Redemption

by Carolyn Davidson

  “You’re in another world, Alicia,” he said with a wide smile. “Here I’ve brought you a gift, and you’re too wrapped up to take notice.”

  “Me?” she asked in surprise. “A gift for me? Whatever are you talking about?”

  “Follow me to the house and I’ll unload your present, and put away the buggy for you.”

  She turned to peer into the back of the wagon and her mouth dropped open in amazement. The tallest pine tree she’d ever laid eyes on was in the wagon bed, green and bushy and very obviously intended to be used as a Christmas tree. She looked at Cord and was filled with mixed emotions.

  “Jason told me that Jake won’t have a tree in the house since Rena died,” she said sadly. “They didn’t even celebrate for the last three years.”

  “Don’t I know it,” Cord said fervently. “Rachel about had a fit when she found out that Jake had deprived the boy of all the holiday fun. We ended up coming into town and taking him home with us for a couple of days. That might have been a mistake, since it only served to put Jake in the doldrums even more.”

  He waved at the tree with one gloved hand. “This is my solution to the problem this year. I figure you’re capable of decorating the thing with Jason’s help, and you can certainly hold your own against Jake, no matter how ornery he gets.”

  “Well, thanks for the vote of confidence,” she said dryly. “I hope there’s room for me out at your place if you’re wrong.”

  Cord pulled his team up short in front of the big white house and jumped to the ground. Alicia slid quickly from the buggy and opened the gate, allowing Cord to pass through before her. At the porch, she turned and shot him a long look.

  “Don’t be surprised if he shoots the both of us,” she warned him. “If he didn’t want a tree decorated last year, I doubt if he’ll have changed his mind.” She opened the big door and watched as Cord carried the tree into the parlor.

  “What the hell is that for?”

  Closing her eyes, she sent up a brief prayer for patience, then scurried in Cord’s wake, recognizing the need to serve as buffer between the brothers. “Isn’t this fine?” she asked heartily. “Cord brought us a tree, and I was thinking I’d have to go out and find one on my own.”

  “We’re not having a tree,” Jake said harshly. “Cord can just turn right around and drag it out of here.”

  Alicia strode to where Jake sat beside the fireplace and faced him, determined he should not win this battle. If for no other reason than for Jason’s sake. “You needn’t be involved in this, Jake. If you don’t want to enjoy our Christmas tree, that’s fine with me. Jason and I can decorate it by ourselves. I’ve done a lot of things to please you, but this isn’t going to be one of them. This tree will be put in a stand and will be placed in front of the big windows.”

  “The hell it will.”

  She’d never heard his voice so firm, never known his stance to be quite so rigid. For a moment, she hovered between backing down and taking a stand of her own. Her hopes for a joyous Christmas hung in the balance, and she determined that Jake McPherson would not rob her of the beauty of this season.

  “I say the tree stays,” she told him. “You can park in your room for the next ten days if you like, but the tree will be here in the parlor.”

  “Who gave you control over my life?” he asked bluntly, ignoring Cord’s uneasy presence.

  Alicia turned to Cord, refusing to be baited by Jake’s sullen query. “Shall I find some pieces of wood to make a stand?” she asked.

  “I’ll handle it,” he told her, obviously thankful to take his leave with haste.

  She turned back to Jake, only to watch as he left the parlor, his chair heading at a rapid speed into the hallway and toward the back of the house. The bedroom door closed with a bang, and she felt quick tears come to her eyes.

  “Miss Alicia?” From the kitchen, Jason called her as he stomped his way across the hallway, seeking her whereabouts. “What’s goin’on?” he asked. “I saw Uncle Cord’s wagon out in front.” Then he caught sight of the pine tree, and his eyes opened wide. “Is that for us? Are we really gonna have a Christmas tree this year?”

  It was enough to solidify her resolve. “We certainly are,” she said firmly. “You’ll need to show me where the decorations are, Jason. We’ll do this together.” She saw the boy’s face light up and it was enough to make this whole fuss worthwhile, she decided. “Your father doesn’t want it here, but it’s staying, anyway.”

  “He’s gonna be really mad at you,” Jason murmured, looking over his shoulder as if seeking Jake’s presence.

  “He already is,” Alicia said agreeably. “He’ll just have to change his mind, won’t he?”

  CORD BUILT THE TREE STAND quickly, and Jason helped him secure it in place before the windows, then called Alicia in from the kitchen for her approval. She nodded, pacing from one side to the other, and then smiled. “It’s perfect,” she announced.

  “I took care of the buggy, put the mare in her stall and hung up the harness,” Cord said. “My good deed for the day.” He looked around with a frown. “Where’s Jake?”

  “In his room. I suspect he’ll be staying there for the duration.”

  “Won’t Pa come out to the kitchen to eat?” Jason asked, his mouth turning down.

  “We’ll see,” Alicia answered, not at all certain what would be the outcome of this whole undertaking.

  As it turned out, Jake chose to eat in his room, silent and morose, looking put-upon. As well he might be, Alicia decided, trying her best to be fair with him. This was his house and she probably didn’t have the right to override his objections. But the house was her home, too, and she felt she was within her rights on this issue. She’d thought he was beyond the foolishness of honoring Rena’s death by denying the joy of Christmas to his son.

  Jason took her to the attic after supper and they found dusty boxes of ornaments and candle holders, plus a wooden, hand-carved set of angels and shepherds in a box. Beneath the miniature figures was a manger, complete with a tiny child, and accompanied by figures which could only have been meant to represent Mary and Joseph.

  It brought tears to her eyes as Jason carefully explained that his mother had ordered the set made especially for the last Christmas they’d shared as a family. Jason’s fingers touched each individual piece as he spoke, and Alicia was touched by the sadness in the boy’s face.

  “She’d be happy if she knew you were going to set it up in the parlor this year,” she told him.

  “Do you think she knows?” Jason asked, his eyes hopeful.

  “I suspect she might,” Alicia said carefully. “We don’t always know about things that are beyond our understanding, Jason. So long as your mother is alive in your heart, and you cherish her memory, she will have an influence on you.”

  “She’d be mad if she knew I’d let those men out of jail, wouldn’t she?” he asked glumly. “She’d probably have cried.” He looked up at Alicia. “She cried one time when I got in trouble with Pa, and she made him let me off easy.”

  “Your mother loved you, Jason. I’m sure she was sad when she realized she was leaving you.”

  “Miss Alicia,” he began slowly. “Do you think my mama would be happy if she knew you were here with us now?”

  Alicia’s heart pumped more rapidly as she responded. “I’d like to think so. She loved you, and I’m sure she would’ve wanted you to have someone to look after you and make sure you were kept clean and well fed.” She reached to him and ran her fingers through his hair. “Speaking of that, you need a haircut, young man.”

  He wrinkled his nose, a reaction she’d expected, and she laughed. “I love you, Jason.” Before she thought, the words were spoken aloud, and the boy looked up at her with astonishment.

  “You do?” he asked. “How come? I’ve been bad a lot, Miss Alicia.”

  “No,” she said firmly. “You’ve done some things you shouldn’t have. But you’re not a bad boy, Jason. Don’t ever think that of you
rself.”

  She thought his eyes teared up, but it was difficult to tell, for he stepped closer to her and his arms circled her waist and his head pressed against her bosom. “If you say so, ma’am,” he whispered. He looked up at her, and his smile was like sunshine on a dreary day.

  “I love you, too, Miss Alicia. I really do. I’m glad you married my pa.”

  She sighed. “I’m not sure he’s too happy about that right now,” she murmured. “But I’m sure he’ll come around.”

  It took two days. Two long, dreary days in which Alicia discovered the depths of Jake’s stubborn streak. He stayed in his room, venturing forth finally on the third morning. “Why haven’t you been sleeping with me?” he asked harshly, rolling his chair into the kitchen.

  Alicia stood by the table, a knife in her hand, midway through slicing a loaf of bread.

  “Are you gonna throw it at me?” he asked.

  “The bread or the knife?” She continued her task as she spoke, averting her gaze from his.

  “I’ll take the bread gladly. I’m hungry,” he told her.

  “You know where the food is kept. You’ve no need to be hungry in this house,” she said. She looked up at him. “Are you planning on eating breakfast at the table with me?”

  “I suppose so,” he answered, rolling closer to the spot where he normally sat for meals. “Am I welcome?”

  “It’s your house, Jake. As you so nicely reminded me the other day.”

  “So I did.” He reached for a piece of the bread and she lifted the knife, pointing it in his direction.

  “You can wait till I have the food on the table,” she told him sharply.

  “Yes, ma’am,” he said humbly. But she thought she caught a glimpse of his rare good humor in the smile he had trouble suppressing. He folded his hands and watched as she finished with the meal preparations, his gaze fixed on the plate of eggs and sausage she placed before him. “I don’t suppose you made pancakes, did you?” he asked hopefully. “I thought I heard them sizzling on the griddle when I opened the bedroom door earlier.”

  “I made pancakes,” she said, turning to the warming oven to bring forth a platter rounded with the light, golden-brown circles.

  “Oh, boy.” Jason stood in the doorway, his eyes bright with anticipation as he surveyed the meal she’d prepared. “I’m sure glad it’s Saturday, Pa. We got all day to do stuff for Christmas.” Then his face sobered and he shot a brief glance toward Alicia.

  “Can I help?” Jake asked quietly, and Alicia sent up a quick prayer of thanksgiving for the minor miracle wrought in this moment.

  “We can use all the help we can get,” she said. “I’ve cookies to bake, and Jason has something he needs help wrapping. The two of you can frost my cookies and cut up the fruit for my fruitcake.”

  “How come we hafta do all the hard work?” Jason asked, his eyes twinkling as he shared the moment with his father.

  “It’s just the fate of the men in the family, I guess,” Jake told him. “What would Alicia do without us?”

  Jason sidled closer to his father and stood at his elbow. “Pa? Can I ask you something?”

  “Of course,” Jake assured him. “Is this a secret? Or can Alicia hear, too?”

  “She doesn’t know about it,” Jason said quietly. “But I don’t care if she hears, I guess. It’s about her, anyway.”

  Alicia’s hands stilled as she filled Jason’s plate and delivered it to the table, and then turned back for her own. Her back was toward the two of them as Jason’s words were spoken in a faint whisper. Words she’d thought never to hear.

  “Pa, I think it would be good if I called Miss Alicia something else. What do you think?”

  “You going to call her Mrs. McPherson?” Jake asked soberly, and Alicia caught the smile buried beneath the query.

  Jason laughed aloud, and she turned as he shook his head and crinkled his nose. “Of course not. I thought I’d just call her my mama.”

  Alicia held her plate before her and placed it on the table, sliding into her chair when she found her legs felt weak. The boy wanted to name her as his mother.

  She looked up at him and saw the hopeful look he could not conceal as he awaited his father’s opinion.

  “I’d be pleased if you’d do that, Jason,” Alicia managed to say, then included Jake in her reply. “If your father thinks it’s the right thing to do.”

  Jake nodded, and she suspected he was having a difficult time putting words together. His arm enclosed Jason in a firm grip. “Your mama would be pleased,” he said. “I know it for certain, son.”

  IT WAS A MAGICAL TIME, Alicia decided. The baking, the decorating and the wrapping of gifts filled the house with a combination of scent and sound, of activity such as had not taken place within these walls in far too long. The candles were lit at dusk, and the parlor became a fairyland of lights and tinsel and the reflection of glowing, glittering lights in the big front windows.

  Jake sat beside the couch, his hands at rest on his lap, his eyes fixed on Jason as the boy lay beneath the lowest branches of the tree and looked upward into the greenery. “I can see the ornaments, Pa. They look all shimmery from the candles shining on them.”

  Beside him, Alicia held the big Bible in her lap. She’d rescued it from the darkest corner of the parlor cupboard earlier in the day and dusted its cover with tender care. Now she waited for the right moment in which to open it and remind them all of the reason for this time of celebration.

  “Are you going to read to us?” Jake asked.

  “Do you mind?”

  He shook his head. “I’ve always enjoyed listening to your reading aloud. I remember one night when I didn’t pay attention to a single sentence of the story. I was so intent on the way you pronounced each word that I didn’t connect them in any way. It was like music to my ears, hearing you speak and knowing you were mine.”

  She looked up at him in surprise. “I don’t remember that.”

  “Don’t you?” He smiled, and her thoughts turned back to the evenings they’d spent, thinking in a flash of recollection how the reading time on one particular night had become instead a time of learning to know Jake’s body. A time in which he’d turned her from a reluctant spinster into his wife.

  “Yes, I suppose I do, now that I think about it,” she said, feeling a blush color her cheeks. He reached over to her and his fingers traced the line of her cheekbone and jaw.

  “I didn’t think I could still make you blush,” he murmured. “I’d thought you were beyond that stage.” His hand dropped to rest against her belly, where his child lay beneath the layers of her clothing, hidden and cherished within the depths of her body.

  “Alicia, I don’t know if I’ve made it clear to you, but I’m so pleased you’re going to have my child. I’ve been wondering if we should tell Jason,” he murmured in a low voice.

  “I’ve thought the same thing,” she told him. “Maybe it would be a good idea before it becomes obvious. Though I don’t think I’ll show my pregnancy any too soon. There’s enough of me to hide it pretty well.”

  “I like you just the way you are, Alicia. I don’t yearn for anything different than what I have, what you’ve given me. I hope you know that by now.”

  “I suppose I do,” she said. “Just sometimes, I think I’d like to be small and slim and more feminine.”

  His laugh was dark and mischievous to her ears, with a hint of invitation. “You can show me just how feminine you are, later on tonight. I don’t think I could stand it if you were any more a woman than you are, my dear.”

  She blushed again, unused to the sort of compliments Jake offered on occasion. “I look in the mirror every day, Jake. I know what I look like.”

  “No, I don’t think you do,” he said, disagreeing with her in a gentle tone. “You only know what you see, not the picture you present to me.”

  It was late when the Christmas story had been read from the Bible, later yet when Jason made his way up the stairs to bed. Then
came the time of sharing and loving, which Alicia had looked forward to all through the evening. She lay in Jake’s arms, the darkness of midnight surrounding them, and her heart seemed to sing a melody of its own.

  And yet there was another melody missing from this house, and she felt a sense of loss as she reflected on the joy that had once been his in those days when music had been central to his life.

  As sleep overtook her, she vowed to somehow restore to him the pleasure to be found in the world of music he’d so long denied.

  CHRISTMAS WAS OVER, and Alicia sighed as the last of the ornaments were packed away in the attic. There was a certain sadness in the retiring of the majestic tree, and as she and Jason hauled it outdoors she remembered seeing an abandoned tree another time. Children had set it upright and decorated it with bits of bread and seeds for the birds.

  Within an hour, they had secured the tree and spent a joyous time decorating it in a new and productive fashion, then watched as the birds flocked to eat the offering they’d provided. Somehow it made the day seem brighter, the sun gleamed high in the heavens and she hugged Jason tightly to herself as they shared the sight of the cardinals and blue jays fussing with the sparrows who gathered in the tree.

  She smiled as she prepared supper, for there was in her an anticipation of what loomed on her horizon. She looked forward to spring and the time of renewal as never before. There would be increased newness of life in the months to come, when she would find her dearest dream come true.

  Thinking of the workbasket beside her chair in the parlor, she smiled. Filled with small bits of clothing, it almost overflowed onto the wooden floor. The plans for the days to come were many and fruitful. She had only just ordered a bolt of outing flannel from the general store, to be turned into diapers. Without a doubt, the news that the McPhersons were in the market for such a thing would be all over town, if it wasn’t already the subject of supper table conversation.

  She’d thought that Jason would catch on to the fact she was doing a lot of handwork, but he seemed oblivious to her sewing, and she’d not yet decided how to let him in on the secret. “Maybe tonight,” she said to herself, drying the dishes and putting them away in the cupboard.