’t request it. Everyone is just worried about you. They want to make sure you aren’t pushing yourself too hard. They keep coming up to me and asking me how you’re doing, telling me all these reasons they’re concerned you’re working too much.”

  I ran my hands over my head again, the emotions that flooded through me at that statement too complicated to parse right now. “Look,” I began, “I’m not saying I need to be with you guys every step of the way. I just… I can’t stay here. Not after last mission. It was… it was torment! I had no idea whether you were okay or not, and my mind kept taking me to dark places.”

  Viggo frowned, his dark brows furrowing over deep green eyes. I took a deep breath, then moved to him, taking one of his hands into my own. “This is who we are, Viggo,” I reasoned. “We… we will never be the ‘stay behind’ type—we are both best in the moment. We both need to be there so that we can help each other, rescue each other… face these trials together.”

  As I spoke, Viggo’s other hand came up and over my left hand, holding it tightly between his two larger ones. “Violet, you know I don’t want you to feel left out. And yes, I agree, as far as teams go, there is no one I would rather have by my side. There is no one I trust more with a mission—and with my life—than you.”

  I smiled up at him, beaming with his praise, but the smile died when I saw the hesitation on his face. “But?” I asked.

  “But you are not in fighting form right now. I say this with all the love in my heart I can possibly offer up… I know this will hurt you, but you are a liability right now.” He bent his knees a little, bringing his face down to my level, his eyes searching my features for a reaction.

  I sighed, turning my face away from him and sliding my hand out from between his. I moved away, each step making me more certain what he was saying was true, even if the truth caused my stomach to churn in frustration. Rubbing my opposite shoulder with my good hand, I turned my eyes upward and exhaled.

  I heard the hard sound of his shoes on the floorboards behind me, and felt his hands come over my shoulders. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I never want to hurt you.”

  “You’re not,” I said, my voice coming out a whisper. “I just don’t think I can do this.” I paused, my throat constricting. I was completely unable to help, and that was what was going to break me down—not the pain, not the unbeatable odds, but the knowledge I was useless.

  “Hey,” Viggo breathed, his voice gentle. I let him turn me around, and he reached out and placed a finger under my chin, lifting my head to meet my gaze. “What’s this really about?”

  I tsked, letting my eyes drift away in embarrassment. “It’s stupid,” I admitted.

  A crooked smile spread on his lips. “Try me.”

  I pulled away from him. “I guess I don’t think I’m leadership material,” I replied honestly, feeling inexplicably vulnerable at my admission. He gave a surprised huff, his smile growing until I got a flash of his white teeth. “You’re laughing at me,” I said sulkily, and he shook his head, his green eyes sparkling.

  “Never,” he said. “The idea that you don’t think you’re leadership material is just a little surprising to me.”

  I moved away, sitting down on the edge of the bed, my face going serious. “When everyone was gone the other night, and then I got that message from Amber about killing the transmission… my mind went to horrible places. I did my best to try to plan for the worst-case scenario, but it wasn’t enough. And then I couldn’t help thinking about how I had to lead everyone, maybe even evacuate them all, when I had no idea where I could even take them. I have no idea how to lead them now… or what to do if this plan doesn’t work.”

  Viggo frowned. “Violet, you did everything you could’ve done, and frankly, I wouldn’t have done anything differently. If you ask Ms. Dale, I bet she’ll agree with me.”

  I doubted his words, even though I knew he wouldn’t lie to me. To be honest, the doubt was directed at myself. It had been growing ever since I had woken up with a shaved head and a lot more limitations than I was used to.

  Viggo, sensing my turmoil, reached over and took my hand. “You are more than capable of this. I trust you implicitly to take care of the people here—and to make decisions on their behalf. Not to mention… if I get captured, I’m going to need you to come rescue me. Just like old times.”

  A laugh escaped my lungs, taking with it some of my mounting apprehension. I shook my head, and then leaned into him, resting on his shoulder. His arm came around my waist, holding me firmly in his embrace.

  “I still don’t like it,” I admitted.

  “I know,” he replied, his breath tickling my exposed scalp. “But this is what happens in war. Sometimes we have to do what we must, instead of what we want.”

  I went silent for a moment, and then asked with a wry smile, “So, if our positions were reversed, you’d be okay with me going and you having to stay behind?”

  Viggo chuckled, pulling me tighter against his side. “I’ve already been there, back in The Green. You and Owen…” He trailed off, and I shot a glance up at him.

  “Are you doing okay with all that? I mean, you seem less robotic now.”

  Viggo’s mouth drew tight, and he shrugged. “Okay? No, definitely not. But I’m, uh, processing. This mission will help, I think. It’ll keep my mind off everything for a while.”

  I looked at his face, noting its tired lines, and reached up to touch his cheek, stroking the rough edges of his beard. “I love you,” I told him. “I don’t care if it takes me a thousand years to convince you it wasn’t your fault—I will never stop trying. And eventually, I will succeed.”

  Viggo paused, regarding me gravely. “Sometimes I wonder why you love me
so much,” he said after a moment. “But honestly, I don’t care. You’re my whole world, Violet. The last couple of weeks have been hell for us, but I promise you, there is an end in sight. Trust me to get the job done.”

  I stroked my thumb over his cheek, nodding. “I do trust you,” I whispered. “I’m going to worry, a lot, but I trust you. Just promise me you won’t take any unnecessary risks.”

  He nodded, his face solemn. “I promise. As long as you promise to do the same.”

  Laughing, I leaned back, raising my hand up to wave it around the room. “I think the most unnecessary risk I could take back here would be to try to argue medicine with Dr. Tierney.”

  Viggo smirked and nodded. “Yeah. Maybe don’t do that one.”

  I smiled, and then, on impulse, wrapped my arms around him, pulling him close. It helped, but not enough to ease the sense of foreboding that seemed to be clinging to everything, making my stomach flutter with uncertainty. I clung to Viggo, breathing in his familiar, masculine scent. As I did so, I realized my ribs barely twinged when his arms came around me, holding me tightly at the waist.

  Something inside me cautiously uncurled. Slowly, his presence was easing the anxiety out of my stomach. I knew it would be back, but right now, I wanted another feeling to cling to. I didn’t want him to go, not yet, and he didn’t seem to want to move either.

  His nose nudged mine, and we stared at each other for a while, eye to eye. Then, feeling daring and just a little bit needy, I pressed forward and caught his lips in a kiss.

  Viggo’s kiss in response was unexpectedly intense. It left me breathless, dizzy, and I clung to him, reeling from the feel of his lips on mine. Sometimes when we kissed, he was demanding and rough, while other times, he was sweet and slow. This kiss was like the latter, but there was something more to it. A soft, gentle urgency that seemed to grow as our kiss continued.

  My breath caught in my throat as he pressed the tip of his tongue to my upper lip, taking a slow, languid taste. My lips parted, but instead of sweeping into my mouth, his tongue continued to taste my lips, savoring them. He gently sucked my lower lip, and I moaned, overwhelmed with pleasure.