Far-out Show (9781465735829)

by Hanna, Thomas

  “Not facing the listed challenges makes you of lesser value to the producers who might decide to abandon you here.”

  “That is the message I have been listening for. The giveaway that you are transmitting this to the producers as I talk it out. Reminder to those listeners who are not supposed to be known then, I did my own checking in places average Ormelexians are not supposed to be able to find out stuff from before I signed to become a contestant. I know about the strong order from the governors that no bodies or zerpies may be left on the planet to be examined by the inhabitants. I know too that research finds that shows on which contestants are terminated by the producers when they are not getting the results they hoped for always fail soon after. The audience considers that cheating and they do not reward cheaters. The audience soon finds other shows to favor and the show-airers find other producers’ to make shows for them that amuse the audience. In the world of profits and influence, nothing that is done stays secret for long. You can transport me back and cancel my role in the show but if you leave me here or activate my self-destruct device you go with me.”

  “Challenge the six-most. What problems?” Wilburps asked.

  “Okay, you heard me so we will move along. The six-most says I must participate in some alien planet entertainment event. There is the same matter of interpretation with little to go on but this is one I might gladly accept if I can find and identify some happening I recognize as an entertainment event for the inhabitants. No making committing promises until I find the particularly relating facts but this seems like it could make for good visuals without unneeded risking if I can figure what the participants are doing and am judging that my abilities will let me do the same like kinds of stuff. Stay tuned on this one.”

  “You will engage in fights with inhabitant types?”

  “My searches through our data bases make me be thinking the types here do activities other than what we would describe as fighting to entertain themselves. If that is turning out to be truly correct and I am able to take part in such goings-on I will truly consider delving in and swimming with the tide if that phrase that I saw listed as one they sometimes say means to me be doing the same as they are and we all are for enjoying it. If there are fights I will at least be able to watch at first to see how they do it and what their limits are before I decide to get into it.”

  “What do you plan to do right now?”

  “I will make an official recording for you to send to the show’s producers. At this time I will be cheering-filled and ready to go at it, my doubts and worries I will make clear as I am becoming more aware of how much what I do not know is making me be in grave danger. The producers will work in what you have been sending without knowing it as they think best. I have much to be thinkening about each minute so there is not much room in my head for worrying about what is not changeable by me without being a big thing. If fame and fortune can still be mine I will put up with and then for a time forget a lot of unhappy making facts and ideas.”

  “That passes the judgment of my programs as appropriate for you to be doing at this time. The producers need material.”

  “They always need material.”

  “That is the obvious nature of the Pacification by Distraction with Entertainment business, Nerber.”

  After another look around to be sure there was no one in sight Nerber removed his hat and wig, checked that his clothes were neat, and smirked at and spoke directly to Wilburps.

  “Hula boola wattinghams to all those in the audience at home on Ormelex. This is the new Amuse and Distract You company's reality entertaining program called The Far-Out Show. I am Nerber, yakkening at you from the distant planet its inhabitants call Earth. My zerpy Wilburps arrived safely with me on the planet surface and I am working on the show challenges, starting with encounterings with specimens of the most intelligent types I can locate on this planet.”

  Tell about the reverse translation.

  “Yes, to free up my zerpy to do a lot of other jobs, my reports will be sent in the translation form of the most commonly used talk-talk in the messages beamed around this planet. They will then be retranslated back so you can follow the events with no sweatering or not-conveniencing.”

  Tell them what else to expect.

  “The show challenges call for me to get physical with a local, all in view of the zerpy of course. My first time to see if that could happen was a did-not but I will be looking out for other chances since you like that stuff muchly as we all know. I will record for your amusement any interesting behaviors of the planet's inhabitants. I will also bring home images of as many local types as possible, with primary interesting of course on the advanced animate types. Wintzerph dinky dork, how low can I go? Oh, I am also challenged to create a grand monument here that can be seen by our zerpy in high orbit so you can marvel at it in our reports sent to your home. For now I do not see how I can do that but if it was for truly easily as falling things off logjams to accomplish it would not much challenging be is a yes, no?”

  Show them your cover-ups.

  “To pass unnoticed among the local types I need to cover my feet with these things that are like what they call boots. They are very nasty and I only wear them to win the contest.”

  He put on the wig and the hat. “The biggest type I have found so far also have oddly-shaped heads so I put on these hiding things so they do not be scary or point their fingers and laugh about me. So far these are making the job be done okay since none I have met have been scary or made pointy fingers.”

  Wrap it around for now.

  Nerber smiled and waved at Wilburps. “This is Nerber sending messages from the distant planet Earth. Watch for my next report here on the A.D.U. entertaining stuff, The Far-Out Show.”

  He freeze-framed himself for a moment, then looked around. “Good. That is done so I need to go be of a focused type on other challenges.”

  “You are committing to the list after all?”

  “Everything about this adventure is a challenge, not only the put down in a list things. I am for big image imagining. Have they admitted they received the transmission?”

  “There is solely silence. I detect no signals. This is not a standard situation. If I were able to be afraid I might be and think I was correct for being that way. They are not sending and there is no way for me to detect if they are receiving.”

  “What could this mean?”

  “That they have lost all power. Maybe that Whizybeam has been in some way destroyed.”

  “Monitor the inhabitants’ news signals, Wilburps. Is there talk-talk about them destroying what they saw by what they call their moon?”

  “There are no claims about anything happening in that location but perhaps they do not want us to know.”

  “My sense is that the inhabitants here cannot not talk-talk about what is happening so their silence means nothing. That Matt guy revealed that they report as the latest version of the information what is the same as the old version but repeated. Who at home misunderstood and claimed there might be more than low level smarts here?”

  “The signals are restored.”

  “Do they offer you any explaining to make it like to pretend it was not important?”

  “Nothing. They do signal that they received your material though.”

  Nerber prepared himself then stepped to where the zerpy would have a good view of him and went into a fretful fit of pacing. “What it can only mean like maybe? Silence is my only sign that I am for all time stranded on this foreign world? What was I not thinking to realize the true dangers? Why did they not make more certain that I knew the what-could-happens and did more than be trustful of our Ormelexian smarts and systems? Halt, Nerber. Making yourself pulled together. You are a brave explorer on a mission. You came this long way to give entertaining to the audience. This noble cause must make you be sustained through even a great tragedy like you are left like you are dead. The others must have been destroyed too so be acting brave to be worthy of cheers
from those happy to watch you die for their amusement. You are a hero. Amuse the masses to the end.”

  He walked out of the gazebo and off to the side where he was then out of sight for the moment behind a tall shrub. End that as a signal and transmit it, Wilburps.

  Message received and signal sent. Will we continue to communicate silently?

  Are you in do-not-transmit-without-my-instruction mode?

  Yes.

  Nerber stepped back into view and reentered the gazebo. “Then we can go back to me making talk-talk to you to give you making the translating practice. I am full of decision to help the show by finding many whatever can be detected living types.”

  “The producers sent messages to remind you to do that.”

  Nerber slung Wilburps over his shoulder backpack-style and walked into the nearby woods. This was not a vast and dense forest but it was more than half of the roughly three-city-block-square park and formed a C-shape around the large open area with the mowed grassy playing field, pond, and gazebo.

  When he was far enough in among the trees and shrubs to barely make out the brighter area that would be the edge, Nerber put the zerpy down where it hovered a foot above the ground. Then he tapped several spots on the top.

  “Why are you locking my recording range to only this area and fixing me in place here, Nerber?”

  “You are to record all the living forms within that limited range, large and small. It is best if not the distractions there are to confusioning things. Is maybe you would scare the life having beings with turning and moving to find more of the kinds that are here so you are doing the bestest job to stay still. I set your controls to ease your processing by making it that others cannot override my decision from afar. You will do well and be proud for the show. As you do that important looking and seeing I will sneaky the Pete and look from inside this strange place to where I may spot any other large beings I maybe can interact with to meet them and do the challenges. All will be well.”

  “What are you worried for?”

  “You clever make in detecting that I hesitate whether that last one I met might have sent others to do me harm since the get physical did not be okay. I choose to take this stepping to the side to make me be feeling in the confident way.”

  “Understood. This may... No, this is not okay with the producers whose commands are not making the success in trying to change the restraining things you have programmed for me. They order you to change me back to full range and freedomly moving.”

  “This way for it to be happiness gives me and matches you to the task they have called for you to be doing here. Such typical dismilquam from those at the far spot. Do somethings but don’t do any hows what is needed to have that be done. I am seeing ever more and more that we should ignore them and let them putting their heads on in a corrected style. Stay. Record in short range solely.” He walked away, going in the direction that he knew the zerpy would have the least useful view of him.

  When he had gone a distance Nerber stepped behind a clump of thick shrubs and looked back. He was reassured when he looked and saw that the zerpy had not been able to make any move to keep him in sight.

  When he was close enough to see the street but was still pretty much hidden among the trees he looked around for any large beings out there or in here among the foliage with him. Finding he was alone as he intended, he pulled his mini-zerpy off his hat. It came off easily in his hand, revealing that although it stayed firmly in place when he wanted it to it was not actually pinned there.

  “Now, Wowseyla, you were set to pick up from Wilburps the ways to do the translation making so I can continue with the noting down of my thoughts to have my remembering bits when they will do me muchness of good. Released you are.” He let go of the device but it hovered in front of him at the same height as when he held it.

  “Command panel.” A virtual control panel several times the size of the device appeared beside it and convenient to his reach. “First I will make a trying at your far-in-aboveness-of-zerpies-made-before-your-design. Positive reply signal received. You can contact Whizybeam’s systems. No coming-after-that changes detected. So you can do that without making Whizybeam’s systems reveal your signals to the crew. Fine is that news to my plans.”

  He considered for a moment, then said, “View-screen.” A ten-inch-square virtual view-screen appeared above Wowseyla. “When I see danger closing around me I want to know if can I get myself safely away. Can I transport me back to Whizybeam on my own signal whether they are alert or not? Test is happening now.”

  He watched the view-screen where a line of four red dots blinked. Those disappeared and promptly reappeared in sequence.

  “Test result is no. The transport system does not signal it is active and able to bring me to Whizybeam.”

  A series of lines of text appeared on the screen. “There are recent changes in Whizybeam’s systems.” He typed in some code and waited. Other lines of text appeared. “It does not come out clear if those changes are because of my test signal. It is not my wish for the crew to find yet that I have a way other than Wilburps to send signals to Whizybeam. So for this time I will not test the other code sequences that might let me return there at my command whether they want me to or not.”

  He said, “Tucked away form.” The view-screen and control panel disappeared. The zerpy continued to hover in place.

  “Remembering notes continued. I am told to record the widest range of visuals and sounds. They do not telling to me but I am knowing this is to get more of exotic foreign backgrounds and bits for the making-it-up technicians to use to make amusements for the masses. I against that am not having many strong feelings. With images having some basis in what is for true here, techs with imagining skill can make up stories that the many will okay as could be for how it was and stay distracted and going the easy way. Note that Wowseyla does so fine as Wilburps the task of translation-making so it did a no-touching download of all that stored material from the older zerpy. This is making me have great confidence in what Wowseyla will assist me in pulling off.”

  When he finished making his notes he touched the zerpy to his hat – where it floated to the exact spot it had been in earlier and stuck tight there.

  * * *

  Elsewhere in Swiftyville, high school seniors Ricky and Brad were walking through the parking lot of a convenience store when Ricky noticed what looked like a rather beat-up football on the ground. He ran to it and grabbed it up, shouting playfully, “Go long, Man.”

  Brad broke into a run, signaling that he was ready to receive the ball. But to Ricky’s surprise when he threw the “ball” it soared over a solid fence behind his pal out of sight.

  Over there the “ball” suddenly imploded, seeming to be sucked into itself in a way that would have made no sense to any witnesses but conveniently there were none of those.

  When the boys came around the fence looking for the thrown item it was nowhere to be found. Ricky said, “It went way farther than I expected. I want to see what’s so weird about it.”

  Brad agreed. “You can’t throw very good so that made no sense but I was ready for it if it acted right. I’m a good receiver even if I didn’t go out for the team. Where is it?”

  “I don’t see it. That’s even weirder.”

  “Hey, maybe that was the alien everybody seems so spooked about. It saw what it’d be up against dealing with jocks like us and took the fast shuttle home.”

  They both laughed.

  Ricky got out his cell phone. “I should spread the word to watch for disappearing aliens. This could be worth a few laughs. What the hell, if the news guys want an interview about my close encounter of the grungy football kind I’ll go along with that.”

  “The big question will be whether the girls want to be touched by the hand that touched an alien or want to stay far away from that hand.”

  “Yeah. But it’d be about groping, not just touching.”

  “Of course. I know you.”

 
Chapter 08

  Well kept, good-sized older single houses lined both sides of tree-lined Elmworm Street that intersected Oakline Street two blocks from the park. The corner properties had noteworthy clumps of mature shrubs and a tree or two on the lawns and near the sidewalks.

  Nerber, toting Wilburps backpack-style, came up Oakline Street hoping to talk to Adam Parker whom he could see from a distance as the man trudged across the intersection toting six plastic bags of groceries. Pale and weak because of an illness, Parker was thirty but looked older. The faded old baggy trousers and shirt he wore didn’t help him look hale or hearty.

  Parker glanced to the side and saw Nerber. With an exaggerated sigh of relief the man set his bags down. He didn’t look directly toward Nerber, only sneaked a glance to see if this person would try to avoid him. A tiny bit of a smile crossed his face when it was clear Nerber wanted to talk.

  “Is it a nice day today, yes?” Nerber asked pleasantly.

  “Not if you made the mistake of trying to carry too much home in one trip,” Adam replied with hint, hint dripping from the words and his sigh.

  “I gladly meet you. I am called Nerber.”

  “I'm Adam Parker. I live not far down the street but I haven't been well. I'm not sure I can carry all these bags there myself.”

  Nerber stared hard at Parker, ready to smile but not sure if he was being teased.

  Parker was confused by this reaction. “What's the matter?”

  “This is for reality? You are Adam, the first of yours by your book?”

  Parker thought about that for a moment then responded, “My name is Adam but no, I'm not the one from the garden of Eden. There are a lot of men named Adam around these days. But I am a man so tuckered out he may not make it down this street with all his heavy bags though.”

  “With not much information about your kind I get... Is befuddled a word?” Nerber asked.