Far-out Show (9781465735829)

by Hanna, Thomas

  “I have my orders about you too.”

  “We are to destroy one another if we are about to be captured?”

  “That is what we both just learned since I did not know about your instructions until now. But also those mechanisms can be activated remotely. Not one of us blowing up the other, but the producers ending us both from afar.”

  “Since I am programmed to watch for signs of it in you and give you either a rah-rah or recommend you take some medicinals I calculate that if I could be depressed I would be now.”

  “Then you understand me. No return signals may mean I am stuck here. But that worry is complicated by knowing the inhabitants here are hunting for me to kill me without giving me a chance to reason with them.”

  “Maybe a self-triggered self-destruct device does make a kind of sense.”

  “No, I did not come all the long way here to die without making a difference in the universe! I must find a way around this problem. To zoytheus with the show's official challenges, this is the one I must face and deal with. I am a winner!”

  “You only need to make a plan.”

  “First things in the first place. Many inhabitants are searching for me to destroy me so I must not be found. At least not by any who will turn me in or harm me themselves. Therefore I have a plan. I will find inhabitants who will protect me.”

  “Where will you find such protectors?”

  “Give me a chance! I am new here. I must look around.”

  “What about me?”

  “I cannot do this alone, you must translate and advise me. We are in this together even though I cannot trust you since you are not able to control your own systems.”

  “At least you know that so you can be wary.”

  “Tell me what does ‘a whitish rabbit date’ mean?”

  “You said it, not me.”

  “But I only say things I am not familiar with because you send me the stimuli. Where did this image come from? What does it refer to?”

  “It is stored in my data base as a reference to a story many of the inhabitants may have heard about. Why is it of concern?”

  “It is not of concern, only a thing I wondered on.”

  With that Nerber guided Wilburps around to face him close up and directly, staring hard at the device. “Perhaps the lost and gargled signals are signs that there is something wrong inside you, Wilburps. I am a trained zerpy engineer, I maybe can fix things without making it all not work properly so you will not send any signals and the contact will be lost at both sides. Without the proper tools it is making a big risk come to be but lost return comments are a big major gigantic problem and worth some hazard to complicate.”

  “Caution, Nerber. Without a working zerpy you cannot signal the producers, get alerting warnings or pleasing news from them, or do more than make gestures and sounds that will make you seem hostile or at least of low intelligence to the inhabitants.”

  “A truly sure observation. But a defective zerpy is no better than a not-here-to-be-used one. Or one with a program to be activated by code words. Perhaps maybe like ‘a whitish rabbit date’. Could that be a slip you are supposed to respond to with some action but were not supposed to let me know about, especially not suggest I say? Or maybe perhaps so much stress is making me paranoid and I am falling apart to become useless. If I destruct you as of no utility I can hide your bitsy pieces and not be needing to explain or protect you from any inhabitant types. Weighting the alternations is a considering thing I must be doing.”

  “You will surely be not able to return to Ormelex with no zerpy able to be assisting with your deeds.”

  “You have been helpful but working right you are not and that makes you deanferdupe. Not the sad solid feelings but surviving, even if I must stay here to do it, is the bottom-most lineage.”

  “The signals have become strong and are no longer fritzerish. No reason can I give, but report that I should and did.”

  “Test complete. Message sent, but will they accept it? Wagers are against it,” Nerber whispered to himself.

  “You must speak up for me to take your directions. Repeat of your talk-talk is requested.”

  “I should attempt a try to find out what is happening here. Can you detect the message signals of the inhabitants?”

  “Only to a bit. Better reception instructions are promised but have not yet downloaded.”

  “Therefore sneaky sneaky like a Pete goes the explorer. When they need to know, I have some control.”

  * * *

  Nerber crept up close to the corner property house to crouch among the low shrubs by an open window to eavesdrop on the TV news program. Wilburps hovered beside him.

  The large family guard dog rushed silently around the corner of the house, eager to deal with these intruders on its turf. Nerber saw it coming and gave a little yelp of fear.

  Wilburps emitted a high-pitched beep. The dog promptly turned tail and as silently as it came rushed back around the house to hide. Nerber gave Wilburps the Ormelexian equivalent of a thumbs-up thank you gesture.

  On the TV reporter Beth Regards said, “Our latest assessment is that there is widespread interest but so far no full out panic about claims of recently arrived alien beings among us. We are told by the president that all available technologies are being focused on identifying any alien signals. A ranking official admits the military have no idea what such signals would be like so they are unlikely to detect anything useful but they are ordering it anyway to reassure the public. Many local vigilante groups are forming. The Internet is said to be clogged with calls for recruits and hints on how to identify and deal with any aliens.”

  Nerber ducked farther when the TV was turned off. He pulled Wilburps down close as a man closed the window from inside without noticing them out there.

  After a moment Nerber dashed back to the corner planting with Wilburps floating at waist-height close behind him.

  Chapter 10

  Nerber sat on the ground in among the big shrubs, out of breath and scared. Wilburps faced him, hovering a foot off the ground. “As of now I abandon all plans to complete the show's dumb challenges and focus my attentions on staying alive in any case - and staying free if I can manage that too.

  “I am open to receiving signals from the producers but I will also monitor the earth signals now that I have deciphered how to do that. The inhabitants will not surprise us since they cannot stop their talk-talk with nothing of difference to add about what they are planning and where any hunters are.

  “Take note of word among them of any captures, Wilburps. If several of the contestants made it safely to the surface we are each a danger to all the others. Once the inhabitants know for sure we are here they will not stop looking until they find and destroy us all.”

  “There is talk-talk among them about some signals they detect but cannot understand and suspect could be messages between invaders. To be plain, that would likely be us and our comrades in orbit. Their leaders are trying to reassure the little guys by suggesting this is how they will find and remove any threat.”

  “That does it. Send this, Wilburps. Attention producers or the guys on Ormelex, this will be my last report unless I get a clear response to tell me I am being heard, not just fritzerish garble. The inhabitants are trying to track uninvited visitors to their planet to destroy them by following any unusual signals so these transmissions have become a danger to me. What was I thinking when I agreed to be part of this show? Brave, but he now sees naïve, Nerber signs off - maybe forever.” He gestured that that was the end of the message.

  “Do you want to review and edit it?”

  “Send it and then we will move. If it brings their armed defenders down on this spot we do not want to be here.”

  “The message is sent. Their talk-talk says vigilantes will be our biggest problem. The signs are that, as on Ormelex, any official action will take days to get organized as the different authorities squabble about who gets any credit or blame.”

  * * *r />
  There was no sign of anyone home in this house at the far end of the block from where they had been hiding. Nerber and Wilburps stood in the backyard tool shed, the door ajar to watch for anyone coming near.

  “Too bad. Guessing the functions of the many items in here would make a great show segment but I will not send the report and the show format would not allow for that anyway. Signals?”

  “There are garbled bits but that may be static rather than one of the preset coded warnings,” the zerpy replied.

  “There are preset coded warnings?” His tone made it clear that this was news to him.

  “The producers decided that sending some important messages in the clear might make problems worse. For instance, a certain garble means we have been detected but they cannot rescue us at the moment.”

  “Are you detecting that garble?”

  “It is not quite correctly garbled so I cannot be for certain sure. The alternative is that it might be a trick signal sent by a competitor trying to spook you into giving up the contest.”

  “I did not think about that. Unless the inhabitants are talking about captured intruders I will go with the conclusion that we are cut off from contact and need to try to avoid capture until things change.”

  “A logical and prudent course of action or inaction.”

  “I dislike feeling abandoned by the producers but I dislike the idea of being killed by the inhabitants even more. Was I wrong to sign up as a challenge show contestant to get a few moments of celebrity and glory followed by a life of leisure supported by my winnings? Am I a bad guy for wanting to be the best at an obscure worthless skill?” Nerber glanced at Wilburps and gestured for him to respond.

  “Were those not rhetorical questions intended only to vent your frustration? I do not know what response you want.”

  Nerber angrily banged his fist on the shed wall - causing a distinct rumbling noise. Several small tools fell from hooks on the wall to the floor with further clatter. He cringed, ducked, and jumped around to avoid the items moving around his feet.

  “At least my frustration shows. I have gotten no encouragement from the producers or anyone at home since we arrived on the surface. And just that quick the inhabitants are looking to kill me without even trying to get to know me as a niceness guy. This is not the way I dreamed it happening. I almost for sure am losing the control of myself. The badness feelings of panic and despair are itching around my mind.”

  “I am not programmed to be helpful at a time like this.”

  “No, the producers want the contestants to deal with all the problems on their own. That is what the audience wants to watch. The harder and more gruesome things are, the more the watchers enjoy it as they hope it will get even worse for me. But if I am stuck on this planet I have to think about what is best for me. Maybe I should even turn you off so you cannot be secretly sending any of this without telling me. Are you doing that, Wilburps?”

  “I am not aware that I am sending any signals to the producers except when you tell me to but I remind you again that my wiring could allow that without my control centers knowing.”

  “I am a trained zerpy engineer so I know for more truly certain that you can. Fampfuzzle! What is the point of going on when I am a failure, not a hero, to the citizens of Ormelex?”

  “Why not be an ambassador instead of an invader, Nerber? Be bigger than your problem, be a problem-solver.”

  “I did fantasize that when I visited this world I would be greeted as a brave, noble representative of my fellow Ormelexians here to extend friendly greetings and good wishes.”

  “Forget that, you are hated but that is because they do not know you so they fear you. Become their friend and share some of your wisdom with them and they may spare you.”

  “Do I have wisdom I can share or spare?”

  “Surely. They are obviously primitives. There is much you can teach to them.”

  “That is a good idea. If they see I am an intelligent being even if I am a contestant on a dumb reality show they will respect me and want to keep me safe and comfortable to learn from me. But I must move quickly, before a mob shows up with only killing in their heads as would happen at home. Can you detect any signals that might be the inhabitants probing to detect us?” Nerber asked, his nervousness obvious.

  “This place is noisy and chaotic with signals so I cannot be for certain sure. None seem to fit the pattern I would predict their leaders would use for that purpose. There are some that I can describe as strange but I cannot say whether they are threats.”

  Nerber turned his head away from Wilburps before he looked upwards toward his hat. He resisted the strong urge to reach up and touch Wowseyla as he thought about doing. He said, “Tell me about the strange signals. Possibly they are ones I might have some thoughts about. Is the source of any close by?”

  “Close by as within your visual range, no. As within long but possible walking distance of this spot, maybe. Some others seem to be coming from Whizybeam but are not on the standard transmission levels.”

  “Tell me about the ones from this area.”

  “Those might be a type of probing but they are more like what the inhabitants would call tickles. They may elicit some response from you that you are not aware of.”

  “They are targeted on me, not on you or our technology?”

  “That seems to be the case. They are weak, highly localized, and come from a source at the planet’s surface. Nothing more about the source is obvious.”

  “A small device probably operated by a single inhabitant rather than part of a government system?”

  “An analysis consistent with the available information.”

  “Tell me about the strange signals from Whizybeam.”

  “Those are commands and feedback demands that make no sense.”

  “Do those seem intended primarily or at least definitely for you to receive and respond to?”

  “There are no signature codes to say yes to that.”

  “What are the source-identifying signature codes?”

  “Those are not detectable. I have repeatedly sent the standard signals to indicate I need those before I can respond.”

  “What was the answer?”

  “There has not been one. First I sent the signals on the assigned levels of Whizybeam but got no response. Then I sent them on the level they were arriving on but still got no response. The signals seem to be checking Whizybeam’s systems and testing if they could override some.”

  “Interesting and worrisome. If they mean that some parts of Whizybeam’s systems are slipping out of central control then things could fall apart, possibly even literally. Or there are forces at work up there that none of us know for sure about.”

  “Tell me your thoughts on that subject, Nerber.”

  That refocused the Ormelexian. He had slipped and said aloud what he should only have been thinking. “Uh, I have no thoughts. My concerns are that strange signals can mean system problems and they may need to retrieve us without warning. I am verifying that we both have our transporter buttons in place and seemingly intact.”

  “Whizybeam confirms that those tests are operational.”

  “New transmission?”

  “Received as you mentioned your concern.”

  “So you are back in contact with Whizybeam?”

  “Yes, that was the first clear signal in some time.”

  “Did they receive my most recent message about my intentions? You did send that when I finished did you not?”

  “It was sent. They signal that I should resend it since it was not received intact. That is done.”

  “Ask what they can tell me about the situation here? How much danger am I in?”

  “The signal is breaking up. Noise interferes.”

  “The same as during the earlier periods when we could not get meaningful signals?”

  “The same. What will you do now?”

  “Consider the options as I check for local interference,” Nerber sai
d as he pushed on several control spots on the zerpy. “I am going to look around but a floating zerpy will attract unwanted attention so you will remain in this place.”

  “Protests are made of this plan of action.”

  “This makes the point that communications with the producers are so unreliable that I must take control of things here myself. You will stay and I will look for a place to find more long-term shelter and maybe a way to actual safety.”

  “You must not leave me here immobilized.”

  “You will be as safe as you would be by my side.” He stepped out and closed the tool shed door.

  He called quietly through the door, “If I need translating I will come quickly to get you but I am not seeking contact on this particular journey of discovery.”

  “The signal has cleared. You are warned you will be disqualified for going off without your official zerpy along to record events.”

  Nerber heard that but didn’t respond. He hurried across the open area of the yard to where he could get out of sight among the tall shrubs.

  Once in there he looked out in several directions hoping to see any inhabitant who had spotted him. Seeing no one he relaxed a little. He took Wowseyla off his hat and left the mini-zerpy hovering to record him as he spoke.

  “I am convinced that the producers are deliberately not replying to me even though they hear every word said while I am near Wilburps. I judge that this is because they judge that I am better show material when I look anxious and on the verge of spifgrez. I respect their sense of drama for the entertainment of the masses but find being on the worrying end of things ever more unpleasant. I almost fell into their snare and did a big show for them of yelling and jumping around and calling them names. They want me to get anxious and desperate since that will amuse the audience the most. It is to my credit that I recognized that doing those things would reinforce them in the strategy of mistreating me to get the reactions they want. They won’t be more honest with me as a result.

  “It was part of my plan from the start to hold back some material to use on my own terms when I get home. Starting now what and how much I will block from them increases a lot. I did not intend to cheat, only to give myself material to use to open doors and perhaps even minds when they were done with me. I always knew that as a show contestant I would be a hero one day and a was-once the next. The way to repay the abusing ways of the producers is to make my own success that they have no part in. The only laws that protect me are those of supply and demand. If I offer the audience the better material, I win. When it is clear how much I have that they don’t, they will try to claim it. Only to discover that the laws do not give them much of an advantage since they went to much trouble to work outside those to be sure the contestants and others could not use the law to protect themselves.”