Steel Heart

by R. J. Blain

  Rachelle tried to convince me things would improve, but I doubted it.

  We fought different battles, and she didn’t have someone dedicated to her and only her. Within the first twenty-four hours of captivity at the pack’s house, I’d learned a few important truths.

  Every last one of the women, most of whom remained nameless to me, deserved someone who valued them like they deserved. Ferdinand cared nothing for them; from the brief snippets of conversation I overheard when I wasn’t hiding in my closet, he viewed them as status symbols needed for a wolf to live the high life in Knoxville.

  He who mated with the most bitches climbed the social ladder faster. Having the appropriate rank in the city would aid his efforts and put him in touch with others who might share his goals. I expected having a rank as a lead wolf in the area would offer him financial benefits as well. With his experience in Dawnfire, Ferdinand might be able to establish—or take over—a mercenary guild. In exchange for offering mercenaries reliable work, controlling contracts to keep them fair, and otherwise guaranteeing better pay, guild leaders levied two percentages, one that went into the guild coffers, and another that lined their pockets.

  Todd posted his jobs after guild fees, his cut, and taxes, which made it cash-in-hand, something many guilds didn’t do. As far as I knew, Dawnfire did the same. If Dawnfire didn’t do the same, I would have to have a talk with my uncle and yell at him until he made the appropriate changes. I’d even face off against his wolverine of a wife.

  She worried me a lot more than he did.

  On the third day of captivity, Ferdinand bit me twice, once in the morning when he brought an extra ten dollars to aid in feeding me, and again in the evening, when he dragged me to the library, sat me down, and gave me a beer.

  I accepted the bribe, as his bites were supposed to make me more docile and inclined to do as he wished. The extra calories would do me good, but I’d be crawling to sleep it off in my closet. Taking off the cap, I set it aside and took a tentative sip.

  Bad beer beat no beer, so I took another sip and pretended to enjoy his favor. He sat nearby, and he looked me over. After a few minutes, his gaze landed on the Hope Diamond. “Once we are finished with the stone, you will find life will be a little more pleasant for you. Not as pleasant as you would wish, but more pleasant than it is now. I recommend you get used to the pack, as you will be with them for the rest of their life, however long or short that might be. I would rather it be longer. You served your guild well, and you have been loyal for all you’re misguided.”

  I sipped my beer, and as he hadn’t ordered me to speak, I remained silent.

  “For the next few weeks, you will do everything Rachelle wants. I have given her permission to send you on errands, and she will have very specific instructions for you for every outing. Tigers do not handle captivity well, and this should keep you somewhat contained until I require you. More accurately, I require the Hope Diamond, and it is much easier to move when it cooperates with you. You add strength to my pack, and your affinity with Starfall stones adds to your value. You will never return to your old life, but you can have a good life here. Your behavior now will also ensure the pack’s comfort.”

  Even when I’d been much younger, I’d built the entirety of my reputation on my desire to help and protect. That Ferdinand would use that against me didn’t surprise me in the slightest.

  I wondered if he understood he sat with an assassin, and that I would enjoy my work far more than I ever had before. Guilt would haunt me over the man’s death, but only from fear of how Gentry would handle the reality of what I did. And if I found evidence of Marie’s involvement, I worried for Todd—and I worried if my relationship, however odd it was, would survive through such a storm.

  My aunt wouldn’t turn her back on me. Even at my sickest, she’d visited me every day. On the days I hadn’t been able to stop from crying no matter what I did, she’d held me and stroked my hair. She’d also called for my tiger, pulling him out of countless meetings of importance.

  Because of her, I’d begun to understand what it meant to be loved by family, but she’d built the foundation of her work on Todd and his ready acceptance of everything I was.

  I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to betray my family and friends. They gave so much for the sake of others.

  Taking another sip of my beer, I regarded Ferdinand with as neutral of an expression as I could muster under the circumstances.

  “It’s only for a few weeks. In time, you’ll become used to me. You might even like me after a while. You’ll certainly need me because of my bite soon enough. The faster you accept the reality of your situation, the happier you’ll be.”

  I wouldn’t be happy, not until I returned to my tiger and my family. Almost grateful he hadn’t given me permission to speak, I glared at my beer bottle, as I wasn’t idiot enough to glare at him.

  The last thing I needed was a third bite in a single day adding to my troubles.

  “You’ll understand the necessity of what I do soon enough. You might even respect my hard work. You understand hard work. I have a few rules that you are to abide by that not even Rachelle can overturn. She knows of these rules, so she will not put you in an unfortunate position. You can view this as my first gift to you. You will not leave the Knoxville area without my direction. However, should you be particularly behaved, I will permit you to shift and hunt in the neighboring forest. To keep you healthy, I will permit a hunt once a month, although you’ll accompany the pack on these ventures. A solo hunt will be the best reward for your cooperation. Your boundaries are an hour’s walk away from the border of Knoxville. Second, you will not go to any bars. Should you behave, you will be given some beer at home. You have problems with bars.”

  Sometime soon, preferably before the estimated ‘few weeks’ Ferdinand kept hinting at, I would beg, plead, and whine until people stopped mentioning my tendency to find trouble in bars. Steel Heart had found me twice in a bar, and it had done more than create just a little trouble.

  It had brought change with it, change I didn’t want to live without.

  The stone’s weight in my pouch comforted me despite the burn of my tiger’s bites and my awareness of where Ferdinand had bitten me.

  “Third,” Ferdinand announced, holding up three fingers. For that dramatic flare he liked, he stared into my eyes and waited to draw out and savor the moment. “As tigers of all species make excellent guardians, you will be in charge of protecting my children. Rachelle is due soon enough, and you will handle all tasks she requires of you. Do you have experience with children?”

  As he asked me a direct question, I couldn’t defy him through refusing to answer. While I didn’t consider myself qualified to be a parent, I’d helped with the tribe’s youngest enough times to be confident of the basics, so I nodded.

  “Excellent. They’re all new mothers, so you can help teach them how best to care for the babies. If you know of anything I can do now, tell me.”

  What an asshole. He’d impregnated how many of his mates without having any idea of how to care for them? But, as he’d asked, I’d do what I could to help them. “They will need extra meat in their diets to go with some additional vegetables. The babies require substantially more to be healthy.” I’d seen how much they’d eaten—or how little. They left no scraps, and I worried they’d taken the little I hadn’t consumed to stave off their hunger.

  “Extra meat? Where did you hear this?”

  “It is customary in the tribe. When a woman is showing and is confirmed pregnant, she is given the lion’s share of the meal’s bounty to ensure her good health. While there was enough for a normal woman, they could use larger portions.” That I had to explain this at all infuriated me. “They have a good track record of having healthy babies. The tribe has a mystic healer who helps with the delivery, but they’re usually strong and healthy.”

  “Usually?”

  I shrugged. “It gets lean in the winter in Cheyenne, and the
mothers who deliver in the spring sometimes have a hard time of it when food is scarce.”

  Ferdinand dug into his pocket, pulled out a hundred dollars, and handed it to me. “Give that to Rachelle to add to the monthly budget, then.”

  The gesture wouldn’t save him when I finished gathering the information I needed, but I took the money and nodded to indicate I would obey. A hundred wouldn’t do much, but it would help—especially if I kept maintaining my lean rations.

  “None of your trouble, and don’t even think about attempting an escape. You’re mine, and that’s that. You’ll like life with me eventually, but you’re as stubborn as they come, so I expect I’ve got a lot of taming to do to make you worth your while. For now, don’t cause me any trouble.” Ferdinand rose, and without another word, he left.

  I finished off his beer and raised my empty bottle in a salute to his departing back. Letting him go took more will than I liked, but he made it out of the pack’s house intact. Taking the bottle to the kitchen, I left it on the counter as I’d been told to do if I ever came across one. After taking a few minutes to breathe and control my temper, I went off in search of Rachelle, finding her in the sitting room with most of the women in the pack. I offered her the bills. “From Ferdinand for the food budget.”

  Every last one of the women stared at me like I’d grown a second head, and Rachelle took the money with a shaking hand. “But how?”

  “I told him someone did a better job of making healthy babies than he did, but more gently.”

  Lauren snorted. “That would do the trick. You tweaked his pride without pissing him off? But how?”

  I shrugged. “He asked me for my advice, I gave it.”

  “But why ask you?”

  “He asked me what I knew about raising babies, and I guess he believed I know my business.”

  That got their attention.

  “Do you know how to raise babies?” Rachelle asked.

  “I know enough of the basics I can help after the delivery, though I don’t know anything about delivering human babies. Now, if you’ve got a pregnant mare, I can help you with her. But I know how you’re supposed to hold them when feeding, how to support their heads, how best to change their diapers, how to make sure they’re sleeping right, and how to go about doing the normal things. I won’t be much help if a little one gets sick, but I can handle the basics readily enough. If you want help beyond that, I know nothing of children, unfortunately.”

  “Well, at least someone in this joint will know what to do at first. Ferdinand won’t let us get a midwife until it’s time, and even then, we don’t really know what’s going to happen.”

  It disturbed me I might really be the one who knew the most about babies and their care in the room. “I told Ferdinand you needed more meat and some extra vegetables in your diet, and that was when he gave me the money to give to you.”

  “Would you mind helping with the shopping for this tomorrow?” Rachelle asked.

  Every extra minute spent in the pack’s house reaffirmed my need to slaughter Ferdinand. I wanted to flex my hands, but I fought to remain relaxed. The women didn’t need my fury adding to their stress. “Of course.”

  The woman smiled. “Thank you. You look tired. Is there anything we can do for you?”

  “Do you think he’ll come around every day?” I asked.

  “Without fail. He wants to keep you bad enough he’s willing to bite you several times a day to cement his hold on you. He’ll probably do this for up to two months. I’m sorry. If we could stop that, we would. He did it to all of us, except me—and he didn’t do it to me only because I was his first.” The bitterness in Rachelle’s voice reflected in her expression. “The only time he might not come around every day is if he has a meeting with someone. He gets some woman in from Charlotte every now and then, and he drops what he’s doing when she comes to town. She usually is off back home on the next train out.”

  Maria. The woman’s admission, when considered with what Todd’s other mares had witnessed, made the odds seem likely who was coming to Knoxville—and why.

  I hated traitors. I hated traitors who wanted to hurt my family. I especially hated traitors who even thought about doing anything to my tiger. The only one allowed to bite, claw, maul, or otherwise disturb a hair on his head was me.

  “Do you think she’ll be coming soon?”

  “Oh, probably. A month doesn’t go by when she doesn’t come on down for a visit, but don’t you worry none. He doesn’t bring her around here. Ferdinand says she wouldn’t understand pack life.” Rachelle shrugged. “I thought she might, but he knows her best.”

  No, Marie was a lot of things, but she understood how pack life was supposed to work. She would have seen the women and reacted poorly. She’d toss me in a ditch to die without remorse, but she didn’t view me as a victim. She viewed me as a threat.

  For Todd’s sake, I hoped it was some other woman from Charlotte. In reality, I needed to prepare for the worst.

  Once, I’d considered her a friend.

  If she showed up, death would come for her with a swift and merciful hand. She would deserve neither, but I would walk away without betraying my oath to myself. No matter how much the tiger in me wanted her blood, there would be no suffering.

  Only death.

  “I’m sure he knows her best,” I conceded. “Is there anything I can do?”

  “You’ve already done so much,” Rachelle protested. “Go rest, we’ll take care of the chores. You look tired.”

  I was, but until I finished my painful work, rest would be an elusive foe.

  Ferdinand did a good job of limiting the number of weapons the pack could access. He allowed a few knives for cooking, but I was under the impression those three, old blades were sacred to the women. With Steel Heart in my possession, I might be able to make the cutlery something dangerous in their hands.

  Having Steel Heart could only help if I could get my hands on the knives without anyone catching me, and I learned early on bored, pregnant wolves had erratic schedules.

  I lost track of the days along with the number of Ferdinand’s bites. My tiger’s marks continued to brand my soul, ensuring I couldn’t sleep or even breathe without thinking of him. The need to tear Ferdinand limb from limb intensified with each day, but I controlled my impulses through careful counting and controlling my breathing while meditating.

  The Blade Clan had taught me many tricks to find internal balance so I could focus only on my weapon and the art of death. Somehow, I’d circled back to my youth, although many of the memories of my childhood remained buried, pushed aside as I found them more painful than they were worth.

  Deep within a sleepless night, an opportunity stirred on the heels of a larger-than-normal dinner, courtesy of Ferdinand gifting the women with a large roast to reward their good behavior—and mine. I’d taken the scraps as always, making sure they got more of the meal while I left the table closer to starved than not.

  I could last a few more weeks. I needed to for the sake of the unborn.

  To escape my closet without waking anyone in the adjacent rooms, I crawled out and to the stairs, careful with each placement of hand and knee. While faint, enough moonlight spilled in through the downstairs windows to guide me to the kitchen. I listened to make certain none of the women were aware before retrieving Steel Heart from its pouch. The stone shed a faint light, enough for me to poke through the room in search of the knives they cherished.

  I hoped the Starfall stone understood what I wanted and transformed the knives into something they could use to defend themselves if needed—and provide them with the strength to act despite being the victims of a wolf’s bite.

  Without any real idea of how to use Steel Heart, I touched the Starfall stone to each of the blades. If the stone did anything, I couldn’t tell. It took a few minutes to restore the kitchen to exactly how I’d found it, and I returned to my closet aware I had done what I could for them.

  The little things would
get me through the next few weeks, and I would cling to every possibility of a better future possible, not just for myself, but for the true victims of Ferdinand’s scheming. The pack deserved better, and while I still hadn’t learned their names and didn’t want to, I wanted them all to have better days ahead of them.

  They needed what Marie had, a strong family to cherish them. That Marie would throw away all the good in her life from petty jealousy angered me most of all. She had so many children who adored her, many sisters in the form of her fellow mares within the herd, and everything else most women wanted in life.

  Only a fool like me would reject a man like Todd.

  Then again, I hadn’t been a fool at all. Instead of Todd, I’d won myself an egotistical tiger. Todd would have wrapped me in a blanket to keep me safe, caging me when I wanted to prowl. Anatoly would try to wrap me in a blanket, and he’d get away with it from time to time, but he’d poke me to hear me roar, run so I would chase him, and expect me to run so he could have his fill of the hunt, too.

  But while Todd would never be the right man for me, he could show the women how a good man treated a woman.

  My heart hurt for everything Marie would lose if my suspicions were confirmed. The longer I thought of it, the more likely Marie would come visiting from Charlotte, carrying the broken hopes and dreams of her loyal husband with her.

  The pain of the mare’s treachery cut deeper than the dueling sets of bites using my body as their battlefield.

  I didn’t want Marie to come and force me to do the unthinkable.

  I didn’t want to lose Todd’s friendship.

  Retreating to the safety of the closet, I resumed my hunt, waiting for the moment Ferdinand slipped, paid a visit, and said a little too much—or I tired of the hunt, finished him off, and did record research to try to piece together his plans.

  In either case, the wolf’s days were numbered, and I hungered for his blood. He wouldn’t live long enough to scream, but some prices were worth paying.